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BWAHAHA 2/14 – 2/20

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 2/14 – 2/20: Alabama and some other parts of the South got dumped on this week a couple of times. Cities shut down as Snowmageddon started and the Snowpocalypse began. Sure, we give the South shit for it, but to be fair, there’s no reason for them to invest in the resources to deal with the snow that occurs rarely down here. It would just be a waste of tax dollars. So enjoy your snow day at home. Well, unless you’re like me and work at home, which means you never get a snow day – it just means you have to deal with everyone else being at home with you when you’re normally by yourself. I’ll put up a separate blog entry with all the snow pictures and videos of the roads, etc.

Valentine’s Day happened, as it always does. I’m not a fan of Valentine’s Day for many reasons and I was worried about having to go through the crap this year since this is Suzie and I’s first Valentine’s Day together. But nope, Suzie is amazing and all we did was have a nice dinner at home: steak and crab legs. Well, she ate the crab legs, because the only seafood I like is hushpuppies.

OTHER STUFF:

  • #‎TheWalkingDead‬ ‪#‎Skyrim‬ ‪#‎Mashup‬

    #‎TheWalkingDead‬ ‪#‎Skyrim‬ ‪#‎Mashup‬

  • I love you the same today as I did yesterday, but apparently I’m supposed to love you more for 24 hours because today everyone has VD.
  • The combination of payday, Valentine’s Day, and the coming Snowpocalypse made the stores a madhouse today. I’ll go grocery shopping later.
  • So it's going to be one of those days, huh?

    So it’s going to be one of those days, huh?

  • Finishing out Valentine’s by watching UFC with my honey. One more reason to love her.
  • Valentine's dinner. Giant steak for me and crab legs for her.

    Valentine’s dinner. Giant steak for me and crab legs for her. After careful deliberation, I decided to go with the Brontosaurus steak.

  • To warm me up, a big bowl of grits, with cayenne added for extra warmth. At least one thing the South got right.
  • Kitty doesn't like the snow. Lemme in!

    Kitty doesn’t like the snow. Lemme in!

  • Had to pick up Suzie because she didn’t want to drive in this mess. So I get to instead. To be fair, I love driving in it.
  • "It's so fluffy I could die!" ‪#‎alwx‬

    “It’s so fluffy I could die!” ‪#‎alwx‬

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

  • Zombiepocalypse Tip: the rabies virus will die when cooking meat. Mmm, BBQ dog. ‪#‎TheWalkingDead‬ ‪#‎TWD‬
  • The narwhal song just reminds me to not use Sprint. ‪#‎AdvertisingFail‬

BWAHAHA 2/7 – 2/13

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 2/7 – 2/13: What a fun week for Alabama! A federal judge made it clear that Alabama’s law preventing gay marriages was unconstitutional. Our idiotic Chief Justice of the Alabama Supreme Court, Roy Moore (or as I call him, Roy Mooreon) was like, “No fuck that bitch, only I know how to actually interpret the Constitution and those feds have no say over how we fuck people over in our state.” Because 14th Amendment be damned, we’re going to discriminate as long as we can in this state! You better send federal troops in to force us to let black kids into our schools, I mean let women vote, I mean not allow kids to work in factories, I mean let gays marry! The worst part is that Moore sent a letter to every single probate judge in Alabama telling them they didn’t have to follow federal orders and most of those judges actually listened to him. I’m sure they thought they could get away with it by saying that their “Chief Justice” told them. But see, here’s the rub… you motherfuckers aren’t dumb. You may be politically retarded, but you’re not fucking stupid. You know the law. You knew damn well that YOU could be held accountable for not issuing licenses, especially after the federal judge clarified her position. And so you got sued and you lost. Now most counties are issuing licenses. A few counties shut down their licensing departments completely and refused to issue licenses to gay or straight couples. I was okay with that strategy, because it fucked over everyone and not just same-sex couples. Alabama will go along kicking and screaming, just like it did when they were forced to let black kids into their schools and colleges and just like they did when they had to let women vote or get rid of their slaves. Alabama has and always will be on the wrong side of history and will have to be forced to move along every single time. Maybe this time Roy Mooreon won’t just get impeached, but will actually get disbarred, preventing him from ever holding a judicial office in this state again.

