This week’s attempt to be funny on Twitter from 4/12 to 4/19 (posted in order of Tweets). Yeah, yeah, yeah… I’m running almost three weeks behind on getting these up on the web page. Fuck off already. This is the week of the Boston Marathon bombing. Comedy helps bring levity to stressful situations and is a coping mechanism for many people: it’s why trauma physicians, police officers, fire fighters, soldiers, and more use humor during times of stress. This was followed by the explosion in West, Texas. This humor may seem insensitive to the ignorant, but it is far from such. After 9/11 everyone was afraid to be funny and it was the wrong thing to do. I was glad to see humor after Boston. It was much needed.
Did the condom just break? #5WordsiHateToHear
No, that’s my natural lubricant. #5WordsiHateToHear
Republican candidate takes the lead. #5WordsiHateToHear
Have you heard about Jesus? #5WordsiHateToHear
I’d run the #BostonMarathon, but I don’t have a leg to stand on. #TooSoon
People keep saying, “We’ve always had a blast on Patriots Day and at the Boston Marathon.” Maybe we can choose another word?
#WelcomeToMySchoolWhere if you think everything is funny until they make fun of your pet issue: you’re expelled.
Supreme Court signals skepticism on patenting genes: so when can I get customized children?
Vandals destroy transformers in N. California, causing brownouts during optimum prime periods.
Libertarians, conservatives, licorice, Andrea Mitchell & Wolf Blitzer. #5ThingsThatAnnoyMe
In breaking news, the ATF conducted a raid on the city of West, Texas.
Once Little Miss Muffet ran away, did the spider ravish the curds and whey?
Oh man, the tension is like being inside a pressure cooker! #Watertown
I think their motive was to hear Bostonians say the word “terrah” all the time on the news. #BostonMarathon #Watertown
Wow, that traffic in #Watertown is so bad that even the police are gridlocked.
One man can change the world. Just ask Dzhokar Tsarnaev: he got millions to watch CNN for 19 hours straight.
Premiering this season on MTV, “Nineteen & Famous.” #Watertown
I have this weird urge to eat pirozhki. #Watertown
The Walking Dead should be filming episodes in Boston right now. Streets already empty.
That possum walked away saying, “Fuck, that guy is an amazing driver. I should be dead.”
Damnit, I’m missing the Macy’s Christmas Parade! #Watertown
Wait, I thought we already killed Osama. What was he doing in #Watertown ?
Dzhokar Tsarnae was like, “I’m on a boat, I’m on a boat, take a good hard look at the motherfucking boat!” #Watertown
So can we start profiling white people now? #Watertown #TSA #PatriotAct
Okay, that was fun… so when do the Boston Riots start? #Watertown
It’s times like these that make me forget about police brutality. #Watertown
If Bush were still in office, we’d be going to war with Czechoslovakia tomorrow. #Watertown #BostonMarathon
Dammit, another day that I’m supposed to “never forget.” #Alamo #PearlHarbor #9/11 #BostonMarathon
Dammit Dzhokar Tsarna, you’re interrupting Anthony Bourdain Parts Unknown! @Watertown