BWAHAHA: 5/31 – 6/6

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 5/31 – 6/6: I’m trying a new format this week to see how I like it. Instead of listing everything by the day I posted it, I’m combining all the captioned pictures, twitter jokes, and “other” into separate categories. Let’s see how this looks and goes. I’m digging the captioning already instead of the words above the pictures.

I participated in the Alright Bayou Comedy Show on 6/6 and had a great time. Thanks to comedians Matthew Tate and Nate Bailie for the invite and hosting. For more information about shows, open mics, and other comedy stuff in the Huntsville area, check out hsvcomedy.com!

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OTHER STUFF (Yeah, OTHER goes before everything else)

Check out my new article on the Rocket-Wrangler, Area Storm Chasers Disappointed by Severe Weather Season

The newest episode of The Critical Eye Podcast, with guest comedian Ian Harris, is now available in the archive. E044: Republicans, Racists, and Teabaggers; Oh My!

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS

The scariest part of #Maleficent was the teaser for the new #Cinderella movie being released in 2015.

Headline: “Pakistani police probed for being ‘silent spectators’ in stoning death.”
I hope they mean the “probed” I’m thinking of.

Alabamians voted today, once again proving how stupid they are.

Someone do a mash up of Pet Shop Boys’ “Opportunities” and Blood Hound Gang’s “Bad Touch.” It’ll be awesome!

Thanks to a flat tire at midnight in Atlanta, I now have $6 until payday. Hey, if McDonald’s employees can do it…

This was me in 1953: ____
#TBT Before I was born, I was nothing and I didn’t notice, and so it shall be when I die.

I was thinking Obama should have traded weapons for the hostage, then I remembered Reagan already gave the Taliban weapons. #GOPocrisy

CAPTION CENTRAL

Wanna prove you’re rich in China on dating profile sites? Show that you can purchase McDonald’s french fries!

He’s not just selling vegetables, he’s promoting #SouthernEducation.

And on this day, Tommy began going through puberty.

Remember to always be aware of your surroundings. #LifeLessons

Does this count as a selfie? #ClubSexting

Grandpa is so busted! Just because you have earbuds in, doesn’t mean the world actually goes away.

“Hey Aziz, I’m beginning to like this Great Satan. How about you?”

Tonight on ESPN, the Wonderful World of Balletsketball!

Wasatch School District (Utah) announces new girl’s dress code for the 2014/15 school year.

Turning water into wine was no biggie, but Jesus couldn’t turn water into beer. Jesus still has to do beer runs.

He’s gonna get a parking ticket!

Ever since Bane went all artistic, he just isn’t as threatening.

Here we see a child being trained in the ways of FOX News.

Papa’s got a brand new bag!

The Teletubbies, now 17-years-old, being all douchey and hipstery.

Another friendly reminder to be aware of your surroundings.

BWAHAHA: 3/15 – 3/21

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 3/15 – 3/21: This week has been a fun and hectic week for me. My girlfriend is trying to kill me with exercise. I keep telling her that she’s not on my life insurance policy, but she doesn’t seem to care. On the bright side, I’ve lost another 1/2” off my waist (or my ass, I can’t tell). Oh, and fuck you anti-vax morons for causing the Measles to come back to NYC.

3/16

Training today’s cheerleaders for tomorrow’s Zombiepocalypse.

#Cosmos gonna piss off the Religious Wrong again. That happens when you live on faith instead of science.

Oh for fuck’s sake, will someone please kill Lizzy! #TWD (Oh, thanks, much appreciated!)

3/17

I miss California quakes. I don’t miss 24/7 news coverage of people who “lost a tile in their ceiling.”

I wonder if Fred Phelps will have a deathbed conversion… (like gay sex with a male nurse)

Wearing a condom during a fertility festival seems kinda blasphemous.

#earthquake and #luckoftheirish are both trending. Are those two things related?

I don’t know if Flight 370 was hijacked or not, but conspiracy theorists have certainly hijacked the story.

Why are you craning to go to war? What’s the rush, huh?