Thanks to the TuneIn App on the PS3, I found KROQ and KROQ2. This was the radio station from my teens in SoCal. I was so excited and was dancing around the house singing and telling Suzie about the “good old days.” I’m pretty sure she thought I was insane and called the local mental institute. KROQ was a huge influence on my life as a teenager. That station and the amazing DJs (like Richard Blade and Poorman) were the soundtrack to my life and introduced me to a world I had never known while living in Nebraska. California had a massive effect on my life, my attitude, my tastes, my personality, and who I am to this day. So to find the radio station of my teens was a profound moment for me. Suzie may never understand that, but that’s okay, because I’m still listening to KROQ (today’s alternative) and KROQ2 (80’s alternative).

OTHER STUFF:

  • Finally watched Big Hero 6. It was really good. You’re not supposed to cry when a robot dies!!!!!!!
  • SafeLite Tech is replacing my windshield while it’s 35 deg. with snow flurries (in Alabama). Get that man some hot cocoa! ‪#‎SafeLiteAdvantage‬
  • I always love to see these in my Facebook notifications...

    I always love to see these in my Facebook notifications…

  • Just got a notification of a 4.8 in San Francisco and was like, “Uh-oh,” then saw it’s San Fran, Panama on Isla de Coiba. #FuckThemTheyreNotUSA
  • It’s 24 degrees outside… I think I’m going to crawl into bed and snuggle with the woman hogging the electric blanket.
  • I don't deny I have a problem, therefore, I don't have a problem. ‪#‎VapeLife‬

    I don’t deny I have a problem, therefore, I don’t have a problem. ‪#‎VapeLife‬

  • Yeah, but what’s their stance on Vaping?
  • #TheWalkingDead #Skyrim #Mashup AMC Talking Dead

    #TheWalkingDead #Skyrim #Mashup AMC Talking Dead

  • The combination of payday, Valentine’s Day, and the coming Snowpocalypse made the stores a madhouse today. I’ll go grocery shopping later.
  • Valentine's dinner. Brontosaurus steak for me and crab legs for her. #AntiValentinesDay

    Valentine’s dinner. Brontosaurus steak for me and crab legs for her. #AntiValentinesDay

  • Penis insurance?

    Penis insurance?

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

  • No one in a third world country asks, “Am I morally okay with killing this chicken for food?” ‪#‎FirstWorldProblems‬
  • Saw a list saying “Breaking Dawn – Part 1” is a better than original sequel. That’s like saying shit with glitter is better than shit. #GlitterBomb
  • Nooooooooooooooooooo! He wasn’t wearing a red shirt! ‪#‎TWD‬ ‪#‎TheWalkingDead‬ #RIPTyrese
  • That episode was really artsy fartsy. Let’s go back to normal episodes. ‪#‎TheWalkingDead‬
  • Alabama Counties not issuing gay marriage licenses are like, “No, the black kids can’t come to our white schools.” ‪#‎WrongSideOfHistoryAgain‬
  • I love you the same today as I did yesterday, but apparently I’m supposed to love you more for 24 hours because today everyone has VD. #AntiValentinesDay

@MIDNIGHT #HASHTAGWARS:

  • A Night of the Living Dead Like This (by The Cure) ‪#‎ZombieSongs‬ @midnight
  • Christmas Dead Island (by Depeche Mode) ‪#‎ZombieSongs‬ @midnight
  • My Sister Rose From the Dead (by 10,000 Maniacs) ‪#‎ZombieSongs‬ @midnight
  • Crypt-Tonight (by 3 Doors Down) ‪#‎ZombieSongs‬ @midnight
  • Dude Looks Like A Deady (by Aerosmith) ‪#‎ZombieSongs‬ @midnight
  • Brains In The Summertime (by The Alarm) ‪#‎ZombieSongs‬ @midnight
  • Dead Island Girl (by Elton John) ‪#‎ZombieSongs‬ @midnight
  • November Brains (by Guns N’ Roses) ‪#‎ZombieSongs‬ @midnight
  • A.D.I.D.A.Z. (by Korn) ‪#‎ZombieSongs‬ @midnight
  • Always Something There to Remind Me of the Zombiepocalypse (by Naked Eyes) ‪#‎ZombieSongs‬ @midnight
  • She Ate Me (by Puddle of Mudd) ‪#‎ZombieSongs‬ @midnight

CAPTION CENTRAL:

  • Just 20 minutes earlier they were ranting and raving about how gay marriage would destroy the sanctity of marriage.

    Just 20 minutes earlier they were ranting and raving about how gay marriage would destroy the sanctity of marriage.

