BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 10/4 – 10/10: So this week Alabama, specifically Birmingham, shined with stupidity for all the world to see. A passenger on a flight from Chicago to Birmingham got sick on the plane… so of course it had to be EBOLA!!!!! The plane lands and the Birmingham airport shuts down while HazMat teams, Firefighters, and police officers converge on the airport. Turns out, of course, that the patient didn’t have Ebola. Well no shit, assholes! So are we now going to shut down airports at the first fucking sneeze? Or just when black men with African accents sneeze? The best part of this entire fiasco was the commentary on the news item. Scientific illiteracy in Alabama? Surely thou doth jest! Comments such as:
“Diverted to a Red State? Where was it originally supposed to go?” Clayton G.
Well Clayton, if you had this thing called reading comprehension, or you actually read the article instead of the headline, you’d notice the flight was coming into Birmingham. But your question really insinuates that, what, President Obama can just call up ATC and demand a plane with suspected Ebola go to a state that didn’t vote for him? You believe in Bigfoot, don’t you Clayton?
“Maybe we dodged the bullet on this one… maybe not.. just saying.” Kathie M
Well Kathie, what you’re actually saying is that you have no idea what “dodged a bullet means.” If the patient actually had Ebola and no one was infected and they quarantined the patient in time: that would be motherfucking dodging a bullet. And why the “just saying” at the end… what are you insinuating exactly, because I’m not sure if you know this, but we’re not fucking psychics.
“How are they SO SURE, SO FAST?!?! I’m not… I am sick of this crap!” – Jamie H.
Well Jamie, there’s this thing called a blood test that takes less than an hour to determine if Ebola is present in your blood stream. The fact that you’re not sure of a fact just means you’re not a scientist, you know, someone who actually knows what the fuck they’re talking about, and it also lets me know you’re a Republican, Creationist, and Conspiracy Theory nutter all in one meat sack. And what crap are you sick of exactly? The THREE, motherfucking THREE, cases of Ebola in the United States? I mean, damn, so many of them, no wonder you’re so sick of it!
“This is probably caused from the government itself. I mean seriously, think about it! You can’t trust them. Period.” – Amber J.
By government, you mean the government of Liberia, right? Oh, you meant the United States. So 2.8 million government employees are just casually keeping their mouths shut as they infect thousands of people in Liberia and then let them fly over to the United States to start infecting Americans. Well, if they are, at a minimum it’s a reinforcement of the inefficiency of government. The Libertarians would be proud!
Hey, the next episode of The Critical Eye Podcast has been scheduled for October 16th at 7 pm CST. Make sure you go to the web page to listen live, call in live, and chat live!
Regarding Ebola in Dallas: “I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.” – Ripley
Just laid out a schedule for a major installation and my boss says, “Make it so.” I had no choice but to reply, “Aye, Captain!”
Watching straight guys trying to pick up girls in a lesbian bar is pretty funny. #TheMoreYouKnow
The CDC announced today to be wary of, and report, any black man with an African-sounding name who sneezes. Rednecks everywhere rejoiced.
140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATION:
Casino Royale With Cheese #LesserBondMovies @midnight
Dr. Nein! Nein! Nein! #LesserBondMovies @midnight
From Prussia with Love #LesserBondMovies @midnight
Goldfingerlickin’good #LesserBondMovies @midnight
Blunderball #LesserBondMovies @midnight
On His Majesty’s Secretion Service #LesserBondMovies @midnight
Blood Diamonds Are Forever #LesserBondMovies @midnight
The Funny Man with the Golden Pun #LesserBondMovies @midnight
The Spy Kids Who Loved Me #LesserBondMovies @midnight
Leafraker: Autumn on the Moon #LesserBondMovies @midnight
Four Eyes Only #LesserBondMovies @midnight
Octomompussy #LesserBondMovies @midnight
Askew to a Chill #LesserBondMovies @midnight
The Giving Gaylights #LesserBondMovies @midnight
Licence to Drive #LesserBondMovies @midnight
Dye Another Lei #LesserBondMovies @midnight
The Phantasmagoria of the Opera #SpookyBroadway @midnight
Scats #SpookyBroadway @midnight
Chicago Fire of 1871 #SpookyBroadway @midnight
Les vampyre Misérables #SpookyBroadway @midnight
A Tyrannocaurus Line #SpookyBroadway @midnight
Mummy Mia! #SpookyBroadway @midnight
Jersey Shore Boys #SpookyBroadway @midnight
Fiddler Spider on the Roof #SpookyBroadway @midnight
Hello, Porcelain Dolly! #SpookyBroadway @midnight
My Werelady #SpookyBroadway @midnight
Mary Poppin’ Eyeballs #SpookyBroadway @midnight
Avenue al’Qaeda #SpookyBroadway @midnight
Raggedy Annie #SpookyBroadway @midnight
Rock of Mages #SpookyBroadway @midnight
Tain’t Misbehavin’ #SpookyBroadway @midnight
Barefoot in the Dark #SpookyBroadway @midnight
Screamgirls #SpookyBroadway @midnight
Maim #SpookyBroadway @midnight
The Look of Whoremen #SpookyBroadway @midnight
The Seven Year Witch #SpookyBroadway @midnight
Rabies in Toyland #SpookyBroadway @midnight
Muenster Mash #CheeseSongs @midnight
Let the Gouda Times Roll #CheeseSongs @midnight
Briebird #CheeseSongs @midnight
Putting on the Swiss (on Ritz) #CheeseSongs @midnight
I Think We’re Provolone Now #CheeseSongs @midnight
Wake Me Up Before You Asiago-go #CheeseSongs @midnight
Blue Cheese Shoes #CheeseSongs @midnight
Pepper Jack & Diane #CheeseSongs @midnight
Queso Sera, Sera #CheeseSongs @midnight
It’s My Havarti and I’ll Cry If I Want To #CheeseSongs @midnight
Parmesan Sugar On Me #CheeseSongs @midnight