BWAHAHA 4/25 – 7/17

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 4/25 – 7/17: Yeah, almost three months in one post. I don’t know why I fell so far behind, except that I was concentrating more on the my storm chasing in the last few months since it was storm “season” here in Alabama. I’ve actually been slacking big time on comedy. I’ve only done a couple of open mics and only one show. Whether or not that changes… we’ll see. Comedy isn’t a full-time adventure for me. I have no desire to leave Huntsville and go on national tours: it’s a hobby. That means I do it when I feel like it, not because I have to. With that said… here’s the last few months of the stuff I did do.

OTHER STUFF:

  • My favorite way to do the tip line.

    My favorite way to do the tip line.

  • I want to open a walk-in clinic in San Francisco and call it Baysick Care.
  • When you don't have a shredder, this is how you get rid of papers you can't throw away.

    When you don’t have a shredder, this is how you get rid of papers you can’t throw away.

  • Just got done watching E.T., which is the story of a young Jedi who gets left behind on Earth.
  • Intentional or unintentional? ‪#‎PlayingWithBalls‬

    Intentional or unintentional? ‪#‎PlayingWithBalls‬

  • Cory brought me back some Blue Flame Moonshine (128 proof). Can’t wait to pass out… I mean try it.
  • The cutest picture you'll ever see me take on the toilet. Diego can sure pick awkward times to get cuddly.

    The cutest picture you’ll ever see me take on the toilet. Diego can sure pick awkward times to get cuddly.

  • Study confirms what smart people and non-gullible people already knew.
  • My favorite Indian food is tacos.
  • I think Michael’s might be confused.
  • Mad Max did not give Furiosa permission to die.
  • Where's a wooden stake when you need one?

    Where’s a wooden stake when you need one?

  • From this point forward I will be referring to female Dr. Who fans as Whoters.
  • Clearly I'm playing too much ‪#‎Destiny

    Clearly I’m playing too much ‪#‎Destiny

  • Everyone says San Andreas is going to suck. However, it’s about earthquakes, so it gets a free suck pass in my book. Will see it tonight!
  • I'm gonna go with misspelled heresy cake. Burn in chocolate hell sinners! City Cafe, Huntsville

    I’m gonna go with misspelled heresy cake. Burn in chocolate hell sinners! City Cafe, Huntsville

  • I think The Mattress Firm needs some good competition, so I’m going to open a store across the street called The Mattress Soft.
  • Spent 20 minutes looking for my phone. Finally called it from Google Hangouts… and it vibrated in my pocket. Gonna be one of those days!
  • I have been asked for my receipt when leaving WalMart twice in two weeks. Did they change their policy to ask white people now?
  • Huntsville's MAGIC (Meteorological Avoidance of Ground Inclement Clouds) Weather Bubble seems to be working just fine today.

    Huntsville’s MAGIC (Meteorological Avoidance of Ground Inclement Clouds) Weather Bubble seems to be working just fine today.

  • If you’re a member of 78 groups and most of them are some form of buy/sell/trade group, I’m going to assume you’re a spammer and block you from my groups. Even if you’re not… sorry. ‪#‎GuiltyOfProfiling‬
  • “Girly Quotes” followed me on Twitter. Probably because I mentioned “wedding” in one of my Tweets. Boy is “Girly Quotes” in for a big surprise!
  • If my electric bill stays this high, I may have to convert to Amish.
  • When your GF’s not home and you can play your video game as loud as you want. Oh yeah…
  • I guess the cat's hungry.

    I guess the cat’s hungry.

  • My favorite Mexican restaurant is slowly replacing it’s male wait staff with females. I’m good with that, because I like Carne Asada Tacos.
  • Listening to crime docs: if you wanna kill someone, don’t get an insurance policy on them and don’t have an affair: dead giveaways of guilt.
  • One of the family members just introduced me to his family by calling me a “famous entertainer.” I’ll take that.
  • I just need to quit being on time. I’m sitting at a large table by myself again waiting for everyone else.
  • When you don’t have to show your ID because the bouncer recognizes you. I may come here too much.
  • Cute girl asks to sit at our table. Introduces herself to the guys. Flirts. 8 minutes later, introduces boyfriend as he walks up. ‪#‎Played
  • I’m always creeped out when someone recognizes me from FOX news, because that means they “really” pay attention to FOX News.
  • Number from Russia calls and hangs up when I answer. Is it a mail order bride, mafia, or Snowden?
  • Why does a Dr’s office that specializes in back injuries have shitty chairs and then makes you wait for two hours in those shitty chairs?
  • Something seems off here. Can't quite put my finger on it. Maybe I need to up my vitamin intake.

