BWAHAHA: 9/20 – 9/26

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 9/20 – 9/26: This was a pretty boring week all in all. First, let me go on a bit of a rant for a second about the Flood Wall Street. Look, I support the idea behind Flood Wall Street, but it is suffering from the same problem that Occupy Wall Street suffered: lack of leadership. This idiotic idea that they have that there should be no leadership is just that: fucking idiotic. That’s the kind of idea that makes my fellow liberals look like crazies. Pick a few core values and messages so everyone stays on point, instead of having some random nut go on a rant about how the military should be banned completely, because that’s totally inline with the message of corporations doing more to help the environment. See, this is what killed Occupy… they didn’t have a core message and intent, and so they attracted all the nutters from the left (9/11 conspiracy theorists, anarchists, etc) and there was no consistent message for either the media or Wall Street to actually focus on. So did we learn that lesson? Apparently not. We’re supposed to be protesting corporations that aren’t doing anything about climate change and protecting natural resources. I am totally behind that message. But it was turned into anti-corporate nonsense, anarchism, anti-GMO, conspiracy theories, etc. There’s no clear or concise message and no true leadership, so a bunch of liberal nutters (yes, my fellow liberals, we have nutters as well) are there making fools of the entire effort. A movement requires leadership and direction that espouses the common core values of the varied opinions under it. When the varied opinions are allowed to have the lead voice, then the core values diminish. It’s the opposite problem of the common cliche: “Too many Indians and not enough Chiefs.”

And on the conservative side of stupidity this week: outrage over President Obama saluting while holding a coffee cup in his hand. This is a classic case of conservative outrage based on their complete ignorance. It’s fake outrage – just for the sake of outrage. None of them said a damn thing when President Bush saluted while holding something or when he did a half-assed salute. Gosh, I wonder why they’re only outraged at President Obama. Here’s a small quote from Snopes.Com over the issue (as a former military person myself, this is accurate), “According to standard military protocol, it is not appropriate for the President of the United States to return salutes from uniformed military personnel because, although the President holds the title of Commander-in-Chief of the U.S. armed forces, he is not himself a member of the military, nor does he wear a uniform. The tradition of U.S. presidents’ returning salutes is a fairly recent one which began with the administration of President Ronald Reagan in 1981.” So take your outrage and shove it back where it belongs. Oh, and stop voting against your best interest. Haven’t you noticed that the states with the worst healthcare, highest high school drop out rates, highest drug use, highest murder rates/capita, highest rape cases, etc. are all in states that are conservative? No? Oh, must be those rage blinders you have on preventing you from seeing actual facts.

Okay, I feel better…

OTHER STUFF:

Clearly ‘Need for Speed’ wants me to go chasing storms. Too bad there are none around me.

I realized this weekend that I’ve mistakenly been using carpet cleaner as laundry soap. PRO side: clothes no longer have high traffic marks.

If the Falmer are blind, why do they have torches? ‪#‎GameLogic‬ ‪#‎Skyrim

It takes just as long to load a 20 square foot room as it does to load the entire world map. #GameLogic

I have no dog in tonight’s fight, but I’m gonna side with the Jets because I still haven’t forgiven the Bears for the Superbowl Shuffle.

Wait, did I really just see Hayden Christensen instead of David Prowse at the end of Return of the Jedi? That makes no sense!

Who did this? Who put Ghost Pepper powder in the water the pasta was boiling in? Oh yeah, that was me. #Brilliant

I have Chaser Cabin Fever: no storms for three weeks, and zero clouds for the past three days. All work and no play…

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

#ItsFallBecasue I just saw my first War On Christmas billboard. #ShotsFired @midnight

#ItsFallBecasue I can’t tell the strippers apart anymore because fall clothing is taking over. @midnight

#ItsFallBecasue I’m budgeting school lunches again. @midnight

#ItsFallBecasue Candy Corn is on sale at CVS. @midnight

#ItsFallBecasue Evangelical Christians are already making Trunk Or Treat plans to offset the Dark Lord’s Holiday. @midnight

#ItsFallBecasue orange and black clothes made by Indonesian children are on sale at Walmart. @midnight

#ItsFallBecasue white girls in yoga pants are ordering pumpkin spice lattes. @midnight

