This week on Twitter (6/22 – 6/28)

This week on Twitter (6/22 – 6/28)


Lesson learned from #WWZ: don’t call someone when they’re in a hostile environment. You get people killed.

Lesson learned from #WWZ: it’s not the meek, but the weak who shall inherit the Earth. Go figure. Intriguing plot twist!

Lesson learned from #WWZ: be berry berry quiet… I’m hunting wabbits.

Lesson learned from #WWZ: the “Tenth Man” is a fucking brilliant strategy. I wonder if it really exists?

Lesson learned from #WWZ: there’s a silver lining to having AIDS. Whoulda thunk it.


So #Snowden is going to Moscow? Should be interesting since the Russian Orthodox Church is the new #KGB.


Congratulations #JimCarrey on getting all this publicity for #KickAss2. Genius marketing!

Nobody watched #KickAss and said, “I’ll shoot up a school.” Lots watched and said, “I’ll shoot photos at #ComiCon”

Want someone to stop harassing you on a dating site? Tell them, “I have AIDS.” #LiesThatAlwaysWork


Wouldn’t it be ironic if #Snowden was the cause of #WWIII?


Weird that gay blacks have a better chance of getting married than voting now. #BipolarSCOTUS

Now that #Prop8 is officially dead, can we get back to random butt sex parties in preacher’s houses?

DOMA down! Prop 8 dead! I see two rainbows!!! What does it mean? What does it mean?

To celebrate the death of #DOMA, I’m taking a cruise and getting a man to carry my bags for me! #GeorgeRekkers

DOMA, DOMA, DOMA, DOMA, DOMA Chameleon, you come and go… you come and go….

“Baseball, baseball, he thinks he’s gonna score. If you go all the way, then you are a whore.” – Ancient Mayan Proverb

#Snowden looks at the Departing Flights panel and see, “Life Airlines: DELAYED.” What an idiot!

Killing a Snow Harpie with a meteor was overkill, sure, but it looked fucking awesome!

Some of y’all need to seriously check your First World Privilege!

#AaronHernandez is being penalized for intentionally grounding his friend.

#AaronHernandez will be playing Tight End on the prison football team.

#AaronHernandez got his friend in the Red Zone!

With aim like that, why isn’t #AaronHernandez the QB?

Police were tipped off about #AaronHernandez when he stood on his porch yelling, “GOOOAAALLL!”

There’s a flag on the play! Referee, “Personal Foul, number 81, unnecessary roughness.”

#AaronHernandez thought NFL stood for No Friends Living.

#AaronHernandez ‘s troubles all started with Rumors.


The headline I wanted to see today: “Conservatives React to DOMA Ruling by Finally Coming Out of the Closet.”

I can’t tell if the “expandable garden hose” spam I’m getting is about my penis or an actual garden hose.

I’m going to make a new E-cig juice called DOMA: it’ll be a combination of fruits and nuts. Oh wait…