BWAHAHA: 3/15 – 3/21

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 3/15 – 3/21: This week has been a fun and hectic week for me. My girlfriend is trying to kill me with exercise. I keep telling her that she’s not on my life insurance policy, but she doesn’t seem to care. On the bright side, I’ve lost another 1/2” off my waist (or my ass, I can’t tell). Oh, and fuck you anti-vax morons for causing the Measles to come back to NYC.

3/16

Training today’s cheerleaders for tomorrow’s Zombiepocalypse.

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#Cosmos gonna piss off the Religious Wrong again. That happens when you live on faith instead of science.

Oh for fuck’s sake, will someone please kill Lizzy! #TWD (Oh, thanks, much appreciated!)

3/17

I miss California quakes. I don’t miss 24/7 news coverage of people who “lost a tile in their ceiling.”

I wonder if Fred Phelps will have a deathbed conversion… (like gay sex with a male nurse)

Wearing a condom during a fertility festival seems kinda blasphemous.

#earthquake and #luckoftheirish are both trending. Are those two things related?

I don’t know if Flight 370 was hijacked or not, but conspiracy theorists have certainly hijacked the story.

Why are you craning to go to war? What’s the rush, huh?

Politautoeroticasphyxiation: conservatives who don’t realize the GOP they love is actually strangulating them.

#TWD birthday gifts!

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Today me buddy O’Laden ‘n I formed Clan O’Kayda and we drank Irish Car Bombs all day!

3/19

Smurficide almost complete!

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Smurfette Gusher

“Pardon me, sir. Would you happen to have some Grey Poupon?”

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Critical Eye Podcast E042: If You’re Gonna Go Big… Go BigIkeComedy!

Someone needs an anger management class and an addiction rehabilitation center.

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Well, at least he’s wearing shirt and shoes… so he gets service.

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Republican Fire Department responds to a fire at a house owned by a “mooching non-tax-paying” citizen.

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3/20

I was surprised to find out that “The Best of the Cutting Crew” was more than just a CD Single.

If you want to celebrate Fred Phelps’ death, do it by signing petitions and getting involved in gay rights activism. [Not funny, just real.]

“It was cheaper than on the base,” stated LT Rogers.

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We do what we want… (photo by me)

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When you’re tired of enforcing the rules… (photo by me)

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Sweater vests should be de-regulated! #RepublicanHipster

“My beer already tastes like piss, so what’s a little de-regulation gonna do? ” – #RepublicanHipster

3/21

I’m amazed at how many people don’t know that the One Eyed One Horned Flying Purple People Eater is a penis.

Life can be tough for a lesbian left-handed albino midget Eskimo. (Props to those that get it.)

The more I think about it, the more GayOz Theory makes sense.

Okay, now the military is starting to creep me out…

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Creationists wanting to participate in Cosmos is like Kindergartners wanting to participate in College.

Creationists wanting to participate in Cosmos is like Mario Kart wanting to participate in the Indy 500.

Creationists wanting to participate in Cosmos is like garden slug wanting to participate in a Triathlon.

Creationists wanting to participate in Cosmos is like T-Ball wanting to participate in the NBA, MLB or whatever acronym represents baseball.

Gotta remember that I’m not 20 anymore. Let’s just say I’m not as flexible as I used to be.

I don’t think that sign means what the think it means. (photo by me)

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BWAHAHA: 3/8 – 3/14

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 3/8 – 3/14: Mother Nature was crazy this week down here in Alabama. In a 24-hour period I went from Air Conditioning to Heater and then back to Air Conditioning. Someone needs to punch Mother Nature in the ovaries.

3/8

Fuck it, it’s insured. Right? Wait, what do you mean it’s not insured!?!?!?!

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BLR 1:21; “Blair standeth at the pulpit with waving hands, he proclaimeth aloud, “Let there be cheese dip for all!

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3/9

I was on Burn The Boats talking about comedy and the Huntsville scene!

3/10

Consensus seems to be that the mating season should be in the Fall. So what would the human mating call be? I think (for men (and some women) it’ll be more like Peacocking: Spreading out they money in your wallet, fanning it out, and waving it around, while strutting in your finest clothes around your BMW.

You know, the more I think about, the more pissed I am that no one got me a Labia Menorah for Hanukkah!

3/11

Might want to see a doctor about that explosive ass of yours. Doctor visit is likely cheaper than all those patches.

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Training young Republicans to participate in American healthcare…

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“He’s got the whole world, in his jazz hands!”

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In honor of #Cosmos, check out The Critical Eye Podcast we did with Neil deGrasse Tyson!

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3/12

One thing the Malaysian crash has taught us: if we ever go to war with Malaysia, they’ll never find our submarines.

Seductive Delusions: How Everyday People Catch STDs, by Jill Grimes #SpringBreakBooks

Wow… the wind here is blowing harder than Snookie!

A hospital is not being “put to the test” when they are treating three patients. Stupid journalists.

And she wonders why she’s still single… #Housekeeping

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New Libertarian dentist office.

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Humans… the other white meat.

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Don Lemon has never seen anything like this (#HarlemExplosion)? Really? Umm… 9/11 anyone?

Pinkies up!

