BWAHAHA: 8/16 – 8/22

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 8/16 – 8/22: This was an interesting week. Ferguson went crazy, Barðarbunga threatened to erupt (it actually began a small eruption on 8/23), St Louis PD shot a man for stealing two sodas, the San Francisco police shot a man for not paying his bus fare, and I finally put primer on my bathroom wall! What happened to Freedom of Press in this country? Why are the police putting media in a “designated press area” when shit’s going crazy? No one puts the media in a “designated media area” in  a war zone, but when riots are breaking out, suddenly we’re concerned about the safety of the media? I call bullshit. A “designated media area” is contrary to the very idea of Freedom of Press. Yeah, I know, no humor in there, sorry.

On the bright side of this week, a few storms rolled through that were close enough for me to chase during my lunch break. Chasing is something that makes me very happy, especially when I can get out of the office for a bit to do it.

OTHER STUFF:

Always funny when the camera only captures part of the lightning. It just looks so weird. #alwx 8/17/2014 13:34:02

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So True! (created by Blair Scott)

If you say “possibly” “maybe” “I wonder” or “perhaps” while on air, you’re not being a journalist, you’re being a talk show host.

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Chasemares… (created by Blair Scott)

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While chasing Monday in Huntsville, I was looking at the radar and laughing, “Oh look, there’s a hurricane just south of me.

I’ve found a few spots around here with at least a one mile unobstructed view: now if I can just get the storms to go there.

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Chasemares… (created by Blair Scott)

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Just chillin’! Drinkin’ some Windex!

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Waiting for bats in Arkansas. Wait, is my GF naked behind me? #MidnightVacation @midnight

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Perfect vacation? Chasing tornadoes in Alabama! #MidnightVacation @midnight

I just declined the #IceBucketChallenge because the ALSA only gives 27% to research. I only donate to orgs that give at least 50%. #SourPuss

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

There was a bug hovering above the toilet water. Was.

Ice Water Challenge for Drought Awareness #NextBigCharityChallenge @midnight

Shake Weight Challenge for Parkinson’s Disease Awareness #NextBigCharityChallenge @midnight

Hot Dog Eating Contest for Hunger Awareness #NextBigCharityChallenge @midnight

Maalox Challenge for Irritable Bowel Syndrome Awareness #NextBigCharityChallenge @midnight

Sudoku Challenge for ADHD Awareness #NextBigCharityChallenge @midnight

Black Out Drunk Challenge for Alzheimer’s Disease Awareness #NextBigCharityChallenge @midnight

Powdered White Donut Challenge for Anthrax Awareness #NextBigCharityChallenge @midnight

72oz Steak Challenge for E.Coli Awareness #NextBigCharityChallenge @midnight

Pumping Iron Competition for Hemochromatosis Awareness #NextBigCharityChallenge @midnight

Fishing Contest for Hookworm Awareness #NextBigCharityChallenge @midnight

Suzanne Somers Thigh Master Competition for PID (Pelvic Inflammatory Disease) Awareness #NextBigCharityChallenge @midnight

Roof Building for Shingles Awareness #NextBigCharityChallenge @midnight

Now that the media has been kicked out, back to our normal everyday lives of ignoring reality. #Ferguson #FreedomOfPress

#OneDirectionAlbumLeaked : Well, I guess we better put the boys back in diapers.

You’ve Got Ghost #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

10 Things I Hate About Boo #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

The 40-Year-Old Vampire #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

Psychic-Drunk Love #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

Poltergeist In Pink #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

Slenderman In Seattle #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

Sixteen Candelabras #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

It Happened One Black Knight #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

The Purple Ghost of Cairo #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

(500) Days of Summermaids #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

His Girl Friday the 13th #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

Chasing Bigfoot #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

Bridget Jones’s Dhampirs #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

Werewolf and Maude #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

Four Warlocks and a Funeral #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

Slay Anything #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

The Princess Corpse Bride #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

When Fairy Met Sally #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

Witch Perfect #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

Mermaid In Manhattan #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

American Psy #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

Warlock of Ages #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

There’s Something About Mary Shelley #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

Banshee’s Just Not That Into You #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

Deconstructing Fairy #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

Bigfoot Loose #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

Fast Times at Ridgemont Psy #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

50 First Wraiths #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

Hex and the City #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

2.6 million children starve to death every year. You think god cares about your grades. Even Helen Keller didn’t have blind faith like that.

Knocked down every fighter. Destroyed every torpedo plane and bomber before they dropped their loads. Still lost Pearl Harbor. #GameLogic

CAPTION CENTRAL:

Mmm..... balls.

Mmm….. balls.

When you absolutely, positively, must be prepared for the paparazzi.

When you absolutely, positively, must be prepared for the paparazzi.

When the man you're dating just won't get the hint and make a move...

When the man you’re dating just won’t get the hint and make a move…

Aww, the Holy Grail rabbits are all growed up!

