BWAHAHA 3/21 – 3/27

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 3/21 – 3/27: Ah, Spring… when the bugs come out and start mating, when the birds wake you up in the morning because they’re honry and O’Dark Thirty, when the smell of freshly mowed dogshit wafts in the gentle breezes and everyone starts their sneezes. Ah… Spring.

My grass literally went from brown to needing to be mowed in a week. Not even a week after mowing my grass for the first time… freezing temps. Fuckin’ weather! At least I got to do a little bit of chasing as the cold front came through. Nothing major, just chasing cloud formations. Many people think storm chasers are about the tornadoes. Don’t get me wrong, the tornado is the icing on the cake on top of a cherry on a sundae, but we chase for the sky: the clouds, the rain, the cloud formations, the beauty, etc. I’ll chase on a partly cloud day just to watch the beauty of the tiny clouds rolling around in the sky. It’s the Troposphere that gets us excited: Tornadoes just send us over the top.

Speaking of storms, don’t forget to check out my new blog entry for this upcoming storm season: North Alabama: Are You Storm Ready?

OTHER STUFF:

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    Declaring war against Sweet Gum Balls. #Napalm

  • Being a responsible pyromaniac. Sitting here with a shovel until the burn is done. Beautiful day for it.

    Being a responsible pyromaniac. Sitting here with a shovel until the burn is done. Beautiful day for it.

  • Whoever in the Aviwxchasers.Com car keeps saying “it’s large,” they remind me of the movie Popeye.

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

  • I will not read comments on news items about Ted Cruz. I will not read comments on news items about Ted Cruz. I will not read comments… #Cruz2016
  • Senator Ted Cruz’n for a bruz’n #Cruz2016

@MIDNIGHT #HASHTAGWARS:

  • “Take On Windows ME” by A-ha ‪#‎InternetASong‬ @midnight
  • “Ocean Blue Waffle” by ABC ‪#‎InternetASong‬ @midnight
  • “Mexican Pandora” by Wall of Voodoo ‪#‎InternetASong‬ @midnight
  • “Ride Like The Windows Explorer” by Christopher Cross ‪#‎InternetASong‬ @midnight
  • “Bette Davis iTunes” by Kim Carnes ‪#‎InternetASong‬ @midnight
  • “WWW, WWW, WWW, WWW” by Crash Test Dummies ‪#‎InternetASong‬ @midnight
  • “(Nothing But) 1800Flowers.Com” by Talking Heads ‪#‎InternetASong‬ @midnight
  • “Just A Googleo (I Ain’t Got Nobody)” by David Lee Roth ‪#‎InternetASong‬ @midnight
  • “Huffington Post Post Modern Man” by DEVO ‪#‎InternetASong‬ @midnight
  • “Doll-Dagga BuzzFeed-BuzzFeed Ziggety-Zag” by Marilyn Manson ‪#‎InternetASong‬ @midnight
  • “Amazoned and Confused” by Neil Diamon ‪#‎InternetASong‬ @midnight
  • “Instagram Club Hit (You’ll Dance to Anything)” by The Dead Milkmen ‪#‎InternetASong‬ @midnight
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BWAHAHA: 8/16 – 8/22

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 8/16 – 8/22: This was an interesting week. Ferguson went crazy, Barðarbunga threatened to erupt (it actually began a small eruption on 8/23), St Louis PD shot a man for stealing two sodas, the San Francisco police shot a man for not paying his bus fare, and I finally put primer on my bathroom wall! What happened to Freedom of Press in this country? Why are the police putting media in a “designated press area” when shit’s going crazy? No one puts the media in a “designated media area” in  a war zone, but when riots are breaking out, suddenly we’re concerned about the safety of the media? I call bullshit. A “designated media area” is contrary to the very idea of Freedom of Press. Yeah, I know, no humor in there, sorry.

On the bright side of this week, a few storms rolled through that were close enough for me to chase during my lunch break. Chasing is something that makes me very happy, especially when I can get out of the office for a bit to do it.

OTHER STUFF:

Always funny when the camera only captures part of the lightning. It just looks so weird. #alwx 8/17/2014 13:34:02

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So True! (created by Blair Scott)

If you say “possibly” “maybe” “I wonder” or “perhaps” while on air, you’re not being a journalist, you’re being a talk show host.

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Chasemares… (created by Blair Scott)

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While chasing Monday in Huntsville, I was looking at the radar and laughing, “Oh look, there’s a hurricane just south of me.

I’ve found a few spots around here with at least a one mile unobstructed view: now if I can just get the storms to go there.