#ItsFallBecasue leaves are catching fire in my ride on mower’s belt. #BadFriction @midnight

#ItsFallBecasue there is Canadian geese shit in my back yard. @midnight

#ItsFallBecasue the cotton plantations in Mississippi and Alabama hired a bunch of illegals for less than minimum wage. #NotFunny @midnight

#ItsFallBecause the pool section at Walmart is only one shelf. @midnight

#ItsFallBecause ass cheeks are less visible at #PeopleOfWalmart @midnight

#ItsFallBecause the Earth’s Tilt is the Reason for the Season. Because science, beotches! @midnight

#ItsFallBecause bikinis are on sale for $2 and long-sleeved shirts are $85. #SupplyAndDemand @midnight

#ItsFallBecause schools are promoting “Fall Festivals” instead of Halloween Parties. #ImOffendedTooEasily @midnight

#ItsFallBecause because I can actually find a parking spot at Daytona Beach. @midnight

#ItsFallBecause the white plantation owners have new black employees. #NFL #NFLDraft #TooSoon @midnight

#ItsFallBecause the Australians say it’s Spring, and fuck the Australians. @midnight

#ItsFallBecause the Wiccans are suddenly in a good mood. @midnight

#ItsFallBecause the calendar says so, and calendars are always right, just like the Internet. Just ask Pope Gregory. @midnight

#ItsFallBecause my neighbors are complaining about me burning leaves. I gotta hear you fight, you can smell my leaves! @midnight

#ItsFallBecause meth dealers are preparing for indoor sales. #RollTide @midnight

#ItsFallBecause old men are taking off their sandals and putting shoes on their black socks instead. @midnight

#ItsFallBecause it’s 49 degrees in Maine and 86 degrees in Florida. @midnight

#ItsFallBecause Christmas sex babies are being born now. @midnight

LifeInTheSlowLane.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

OilOfOldAge.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

LegendOfZelder.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

AgingBull.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

mantique.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

vegeriatric.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

GoldenShowerAge.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

gerontophillia.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

grannytrannie.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

geezerteasers.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

OldMaidOfHonor.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

SpinsterHipster.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

antediluvian.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

GetOffMyGrass.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

Valhalla.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

BetterGoToChurchJustInCase.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

GraveyardShift.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

re-tired.goodyear.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

ElderlyPeopleMeet.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

YouBreathingTube.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

spinsterest.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

Instagranny.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

Imguriatrics.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

Huffingtonoxygenpost.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

Stumblr.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

Netaflixions.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

yelpIveFallenAndCantGetUp.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

Aol.com (Oh wait, that’s legit) #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

Microsoftpenis.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

Employment.Walmart.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

Buzzgavagefeed.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

Godaddyissues.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

Lifespandora.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

Dropdeadbox.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

Tripandfalladvisor.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

Deviantoldfart.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

Geriatricmail.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

Photobucketlist.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

Bloomersberg.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

dailynotinmotion.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

Stutterstock.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

Nordstromthurman.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

MedicalExaminer.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

4gran.org #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

Crackedhip.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

Liveleakinmydepends.com #ElderlyWebsites @midnight

CAPTION CENTRAL:

Wow, I didn’t realize there were so many orphans in this city!

Some tourists just have no respect for those of us wanting some peace and quiet!

Ten minutes into his routine, the male stripper realized it was the wrong car and the wrong customer.

#RedBox, so easy and fast you can pick up a new movie after you’ve realized you need a new movie while having sex.

I do believe this inflatable is suffering from prolapse.

For those really late term abortions…

20140830 – 0927 – Random Weather Photos

So, it’s been since late August since my area has had any decent storms. But we have had a few random storms that were mostly rain makers. So I figured I’d post a few of the pics I’ve taken since the last big storm we had here. As always, click on an image to see the full-size photo.

Watching the storms come in on 8/30.

Watching clouds form underneath the storm on 8/30.

This little dot cloud, just hanging out under the storms of 8/30.

Getting closer… (8/30)

Ready for some lightning action… that never materialized on 8/30.

Awesome cloud structure on 9/5.

Watching the cell come in just east of my position, it looked promising, but just turned into a rain-maker with very little lightning. (9/5).