    Something seems off here. Can’t quite put my finger on it. Maybe I need to up my vitamin intake.

  • Blackhawk helicopters circling over the house. Maybe using “pressure cooker” & “explosive diarrhea” in same Tweet wasn’t such a good idea.
  • Ready to marry the happy couple. Beautiful day at the Botanical Gardens. I look like a rabbi with the Dr. Who scarf on. Whozel Tov!

    Ready to marry the happy couple. Beautiful day at the Botanical Gardens. I look like a rabbi with the Dr. Who scarf on. Whozel Tov!

  • Kenny Loggins’ Danger Zone could totally be retooled as a Storm Chaser anthem!
  • Tumblr is not working and no one is talking about it! WTF?!?!?!?! Wait… is Tumblr the new MySpace?
  • A bat just ran into my windshield. That had to hurt.
  • Getting ready to go see JAWS in a theater for its 40th anniversary. Woot!

    Getting ready to go see JAWS in a theater for its 40th anniversary. Woot!

  • Good grief! The seats at this theater are actually smaller than airplane economy seats. Um, hello, obesity epidemic! Upgrade your seats!
  • Scientists are talking about a possible sixth mass extinction. I’m cool with that as long as mosquitoes and gnats are included.
  • I think the Democrats should run a black female atheist lesbian Socialist hippie. Just for the giggles of watching conservatives react.
  • If WalMart removes all confederate flag products from shelves, then what will happen to the ‪#‎PeopleOfWalmart‬ web page? Let’s rethink this!!
  • Stores, cities, and states are removing the Confederate Flag. Showing my support by flying the real flag on my house.

    Stores, cities, and states are removing the Confederate Flag. Showing my support by flying the real flag on my house.

  • I will not read the comments on SOCTUS ruling. I will not read the comments on SOCTUS ruling. I will not read the comments on SOCTUS ruling.
  • Future Headline: 6/26/2020 – Five Years Later, Bigoted Preachers ‘Still’ Waiting on Government Letter Forcing Them to Perform Gay Marriage.
  • It can’t be a coincidence that gay marriage passes on the same day as National Beautician’s Day. It’s a conspiracy and I’m onto them!
  • Lightning to the right of me, gusting to the left, here I am, stuck in the middle with duds… stuck in the middle with duds. ‪#‎MotherNatureHatesMe‬
  • The biggest promoters of the confederate flag are often the ones to label people as “unamerican,” and yet they do the most unamerican thing possible: fly a flag that represents treason against the United States of America.
  • If conservatives spent 1/2 the energy on “shall not bear false witness” as they do on “no gay penis,” the GOP and FOX would cease to exist.
  • When one of your Sales reps finds out you were in the Navy as well and the five-minute checkup call on a facility becomes a two-hour Navy style bitch session. Because a bitchin’ sailor is a happy sailor!
  • Those two are so stupid, they’re derpendicular.
  • I think my girlfriend has a ningina, because I never see it coming.
  • They're selling an empty record for that much!

    They’re selling an empty record for that much!

  • Earlier today a wind gust almost knocked me over. My anemometer said 18mph. Clearly my anemometer is broke.
  • Messing with my neighbors. MAC address restrictions on, too! Are the drug dealers across the street sweating it?

    Messing with my neighbors. MAC address restrictions on, too! Are the drug dealers across the street sweating it?

  • Well, I suppose this means I need to throw The Dark Lord a housewarming party! Who’s in?!?!?!?
  • I’m not a fan of hippies, but fake pretentious hippies are the worst. I’m surrounded by them. They should perish from the earth.
  • The lavender smell too strong for you? Poor thing. At least I didn’t complain about your patchouli smelling body odor dripping stench. Jerk!

