BWAHAHA: 8/23 – 8/29

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 8/23 – 8/29: This was a pretty fun week all things considered. We’ve unpacked more boxes, got more work done on the bathroom, decorated the home some more, and I doing better at my water aerobics class. I’m still the skinniest person in the class, so still helping out my confidence! Got to go storm chasing a few times this week, but mostly Mother Nature was just being a dick and sending all the good stuff somewhere else.

And then there’s the serious stuff: more videos surfacing of cops being stupid and engaging in unnecessary violence with excessive force. I have been a lifelong defender of police because there are good cops out there and it’s easy to fall into confirmation bias of “all cops are bad” because we only see the bad. Are police brutality instances actually on the rise, or is the predominance of cell phones capturing more of what was already there? That’s hard to say definitively, but one thing is for sure, it’s getting harder and harder to defend police in general when more of this crazy shit is happening. Protect and serve people. That’s your fucking job: protect and serve.

OTHER STUFF:

This little guy was like, “Hey look at me! Oh, never mind.” HSV #alwx

Mother Nature hates me. All that awesome so far away.

Woman just said, “I have a cute anus.” I replied, “Well, I suppose that’s better than a chronic anus.”

Waiter, there’s a cloud in my tea. #ForeverVaping

When I see people type OMG, the first I think is, “Oh, you’re down to zero nicotine now?” Then I realize my head is in the clouds. #ForeverVaping

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

Standard pic of downed chimney during any CA earthquake. #NapaQuake

“Only God can judge me.” Sure, keep telling yourself that to not feel guilty, but we’re all judging the hell out of you.

The Twilight Movies #ThingsBetterThanManchesterUnited

German Horse Porn #ThingsBetterThanManchesterUnited

Manchester Disenfranchised #ThingsBetterThanManchesterUnited

Malaysian Airlines #ThingsBetterThanManchesterUnited

The Titanic #ThingsBetterThanManchesterUnited

Rodney Dangerfield’s Ladybugs #ThingsBetterThanManchesterUnited

The Hindenburg #ThingsBetterThanManchesterUnited

The Cure Bred #DogBands @midnight

The Happee Pad Mondays #DogBands @midnight

Collar Me Badd #DogBands @midnight

Earth, Wind & Fire Hydrant #DogBands @midnight

Seven Dalmatian Army #DogBands @midnight

Dog Food Fighters #DogBands @midnight

Irish Setter Than Ezra #DogBands @midnight

Great Dane’s Addiction #DogBands @midnight

New Yorkie Dolls #DogBands @midnight

The Mutthole Surfers #DogBands @midnight

Flogging Collies #DogBands @midnight

Bone Loc #DogBands @midnight

Miami Hound Machine #DogBands @midnight

Flock of Beagles #DogBands @midnight

Black Eye Fleas #DogBands @midnight

Culture Kennel Club #DogBands @midnight

Tina Turner & Hooch #DogBands @midnight

Raining in Nashville. The Titans can blame the rain for the football just getting stripped by the Vikings.

Water Sports Illustrated #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Autoeroticmobile Magazine #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Pot Rod #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Hot Rod Stewart #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Motorboat Trend #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Motor Trendy Bitches #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Road & Crack #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Nipsliplinger’s Personal Finance #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Smack Enterprise #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Boobberg Businesstweak #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Consummate Reports #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Entrepremanure #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Crack and Pill #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Nickelbackodeon Magazine #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Stranger Rick #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Stone Cold Steve Austin Soup #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Entertain Men Weekly #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Nope Chopra Digest #RuinAMagazine @midnight #SkepticsUnderstand

KY Glide #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Bon Jovi Appétit #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Taste of Gnome #RuinAMagazine @midnight

The Daily Teabagger #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Klan Magazine #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Peephole #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Puss Weekly #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Penn’s Health #RuinAMagazine @pennjillette @midnight

Cosmopolitician #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Ladies’ Home Invasion Journal #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Modern Booty #RuinAMagazine @midnight

American White Heritage #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Slutterbug #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Freebirders World #RuinAMagazine #LynyrdSkynyrdSucks @midnight

Better Homes and Arsons #RuinAMagazine @midnight

CAPTION CENTRAL:

Tonight’s Chef Special.

