BWAHAHA: 6/21 – 6/27

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 6/21 – 6/27: I spent another week on the road. This time I had my CB installed. Listening to truckers talk politics can make one’s head spin around Exorcist style. While stuck in a construction brake-check and highway crawl, the truckers started going on and on about how we needed Bush back in the office so he could solve the current crisis in Iraqi and how Obama was fucking it all up. Yeah, because Bush totally fixed that shit during the time he was in office. Not to mention, wasn’t it Bush that put us there and kicked over the game board in the first place? It never ceases to amaze me how facts simply fail to enter the minds of ultra-conservatives. How can someone believe so strongly in an ideology that they simply ignore contradictory facts or dismiss them as conspiracy? And that’s not just a conservative issue. My fellow liberals have the same issue to deal with when it comes to things like “organic” food, anti-GMO hysteria, anti-vaccination nonsense, etc. The world is a stupid place: hence comedy.

Now I’m off to a week vacation in the Ozarks (thanks to my Dad for staying at my house while I’m gone). I’ll get to canoe down rivers and enjoy the mountains. I’ll also get to meet my girlfriend’s entire family for the first time. Not just her parents: her entire family. At once. At the same time. Someone hold me…

OTHER STUFF

I guess it’s time to start wearing these t-shirts again…

Or maybe I’ll wear this t-shirt instead…

My hotel room is ridiculous. I feel like I should be hosting a party or a meeting.

Laptops are so overrated at McDonald’s! #SeniorLiving

My new article in The Rocket Wrangler: Huntsville Hospital’s Medical Mall Weighs TV Options After FOX News Fight

Just gonna watch the world burn! Italian landfill was allowed to burn because it would create more space. 1994. #TBT

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS

Some people like to go on a pubcrawl, but I really love me some pubstep!

The North Alabama Storm Chasers Association is one R word away from being 100% ‘Bama.

Me, “What’s the difference between the small and large cheese dip?”
Waitress, “The size.”
Yep, we’ll get along just fine.

I was going to make a storm chasing logo with STORMIN’ and two lightning bolt symbols, then realized people might mistake me for a Nazi.

Vacation starts in 8 hours. By vacation I mean working from the Ozarks. By Ozarks I mean 15 miles north of WalMart HQ. By that I mean Hell.

CAPTION CENTRAL

We should do this when we go to Atlanta next time so we’ll have plenty of spare tires.

Some local governments take their library books entirely too seriously.

I wonder why only men are taking this art class? Or is it an OB/GYN training session?

I don’t believe that sluts exist, but in this case I might have to make an exception. #OverBillionsServed

Again… always be aware of your surroundings.

If you’re going to tag someone’s car in anger, at least spell the damn word right!

The Not-So-Smartcar.

I guess what they say is true, “Everyone wants to rule the Iron Throne,” even the Queen Mum.

Last known photo taken of Bill.

BWAHAHA: 9/21 – 9/27

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 9/21 – 9/27: I was distracted by Grand Theft Auto V this week. And if all the GTA5 posts are being monitored by the NSA, then they were equally distracted by it.

9/21

Just killed a bunch of Marines and blew up a barracks: then stole a helicopter. Process that one #NSA! #GTA5

“Gangsta by night, parachuting pussy by day.” #GTA5 – that was a funny line.

9/23

Oh, look… someone called someone a name on a blog. How original.

9/24

#SenatorCruz may be on “cruz control,” but right toward a cliff. More like a “cruz missile” with all the damage he’s doing.

Iran’s extended hand reminds me of the grizzly bear that smiled and asked, “Want to come to my place for dinner?”

9/25

I’m glad #SenatorCruz read Green Eggs & Ham, because if there’s one thing Socialist Muslim Kenyans hate, is fucking Dr. Seuss.

I replay the Rampage: Hipster Killing Spree time and time again. #GTA5

9/26

I wish there was a way to slap people through the TV. I get headaches listening to Republitards on the news.

I’m beginning to think #GTA5 takes place in Alabama.

Not as far to drive for that beach vacation. #BenefitsOfGlobalWarming

Going on my Fall camping trip in December. #BenefitsOfGlobalWarming

This week on Twitter (4/5 – 4/12)

This week’s attempt to be funny on Twitter from 4/5 to 4/12 (posted in order of Tweets). I have to admit I had a really slow week because I was fucking lazy. I really only made an effort one day.

4/7

Church in theater… lady behind me in line says, “I’m beginning to think Jesus was a used car salesman.”

4/8

Mudslide derails Amtrak train: no one waiting at the next stop notices the train is late.

3yo girl killed by garage door: prosecutors say door showing no signs of remorse.

I’m going to NYC next weekend to eat at restaurants. Why? Because I like playing Russian Roulette.

Mexican Gray Wolf making a comeback in US. So much for the efficiency of the Minutemen!

Iran, Syria, N. Korea block global treaty to control arms trade. Why does their vote even count? Only adults should vote.

IKEA halts moose lasagna sales after finding pork in it. Whew! I thought they were going to say horse!

I wanted to get my shirt in Manatee Grey, but apparently Target no longer offers that choice.

If Jay-Z and Beyoncé get to go to Cuba, we all get to go to Cuba, It’ll be anarchy! (*all hail Breakfast Club)

Margaret Thatcher dead. The “Iron Lady” has rusted. Your What? Tin roof. Rusted.

I bet Lena Headey (GoT Cersei Lannister) could solve her financial problems by asking geeks to send her $1.

Mufasa married Simba to keep Scar from inheriting the throne. Damn you gay marriage!

Sirens everywhere: so either a bad wreck or a meth lab blew up. Yep, those are your Alabama odds.

4/9

Roman Colosseum. #ClassicSportsVenue

When the referree called foul on the Christian for cutting off the lion’s leg. #WorstSportsCall