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

  • Today really sucks for test tube babies. #MothersDay
  • The only reason your mother should be at Chinese Buffet today is if she specifically said she wanted you to bring her. ‪#‎MothersDayFail‬
  • Today is Confederate Memorial Day, coincidentally celebrated by the three most uneducated states in the UNION. ‪#‎WrongSideOfHistoryAgain‬
  • Officer just pulled me over for 60 in a 45. Asked me about the weather and then told me to slow it down. ‪#‎WhitePrivilege‬ ‪#‎ChaserProblems‬
  • How many levels in Dante’s Inferno? Doesn’t matter, they’re all right here around me. Lol ‪#‎HippieHeadquarters‬ ‪#‎SomeoneSaveMe‬
  • I love solving games or puzzles on the last move or last second. It makes me feel like James Bond diffusing a bomb. ‪#‎LivingVicariously‬
  • I bet the Block feature on Facebook got a workout today! #GayMarriage

CAPTION CENTRAL:

  • I'm pretty sure that sign reads "Help Me."

    I’m pretty sure that sign reads “Help Me.”

  • WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!

    WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!

  • Gun safety? Never heard of it. t's like a mouse, just point an click, right?

    Gun safety? Never heard of it. t’s like a mouse, just point an click, right?

  • They see me rollin.' They hatin.' Patrolling they tryin' to catch me ridin' purty!

    They see me rollin.’ They hatin.’ Patrolling they tryin’ to catch me ridin’ purty!

  • Hey! Who ordered delivery?

    Hey! Who ordered delivery?

  • The little man in the canoe has no idea where the hurricane force winds are coming from.

    The little man in the canoe has no idea where the hurricane force winds are coming from.

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BWAHAHA: 8/30 – 9/5

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 8/30 – 9/5: This was one of those weeks where work was driving me crazy. Hey, let’s take a facility contract that’s been on hold for almost two years and roll it out in two weeks! Wait, you mean I essentially have two weeks to get over a month’s amount of work done? Oh, and then you’re gonna go apeshit when you find out two days before the install that stuff’s not done? Well gosh, maybe you shoulda fuckin’ thunk that shit through beforehand!

But at least I got to chase a few storms this week and ended the weekend with friends at a wedding. While that’s great for my friends who got married, my girlfriend and I both looked at each other with the “nope, never” eyes. And that’s why I love her!

OTHER STUFF:

Thanks to the three peeps who stopped to ask, “You okay?” while I was parked on the side of the road shooting storms. Yep, unless we’re talking about my head.

Ha ha! My magic weather bubble is working! BWAHAHA!

Ha ha! My magic weather bubble is working! BWAHAHA!

What is up with the crazy models on the new invest?

Why is Beefy Fritos Burritos so hard to say sober? Taco Bell should call them Fritorritos!

I present Exhibit A against my girlfriend’s insistence that I don’t pay attention when driving:

While my Magic Weather Bubble keeps me dry, it also keeps me from chasing storms. #ProsAndCons #Wizarding101

While my Magic Weather Bubble keeps me dry, it also keeps me from chasing storms. #ProsAndCons #Wizarding101

It's not real cooking without a fire! Turned off burner and let it burn out.

It’s not real cooking without a fire! Turned off burner and let it burn out.

Kids playing in Bicentennial Park, Nashville. #FavNashPic Wrong Nash? Nope, screw that Nash guy.

Kids playing in Bicentennial Park, Nashville. #FavNashPic
Wrong Nash? Nope, screw that Nash guy.

Seriously....

Seriously….

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

I can’t tell if my glasses are smudged or if I’m at a vape meet.

#facebookdown – so go ahead and reintroduce yourself to that Google+ account you never used.

I’m pretty sure #facebookdown was a Twitter conspiracy to drive traffic to Twitter.

“I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.” – Joan Rivers. Tupperware is waiting. #RIPJoanRivers

CAPTION CENTRAL:

Because this is the way the school year always started when I went to school! Yeah. Right.

Because this is the way the school year always started when I went to school! Yeah. Right.

No wonder Sasquatch is always so angry in those commercials: he's a drunkard!

No wonder Sasquatch is always so angry in those commercials: he’s a drunkard!

When asked why he hit the mannequin, John replied, "I thought it was Justin Bieber."