Aww, the Holy Grail rabbits are all growed up!

Because nothing says "I Love Jesus" more than crosses on your leggings and underwear!

Because nothing says “I Love Jesus” more than crosses on your leggings and underwear!

WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Trust me ladies when I tell you that this guy has crabs.

Trust me ladies when I tell you that this guy has crabs.

How many times do I have to warn all of you to constantly be aware of your surroundings?

How many times do I have to warn all of you to constantly be aware of your surroundings?

Meanwhile, in Kansas...

Meanwhile, in Kansas…

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BWAHAHA: 7/5 – 7/11

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 7/5 – 7/11: I wrapped up my vacation in Arkansas and came home. It’s always good to be home. I also decided to no longer do standup comedy this week (see below for the link if you missed it), but I’ll still do the BWAHAHA because I’ll always be stupid and silly.

OTHER STUFF

“You’re not going to mass?”
“I don’t go to church.”
“This isn’t for you, it’s for John & Jane.”
“I don’t go to church.”
Vacation ends on a high note

Leaving the Scene

Wearing my JAWS shirt to the Beach Boys concert. Totally appropriate. #BeachBoys

There are more Hawaiian shirts here than were at Pearl Harbor on December 6, 1941. #BeachBoys

John Stamos is on stage with the Beach Boys playing guitar and drums. Showoff. #BeachBoys

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS

Canoe goes in the water, you go in the canoe… You go in the water, canoe keeps going down the river without you. #Tippecanoe #Ouch

When after a long break from gaming you can’t remember if R1 or R2 fires the weapon and you die. #LoadLastCheckpoint

The action and adventure buff in me really likes The Last Ship, but the ex sailor in me cringes every few minutes they get shit wrong.

CAPTION CENTRAL

Someone's over-compensating.

Someone’s over-compensating.

Where baby trucks come from. Our where libertarians are in charge.

Where baby trucks come from. Our where libertarians are in charge.

All officers, be on the lookout for a hit & run suspect vehicle: a red & white truck with the words Coke on it.

All officers, be on the lookout for a hit & run suspect vehicle: a red & white truck with the words Coke on it.

I'm pretty sure there's no such thing as accidental porn... but I could be wrong.

I’m pretty sure there’s no such thing as accidental porn… but I could be wrong.

If only we had places like this in America, so all the racists were easily identifiable.

If only we had places like this in America, so all the racists were easily identifiable.

The ignorant are unlikely to catch the mistake, but are more likely not to buy it without a "USA Flag."

The ignorant are unlikely to catch the mistake, but are more likely not to buy it without a “USA Flag.”

Go watch a flood wearing your short shorts, because you'll never need survival gear. Nope. Never.

Go watch a flood wearing your short shorts, because you’ll never need survival gear. Nope. Never.

Best friends are willing to show the world their ass so that you don't have to.

Best friends are willing to show the world their ass so that you don’t have to.

WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!

WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!

I'm pretty sure there's a back garage for getting car radios installed.

I’m pretty sure there’s a back garage for getting car radios installed.

BWAHAHA: 6/28 – 7/4

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 6/28 – 7/4: I spent the week in Bella Vista, Arkansas. Bella Vista is near Bentonville, which is the corporate headquarters of Walmart. The influence of Walmart in the area is problematic as far as I can see, but when you’re immersed in it and Walmart pulls the wool over the resident’s eyes with cool stuff, then it’s hard to convince anyone living there of the horribleness that is Walmart. And if you visit their “quaint” museum, everything you need to know in order to hate Walmart is in plain sight, but cleverly written as propaganda to make it sound good. Walmart aside, the main reason I would never want to live there is too many Q-Tips driving slow on the road. I call them Q-Tips because the only thing you see is the puff of white cotton sticking up over the seat of the car in front of you that’s going 10 MPH below the speed limit or that has stopped 100 feet short of the white line at the red light because their depth perception is so fucking gone they think they’re on the damn white line.

We did have some fun up there, though. My girlfriend and I went canoeing down the Elk River. It took over three miles for her to figure out the physics of steering, after slamming us into trees, shallows, rocks, shores, and then tipping us over in the rapids. I thought it was just me, but then I noticed tons of men shaking their heads as the women steered them into the trees. By the end of the day I couldn’t decide if they were that dense or were doing it on purpose just to irritate us.

On a side note, I created a new group on Facebook for storm chasers in the North Alabama area. If you’re a storm chaser in the North Alabama area, join the group to post pictures, videos, share ideas, ask questions, etc.

OTHER STUFF

If you’re going to make something erect, it’s easier if you’re bare and a hussey.

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The Walmart Museum has all the info necessary to hate Walmart, it’s just hidden among good propaganda.

