BWAHAHA 11/29 – 12/5:

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 11/29 – 12/5: I had the privilege this week of walking alongside my fellow human beings in the #ShutItDownHSV protest march. I can never understand what it’s like to be black in America because I’m not black. But what I can do is have some fucking empathy. What I can do is make an effort to understand the statistics and data that show racism is not over in America and that the very term “post-racial” is wrong. I can look at the data from the Justice Department and realize that something is very wrong with the system. I can read #CrimingWhileWhite and begin to grasp that as a white male I am treated differently than a black male. I can see with my own damn eyes the security guard in the mall trailing the group of black teenagers while the white kids who are actually shoplifting are left alone. White Privilege is not an insult, so don’t fucking freak out when it’s pointed out to you. Privilege is not the problem: not recognizing your own is and the worst is when you cannot recognize the lack of privilege in others. When some stupid idiot on Facebook says, “Yeah, because my Irish immigrant ancestors had tons of privilege” in their smartass denialism way, I just want to reach through the screen and smack the shit out of them. Yes, your Irish immigrant ancestors were scorned and faced tons of problems. But you know what they weren’t? They weren’t motherfucking black and they weren’t in chains picking cotton on plantations in Mississippi. I’m thinking about writing an entire blog about this issue to help my idiotic fellow white humans grasp this simple concept.

Mark your calendars for a good cause! Help out Huntsville’s homeless and get some good laughs. Donations are needed!

Half Baked Comedy Show

C’mon, help local comedy! As local comedy grows, so do the local comedians and the scene’s ability to bring in visiting comedians. Show your support and pre-buy a t-shirt! Plenty of sizes to choose from (yes, even big guys like myself).

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 OTHER STUFF:

  • Nooooooooooooooooooo! #TWD #TheWalkingDead Someone pass the Kleenex.
  • I’m refusing to watch @AMCTalkingDead because I don’t want to cry. Seeing it once was enough trauma for one night. #TheWalkingDead
  • If you didn’t watch tonight’s episode of #TheWalkingDead, you should stay off social media until you do. Seriously.
  • While the books were nauseating, they were mildly entertaining, so I figured I’d give the Left Behind movie a chance. I lasted six minutes.
  • Every electronic device in my house shows a different time. Even my computers. Stupid technology.
  • Just told my GF that I bought us a new comforter. It didn't go over very well.

    Just told my GF that I bought us a new comforter. It didn’t go over very well.

  • Just busted my ass all week getting a site ready… and just now the site advises they’re still obligated for 90 days with the previous vendor. How does anyone not know this ahead of time? UGH! ACK!
  • Watching some of my fellow white humans respond to #ShutItDownHSV is embarrassing. Your white privilege is showing. Just shut up. Please.
  • The meatloaf I made last night was pretty spicy. After sitting overnight, it’s almost (almost) too spicy for even me.
  • Why is everyone doing the speed limit and I’m at 7 over. Oh yeah, black neighborhood. I’m not afraid of being pulled over. #WhitePrivilege
  • I disagree with you, so I said so on your post. Now that you’ve challenged me, I’m going to demand that we “agree to disagree.” #SMH
  • I shoplifted as a teenager and the security guard just made me pay for what I stole instead of calling the cops. #CrimingWhileWhite
  • Doing 100 MPH on I-95 in Hartford. State Trooper turned his lights on, then waved “thanks” as he passed me. #CrimingWhileWhite
  • Why is it so hard for some adults to understand the concept of Civil Disobedience? It’s not a hard concept to understand. It’s simple.
  • I’ve deleted the annoying Facebook Messenger App on my phone. Fuck that stupid piece of shit. That means if I’m not at my desk, I won’t respond to PMs. Text me instead or just fucking wait until I get home.

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

  • Raise your fist in solidarity with feminism! #FemiFisting
  • NYPD should implement Stop, Drop, Roll & Frisk. That way they’re educating people while violating their rights. #ICantBreathe

#HASHTAGWARS @MIDNIGHT:

  • The Household Cats #SoftenABand @midnight
  • The Constables #SoftenABand @midnight
  • 4 Hot Blondes #SoftenABand @midnight
  • Oxygen Supply #SoftenABand @midnight
  • The Alan Parsons Condominium #SoftenABand @midnight
  • Indigenous Ant Farm #SoftenABand @midnight
  • The Modern Toys #SoftenABand @midnight
  • Audiopaidlabor #SoftenABand @midnight
  • The B-52 Vitamins #SoftenABand @midnight
  • Black & Yellow Winged Insects, Geeze! #SoftenABand @midnight
  • Tiny Country #SoftenABand @midnight
  • The Birthday Cuddle Party #SoftenABand @midnight @TBMassacre
  • Visionary Melon #SoftenABand @midnight
  • Happy October #SoftenABand @midnight
  • Quietown Rats #SoftenABand @midnight
  • Toddler George #SoftenABand @midnight
  • Corey Myocardium #SoftenABand @midnight
  • Crash Test Nerds #SoftenABand @midnight
  • Spacious House #SoftenABand @midnight
  • Still Kickin’ Kennedys #SoftenABand @midnight
  • Echo & the Funnymen #SoftenABand @midnight
  • Stay In Line Boy #SoftenABand @midnight
  • Satiated Lucy #SoftenABand @midnight @hungrylucy
  • Iggy Slight Ping #SoftenABand @midnight
  • Joan Jett & the Kindhearts #SoftenABand @midnight
  • Johnny Adores Jazz #SoftenABand @midnight
  • Kate Clean Shaven #SoftenABand @midnight
  • Love and Hot Pockets #SoftenABand @midnight
  • All Systems Check Parade #SoftenABand @midnight
  • Men At Casual Play #SoftenABand @midnight
  • Men Wearing Fedoras #SoftenABand @midnight
  • New Centrists #SoftenABand @midnight
  • Papa Lovebug #SoftenABand @midnight
  • Pop Will Lick Itself #SoftenABand @midnight
  • Skinemax for Pyros #SoftenABand @midnight
  • Advanced Radio Gods #SoftenABand @midnight
  • Puddle of Perrier #SoftenABand @midnight
  • Elegant Minds #SoftenABand @midnight
  • Siouxsie & the Crying Ladies #SoftenABand @midnight
  • Sweet’n Low Ray #SoftenABand @midnight
  • Life Tendencies #SoftenABand @midnight
  • Mumbling Heads #SoftenABand @midnight
  • It’s Now Tuesday #SoftenABand @midnight

CAPTION CENTRAL:

Coming to theaters this Spring... CUJO 2: Let's Play Fetch

Coming to theaters this Spring… CUJO 2: Let’s Play Fetch

You know, that elephant wouldn't be bothering you if you shot and killed it and made utensils out of its husks.

You know, that elephant wouldn’t be bothering you if you shot and killed it and made utensils out of its husks.

In a surprising twist, police sprayed protesters with ReddiWip. One protester said, "It's like bukkake, but better."

In a surprising twist, police sprayed protesters with ReddiWip. One protester said, “It’s like bukkake, but better.”

Tensions in North Korea mounted today when the NK Navy threatened to throw rocks at US Navy ships.

Tensions in North Korea mounted today when the NK Navy threatened to throw rocks at US Navy ships.

Introducing the new iScratch&Sniff from Apple. We didn't make it for porn, but we know that's what you'll use it for.

Introducing the new iScratch&Sniff from Apple. We didn’t make it for porn, but we know that’s what you’ll use it for.

OMG, The Cute, it hurts so bad!

OMG, The Cute, it hurts so bad!

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This week on Twitter (3/1 – 3/8)

This week’s attempt to be funny on Twitter from 3/1 to 3/8 (posted in order of Tweets). I was uber busy with work and didn’t get as much shit done on Twitter this week.

3/1

So that Republicans have one person to point at to prove themselves right, I’m going to CHOOSE to be homeless this year.

Sad Dr. Seuss occurred on 3/1 as well.

3/2

I fixed my Internet. Don’t know how. But it’s working. Therefore, I fixed it.

I shall resist the temptation to play with the #BadChildrensBooks on Twitter.

3/3

Pickers, homeless & scavengers: I get you digging through my trash, but have the courtesy to FUCKING CLEAN UP THE MESS YOU MAKE!

3/4

Only two people make Rick look sane: #LoneWolf and #TheGovernor. @WalkingDead_AMC @AMCTalkingdead

Ellen Ripley, she’ll rock the Zombiepocalypse. #FictionalCharactersIWantToMarry

Claire Standish, Andie Walsh, Samantha Baker, & Frannie Goldsmith #FictionalCharactersIWantToMarry #StuckInThe80s

3/6

Hugo Chavez dead: Venezuelan news agencies have no idea what to say now.

Hugo Chavez dead: United States finally admits to secret cancer drones.

Hugo Chavez dead: Israeli official apologizes, “We thought he was an ex-Nazi in disguise.”

Hugo Chavez dead: Russian KGB apologizes, “Sorry, we meant to poison that other guy in the hospital.”

Hugo Chavez dead: Two witnesses swear they saw him leaving the building with Elvis.

Hugo Chavez dead: Dick Cheney insists they’re hiding WMD’s in his body.

Hugo Chavez dead: Kathryn Bigelow says she was disappointed to find out SEAL Team Six didn’t kill him, stopping her movie plans.

Hugo Chavez dead: Donald Trump demands long form death certificate.
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Hugo Chavez dead: Sarah Palin says she can see his corpse from her back yard. And she read it in a bunch of magazines and newspapers.

Hugo Chavez dead: Bane upset as he did not give Hugo permission to die.

Hugo Chavez dead: Still getting laid more than Aquaman.

It’s sinkhole season in Florida! Rabbit Season! Sinkhole Season! Rabbit Season! Sinkhole Season! Duck Season! BLAM!

3/7

North Korea threatens US with nuclear strike: Okay fine, but can we pick the target?

3/8

I was going to do a Michael Jackson impersonation, but I couldn’t get any kids to volunteer.

Mental Gymnastics should be an Olympic sport.