When asked why he hit the mannequin, John replied, “I thought it was Justin Bieber.”

When otters get Ebola.

When otters get Ebola.

We really need more ATMs installed in the Death Star.

We really need more ATMs installed in the Death Star.

"OMG, I'm going to find the person who leaked my photos and beat the shit out of them with this pink baseball bat!"

“OMG, I’m going to find the person who leaked my photos and beat the shit out of them with this pink baseball bat!”

Atlanta PD will be transporting this prisoner to Block AA-23, Cell 2187.

Atlanta PD will be transporting this prisoner to Block AA-23, Cell 2187.

Ronald refused to honor the restraining order obtained by Burger King.

Ronald refused to honor the restraining order obtained by Burger King.

The set of Batman Vs Superman got a little carried away.

The set of Batman Vs Superman got a little carried away.

When taking weather photos, make sure no animals are mating in the photo. Or go out of the way to make sure they are.

When taking weather photos, make sure no animals are mating in the photo. Or go out of the way to make sure they are.

OMG! Someone built a Need for Speed road!

OMG! Someone built a Need for Speed road!

Okay McDonald's, stop giving Japan special treatment and bring this awesome to the states: especially near me.

Okay McDonald’s, stop giving Japan special treatment and bring this awesome to the states: especially near me.

Do Atheists Avoid Religious Events?

I certainly cannot speak for all Atheists on this matter. I have met Atheists from one side of the spectrum to the other.

I think it is safe to expand this beyond funerals and weddings to include all religiously orientated events that also serve as social functions. This includes christenings, baptisms, weddings, funerals, church musicals, religious memorial services, potluck dinners, and other events where friends and family members are involved in a church function.

My personal rule is that I will participate in these events if someone invites me, with exceptions. When I do participate, I do it with the utmost respect. I also attend these functions without compromising my personal convictions. An action-movie buff does not compromise his love of action movies if he attends a “chick flick.”

I guess the question about whether or not Atheists celebrate Christmas equally addresses this issue. Why should religion monopolize all the good parties and holidays? After all, what is a wedding but a huge party that has an opening prayer?

I think Atheists that absolutely refuse to attend any of these types of events are missing out in important parts of the lives of their friends and family members. These Atheists are letting their friends and family know that they are not important. Regardless of the reasons, an Atheist decides to sit the function out, the family and friends see it as a form of rejection.

I can certainly understand refusing to attend events where proselytizing is the ultimate goal. I would not attend a Bible study group or tent revival if a friend or family member asked me. The proper response in those cases is not condemnation or insults. The best approach is to tell the person, “I appreciate the offer, but I’ll have to decline. I would feel too uncomfortable there. I hope you have a good time, though!”

That lets them know that you are not rejecting them personally. That is important to people, Atheist or not.

Weddings:

I won’t skip the wedding of a family member or friend just because it is religious.

When I attend religious weddings, I do it for the love of the person getting married. If the wedding is overly religious then I just deal with it. If it is a Catholic wedding I will not do the “sit-stand-kneel” portion of any prayer or sermon, but I will sit quietly and respectfully. I do not pray when they pray: I sit quietly and respectfully. I do not sing hymns when they sing hymns: I remain quiet and respectful and if they stand, I will remain seated quietly. I am not there for the religious show: I am there to support my friend or family member. I am there to show them that my personal beliefs and convictions do not interfere with my love and respect for them.

Besides, weddings are fun. Once the religious part of the wedding is over the fun begins. The mood itself is romantic and emotional. Everyone is happy and full of joy. It is a happy time for everyone: religious or not. We cannot forget the post-wedding traditions, either. There is a lot to say for fun and entertainment at a wedding reception. You can dance, talk, eat, and enjoy the friendship of people. You can meet new people and perhaps even start a romance of your own.

The atmosphere at a wedding is usually not overly religious, anyway. The preacher giving the sermon is just a mouth that is making noise and after a while, everyone tones the preacher out. I know that at my wedding (it was religious because of my wife’s parents) I did not hear a word the preacher said. I was so oblivious to what he was saying that he had to ask me twice to “repeat after me.” How many people actually listen to what the preacher is saying? The couple is usually lost in each other’s eyes (as my wife and I were) and the attendees are watching the couple more than they are listening to any sermon.