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Oh yeah! #TWD birthday!

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3/13

1988 like a MOFO! I miss that outfit. #TBT

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Used to get blue: now depression, sad: now bipolar, excited: now ADHD, jock itch: oh, still jock itch.

I wonder if anyone stuffed her ballot box? On a serious note, what were her parents thinking?

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3/14

To celebrate Pi day, I’m going to eat cake. Because fuck math.

BWAHAHA: 3/1 – 3/7

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 3/1 – 3/7: This week was a pretty slow week for me. I was distracted by my real job and by Suzie (Suzie, you’re amazing!).  I did get to rant and rave against skinny people who always seem to want to offer advice to us fat folks when we go on diets and exercise. He skinny person, you have no fucking clue, so fuck off.

3/1

I love it when people tell me, “That food is bad for you.” No shit! Now tell me about this Jesus guy I’ve never heard of!

What happened to “Jesus Take the Wheel?”

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What happens when you buy cheap funeral arrangements…

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Libertarian roads… part II.

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3/2

Dopamine crash in 3… 2… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Lucky for me, Parmesan cheese tastes amazing when it’s slightly burnt.

Beth be like, “You’re not my dad!” #TWD

But I like peach schnapps! #TWD

Bad moonshine can make you go blind, just like masturbation. #TWD

Daryl came so close to a reacharound. #TWD

I think ‘Walking On Sunshine’ by Katrina & the Waves should have been playing while the house burned. #TWD

3/3

If you’re gonna party, then dammit, PARTY! (She probably has a degree in Marketing)

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Random snowflakes falling in downtown Huntsville. Someone punch Mother Nature in the crotch!

Apparently the Zombiepocalypse might be happening on my street. That’s a shitload of emergency vehicles…

Fighting the urge to sing my playlist while at the gym.

3/4

I’m pretty sure my friends have a pool going on when I change my relationship status. Dicks!

Suzie’s dog vomited all over me. That’s a sign of approval, right?

3/5

Guy pulled off a great move to avoid rear ending me at 60. So I have him a thumbs up. #MissedConnections

3/6

New FedEx home delivery…

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Physics: sometimes you just can’t explain that shit.

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I made the shirt I’ll be wearing at DragonCon this year (buy your own here):

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BWAHAHA: 2/22 – 2/28

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 2/22 – 2/28: Well this week we survived Ragnarok, another failed religious prediction of the end of the world. And so, we are back to waiting… once again. I had my first date in a very long time this week as well, which turned into a second date, and a third date, and a fourth date, and a trip together. I’m pretty fucking happy right now, so that means I’ve been a little nicer to anti-vax morons and creationists this week.

2/22

I’m not sure if I should celebrate Ragnarok or National Margarita Day. Vikings drank Margaritas, right? #Ragnarok

Today, the Ice Giants come back to ruin the world! #Ragnarok #NationalMargaritaDay

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Just experienced the messenger version of the awkward silence. Weird.

I ate more Indian food in one sitting than several villages in India eat in a single day. #FirstWorldAwesome

I can’t decide if transcrypt is a crypt that is movable or one that’s sexually flexible.

2/23

Having a hoarder say, “Sorry about the mess” is like having Hitler say, “Sorry about that Jew.”

2/24

I’m pretty sure my thermostat is a compulsive liar.

Who ‘ya gonna call? Not Harold Ramis! Keep on Ghostbustin’ Harold! We’ll miss ‘ya!

If there’s a Heaven… I hope Harold Ramis is up there kicking Slimer’s ass right now.

If Gov. Brewer signs SB102, then straight supporters should dress like the Village People when going out to dinner.

Post what you eat: food woo posts on your thread in 3… 2… 1…

I’m pretty sure Jesus masturbates. That’s what rainbows are. And a double rainbow? Oh yeah, Second Coming!

Apparently some people still do read the newspaper.

The headline says, “Twin Peaks now online.”

It’s a pretty well-rounded newspaper.

I wonder if it has a classifieds section.

Sometimes you have to read between the lines to get to the meat of a story.

That must be the newspaper from Butte, MT.

It’s mostly opinions and editorials.

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New God billboard proposal: “I haven’t been laid in 2,000 years.” – God

This Easter I’m going to walk around with a t-shirt that says, “I voted for Pontius Pilate.” (Oh yeah, I created it!)

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2/26

Winter has been long and hard. Someone take away Father Nature’s Viagra.

Does a hairy fetishist shout, “Show me your pits!” (followed by, “Pits or GTFO!”)

“It’s a dry heat” just means you need more anal lube in Arizona.

Finally saw Gravity. It would have been better if she had died at the end. From a shark attack.

2/27

I think it’s great that the fight against gay marriage is actually what is helping move gay marriage forward.

After a careful search for clues, we have successfully identified the Tea Party senator’s seat.

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She’s not just voluptuous, she’s voluptuass!

I was told that I was a gateway drug. Still trying to figure out what I’m a gateway to.

My friends suggested: Mexican food, Hell, bad synthpop, and bear & cub relationships. They know me all to well.

He meant to do that…

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2/28

Tonight was awesome, but I felt like I was back in junior high. It was cute. Lol

This Senior Citizens Center is much more cost effective…

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