  • This is either an "Oh Shit!" moment or a "Damn, that's awesome!" moment.

    This is either an “Oh Shit!” moment or a “Damn, that’s awesome!” moment.

BWAHAHA 1/31 – 2/6

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 1/31 – 2/6: Mostly a boring week for me. I have no car since my windshield is still shattered from the basketball goal that fell on it, so I’m a captive in my own home. But since I don’t have any money thanks to a giant electric bill, that’s probably a good thing. Hey, at least I’m kicking ass on Skyrim (playing from scratch for the tenth time).

I’m still disappointed in the Seahawks’ Super Bowl loss. I don’t care how many times the coach explains why he chose to throw the ball, it was still a bad call when you had at least one more down (barring any penalties on the Pat’s side) to try to get Marshawn (or at least a QB sneak) that one fucking yard! What’s done is done, sure, but fuck the Patriots.

OTHER STUFF:

  • Coming down from the DJ booth, I missed the last step and fell. I’m so gonna feel it in the morning. #ClubLife
  • Google finally has a an up-to-date pic of my house (fire pit & Rondo visible). But WTF is that shiny shit?

    Google finally has a an up-to-date pic of my house (fire pit & Rondo visible). But WTF is that shiny shit?

  • If you’re a Christian, shouldn’t you support gay marriage? After all, the more gay couples getting married, the sooner Jesus will come back!
  • More people are flying their own drones, so UFO reports should go up. And a UFO report is just admitting your inability to ID the common. Like this drone, it’s sure to get some UFO reports.
  • Feeling brave? I can legally perform marriages in the state of Alabama.

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

  • I’m in a room full of 13 men all hoping for a Katy Perry wardrobe malfunction. #SB49
  • Katy Perry is wearing a flaming Hunger Games dress. #SB49 #HalftimeShow
  • Those Beach balls are not deflated. #SB49 #HalftimeShow
  • When did Missy Elliott become a NASCAR driver? #SB49 #HalftimeShow
  • Wow, look at all those blue balls on the field. #SB49 #HalftimeShow
  • Man that sucks, but at least we got a UFC fight at the end. #SB49
  • There is only one question I have. #WhyDidTheyThrowTheBall

@MIDNIGHT #HASSHTAGWARS:

  • Alabama jumped from 49th to 50th dumbest state #BecauseIDied @midnight
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ I got a huge break on my carbon credits.
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ I’ll never see all of the Internet.
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ the cats only survived for three more weeks.
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ the Seattle Seahawks won the Super Bowl. Oh wait, I’m still alive.
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ the 2016 Republican Presidential candidate will win by one vote.
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ Jesus was like, “Screw it, make ’em wait another 2,000+ years.”
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ God became an atheist.
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ the Cult of Namira had a week-long banquet. ‪#‎Skyrim‬
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ I didn’t see Martial Law declared so that Obama could have a Third Term.
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ my guns are now in less-responsible hands: the police.
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ everyone attending my funeral has to listen to Enjoy the Silence by Depeche Mode (ironically) for two hours on loop.
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ I won’t see Star Wars XLIX: Red Zone Force
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ I can now haunt Fred Phelps with taunts of “God hates nags.”
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ I found Waldo and Carmen Sandiego: they’re sitting next to me in Hell.

CAPTION CENTRAL:

  • 1. The 1 driver you'll let cut you off. 2. The 1 driver you don't want to have road rage. 3. He can run a red light.

    1. The 1 driver you’ll let cut you off. 2. The 1 driver you don’t want to have road rage. 3. He can run a red light.

  • And here I was thinking the Fast & Furious series CGI'd all their stunts.

    And here I was thinking the Fast & Furious series CGI’d all their stunts.

  • Ever since re-releasing GTA5 on PS4, shit like this has started again. GTA5 or Real Life?

    Ever since re-releasing GTA5 on PS4, shit like this has started again. GTA5 or Real Life?