The atmosphere is festive and joyful. The atmosphere is romantic. The atmosphere can even be sexy, especially at the reception.

Then there is the beauty of weddings. Religiosities aside, many wedding ceremonies are beautiful. Flowers, drapes, decorations, silk gowns, tuxedos, and other elaborate decorations make for a pleasant sight for the eyes.

The ceremony itself can be beautiful, as the couple says their vows and kisses, or as they walk off after the preacher or JOP introduces them as husband and wife. Weddings come in such a variety that each one is unique and offers something new for the senses.

Many weddings make use of stunning and vibrant colors. The wedding ceremony of Hindus can be incredible. Your senses feel overwhelmed with vibrant color, incense, food, laughter, and joy. If you have never watched a Hindu wedding, I highly recommend it.

Pagan weddings can be wonderful, as well. What better setting is there for a wedding than somewhere in nature’s grandeur? Even non-Pagan weddings performed outside can be especially joyful. Who does not dream about having a wedding like the one in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves? Flower petals are falling from the trees onto the wedding party, items from nature accessorize everyone, the wind is blowing softly, and the birds are providing the music? It is a fairy-tale wedding that many people dream about; even Atheists. A wedding does not have to be religious to be beautiful or meaningful.

Baptisms:

Adults making the baptismal choice is one thing, but baptizing children is immoral and unethical.

I have not attended any baptisms because no one has invited me to one. Of course, I attended my baptism, but that was for show and to complete a facade in order to gain the favor of my soon-to-be father-in-law, but that is another story

If an adult friend or family member asked me to attend his or her baptism, I would go. He or she is asking me because it is an important event in their life. I would go because it is important to them. I would go to show them that my personal convictions and my Atheism do not affect our friendship; what is important to them is also important to me.

Attending a baptism for an adult friend or family member is not a compromise of an Atheist’s convictions. Will you convert to Christianity by attending a baptismal ceremony? You are not there to be converted or to get baptized; you’re there to support your friend or family member at this important part of their life: even if you think it is absolutely ridiculous.

Of course, if your friend asks you to be baptized then that is another issue.

If the baptism is for a child, I will not attend. I think baptizing a child into a religion is wrong. How can you baptize someone that has no knowledge of the religion or has not had the chance to arrive at his or her own conclusion? How can a baby accept Christ as his personal savior? How can a 12-year-old that has no experience or enough knowledge about religions accept Jesus and all the baggage that comes with him?

As I often point out to Christians that are considering baptizing their children: all the people that John the Baptist dipped into the River Jordan were adults.

Funerals:

What ever happened to the real funeral party? One would think that with the religious view that the deceased goes on to a better place that a funeral would be a more festive and celebratory event. Why are they not?

Death is depressing enough without religion making it more depressing.

They are not festive because even with the consoling psychological crutch of an after-life, it is still human to grieve and be saddened. It is still human to want the person to come back and to need closure.

People need a funeral to say goodbye. Religion is just a byproduct of that. If anything, attending a funeral service will remind you of one more of the many reasons that you left religion in the first place.

You do not have to be a religionist to offer your condolences, sympathies or to offer a shoulder for someone to cry on and lay their head. Even Robert Ingersoll, the Great Infidel, attended funerals.

Yes, funerals can be depressing. It can be depressing to see all these people grieving over the loss of someone. It can be depressing to see all these people seeking solace in an afterlife to make him or her feel better. It can be depressing to listen to remembrances and eulogies. It can be depressing to see everyone dressed in black.

The last funeral I attended I wore khaki pants and a blue and white stripped shirt with tennis shoes. I will attend a funeral, but I am not going to wear all black. What is the point? I do not see black as the color of grieving. I was surprised when I got there to see that many people were not wearing black. Even a few of the close family members were dressed more casually and not wearing black. It is good to see that ridiculous tradition going away.

Remember that you do not have to stay for the entire affair. Go and offer your condolences and let the friends and family know that you care. Let them know that you are there for them if they need you. They need physical support from friends and family, not from some imaginary man in the sky. You are the tangible support that they will actually need. Let them know they can count on you if they need your help.

