I’m Hotter Than…

I’ve often employed the “I’m hotter than…” when I’m on stage and sweating (either as Reverend Blair or during my standup). I’ve had a few people ask me to compile all of them into one place, so here they are.

I’m hotter than…

…Eric Massa (D-NY) at a tickling convention.

…Bill Clinton (D) in a cigar shop.

…General Patraeus at a biographer’s convention.

… Anthony Weiner (D-NY) with a Twitter & Instagram account.

…Chris Lee (R-NY) at a GNC store buying Muscle Milk.

…the RNC at Vegas strip club!

…Tom Ganley (R-OH) at a Women’s Tea Party!

…John Ensign (R-NV) at a BFF Convention.

…John Edwards (D-NC) talking to a producer while at a Cancer Awareness conference.

…David Vitter (R-LA) at a DC Brothel.

…Mark Foley (R-FL) at summer Intern program.

…Brian Doyle (Dep. Press Sec. of DHS) in a Hannah Montana chat room.

…Jack Ryan (R-IL) at a Seven of Nine Whips & Chains Club!

…David Vitter (R-LA) with a little black notebook.

…George Rekkers on a European cruise.

…Strom Thurmond (R-SC) surrounded by teenage negro staff.

…Ed Schrock (R-VA) visiting hotmilitarystud.com run by Jeff Gannon (George Bush press appointee).

…Gary Condit (D-CA) at a CSI convention.

…Monica Lewinsky getting Tripp’d up on a blue dress!

…Gary Hart (D-CO) monkeying around with some Rice.

…Arnold Schwarzenegger (R-CA) singing Maria from the Sound of Music.

…Phillip Hinkle (R-IL) at a hotel calling 1-800-HOT-STUD.

…Mark Sanford (R-SC) on an Appalachian hiking trail.

…Dominique Strauss-Kahn (IMF) with a New York hotel housekeeper!

…Silvio Berlusconi (Italy) surfing Disney.com.

…Heidi Fleiss at the Bunny Ranch.

…Hulk Hogan at a swinger’s party.

…Paul Babeau (Pinal County Sheriff) at a INS Deportation Hearing.

…George Rekkers at a Baggage Claim.

…Jon Hinson (R-MS) in a head on a WWII Navy ship.

…Glenn Murphy (R-IN) with a passed out frat boy.

…Ted Haggard in a day spa.

…and probably wetter than Sarah Palin (R-AK) in a game preserve.

…David Wu (D-OR) at Daddy/Daughter work day.

…Bill Clinton (D) at a Dry Cleaners.

…Larry Craig (R-FL) at Minneapolis airport bathroom. At least, that’s my stance on it.

This week on Twitter (3/29 – 4/5)

This week’s attempt to be funny on Twitter from 3/29 to 4/5 (posted in order of Tweets). I spent most of my time during this period in Austin, TX for the American Atheists Convention (#AACON13), so I was pretty much ignoring social media. I bought a new camera so I could take pictures and never used it once.


OMG, DJ is playing Dougie Fresh & Slick Rick! I just had an 80’s orgasm!


So did Jesus see his shadow this morning?


It smells like bat shit. Wait… what’s that chirping sound?

Just crushed this fool who wanted to tell us about Jesus. Boy, did you pick the wrong atheist to proselytize to!


I’ve seen horrible shit in my life but Kevin Ware’s injury made me cringe. On the bright side, he’ll rock the paralympics!

I’m hotter than Chris Lee (R-NY) at a GNC store buying Muscle Milk.


Nicolas Cage walks into an adult store. Clerk suggests a dildo he can use to “tear that vagina up.” Cage responds, “I’m more of a vagina protector.”


#BecauseOfAdamLambert I renewed my appreciation for the hatred of popism.

One more tick in the “Yep, I’m straight” column. #BecauseOfAdamLambert

#BecauseOfAdamLambert : When the Jonas Brothers meet the wardrobe of My Chemical Romance.

#BackIn7thGrade seeing it was more interesting than putting it in.