Politautoeroticasphyxiation: conservatives who don’t realize the GOP they love is actually strangulating them.

#TWD birthday gifts!

Today me buddy O’Laden ‘n I formed Clan O’Kayda and we drank Irish Car Bombs all day!

3/19

Smurficide almost complete!

Smurfette Gusher

“Pardon me, sir. Would you happen to have some Grey Poupon?”

Critical Eye Podcast E042: If You’re Gonna Go Big… Go BigIkeComedy!

Someone needs an anger management class and an addiction rehabilitation center.

Well, at least he’s wearing shirt and shoes… so he gets service.

Republican Fire Department responds to a fire at a house owned by a “mooching non-tax-paying” citizen.

3/20

I was surprised to find out that “The Best of the Cutting Crew” was more than just a CD Single.

If you want to celebrate Fred Phelps’ death, do it by signing petitions and getting involved in gay rights activism. [Not funny, just real.]

“It was cheaper than on the base,” stated LT Rogers.

We do what we want… (photo by me)

When you’re tired of enforcing the rules… (photo by me)

Sweater vests should be de-regulated! #RepublicanHipster

“My beer already tastes like piss, so what’s a little de-regulation gonna do? ” – #RepublicanHipster

3/21

I’m amazed at how many people don’t know that the One Eyed One Horned Flying Purple People Eater is a penis.

Life can be tough for a lesbian left-handed albino midget Eskimo. (Props to those that get it.)

The more I think about it, the more GayOz Theory makes sense.

Okay, now the military is starting to creep me out…

Creationists wanting to participate in Cosmos is like Kindergartners wanting to participate in College.

Creationists wanting to participate in Cosmos is like Mario Kart wanting to participate in the Indy 500.

Creationists wanting to participate in Cosmos is like garden slug wanting to participate in a Triathlon.

Creationists wanting to participate in Cosmos is like T-Ball wanting to participate in the NBA, MLB or whatever acronym represents baseball.

Gotta remember that I’m not 20 anymore. Let’s just say I’m not as flexible as I used to be.

I don’t think that sign means what the think it means. (photo by me)

BWAHAHA: 8/17 – 8/23

BWAHAHA: 8/17 – 8/23 – This was a pretty slow week for me, not to mention I got Dark Arisen, so was pretty much living inside the cavernous Bitterblack Isle chasing monsters and getting my ass handed to me by Goreclops and other giant creatures.

8/17

* New episode of The Critical Eye Podcast is up!

8/19

* “They hardly falter in their assault!” Said while zombies attacked, but I’m sure he was referring to Republicans.

* My DragonCon schedule is 4 bands, 1 comedy show, and a shit ton of Zombies. Yes, Zombies is capitalized. Duh!

* When I lived in SoCal, San Diego was considered a touchy-feely town. Seems someone took that literally.

* A man survived being hit by a Chicago-bound train. Since it was going to Chicago, I’m surprised it wasn’t a bullet train.

* News is like, “Damn, no kids were killed… quick, come up with another angle to keep people in their seats and scared!”

8/21

* I was a guest on the Apartment J Podcast!

8/22

* Don’t Walk So Fast, performing all the songs of Rush! #FatTributeBands

* First Class Passengers, performing all the songs of Aerosmith! #FatTributeBands

* Feastie Boys, performing all the songs of the Beastie Boys! #FatTributeBands

* Vanilla Ice Cream, performing all the songs of Vanilla Ice! #FatTributeBands

* Rascal DMC, performing all the songs of Run DMC! #FatTributeBands

* I hope I get to see something this awesome at #DragonCon! #Handicapable #StarWars #NerdNation

8/23

* Apparently Jersey Girl was a movie about Bruce Wayne lowering his standards to working class girls. Good call #KevinSmith!

* Posted the audio from my appearance at the Homegrown Comedy Show!

* Posted the audio from my appearance at the Clockwork Comedy Show!

* Just dawned on me that I haven’t had a thing to eat all day. Clearly something must be wrong with me.