Conclusion:

Go out, have fun, and support your friends and family. Your show of support is more important than your brief period of feeling uncomfortable during a prayer or religious speech. Just keep in mind that after the “service” there will be opportunities for great conversation, fun, and even parties.

There are limitations, of course. I would be reluctant to attend a religious social event at a radical church like the Assembly of God. I can handle a small sermon before a social event and a couple of prayers, but the waving of hands and the “happy Jesus dance” are a little too much for me. Any religious event with talking in tongues, handling of snakes, drinking of arsenic, or burning of books is not a religious event I would attend.

Of course, I would not attend any religious social event put on by a cult or deviant church. In other words, you would not find me at any service where people like Rev. Phelps, Pat Robertson, or Jerry Falwell attended.

Ultimately, you have to weigh your commitment to your friends and family with the degree in which you would be uncomfortable. You also have to consider your personal moral convictions and scruples.

Would you attend the church musical that your neighbor’s daughter is in if invited? What church is holding the performance? Is the musical at the end of a regular service? Can you arrive after the service just to see the musical?

Would you attend the ordination ceremony a friend that just graduated from seminary? What are the pros and cons? How deep is your friendship, love, or respect? Does the ceremony violate any ethical standards that you have? Is your friend getting his ordination to preach for the Army of God?

Only you can ultimately decide. If you leave here with two bits of information let them be these; 1) you know yourself best and you know your own limitations, and 2) don’t discount every religious service just because you are an Atheist – some of them can be a lot of fun and very entertaining. Besides, they will often help you remember why you are an Atheist in the first place.

Do Atheists Fail In Relationships?

Atheists actually do better than theists do.

This statement refers back to religious morality. It should say, “Atheists fail in relationships and marriage because it is not sanctioned by God.”

Atheists have a lower divorce rate than religionists. Atheists do not rely on an invisible man to solve their relationship and marital problems: they rely on communication with each other.

Marriage has nothing to do with God, even if the ceremony does for many people. Marriage is about two people that love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together in a monogamous relationship. The theistic view of no sex before marriage and no cohabitation prior to marriage actually sets marriage up to fail. How do you know that you can live with someone for the rest of your life if you have no experience in living with him or her or experience in sexuality with him or her? No matter what theists say – sex and sexuality are a major part of any marriage.

Christianity puts unfair expectations on marriage for Christian couples. Do not talk to each other, pray to God, and he will solve your marriage strife. Is that sound advice for married couples? Does prayer end our differences and create peace in a marriage? Nope.

Which denomination has the highest and lowest divorce rates in the United States? The highest divorce rate in the United States goes to Judaism at 33% followed by Baptists at 29%. The lowest divorce rate in the United States goes to Atheists/Agnostics at 21%.

Perhaps the cohabitation and sex before marriage are good after all. Perhaps discussing our problems with each other instead of praying to an imaginary friend that cannot solve our problems is better. You bet its better!

Atheists succeed in relationships because they have realistic expectations of that relationship. Atheists realize that in order to solve a problem you discuss the problem with your partner; that God does not cure broken marriages – couples cure broken marriages. Atheist couples are not afraid to seek the mediator help of a marriage counselor because they know that prayer and God as a mediator do not work.

Can Atheists Marry Theists?

Yes, atheists can marry theists – there is no law against it. Although several churches, especially the Catholic Church, will not marry their adherents to non-adherents. Try to convince a priest of your local Catholic church to marry a Catholic parishioner to an atheist.

While there are no laws against it and many churches could not care less (Perhaps they secretly hope the marriage will convert the atheist?) I personally do not recommend this type of marriage. Allow me to elaborate…

The problem is that someone has to give up his or her beliefs completely, keep them in check, or both have to significantly compromise on their beliefs. Many times, they have to keep their beliefs hidden or subdued in order to keep the arguments at a minimum.

When the difference is religious beliefs (such as a Christian marrying a Muslim) at least there is a common thread; a belief in god(s).

When the religious difference is the lack of belief, then the problem becomes more complicated. One of the couple will feel pressured into discounting their beliefs for sake of the other’s beliefs or making compromises that they normally would not make in order to “keep the peace.” Either way they are giving up their beliefs for the wrong reasons.