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Because it’s July 4th, I wore a British Punk band t-shirt to the picnic. #MURICA

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140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS

Facebook just recommended Rick & Bubba to me. I know they talk about me now and then, but c’mon Facebook! #AlgorithmFAIL

T Minus 1 Hour until vacation is launched! One week in the Ozarks. Oh wait, the Ozarks is in Arkansas. Umm… I’m excited, right? RIGHT?

I’m going to create a peanut butter flavored blow job lubricant and call it Nutter Butter.

Figuring out how to get this tree down safely has me stumped.

I want to make a Hobby Lobby joke, but the joke’s already on the American people. #AmericanTaliban

I love how the “We’re gonna get up early and go to the gym” crowd is still asleep. #Vacation

I’m at the intersection of Spanker Rd and Plentywood Rd in Bentonville, Arkansas. That’s now my new porn name: Spanker Plentywood.

Grandpa is driving so slow, he just got cutoff by a jogger. True story. Just happened.

BWAHAHA: 6/21 – 6/27

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 6/21 – 6/27: I spent another week on the road. This time I had my CB installed. Listening to truckers talk politics can make one’s head spin around Exorcist style. While stuck in a construction brake-check and highway crawl, the truckers started going on and on about how we needed Bush back in the office so he could solve the current crisis in Iraqi and how Obama was fucking it all up. Yeah, because Bush totally fixed that shit during the time he was in office. Not to mention, wasn’t it Bush that put us there and kicked over the game board in the first place? It never ceases to amaze me how facts simply fail to enter the minds of ultra-conservatives. How can someone believe so strongly in an ideology that they simply ignore contradictory facts or dismiss them as conspiracy? And that’s not just a conservative issue. My fellow liberals have the same issue to deal with when it comes to things like “organic” food, anti-GMO hysteria, anti-vaccination nonsense, etc. The world is a stupid place: hence comedy.

Now I’m off to a week vacation in the Ozarks (thanks to my Dad for staying at my house while I’m gone). I’ll get to canoe down rivers and enjoy the mountains. I’ll also get to meet my girlfriend’s entire family for the first time. Not just her parents: her entire family. At once. At the same time. Someone hold me…

OTHER STUFF

I guess it’s time to start wearing these t-shirts again…

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Or maybe I’ll wear this t-shirt instead…

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My hotel room is ridiculous. I feel like I should be hosting a party or a meeting.

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Laptops are so overrated at McDonald’s! #SeniorLiving

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My new article in The Rocket Wrangler: Huntsville Hospital’s Medical Mall Weighs TV Options After FOX News Fight

Just gonna watch the world burn! Italian landfill was allowed to burn because it would create more space. 1994. #TBT

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140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS

Some people like to go on a pubcrawl, but I really love me some pubstep!

The North Alabama Storm Chasers Association is one R word away from being 100% ‘Bama.

Me, “What’s the difference between the small and large cheese dip?”
Waitress, “The size.”
Yep, we’ll get along just fine.

I was going to make a storm chasing logo with STORMIN’ and two lightning bolt symbols, then realized people might mistake me for a Nazi.

Vacation starts in 8 hours. By vacation I mean working from the Ozarks. By Ozarks I mean 15 miles north of WalMart HQ. By that I mean Hell.

CAPTION CENTRAL

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We should do this when we go to Atlanta next time so we’ll have plenty of spare tires.

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Some local governments take their library books entirely too seriously.

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I wonder why only men are taking this art class? Or is it an OB/GYN training session?

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I don’t believe that sluts exist, but in this case I might have to make an exception. #OverBillionsServed

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Again… always be aware of your surroundings.

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If you’re going to tag someone’s car in anger, at least spell the damn word right!

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The Not-So-Smartcar.

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I guess what they say is true, “Everyone wants to rule the Iron Throne,” even the Queen Mum.

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Last known photo taken of Bill.

BWAHAHA: 3/22 – 3/28

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 3/22 – 3/28: I went on vacation this week. I went camping at Monte Sano State Park here in Alabama. The weather was supposed to be in the 70’s during the day and 50’s at night (perfect camping weather). But nope… Mother Nature decided to fuck with us and the cold fronts arrived early and delivered a ton of rain and wind and fucking cold! Luckily, we had electric blankets and space heaters, because nothing says camping like access to electricity! Needless to say, my week wasn’t very productive since I was on vacation. I did get to see VNV Nation and Whiteqube in concert in Nashville at the Exit/In. It was an amazing show. And surprisingly, my GF and I weren’t the oldest two people in attendance.

On a sad note, my friend and amazing activist Edwin Kagin died this week. You will be missed Edwin.

3/22

GF asked me to go get her some chocolate. I said, “If I can walk to the kitchen afterward, you don’t deserve any chocolate.” #RoleReversal

Atlantis is in Ex Isle.

3/23

Someone posted pseudoscience words on a pretty photo and put it on the Internet: so it MUST be true!

3/25

Someone got some tail last night…

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I have to mow my lawn… and it’s cold as shit and snowing! Yeah… makes total fucking sense.