Oh, a drop… but alas, it petered out. Did keep a closer eye on it, though. (9/5)

Southern end of the cell. (9/5)

Waiting…. c’mon storm, you can do it! (9/5)

Turned into a rain maker that just sat there. (9/5)

Stark contrast just south of position. (9/5)

Flooding near the house from the cell that just sat there. (9/5)

One cell brewing way south of Fall Creek Falls, TN. (9/19)

When the storms fizz, then just take in the sights instead! (9/19)

BWAHAHA: 9/13 – 9/19

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 9/13 – 9/19: This was a pretty boring week overall. Slow work. Slow days. Slow weather. Slowly rebuilding my levels in Skyrim after I accidentally deleted my level 80 Argonian. I’m actually putting this together at 1:30 in the morning Thursday night/Friday morning because on Friday afternoon my girlfriend and I are heading to Rock Island State Park to enjoy the trails and waterfalls. It’s always nice to get away. Thanks to a friend (you know who you are) for staying in our house for us. We clean up our wet spots, so please clean up yours. Thanks!

I’m no longer hyperlinking the hashtags and Twitter accounts I reference. Copy & paste you lazy bastards. (Yes, I know… I’m a lazy bastard as well.)

OTHER STUFF

Just passed an 80+ yo female Asian driver doing 20 under the speed limit in a handicap-tagged Lotus. I should play the lottery today.

How to tell Macaroni Grill isn’t a real Italian restaurant: They’re using a parody of Sir Mix-A-Lot’s ‘Baby Got Back’ to promote flatbread.

Dear Mother Nature: You’ve ignored me now for almost two weeks. Please send storms. I’m bored. Storm Chasing Cabin Fever! Thanks! Love ‘ya!

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS

The Best of the Vest #HipsterComicBooks @midnight

Archiecrombie & Fitch #HipsterComicBooks @midnight

Cavewoman: Missing Ink #HipsterComicBooks @midnight

Atom the Catatonic #HipsterComicBooks @midnight

Black Furry #HipsterComicBooks @midnight

Bullwinkle & Rocky Shores #HipsterComicBooks @midnight

Danny Blazer & Corduroy #HipsterComicBooks @midnight

The Beach House of Yang #HipsterComicBooks @midnight

Catwoman/Vampirella Weekend: The Furies #HipsterComicBooks @midnight

Batman: Through the Cooking Class #HipsterComicBooks @midnight

Silver Age: Going Green With Lanterns #HipsterComicBooks @midnight

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Pabst Beer Drinker #HipsterComicBooks @midnight (Yes, Rudolph had his own comic book)

Judge Dredding the Day #HipsterComicBooks @midnight

Lobo Goes to Hollister #HipsterComicBooks @midnight

Samurai Jack Kerouac #HipsterComicBooks @midnight

The Further Adventures of Indiemusic Tones #HipsterComicBooks @midnight

My Namedropping is Chaos #HipsterComicBooks @midnight

George of the Jungle Washington #RuinAPresident @midnight

Thomas Jefferson’s Moving On Up #RuinAPresident @midnight

John Quincy Adams, Medical Examiner #RuinAPresident @midnight

John Tyler Perry’s Diary of a Mad White President #RuinAPresident @midnight

Abraham Lincoln Logs #RuinAPresident @midnight
In modern times it would be Abraham Lincoln Blogs