Will you have a religious wedding or a secular wedding? Who gets to decide?

I know a few couples that have made it in their marriage by keeping the subject of religion off limits. One goes to church on Sunday and the other stays home. One says grace before eating and the other digs right in. One says prayers while the other is falling asleep.

There is a catch: they do not have kids. When children enter the equation, things start to get complicated.

How will they raise their children? Will they raise the children Christian or atheist? Who will make that determination? When children are born then religion will become a hot topic in the house. A topic that will force someone to cave in, which can cause an underlying resentment in the marriage. Resentment can destroy a marriage from its foundation.

Can it work? With hard work and lots of compromise, understanding and giving up a little of one’s personality – yes. Do I recommend it? Nope.

I know more couples that have divorced because of religious differences. Recently in the news was the break-up and divorce of Ted Turner and Jane Fonda after Jane Fonda was born-again. They could not live together amicably after Hanoi Jane found God. Jane was cheating on Ted – cheating with an invisible man.

Besides the public limelight of Ted & Jane, I know of many everyday couples that have suffering marriages because of religious fighting. I know of many everyday couples that are divorced because of that fighting. One of the couple becomes an atheist and the other does not. One becomes born-again and more devout (the most radical Fundamentalist is a born-again) while the other remains liberal or a non-believer. This major social clash causes major conflicts (especially when children are involved) and resentment.

I will grant the exceptions. I will even grant that in some countries this does not seem to be much of an issue on the face. A recent writer from Brazil informed me that in her country there is no strife over this issue. However, when I raised the issue of children she said that most children went to Catholic school, regardless of the parent’s religious differences.

When it came right down to it, the issue of raising children in a religiously mixed household was still an issue – even in the very liberal area of Brazil – whether it was a in-your-face social issue or not.

In America, we have made it an in-your-face social issue. Catholic schools and private religious schools compete with public schools. They bicker amongst each other and their denominations. Many churches have their own schools. Where I live there are two Baptist schools, one Assembly of God school, two “non-denominational” schools, and four Catholic schools. That does not even begin to touch all the religious colleges in the area; from Jesuit to Baptist.

Parents brought up in different denominations or with differing religions and religious beliefs, bicker over which school the child will attend. One thinks a public education is better but the other parent wants the child to learn Creationism instead of biology.

Even in my house, where atheism, agnosticism, and Unitarian Universalism reign supreme, the children are often the brunt of arguments of religiosity. Is it okay for them to go to Sunday school with a neighborhood friend? What church is it? How radical is that church? Can they attend the Vacation Bible School their friends invited them to attend on Sunday?

Will you capitulate to your bride’s demand for a religious wedding ceremony?

I often look back on the arguments we have about my children when it comes to religion and laugh. I laugh because it all seems so trivial compared to the arguments that occur in a mixed house. Imagine the strife created when a Baptist mother tells the Catholic father that her children are not going to Sunday school at the church of the whore of Babylon!

While I jest, this issue is a serious one for many couples in the United States – where religion plays a prominent role in the social structure of our society. Religious pressure from family and friends and within the marriage can create resentment and hostility – two things that can destroy a marriage’s foundation.

As I said above, I will grant the exceptions – as not everyone is so deep into their religion that they create a problem where no problem should exist. I have received several emails from religiously mixed marriages that aver that they are doing fine. Out of all of the ones that I have gotten – only a very small percentage had children and of those only a couple had children that were in school.

The non-mainstream religions tend to do the best when it comes to raising children and working out these issues of religious education for their children. Buddhists, Wiccans, Pagans, Unitarian Universalists, and other “minor” religions seem to work the religious education issue out more efficiently.

Looking at those statistics it seems that perhaps religion is not really the issue that creates the strife – perhaps it is the dogma. The more dogmatic religions have the hardest time resolving the marital and religious education issue.

As for me, I allow my children to go to religious gatherings with their friends. I trust that I have raised them to think for themselves. Obviously, I draw the line in some cases. I did not let my children go to an Assembly of God church with their friends because the church in Mobile is radically fundamentalist and participates in rituals that I consider unethical.

I wish everyone that gets married the best of luck. I wish you even more luck when children enter the equation, especially in a household with opposing religious views.