BWAHAHA: 8/10 – 8/16

It’s BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) for 8/10-8/16!

8/10

*     Just played Munchkin for the first time. Essentially it’s Magick, but with humor and it’s slightly less nerdy.

8/12

*     #exboyfriendsbelike, “Who is this guy and why is he calling me his ex-boyfriend?”

*     #StopAndFrisk found unconstitutional, #NYPD now to implement #StopAndWhisk: go straight to the paddy wagon.

*     #StopAndFrisk found unconstitutional, #NYPD now to implement #StopAndFist: or as LT Smith said, “Going all Rodney King on their ass.”

*     If you get #RodeoClownObama, then I get #RodeClownJesus! Of course everyone’ll think it’s a hipster and not Jesus.

*     Well played #SesameStreet! Taking pop culture and actually giving it a positive message for kids!

*     Will you fuckers stop posting videos that make me cry! Sheesh!

*     I’m admittedly a verdant comic, but I think I may be starting to hit puberty, because I just found pubes in my joke.

*     James Bond: Tears of Allah is a well to hide nuclear weapons.
Catholic: Tears of Yahweh are insect excrement (off a tree).

*     Why are there sounds of mining coming from the mine when I know everyone just ran out because of the two ogres?

*     How can I mow the lawn if it keeps raining? Wait.. mowing the lawn is work. Never mind. Keep raining.

8/13

*     Remember when hoodie references or wearing a hoodie made you sing, “Mama said knock you out!” I miss those days.

*     IF we make sure we #StopAndFrisk white people, can we start with #MayorBloomberg? He seems suspicious.

*     Anyone know of a black or Hispanic politician who supports #StopAndFrisk? Or is it just crazy white people?

*     I mixed Orange Coke and Vanilla Coke: BAM! You’re welcome.

*     Most of the things where the M&M sings, “…but I won’t do that,” I’m thinking… yeah, I’d totally do that.

*     Does the Trivago commercial dude freak anyone else out? Is it just because he’s not wearing a belt?

*     Just realized that Steven Spielberg predicted Air Jaws way back then…

2 Seconds later... Air JAWS with Chrissie doing cartwheels!

2 Seconds later… Air JAWS with Chrissie doing cartwheels!

*     I needed a new nightlight!

*     Now that’s a bonefish!

*     #MichelleObama made a Hip-Hop video for kids. In the meantime, FOX News Headquarters implodes from attempts to deny racism.

*     Paul McCartney & Stevie Wonder now have to remake the song to “Chocolate & Ivory.”

*     Surfer: “It was divine intervention that I survived the shark attack.” Really? The same intervention that sent the shark to attack you?

My friend Matt Dillahunty (‏@Matt_Dillahunty) responded, “The LORD moves in mysterious ways. God is shooting at you and intentionally missing! (mostly) #ThatIsPureLove”

So I replied, “Funny, the attack in question is 2 Great White sharks: Jesus really fucking hates this dude!

*     Advertising irony of the day. Not FTB’s fault – they can’t control the ads.

20130813_FTB_SexualHarassment_Add

8/14

*     I’d like to remind that annoying GEICO Hump Day Camel that camel tastes amazing when cooked on an open fire.

*     I have this weird feeling that my UPS package is not coming today.

*     Al Qaeda should consider pink burqas for breast cancer awareness. اقتراحك_لتطوير_اﻹعلام_الجهاد‬#

*     The world is just crying out for the Al Qaeda Comedy Tour! ‫#‏اقتراحك_لتطوير_اﻹعلام_الجهاد‬

Additional info on that weird hashtag: Twitter Totally Trolled Al Qaeda Last Night

8/15

*     My First Threesome

*     Homegrown Comedy had a photo contest to win two tickets to their 8/16 show. Below is the pic and my three entries:

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In an attempt to recover a drop in their stock, Hot Wheels (TM) tries something new.

Svetlana shows off the new runway model fad diet. She says, “It tastes gross at first, but after a while you get used to brake dust.”

You thought the other kind of rim job you give was rough on your knees…

*     Twitter keeps trying to get me to follow Alyssa Milano. Nah, I quit stalking her when I hit puberty.

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Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s: 8/3 – 8/9

Welcome to my week attempts at haha’s: 8/3 – 8/9. This used to be called “This Week On Twitter” (TWOT) and then this last week I realized that I post on Facebook, do shows, etc., and all of that should really be included. So no more TWOT. Now it’s BWAHAHA (and the pun on “week,” (you know, as in weak) just in case your stupid ass didn’t get it).

8/3

I’m going cosmic bowling. How did I get talked into something that will likely be on YouTube tomorrow.

8/4

Watch me almost fall on my ass while bowling (YouTube)! They stopped video-taping me, but the next frame I fell flat on my back.

I like to go dancing at Charismatic churches, because no one there notices I’m a bad dancer.

Who is writing the #TrueBlood dialog now? The writers for Telemundo soap operas?

8/5

Sat. we played Predictive Cards Against Humanity: lay your white card down before the black card is read. Funny shit.

Heading to Muscle Beach at Venice to work out my new Muscle Car on the boardwalk. #TooSoon

8/7

Christian protesters at #KathyGriffin. Fuck starving kids, that suck it Jesus lady deserves our signs.

My performance at Clockwork Comedy (YouTube)

Meeting Kathy Griffin at the VBC Green Room in Huntsville, AL.

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell!
Meeting Kathy Griffin at the VBC Green Room in Huntsville, AL.

Kathy Griffin introduces some random fat guy in the Green Room!

Introducing some random fat guy!
Kathy Griffin at the VBC.

Nothing says fuck the third world like urinal televisions!

Nothing says fuck the third world like urinal televisions!

8/8

While waiting for Kathy Griffin, Jeph noticed people 2 rows ahead are looking at my FB pictures and says, “Dude, you’re famous!”

The only legal #StopAndFrisk should be by strippers dressed as cops. And even then only if you ask. #StopTheInsanity

The insects are throwing a party in my yard because all the rain washed away my Traizicide that I put down.

8/9

“Live Your Life Like No One’s Watching” may be a great motto, but I’m pretty sure I’d be arrested for indecent exposure.

Headline: “Two children, pilot missing after plane crashes into CT homes” … Um, I’m pretty sure where they’re at.

Oh good grief! It’s obviously something on the camera screen!