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Chasemares… (created by Blair Scott)

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Just chillin’! Drinkin’ some Windex!

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Waiting for bats in Arkansas. Wait, is my GF naked behind me? #MidnightVacation @midnight

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Perfect vacation? Chasing tornadoes in Alabama! #MidnightVacation @midnight

I just declined the #IceBucketChallenge because the ALSA only gives 27% to research. I only donate to orgs that give at least 50%. #SourPuss

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

There was a bug hovering above the toilet water. Was.

Ice Water Challenge for Drought Awareness #NextBigCharityChallenge @midnight

Shake Weight Challenge for Parkinson’s Disease Awareness #NextBigCharityChallenge @midnight

Hot Dog Eating Contest for Hunger Awareness #NextBigCharityChallenge @midnight

Maalox Challenge for Irritable Bowel Syndrome Awareness #NextBigCharityChallenge @midnight

Sudoku Challenge for ADHD Awareness #NextBigCharityChallenge @midnight

Black Out Drunk Challenge for Alzheimer’s Disease Awareness #NextBigCharityChallenge @midnight

Powdered White Donut Challenge for Anthrax Awareness #NextBigCharityChallenge @midnight

72oz Steak Challenge for E.Coli Awareness #NextBigCharityChallenge @midnight

Pumping Iron Competition for Hemochromatosis Awareness #NextBigCharityChallenge @midnight

Fishing Contest for Hookworm Awareness #NextBigCharityChallenge @midnight

Suzanne Somers Thigh Master Competition for PID (Pelvic Inflammatory Disease) Awareness #NextBigCharityChallenge @midnight

Roof Building for Shingles Awareness #NextBigCharityChallenge @midnight

Now that the media has been kicked out, back to our normal everyday lives of ignoring reality. #Ferguson #FreedomOfPress

#OneDirectionAlbumLeaked : Well, I guess we better put the boys back in diapers.

You’ve Got Ghost #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

10 Things I Hate About Boo #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

The 40-Year-Old Vampire #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

Psychic-Drunk Love #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

Poltergeist In Pink #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

Slenderman In Seattle #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

Sixteen Candelabras #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

It Happened One Black Knight #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

The Purple Ghost of Cairo #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

(500) Days of Summermaids #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

His Girl Friday the 13th #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

Chasing Bigfoot #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

Bridget Jones’s Dhampirs #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

Werewolf and Maude #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

Four Warlocks and a Funeral #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

Slay Anything #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

The Princess Corpse Bride #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

When Fairy Met Sally #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

Witch Perfect #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

Mermaid In Manhattan #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

American Psy #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

Warlock of Ages #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

There’s Something About Mary Shelley #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

Banshee’s Just Not That Into You #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

Deconstructing Fairy #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

Bigfoot Loose #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

Fast Times at Ridgemont Psy #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

50 First Wraiths #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

Hex and the City #SupernaturalRomComs @midnight

2.6 million children starve to death every year. You think god cares about your grades. Even Helen Keller didn’t have blind faith like that.

Knocked down every fighter. Destroyed every torpedo plane and bomber before they dropped their loads. Still lost Pearl Harbor. #GameLogic

CAPTION CENTRAL:

Mmm..... balls.

Mmm….. balls.

When you absolutely, positively, must be prepared for the paparazzi.

When you absolutely, positively, must be prepared for the paparazzi.

When the man you're dating just won't get the hint and make a move...

When the man you’re dating just won’t get the hint and make a move…

Aww, the Holy Grail rabbits are all growed up!

Aww, the Holy Grail rabbits are all growed up!

Because nothing says "I Love Jesus" more than crosses on your leggings and underwear!

Because nothing says “I Love Jesus” more than crosses on your leggings and underwear!

WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Trust me ladies when I tell you that this guy has crabs.

Trust me ladies when I tell you that this guy has crabs.

How many times do I have to warn all of you to constantly be aware of your surroundings?

How many times do I have to warn all of you to constantly be aware of your surroundings?

Meanwhile, in Kansas...

Meanwhile, in Kansas…

BWAHAHA: 8/2 – 8/8

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 8/2 – 8/8: Well this week was horrible for my normal job, but at least I finally resolved the problems by the end of the week and was able to enjoy my weekend: date night with my girlfriend, got to see a play (Bare), games with friends, mowing the lawn (I consider that a relaxing event since I ride a John Deere mower), and playing some Skyrim. We saw Into the Storm, the new tornado disaster movie (yes, I wore my Alabama Storm Chasers t-shirt). I wrote a review of the movie after seeing what I thought was some unfair criticism of the film. There’s plenty of legitimate criticisms of the film, there’s no reason to get unfair on it.

