This week on Twitter (3/29 – 4/5)

This week’s attempt to be funny on Twitter from 3/29 to 4/5 (posted in order of Tweets). I spent most of my time during this period in Austin, TX for the American Atheists Convention (#AACON13), so I was pretty much ignoring social media. I bought a new camera so I could take pictures and never used it once.


OMG, DJ is playing Dougie Fresh & Slick Rick! I just had an 80’s orgasm!


So did Jesus see his shadow this morning?


It smells like bat shit. Wait… what’s that chirping sound?

Just crushed this fool who wanted to tell us about Jesus. Boy, did you pick the wrong atheist to proselytize to!


I’ve seen horrible shit in my life but Kevin Ware’s injury made me cringe. On the bright side, he’ll rock the paralympics!

I’m hotter than Chris Lee (R-NY) at a GNC store buying Muscle Milk.


Nicolas Cage walks into an adult store. Clerk suggests a dildo he can use to “tear that vagina up.” Cage responds, “I’m more of a vagina protector.”


#BecauseOfAdamLambert I renewed my appreciation for the hatred of popism.

One more tick in the “Yep, I’m straight” column. #BecauseOfAdamLambert

#BecauseOfAdamLambert : When the Jonas Brothers meet the wardrobe of My Chemical Romance.

#BackIn7thGrade seeing it was more interesting than putting it in.