Private Benjamin Harrison #RuinAPresident @midnight

Theodora Roosevelvet #RuinAPresident @midnight

Franklin “The Big D” Roosevelt #RuinAPresident @midnight

Harry Truman Show #RuinAPresident @midnight

Jimmy Welcome Back Carter #RuinAPresident @midnight

Ronald Regan MacNeil #RuinAPresident @midnight #Exorcist

George H. We Got Bush #RuinAPresident @midnight #RevengeOfTheNerdsQuotes

Bill Ha Ha Clinton-Dix #RuinAPresident @midnight #GreenBayPackers

Charles, You’ve Got Some Gall! #RuinAPresident @midnight #GoingFrench

Saint Nicolas Sarkozy #RuinAPresident #GoingFrench @midnight

Nelson Played the Mandolin #RuinAPresident #CivilRights @midnight

Boris the Soviet Love Hammer Yeltsin #RuinAPresident @midnight

Vladimir The Impaler Putin #RuinAPresident @midnight

The Lone Planker #PirateTVShows @midnight

What’s Me Line, Matey? #PirateTVShows @midnight

Deckgunsmoke #PirateTVShows @midnight

Have Rum, Will Travel #PirateTVShows @midnight

Leave It to Deck Fever #PirateTVShows @midnight

Davey Jones and Goliath #PirateTVShows @midnight

The Jolly Roy Rogers Show #PirateTVShows @midnight

The Red Skeleton Show #PirateTVShows @midnight

Captain Kidd Kangaroo #PirateTVShows @midnight

The Sea Stooges Show #PirateTVShows @midnight

Cap’n Knows Best #PirateTVShows @midnight

Neat the Tress #PirateTVShows @midnight

Rawhide the Treasure #PirateTVShows @midnight

Days of our Knives #PirateTVShows @midnight

The Beverly Swillbillies #PirateTVShows @midnight

Kill Again’s Island #PirateTVShows @midnight

The Flintlockstones #PirateTVShows @midnight

My Three Guns #PirateTVShows @midnight

Mister Jolly Rogers’ Neighborhood #PirateTVShows @midnight

The Sea Monkees #PirateTVShows @midnight

Saturday Deck Fight Live #PirateTVShows @midnight

Knots Banding #PirateTVShows @midnight

M*A*S*H for Dinner (Again) #PirateTVShows @midnight

Ship’s Wheel of Fortune #PirateTVShows @midnight

Starsky And Dutch East India Company #PirateTVShows @midnight

The Poppet Show #PirateTVShows @midnight

The Golden Pearls #PirateTVShows @midnight

Ferried… With Children #PirateTVShows @midnight

Sails from the Crypt #PirateTVShows @midnight

Water Taxi #PirateTVShows @midnight

Mystery Pirate Theater 1700 #PirateTVShows @midnight

CAPTION CENTRAL

Beware the Chihuabber.

You realize, after posting on social media, that your friend’s armpit makes it look like you’re naked.

Now all the Christians can stop asking me if I’ve found him, because I FOUND HIM!

Clearly huge fans of The Sound of Music.

BWAHAHA: 9/6 – 9/12

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 9/6 – 9/12: This was a fun week for me. I got to go out and help a friend celebrate a birthday. Suzie and I met our goals for the house and we had a housewarming party with our friends. I think my friends were unsure of what to expect and had a weird time at the party. For those that don’t know, my house was THE party house. It was not uncommon to have 50-60 people partying their asses off at my house. My house took one helluva a beating over the years from all the parties. My carpets were shot, there was damage to walls, etc. Suzie and I have been busting our asses to get the house back to living conditions: in other words, a house meant for something other than a bachelor. So the party was fun and we had great conversations and played a game, but it wasn’t a normal Blair party and I think that weirded everyone out.

I made a joke this week about the 9/11 anniversary. Well, technically, the joke was about the whole “never forget” stuff that everyone posts. It’s important to note that I was across the river in Seacaucus, New Jersey when 9/11 happened and in NYC on 9/10. I watched 9/11 unfold out of my hotel window: not on TV. 9/11 is something that resonates with me and still gets me choked up. But I can also make light of our fears and our sometimes misguided sense of nationalism in the post-9/11 environment. I did just that and someone told me, “You can’t make jokes about 9/11. It’s un-American.” I responded, “You can’t make jokes about Mohamed. It’s un-Islamic.” I think they got the point. Telling someone they can’t say one thing or another is actually the most un-American thing you can do. You know… Freedom of Speech and stuff.

OTHER STUFF:

When the Zombiepocalypse starts, it will spread quickly because people will think it’s a prank being filmed for YouTube.

My Dr. gave me meds for my RLS. I looked it up and it’s also used for Parkinson’s. I should’ve known, as the bottle said “Shake before use.”

My back didn’t itch until I picked up the back scratcher to move it. Stupid brain.

Wait… the Marines are a corporation? <it’s a joke, don’t get all Simper Fight on me>

I feel like there was something I was supposed to remember today. Damn… what was it? Oh yeah, I gotta wash my car or the terrorists win.

