BWAHAHA 11/22 – 11/28:

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 11/22 – 11/28: Racists didn’t fail us this last week and easily identified themselves for deletion, unfriending, blocking, etc. Look, I don’t care if you think Darren Wilson was innocent or guilty. I really don’t. But what I do care about is if you’re so fucking stupid that you actually think he’s a hero. I also care if you’re referring to rioting black people as “animals” but when white people destroy a city after their favorite sports team wins or loses, you refer to them as “stupid drunk kids.” I don’t care if you have privilege, because there’s nothing wrong with privilege, per se, the problem is when you don’t recognize your privilege and you don’t recognize the lack of privilege in others. If you think because you grew up in a trailer park with an alcoholic redneck dad that somehow you’re not a privileged white male… well, you’re a twit who doesn’t understand how privilege actually works and you’re making an ass of yourself. So just shut up. Please.

I spent most of this week avoiding social media to avoid getting pissed at idiots. Also because of Thanksgiving. So I didn’t participate in any Caption Central, #HashtagWar, etc. So… small blog entry this week. I hope everyone had a safe and awesome Turkey Day!

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OTHER STUFF:

  • I’m a magnet for these morons. It’s as if they don’t see me. This moron not only pulled out in front of me, but pulled so far out into the center lane that it looked like he was going left and I was in the clear. Then… turns right in front of me. Luckily I was paying attention and didn’t hit him.
  • I’m on a woo woo train heading to Wooville. Definitely getting off at the next stop. Okay, can’t get off that easy, someone send Steven Segal to come rescue me. I’m totally under siege.
  • White privilege rearing it’s head in stupid Facebook comments in 5… 4… 3… 2…
  • I was feeling a little down yesterday and needed a pick-me-up. So I called a taxi.
  • After dusting the furniture, my Man Card was restored when I saved the day by fixing the vacuum. ‪#‎SexistChores‬
  • I think I’m the only one actively using ‘Ello. It’s like talking to myself in there.
  • Reminiscing back to the days when Hip Hop was actually good and I was breakdancing in Junior High.
  • I hate that stores are open making people work on Thanksgiving. I just bought a cherry pie at Kroger. ‪#‎SelfAwareHypocrite‬
  • Enjoying the Cloupor T8! Hits great with massive clouds. #ForeverVaping
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BWAHAHA 11/8 – 11/14:

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 11/8 – 11/14: Mostly a slow week for me outside of work. That may have been because I spent all day and into the evenings with actual fucking work. My boss decided I needed another nine facilities to work on top of the massive one that’s still giving us fits. While I appreciate your confidence in my skills… FUCK OFF!

And don’t forget on 11/17 starting at 8 pm at Maggie Meyer’s Irish Pub in Huntsville, Alabama: It’s Carlos Valencia!!! Opening up for Carlos are myself, Tom Hand, Nate Bailie, and Jonathan Craig with host Matthew Tate. This show is FREE!!!! Getting Carlos into Huntsville, Alabama is a major treat – so don’t miss out on this one. Get your ass down to Maggie Meyer’s on 11/17 for Carlos Valencia!

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OTHER STUFF:

  • It’s that time of year again… when I have to type the word “gifts” a lot. My brain thinks gifts, but it always types “figts.” #StupidBrain
  • Thank you Facebook, for finally making my dreams come true...

    Thank you Facebook, for finally making my dreams come true…

  • House just got hit with a couple of pretty good shock waves. No smoke. No fireballs. No sirens. #FuckingAliens
  • I almost had a heart attack as I think I’m $240 short… then I realize they still owe me $1,800. #SecondLooksSaveLives
  • We’re the only white people in a Korean restaurant. That means we chose correctly. #GreatEats
  • Thank you Internet, for teaching me how to use chopsticks in three seconds.
  • It’s too cold to wait for the crosswalk light. Cars have heaters: you can wait while I cross the street in the cold. #alwx #HSV
  • If this waitress’ yoga pants were any tighter, I could tell you how many eggs she had left in her ovaries.
  • Southern Comfort’s Vanilla Spice Egg Nog is at stores now…. so much for my diet.
  • It’s so cold outside, I got a brain freeze from breathing.
  • Any store that airs a Christmas commercial or puts up Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving automatically loses my business. I get selling Christmas shit: there’s a good market for it, but you don’t have to put up the fucking Christmas trees and lights and you definitely don’t need to playing motherfucking Jingle Bells on your Muzak machine. So essentially… I won’t be shopping anywhere and will die of starvation, because every motherfucking store I go into is violating this rule. UGH!