Okay, seriously, if you do not know the answer to something, then do not guess or make shit up. I read 76 comments of people guessing at what a spider was (pic posted by someone on a Facebook group) and only one guessed sort of right. Unfortunately, I’m not in the group, so I could not give this person the right answer. The spider was nephila clavipes and they are gorgeous (seriously, do a Google search for nephila clavipes). Oh, and what you call a banana spider IS NOT A FUCKING BANANA SPIDER! UGH! (BTW, this is an actual “banana spider:” Phoneutria fera)

OTHER STUFF

I hate when people guess when they don’t know. Just say, “I don’t know.” It’s OK. “I don’t know” is often a precursor to “Let’s find out!”

I made the mistake of wearing black to pick up the dog from the groomers. Now I have more hair than the dog.

The Happy Mondays were playing in the theater bathroom. The Happy Mondays! On the radio! In Huntsville, AL! Weird, yet awesome. And then to top it off, The Farm were playing inside the restaurant! Did Alabama suddenly discover music other than Top 40 crap and Country?

Going to see Into the Storm on Friday. Sure, I’ll cringe at some of the bad science, but I’m expecting to love the movie because, you know, it has tornadoes and shit in it.

My review of Into the Storm.

Yes, I wore my Alabama Storm Chasers t-shirt to see Into the Storm!

Yes, I wore my Alabama Storm Chasers t-shirt to see Into the Storm!

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS

The #ISS is moving at 17,144 MPH. Someone’s gonna get a speeding ticket when flying over Alabama! #CantDrive55

I feel like I should be watching CNN for over-dramatic coverage accompanied by scary graphics and music, but I’m resisting. #Iselle

Just saw two guys kissing on stage… And I didn’t get an erection, turn gay, or want to leave my girlfriend. #DisappointingGayAgenda

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle: Clingy Butt Hairs Not Included #ShartToys @midnight

Power Through It Rangers #ShartToys @midnight

LEGO Brick. #ShartToys @midnight

Battleshit #ShartToys @midnight

Pooperation #ShartToys @midnight

Razor Kick Folding Pooter #ShartToys @midnight

Deuces Wild #ShartToys @midnight

Plinkin’ Logs #ShartToys @midnight

Spelunking Barbie: With Real Guano! #ShartToys @midnight

Jem and the Meadow Muffins #ShartToys @midnight

Mousecrap #ShartToys @midnight

Loop de Poop Racers #ShartToys @midnight

#IntoTheStorm – still a better love story than #Twilight

CAPTION CENTRAL

Here I am, just mining my own business.

Here I am, just mining my own business.

I'm gonna take you by surprise and make you realize, Oh Manta!

I’m gonna take you by surprise and make you realize, Oh Manta!

Flower Power.

Flower Power.

This guy should win wingman of the year award or... his wingman should be fired.

This guy should win wingman of the year award or… his wingman should be fired.

Schools Districts have asked stores for help in eliminating guns at school.

Schools Districts have asked stores for help in eliminating guns at school.

"We then grind the capitalist pigs into tasty pork substitute."

“We then grind the capitalist pigs into tasty pork substitute.”

Go rafting they said. You can get away from people and enjoy the outdoors they said.

Go rafting they said. You can get away from people and enjoy the outdoors they said.

Look, it's the adult version of the ice cream truck! Nothing better than Shopping Cart BBQ! #MmmMmmGood

Look, it’s the adult version of the ice cream truck! Nothing better than Shopping Cart BBQ! #MmmMmmGood

Into the Storm: A Review (Sort of)

Into the Storm

I watched Into the Storm Friday night in Huntsville, Alabama.

There has been a lot of criticism online about the science in Into the Storm. I do not get that criticism. If you want accurate science then watch a documentary on The Science Channel. To the critics of the science, you do realize you are watching a work of fiction, right? It’s called fiction because it’s NOT MOTHERFUCKING REAL!!!!

20140809aTo be fair, there was some accurate science in the movie (perhaps 60% or so) and some relatively accurate scenes. But again, that is irrelevant because it’s a work of fiction, as in not reality.

The cast of the movie is almost all unknown actors and actresses, except Rick’s Wife. You know, Rick’s Wife, from The Walking Dead. It’s hard to really say she’s known since everyone knows her as Rick’s Wife from The Walking Dead, who is dead and no longer on the series. She doesn’t even appear as a figment of Rick’s imagination anymore. However, given that she is an experienced actress, she did do the best acting.