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

After some serious thought for two seconds I have decided that I’m okay with the Lions beating the Giants. #NFL

Lions are like, “Rules? There are rules? We don’t need no stinkin’ rules.” #PenaltyFlag #ArmchairQuarterback

Pop! Eye #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Bugs Bloody #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Melvin and the Cheap Monks #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Gaddafi Duck #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Plastic Manboobs #SpookyCartoons @midnight

God Almighty Mouse #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Fat Prince Albert #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Witchy Witch #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Heathcliffhanger #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Trollskins #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Speed Muggy #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Slyvester & Tweeting While Driving #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Mangamonium #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Spurt Tails #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Manchichis #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Dungeons and Drag Queens #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Turbo Teen Wolf #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Muppet Rabies #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Kissyfuhrer #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Jem and the Horrorams #SpookyCartoons @midnight

King of the Hill People #SpookyCartoons @midnight

The Greasy Spoondocks #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Sutureama #SpookyCartoons @midnight

The Strife & Crimes of Tim #SpookyCartoons @midnight

CAPTION CENTRAL:

In an attempt to tap an unknown fan base, the X-Games is including extreme equestrian sports this year.

Spanish bowling.

It’s a lesson I keep repeating like a broken record: Always be aware of your surroundings!

Meanwhile in Alabama…

Why is it that all the cool stuff they do in movies is illegal in real life? #Busted

Ketchup… it does a body good.

“If you didn’t want me here, then why did you put this watering hole here?”

“Where the drugs, man? I know you got ’em here somewhere! You better give me some of that!”

Oh sure, play nice with the white kid!

When Malaysian Airlines flies over…

BWAHAHA: 8/30 – 9/5

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 8/30 – 9/5: This was one of those weeks where work was driving me crazy. Hey, let’s take a facility contract that’s been on hold for almost two years and roll it out in two weeks! Wait, you mean I essentially have two weeks to get over a month’s amount of work done? Oh, and then you’re gonna go apeshit when you find out two days before the install that stuff’s not done? Well gosh, maybe you shoulda fuckin’ thunk that shit through beforehand!

But at least I got to chase a few storms this week and ended the weekend with friends at a wedding. While that’s great for my friends who got married, my girlfriend and I both looked at each other with the “nope, never” eyes. And that’s why I love her!

OTHER STUFF:

Thanks to the three peeps who stopped to ask, “You okay?” while I was parked on the side of the road shooting storms. Yep, unless we’re talking about my head.

Ha ha! My magic weather bubble is working! BWAHAHA!

What is up with the crazy models on the new invest?

Why is Beefy Fritos Burritos so hard to say sober? Taco Bell should call them Fritorritos!

I present Exhibit A against my girlfriend’s insistence that I don’t pay attention when driving:

While my Magic Weather Bubble keeps me dry, it also keeps me from chasing storms. #ProsAndCons #Wizarding101

It’s not real cooking without a fire! Turned off burner and let it burn out.

Kids playing in Bicentennial Park, Nashville. #FavNashPic
Wrong Nash? Nope, screw that Nash guy.

Seriously….

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

I can’t tell if my glasses are smudged or if I’m at a vape meet.

#facebookdown – so go ahead and reintroduce yourself to that Google+ account you never used.

I’m pretty sure #facebookdown was a Twitter conspiracy to drive traffic to Twitter.

“I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.” – Joan Rivers. Tupperware is waiting. #RIPJoanRivers

CAPTION CENTRAL:

Because this is the way the school year always started when I went to school! Yeah. Right.

No wonder Sasquatch is always so angry in those commercials: he’s a drunkard!

When asked why he hit the mannequin, John replied, “I thought it was Justin Bieber.”

When otters get Ebola.

We really need more ATMs installed in the Death Star.

“OMG, I’m going to find the person who leaked my photos and beat the shit out of them with this pink baseball bat!”

Atlanta PD will be transporting this prisoner to Block AA-23, Cell 2187.

Ronald refused to honor the restraining order obtained by Burger King.

The set of Batman Vs Superman got a little carried away.

When taking weather photos, make sure no animals are mating in the photo. Or go out of the way to make sure they are.

OMG! Someone built a Need for Speed road!

Okay McDonald’s, stop giving Japan special treatment and bring this awesome to the states: especially near me.