[sniff] “They’ve outgrown me.” [sniff]

They see me skatin’
Ain’t farmin’
We Prayin’
And they jealous of me skatin’ Amish
Wanna be me racin’ Amish

Puppies: just like veal. #NationalDogDay #NotHelpingStereotypes

I keep warning you people all the time and yet you don’t listen! Always be aware of your surroundings!

In Britain, they use a different type of “gun” when interacting with the black community.

Flower Power!

Ferguson, Police Militarization, and Shame

Protect and Serve. Remember that phrase? I do. I miss it.

I’m a former LEO (Law Enforcement Officer). Granted, it was in the Navy while in Jacksonville, Florida, but that actually emphasizes a point. Even as a LEO in the Navy, I didn’t have access to the tactical equipment that police use now. I didn’t drive an APC or wear tactical gear or respond to a peaceful protest with shotguns, assault rifles, and snipers on rooftops. I responded with my badge to protect and serve my fellow sailors and their families, as well as civilians and retirees who were on the base. The militarization of our police should scare the shit out of everyone, regardless of your political affiliation.

There are good police out there. I know them. I’ve worked with them (in the Navy as a liaison for mass casualties with local law enforcement and as a civilian working in jails). There are also bad police out there. The problem is that the bad police get all the press, so we suffer what is called confirmation bias when it comes to our view of police. All we see are the bad cops on display in viral videos as they engage in police brutality, over-aggressive tactics, and generally treating the civilian population like dog shit. And so we think all police are bad because that’s all we see.

But think about this for a second. Every day the police interact with the general population thousands and thousands of times across the United States. Out of those we see an incident or hear of an incident every now and then. I wish I had the actual numbers to come up with a hard statistic/figure for the number of bad police incidents compared to the overall number of police/civilian interactions that happen without John Doe getting his head bashed in or thrown to the ground because he dared ask the police a question. Just remember to not let confirmation bias cloud your judgment. Call out bad cops, but also recognize there are good cops as well, who genuinely want to serve their communities.

That being said, mob mentality works not just for the mob protesting an injustice or rioting after a team wins the playoffs (or loses), but it also works on police. Police responding to a riot or a peaceful protest with the possibility of becoming a riot, can easily fall into the mob mentality. There’s a lot of psychology going on here, so much so that psychological studies on police have been done to determine why police behave the way they do. Ever hear the phrase “contempt of cop?”

When that mob mentality breaks out with a police force that is militarized, then we create a recipe for disaster. That disaster is playing out in Ferguson, Missouri. It is at times like these when officers with a moral compass must make a stand and speak out. It is times like these when officers in the chain of command must question the orders of their superiors. It is times like these when every officer must be aware of the psychological effect of mob mentality, “contempt of cop,” and other psychological forces that come into play to exacerbate the interaction of police and protesters and “possible rioters.”

“All of this has happened before, and it will all happen again.” – J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

As a former LEO, as a taxpayer, as a citizen of this country, I am greatly ashamed of the behavior of the police in Ferguson, Missouri. I am greatly ashamed of the leadership in that city and county, who have decided that the best way to respond to a tragedy is to create a new one and attack the citizens of their city and county. I am greatly ashamed that nothing is being done to stop the police brutality being inflicted upon those citizens by either the Governor or the federal government. The constitutional rights of Missouri citizens are being violated and no one in government seems to give a rat’s ass about it.

It is time to end the militarization of our police forces under the idiotic guise of terrorism. Terrorists are not going to strike Ferguson, Missouri, so why does their police force have an APC? Any why the fuck are they wearing camouflage in an urban environment? We can see you guys, because your green camouflage doesn’t hide you against the brick building and the yellow-painted house.

