BWAHAHA: 7/26 – 8/1

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 7/26 – 8/1: This week I got to attend the roast of fellow comedian Patrick Cunningham for his birthday, which escalated from funny to hysterical (and sometimes scary) drunken shenanigans by the end of the night. I also did five minutes of open mic to celebrate his birthday. I enjoyed it as always, but I’m still happy with my decision to leave the scene and concentrate on my storm chasing.

I did some chasing this week as well, but all the cells I was going after fizzled out and I only got one crappy lightning shot. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’m pretty sure Mother Nature is fucking with me on purpose.

By the way, Guardians of the Galaxy is a fucking amazing movie! If you haven’t seen it, you’re missing out. Definitely worth the money for the big screen experience. It was the perfect blend of comedy, action, emotion, and effects. Brilliant at every level!

OTHER STUFF

Safety first, that's always been my motto. #HeyWatchThis

Safety first, that’s always been my motto. #HeyWatchThis

 

“Tropical Storm Bertha? Yeah, whatever.” “Tropical Storm Billy? RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LIFE!” #HurricaneSexism

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS

The Vaping community is the only place where someone can say, “I like sucking on a drip tip” and it not mean something negative.

I finally watched Pompeii. It was essentially 2012 meets Gladiator, but without the Arks, Bentley, airplanes, or Russians. Okay, bad comparison.

Oculus Reparo: Optometry for Wizards #BadHogwartsClasses @midnight

How To Train Your Eragon #BadHogwartsClasses @midnight

Defense Against the Dark Side of the Force #BadHogwartsClasses @midnight

Alohomora: Thievery 101 #BadHogwartsClasses @midnight

Engorgio Reducio: Sex Ed for Wizards #BadHogwartsClasses @midnight

Riddikulus: Understanding the Modern GOP #BadHogwartsClasses @midnight

Tarantallegra: Yes, You Can Dance! #BadHogwartsClasses @midnight

Anapneo: First Aid for Beginners #BadHogwartsClasses @midnight

Thestral Tarts: Cooking With Professor Andrew Zimmern #BadHogwartsClasses @midnight

Darning with Dobby #BadHogwartsClasses @midnight

Petrificus Totalus: Advanced Sex Ed for Wizards #BadHogwartsClasses @midnight

CAPTION CENTRAL

20140726a

And we wonder why America is so far down on the list of most/best educated countries…

Damn, the homophobes were right, gay marriage did lead to a woman marrying a dog!

Damn, the homophobes were right, gay marriage did lead to a woman marrying a dog!

Last night - a date which will live in infamy - the pool was suddenly and deliberately attacked by drunks of the Empire of Vacation.

Last night – a date which will live in infamy – the pool was suddenly and deliberately attacked by drunks of the Empire of Vacation.

America, #1 in prison incarceration, #36 in education. But fuck it, "WE'RE NUMBER ONE!" #MURICA #AmericanEducation

America, #1 in prison incarceration, #36 in education. But fuck it, “WE’RE NUMBER ONE!” #MURICA #AmericanEducation

It's often said, "Hate comes from ignorance." Yeah, this kind of proves that point. #MURICA #AmericanEducation (Notice the person who tried to correct the original, also spelled it wrong)

It’s often said, “Hate comes from ignorance.” Yeah, this kind of proves that point. #MURICA #AmericanEducation
(Notice the person who tried to correct the original, also spelled it wrong)

This week on Twitter (4/19 – 4/26)

This week’s attempt to be funny on Twitter from 4/19 to 4/26 (posted in order of Tweets). I was seriously bored off my ass this week and didn’t do much. I didn’t even get to do my open mics in town like normal. The funny just wasn’t in me for some reason like it normally is. Although, to be fair, that may have something to do with Dragon’s Dogma coming in from Game Fly and me spending 12 hours a day playing it (hehe).

4/21

The Defense Directorate of Earth Defense sported gay pride bands before it was trendy. #NerdJokes

4/22

One thing people forget about the moral high horse: horses shit and piss everywhere.

Surprised to hear Chrissy Amphlett succumbed to breast cancer. Figured she’d catch it early as much as she touched herself.

4/23

The sex was awesome. #teacherschangelives

It’s hard to lose weight while watching Anthony Bourdain and Andrew Zimmern eating street vendor Mexican food.

4/25

Today we celebrate the beginning of Idiocracy. #GeorgeBushLibrary

4/26

I bet the Tsarnaev brothers shoplifted those pressure cookers. #MamaTsarnaev

Still hunting the WMD’s. No, this time we’re Syrius. #SyriaWMD

I can’t tell who is saner, #MamaTsarnaev or #AlexJones.