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATION:

  • Eugene was playing with his book worm. #TheWalkingDead
  • Voyeurism is not a science. #NotAScientist #TheWalkingDead

#HASHTAGWARS @MIDNIGHT

  • Mariah Heep Carey #RuinA90sBand @midnight #RuinA70sBandWhileYoureAtIt
  • Green Day-O (The Banana Boat Band) #RuinA90sBand @midnight
  • Liberian ReFugees #RuinA90sBand @midnight
  • Ice Cubism #RuinA90sBand @midnight
  • Liz Phairomone #RuinA90sBand @midnight
  • Korn Pops Cereal #RuinA90sBand @midnight
  • The Flaming Hips Don’t Lie #RuinA90sBand @midnight
  • YOLO La Tengo #RuinA90sBand @midnight
  • Dammit, Janet! Jackson #RuinA90sBand @midnight
  • Camilla the Choked Chicken #RejectedMuppets @midnight
  • Floyd Red Hot Chili Pepper #RejectedMuppets @midnight
  • Honey Foo-Foo #RejectedMuppets @midnight
  • Marvin “Big Kaboom” Suggs #RejectedMuppets @midnight
  • Mickey Mooseknuckles #RejectedMuppets @midnight

CAPTION CENTRAL

WWIII in 5... 4... 3... 2....

WWIII in 5… 4… 3… 2….

 

As long as it's under adult supervision... it's just fine.

As long as it’s under adult supervision… it’s just fine.

 

You're not fooling anyone Doraville... that's not a rescue vehicle.

You’re not fooling anyone Doraville… that’s not a rescue vehicle.

 

Wait, shouldn't he be wearing a gerbil costume?

Wait, shouldn’t he be wearing a gerbil costume?

 

If men gave birth... what would that kinda look like?

If men gave birth… what would that kinda look like?

 

Down in Florida is a new trendy store for seniors called Hot Tropics.

Down in Florida is a new trendy store for seniors called Hot Tropics.

 

BREAKING NEWS: A FOX News Viewer allows us to view them in their bubble.

BREAKING NEWS: A FOX News Viewer allows us to view them in their bubble.

BWAHAHA: 11/23 – 11/29

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 11/23 – 11/29: Well this was certainly a fun week! I think my friends and I spent more time together this week than I spent in my mom’s uterus (I was born premature).

11/23

My dad drove up from Florida in shorts & t-shirt. Now he’s freezing in 8 degree wind chill. Moron.

11/24

On a cold night like tonight, if Dr. Sidney Russell were still alive, I’d suck him off.

What I’m getting religious family members for Christmas.

Jackhammer Jesus

Liam Neeson’s cock is so big, that Sylvia Browne actually saw it coming. #HollywoodBabbleOn

Protesting Black Friday and looking forward to a White Christmas? RACIST!

I went to a Sudanese restaurant today and was served a W.H.O. Food Pack. So disappointed.

This year I’m celebrating Thanksgrieving. I’ll start the meal off by listing the people I didn’t shed a tear for when they died.

11/25

#CelebritiesIWantToSeeNaked is trending. I wanted to put Fiona as a joke, but the Internet already provided naked Fiona.

11/26

My reality show idea: reality “stars” sit down and take the ASVAB so we can all see how dumb they really are.

Only 2 1/2 days left until Rebecca Black Friday!

My BCDC (Blood Cheese Dip Count) is getting below my legal limits. Must rectify this before withdraws set in.

The candle holder priests shouldn’t be purchasing:

Priest Candle Holder (Before)

See what I mean….

Priest Candle Holder (After)

11/27

Anybody else old enough to remember as kids playing with that amazing toy: the stick?

When I was a kid I hated chores, so my motto was, “Hasbro before hoes.”

As a kid I got mad at mom for limiting my freedom. Now I’m grown up and realize it was silly, especially once I found out about Republicans.

I wonder how different America would be if “elections” were like Battle Royale.

Tomorrow, millions of Americans will blame their gluttony-induced tiredness on Tryptophan. #BlamingTheVictim

Critical Eye Podcast: E040 Thanksgrieving archive is up!

#GodHasBlessedMeWith cancer. Oh wait, that’s my neighbor. Oh wait, god doesn’t exist.

#GodHasBlessedMeWith great music. And by God I mean Robert Smith from The Cure.

#GodHasBlessedMeWith sustenance. And by God I mean Mexican food. And Carmelita, my French Maid.

#GodHasBlessedMeWith a great view. And by God I mean the woman next door who dances naked in her yard.

#GodHasBlessedMeWith satisfaction. And by God I mean Porn.

11/28

For Hanukkah I’m eating bacon-flavored Matzah Balls.

I wanted to say something heartfelt about Native Americans on this Thanksgiving, but then was like, “Fuck ’em, they lost.”

#ThrowbackThursday – 70’s curtains backdrop my 80’s self!

70's Curtains, 80's Clothes

I’m thankful that I’m not doing an “I’m thankful” post.

I’m going to fight the legalization of marijuana for the sole reason that I cannot afford the munchies.

11/29

Santa came early. So much for the pulling out strategy.

I got your duck face right here!

Duckface