It is also time to make sure all police are educated and trained on how to spot when mob mentality begins affecting them during crowd control situations. It is also time to train police on how not to exacerbate a situation. I was trained to deescalate a situation and to bring calm and peace whenever possible. Is that training no longer provided? Why is it so hard to realize that when you use violence against a non-violent crowd, you are going to piss them off and make them violent? It’s that fucking simple.

One more thing: the media needs to sue the hell out of Ferguson for violating the Freedom of the Press. There is enough damning evidence that the Ferguson PD actively shut down media, arrested them, shot tear gas and rubber bullets directly at media, and dismantled media equipment once the press ran away.

All of you swore an oath to uphold the laws and constitution of the United States (and the State of Missouri) and you are all failing to uphold that oath. Shame on you. Shame on you for making your fellow officers look bad. Shame on you for failing to use your moral judgment and question the illegal and unconstitutional orders handed down to you by your superiors. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame.

This week on Twitter (4/12 – 4/19)

This week’s attempt to be funny on Twitter from 4/12 to 4/19 (posted in order of Tweets). Yeah, yeah, yeah… I’m running almost three weeks behind on getting these up on the web page. Fuck off already. This is the week of the Boston Marathon bombing. Comedy helps bring levity to stressful situations and is a coping mechanism for many people: it’s why trauma physicians, police officers, fire fighters, soldiers, and more use humor during times of stress. This was followed by the explosion in West, Texas. This humor may seem insensitive to the ignorant, but it is far from such. After 9/11 everyone was afraid to be funny and it was the wrong thing to do. I was glad to see humor after Boston. It was much needed.

4/15

Did the condom just break? #5WordsiHateToHear

No, that’s my natural lubricant. #5WordsiHateToHear

Republican candidate takes the lead. #5WordsiHateToHear

Have you heard about Jesus? #5WordsiHateToHear

I’d run the #BostonMarathon, but I don’t have a leg to stand on. #TooSoon

4/16

People keep saying, “We’ve always had a blast on Patriots Day and at the Boston Marathon.” Maybe we can choose another word?

#WelcomeToMySchoolWhere if you think everything is funny until they make fun of your pet issue: you’re expelled.

Supreme Court signals skepticism on patenting genes: so when can I get customized children?

Vandals destroy transformers in N. California, causing brownouts during optimum prime periods.

4/17

Libertarians, conservatives, licorice, Andrea Mitchell & Wolf Blitzer. #5ThingsThatAnnoyMe

4/18

In breaking news, the ATF conducted a raid on the city of West, Texas.

Once Little Miss Muffet ran away, did the spider ravish the curds and whey?

4/19

Oh man, the tension is like being inside a pressure cooker! #Watertown

I think their motive was to hear Bostonians say the word “terrah” all the time on the news. #BostonMarathon #Watertown

Wow, that traffic in #Watertown is so bad that even the police are gridlocked.

One man can change the world. Just ask Dzhokar Tsarnaev: he got millions to watch CNN for 19 hours straight.

Premiering this season on MTV, “Nineteen & Famous.” #Watertown

I have this weird urge to eat pirozhki. #Watertown

The Walking Dead should be filming episodes in Boston right now. Streets already empty.

That possum walked away saying, “Fuck, that guy is an amazing driver. I should be dead.”

Damnit, I’m missing the Macy’s Christmas Parade! #Watertown

Wait, I thought we already killed Osama. What was he doing in #Watertown ?

Dzhokar Tsarnae was like, “I’m on a boat, I’m on a boat, take a good hard look at the motherfucking boat!” #Watertown

So can we start profiling white people now? #Watertown #TSA #PatriotAct

Okay, that was fun… so when do the Boston Riots start? #Watertown

It’s times like these that make me forget about police brutality. #Watertown

If Bush were still in office, we’d be going to war with Czechoslovakia tomorrow. #Watertown #BostonMarathon

Dammit, another day that I’m supposed to “never forget.” #Alamo #PearlHarbor #9/11 #BostonMarathon

Dammit Dzhokar Tsarna, you’re interrupting Anthony Bourdain Parts Unknown! @Watertown