Essentially this movie plays like a SyFy Original, but better than a SyFy Original. This isn’t Sharknado or Megaduck Versus Platysharktocrock. It plays like a SyFy Original because it’s all unknown actors, and you know it pretty quickly. However, that’s not really meant to be a knock of the movie: all the unknown actors do a pretty decent job. For example, when the kids are making the video before they’re about to drown, you’ll actually well up a bit if you have any decent about of humanity in you. That scene is in the trailer, so I didn’t spoil anything, so quit being a weenie and shut up.

The CGI of the tornadoes is really good. It’s so good that I have to wonder if someone didn’t invent the software for CGI tornadoes and then someone decided to make a movie around the CGI instead of the other way around. When you have this new awesome CGI effect, you have to show it off and up the ante a bit, so the tornado goes through fire and creates a firenado, which is really beautiful and looked very similar to an actual fire whirl. That also means you have to put multiple tornadoes on the ground at once, but to do that you have to violate the science and have four of them in close proximity for camera view, and science criticism begins in 3… 2… 1… (Oh shut up, you purist, and just enjoy the show). Although I have to admit, I’m still trying to figure out why this small town in Oklahoma had a major international airport with giant airplanes that could be swept into the air and explode… but I forgave them of that because it was awesome (no spoilers, that was in the trailer to you big baby).

20140809bThe movie has its funny moments and comic relief where needed (especially the redneck chasers). Most of it is timed well, some of it not, but that’s actually more than can be said about most movies that try to inject humor into drama and action.

The bottom line is that I was entertained and enjoyed myself. Maybe more so because I’m a storm chaser and likely injected a bit of confirmation bias during my viewing of it (yes, I wore my Alabama Storm Chasers t-shirt to the screening). If you want to see action, shit blow up, tornadoes, cars and buildings fly and get torn apart, and really good special effects, then watch this movie. If you’re a scientific purist who freaks out when anything is wrong in a work of MOTHERFUCKING FICTION, then you should stay home and lock yourself in your room to be safe from the real world and all forms of entertainment that violate physics. We’ll all be better off for it.

I give Into the Storm 3 out of 5 stars.

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Watch the trailer:

BWAHAHA: 7/19 – 7/25

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 7/19 – 7/25: I wish I could chase storms full time, but chasing doesn’t pay the bills. Well, it could pay the bills after putting tons of effort into it, but that would mean leaving my full time job in order to do it, and thus being a starving storm chaser until I started making a few measly bucks off of it. So what I need is to win the lottery and spend all my money going around chasing storms and enjoying nature. Someone asked me the other day if I was afraid to die in a tornado and I replied, “I’ll die with a giant smile on my face as I meet it face-to-face.”

I got introduced this week to @midnight (Chris Hardwick @Nerdist) thanks to a few local comedians in Huntsville. I played along one night and had fun, so I think I’ll be doing it more often, even if it’s the day afterward because my tired ass went to bed fore @midnight. I got a chance to watch the show Friday online and really enjoyed it. You should definitely check it out!

OTHER STUFF

The #RedstoneArsenal #WeatherDome continues to protect Huntsville! #ConfirmationBias #SillyConspiracies #alwx

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140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS

“Oh my god Buzz, look at her butt!” – Neil Armstrong #WorseMoonLandingQuotes @midnight

“Hey Neil, look! We’re on the moon… over Miami!” – Buzz Aldrin #WorseMoonLandingQuotes @midnight

“Hey Buzz, put Dark Side of the Moon on your MP3 player!” – Neil Armstrong #WorseMoonLandingQuotes @midnight

“You know they’re gonna say we faked this, right?” – Buzz Aldrin #WorseMoonLandingQuotes @midnight

“Your momma is so fat, I can still see her!” #WorseMoonLandingQuotes @midnight

“They fuck you in the drive-thru!” #WorseMoonLandingQuotes @midnight

“I’m not the man they think I am at home, Oh no no no I’m a rocket man.” #WorseMoonLandingQuotes @midnight

“We could have been saved tons of money if we’d used a cannon like in Le Voyage dans la Lune?” – NASA #WorseMoonLandingQuotes @midnight

“Tower, this is Apollo requesting a flyby.” “Negative, Apollo, the moon is full.” #WorseMoonLandingQuotes @midnight

“Symmetrical moon rock stacking. Just like the Philadelphia mass turbulence of 1947.” #WorseMoonLandingQuotes @midnight

CAPTION CENTRAL

Angus didn’t know mesh shirts were against the law, but he damn sure wasn’t going to jail for it.

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