It’s BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) for 8/10-8/16!
* Just played Munchkin for the first time. Essentially it’s Magick, but with humor and it’s slightly less nerdy.
* #exboyfriendsbelike, “Who is this guy and why is he calling me his ex-boyfriend?”
* #StopAndFrisk found unconstitutional, #NYPD now to implement #StopAndWhisk: go straight to the paddy wagon.
* #StopAndFrisk found unconstitutional, #NYPD now to implement #StopAndFist: or as LT Smith said, “Going all Rodney King on their ass.”
* If you get #RodeoClownObama, then I get #RodeClownJesus! Of course everyone’ll think it’s a hipster and not Jesus.
* Well played #SesameStreet! Taking pop culture and actually giving it a positive message for kids!
* Will you fuckers stop posting videos that make me cry! Sheesh!
* I’m admittedly a verdant comic, but I think I may be starting to hit puberty, because I just found pubes in my joke.
* James Bond: Tears of Allah is a well to hide nuclear weapons.
Catholic: Tears of Yahweh are insect excrement (off a tree).
* Why are there sounds of mining coming from the mine when I know everyone just ran out because of the two ogres?
* How can I mow the lawn if it keeps raining? Wait.. mowing the lawn is work. Never mind. Keep raining.
* Remember when hoodie references or wearing a hoodie made you sing, “Mama said knock you out!” I miss those days.
* IF we make sure we #StopAndFrisk white people, can we start with #MayorBloomberg? He seems suspicious.
* Anyone know of a black or Hispanic politician who supports #StopAndFrisk? Or is it just crazy white people?
* I mixed Orange Coke and Vanilla Coke: BAM! You’re welcome.
* Most of the things where the M&M sings, “…but I won’t do that,” I’m thinking… yeah, I’d totally do that.
* Does the Trivago commercial dude freak anyone else out? Is it just because he’s not wearing a belt?
* Just realized that Steven Spielberg predicted Air Jaws way back then…
2 Seconds later… Air JAWS with Chrissie doing cartwheels!
* I needed a new nightlight!
* Now that’s a bonefish!
* #MichelleObama made a Hip-Hop video for kids. In the meantime, FOX News Headquarters implodes from attempts to deny racism.
* Paul McCartney & Stevie Wonder now have to remake the song to “Chocolate & Ivory.”
* Surfer: “It was divine intervention that I survived the shark attack.” Really? The same intervention that sent the shark to attack you?
My friend Matt Dillahunty (@Matt_Dillahunty) responded, “The LORD moves in mysterious ways. God is shooting at you and intentionally missing! (mostly) #ThatIsPureLove”
So I replied, “Funny, the attack in question is 2 Great White sharks: Jesus really fucking hates this dude!
* Advertising irony of the day. Not FTB’s fault – they can’t control the ads.
* I’d like to remind that annoying GEICO Hump Day Camel that camel tastes amazing when cooked on an open fire.
* I have this weird feeling that my UPS package is not coming today.
* Al Qaeda should consider pink burqas for breast cancer awareness. اقتراحك_لتطوير_اﻹعلام_الجهاد#
* The world is just crying out for the Al Qaeda Comedy Tour! #اقتراحك_لتطوير_اﻹعلام_الجهاد
Additional info on that weird hashtag: Twitter Totally Trolled Al Qaeda Last Night
* My First Threesome
* Homegrown Comedy had a photo contest to win two tickets to their 8/16 show. Below is the pic and my three entries:
In an attempt to recover a drop in their stock, Hot Wheels (TM) tries something new.
Svetlana shows off the new runway model fad diet. She says, “It tastes gross at first, but after a while you get used to brake dust.”
You thought the other kind of rim job you give was rough on your knees…
* Twitter keeps trying to get me to follow Alyssa Milano. Nah, I quit stalking her when I hit puberty.