BWAHAHA 1/24 – 1/30

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 1/24 – 1/30: This week my girlfriend and I went out for seafood. While driving around running our errands beforehand, seafood became “anyplace that has seafood,” which after a few more hours of running around then became, “Fuck it, let’s do the Chinese buffet.” The Chinese buffet we go to has seafood on their dinner buffet. I personally can’t stand seafood. The only seafood I like is hushpuppies (you’d be amazed at how many people I have to explain that joke to). Luckily for me, most seafood places have at least a few non-seafood items on their menu. But I still have to deal with the nauseating smell. At least at a Chinese buffet the smell of the regular food does a better job of masking the seafood smell. While I’m about to get a second plate, I notice the cooks brought out some fresh crab legs. Since that’s really what my girlfriend wanted, I got them for her instead of getting my plate. While I’m standing there holding tongs (and my nose) I notice the man on the other side of the buffet bar is using his fingers to find mussels with meat in them. I’ll grant him that the meat fell out of most of the shells during the cooking process. However, if you’re smart (as in not from Alabama), instead of searching shell by shell with your fingers, why not use the fucking spoon to grab all the loose meat at the bottom of the pan? Instead, this idiot is going through all the mussels with his fingers. Later that night my friends asked me if I said anything to the staff. Nah, I’m not eating that booger looking shit, so what do I care? Besides, it probably made that shit taste better. Just one more reason to not like seafood.

One of the errands we were running that day was getting my girlfriend a laptop. We spent days looking online for deals that were not only cost effective, but actually had the right amount of processing power, memory, etc. She kept picking out $200 laptops and asking, “What about this one?” To which myself (and later a friend) both told her, “NO FUCKING WAY!” But she kept sending them to us. My friend and I both point out the perfect laptop for her. It’s $500, but on sale for $350 after instant in-store savings and a $50 mail-in rebate. Does she order it? Nope. Does she go straight to the store that has it so she can buy it in person? Nope. She runs me around all over town looking at tons of laptops that either aren’t powerful enough or are too expensive. So where do we end up going when she finally decides to actually spend the money? Yep… to the exact same place I told her to go in the first place. WOMEN!

OTHER STUFF:

  • I used to have a built-in bench in my shower. Now I have a knee-high shelf. ‪#‎WhenYourGirlfriendMovesIn‬
  • Alcohol and Little Big Planet Coop Mode. The insanity. The laughter. It hurts!!!!!
  • The twitter notification sound is really loud after midnight when trying not to wake the person sleeping next to you.
  • It was a long and blustery night, but I survived ‪#‎BlizzardOf2015‬ here in Alabama. Look, ice on the ground!

    It was a long and blustery night, but I survived ‪#‎BlizzardOf2015‬ here in Alabama. Look, ice on the ground!

  • A 5’2″ tiny Chinese woman just physically abused me for an hour. It was awesome.
  • AL Judges panel reverses opinion: gay marriage okay in AL. Suddenly marriages are stopped for staff shortages. Skeptical Blair is Skeptical.
  • It’s time for Chief “Justice” Roy Moore to STFU, retire, and disappear into the sunset. Roy Moore, giving Christians a bad name since 1999.
  • Alabama: Get Over Yourself

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

  • #‎FacebookDown‬ is like being left behind in the Rapture. Sure, it’s scary at first, but then you realize all the cool kids are still here.
  • The NSA brought Facebook down because users were talking about Chemtrails causing the blizzard. I know because I removed my tinfoil hat. #FacebookDown
  • #‎Interviewgate‬ continues as North Korea takes down Facebook after John Miller posts a positive review on his wall. ‪#‎FacebookDown‬

@MIDNIGHT #HASHTAGWARS:

  • Aeronauticalengineeringbatics ‪#‎NerdierSports‬ @midnight
  • Air Bender Hockey ‪#‎NerdierSports‬ @midnight
  • Aquamanathlon ‪#‎NerdierSports‬ @midnight
  • Long Distance Re-Cycling ‪#‎NerdierSports‬ @midnight
  • BenchWordPress ‪#‎NerdierSports‬ @midnight
  • Pericardium Sac Race ‪#‎NerdierSports‬ @midnight
  • Camelot Racing ‪#‎NerdierSports‬ @midnight
  • RiverTamboarding ‪#‎NerdierSports‬ @midnight
  • Lawnmower Man Racing ‪#‎NerdierSports‬ @midnight
  • Skyrim Nordic Skiing ‪#‎NerdierSports‬ @midnight
  • Capture the Flagella ‪#‎NerdierSports‬ @midnight

CAPTION CENTRAL:

  • It's like a Furry Convention, but a McFlurry Convention.

    It’s like a Furry Convention, but a McFlurry Convention.

  • New Yorkers be like, "What, it ain't that cold."

    New Yorkers be like, “What, it ain’t that cold.”

  • Have you seen North Korea's new surface to air missile system? It's pretty wicked!

    Have you seen North Korea’s new surface to air missile system? It’s pretty wicked!