BWAHAHA 3/28 – 4/3

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 3/28 – 4/3: Okay, so this is almost a week overdue. Fuckin’ sue me, I was busy!

No funny in this paragraph today: this is a serious issue. I think it’s safe to say that the Spring Severe Storm Season (S4) has officially kicked off. While technology allows us to watch chases live in areas we do not live in or can’t get to, there *may* also be some drawbacks to that new technology. It was recently reported that residents of a town affected by severe weather could not get good cell signals because all the bandwidth was being used up. While there is no concrete evidence that chasers were using it all up, there is no doubt that there were dozens of live streaming chasers in the area and dozens more using cell networks to download radar, etc. This is an issue the storm chasing community at large is going to have to address at some point. When does streaming cross the line from safety and information into harming the community instead? When a community can no longer communicate with emergency personnel or get their own weather reports so they know when to take shelter, is that not harming rather than helping? This is likely never going to be an issue if you are chasing in large cities like Oklahoma City (unless cell towers are taken down by storms) or in areas where chasers don’t normally appear in droves (like here in Alabama). However, if you’re in little bitty Edna… maybe you should think twice about streaming until you run across something that needs to be streamed for public safety purposes (such as an active wall cloud or tornado).

OTHER STUFF:

• 

  When the lightning is really close and suddenly it’s high noon at 2100.

• Just saw my first chipmunk in the yard this season! I wonder how long before the cats kill it.
• Experimenting with green chile meatloaf… we’ll know if I’m an idiot or genius in about an hour.
• If you see dozens of chasers converge on your town during a storm and your tornado sirens aren’t going off, you should probably check.
• Flying rock on the interstate hit one of my AcuRite wind cups and broke it, so the loss of balance shredded the remaining two. ‪#‎Bummed‬

• 

  How come they always hit my house when I’m not at my house? ‪#‎FirstWorldChaserProblems‬

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

• Guess I didn’t need the kleenex after all. ‪#‎TheWalkingDead‬ ‪#‎DeadBuzz‬
• So what is Morgan, Mr “All life is precious,” thinking walking into an execution? ‪#‎TheWalkingDead‬ ‪#‎DeadBuzz‬

BWAHAHA 3/21 – 3/27

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 3/21 – 3/27: Ah, Spring… when the bugs come out and start mating, when the birds wake you up in the morning because they’re honry and O’Dark Thirty, when the smell of freshly mowed dogshit wafts in the gentle breezes and everyone starts their sneezes. Ah… Spring.

My grass literally went from brown to needing to be mowed in a week. Not even a week after mowing my grass for the first time… freezing temps. Fuckin’ weather! At least I got to do a little bit of chasing as the cold front came through. Nothing major, just chasing cloud formations. Many people think storm chasers are about the tornadoes. Don’t get me wrong, the tornado is the icing on the cake on top of a cherry on a sundae, but we chase for the sky: the clouds, the rain, the cloud formations, the beauty, etc. I’ll chase on a partly cloud day just to watch the beauty of the tiny clouds rolling around in the sky. It’s the Troposphere that gets us excited: Tornadoes just send us over the top.

Speaking of storms, don’t forget to check out my new blog entry for this upcoming storm season: North Alabama: Are You Storm Ready?

OTHER STUFF:

• 

  Declaring war against Sweet Gum Balls. #Napalm

• 

  Being a responsible pyromaniac. Sitting here with a shovel until the burn is done. Beautiful day for it.

• Whoever in the Aviwxchasers.Com car keeps saying “it’s large,” they remind me of the movie Popeye.

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

• I will not read comments on news items about Ted Cruz. I will not read comments on news items about Ted Cruz. I will not read comments… #Cruz2016
• Senator Ted Cruz’n for a bruz’n #Cruz2016

@MIDNIGHT #HASHTAGWARS:

• “Take On Windows ME” by A-ha ‪#‎InternetASong‬ @midnight
• “Ocean Blue Waffle” by ABC ‪#‎InternetASong‬ @midnight
• “Mexican Pandora” by Wall of Voodoo ‪#‎InternetASong‬ @midnight
• “Ride Like The Windows Explorer” by Christopher Cross ‪#‎InternetASong‬ @midnight
• “Bette Davis iTunes” by Kim Carnes ‪#‎InternetASong‬ @midnight
• “WWW, WWW, WWW, WWW” by Crash Test Dummies ‪#‎InternetASong‬ @midnight
• “(Nothing But) 1800Flowers.Com” by Talking Heads ‪#‎InternetASong‬ @midnight
• “Just A Googleo (I Ain’t Got Nobody)” by David Lee Roth ‪#‎InternetASong‬ @midnight
• “Huffington Post Post Modern Man” by DEVO ‪#‎InternetASong‬ @midnight
• “Doll-Dagga BuzzFeed-BuzzFeed Ziggety-Zag” by Marilyn Manson ‪#‎InternetASong‬ @midnight
• “Amazoned and Confused” by Neil Diamon ‪#‎InternetASong‬ @midnight
• “Instagram Club Hit (You’ll Dance to Anything)” by The Dead Milkmen ‪#‎InternetASong‬ @midnight

North Alabama: Are You Storm Ready?

NORTH ALABAMA: ARE YOU STORM READY?

A lot of people are asking if the 2015 tornado season is going to be bad since we had a bad winter. While it is true that in the past some bad winters were followed by bad tornado seasons, it is equally true that past bad winters were followed by mild tornado seasons. Just because it was a bad winter in 2010/11 and it was followed by a bad 2011 tornado season doesn’t follow that a bad winter equals a bad tornado season. That is what is called confusing correlation with causation.

What is more important is being prepared for any severe weather threat, be it an average storm season or a more active season. It does no good to only be concerned about whether or not we will have 200 tornadoes in any given year, because it only takes a single storm, single flood, or a single tornado to destroy lives and property.

You need to be prepared for extended power outages. You need to be prepared for a loss of local store services (or ones operating on cash only). You need to be prepared to stay in your home or evacuate as the circumstances dictate.

So what do you need before a storm?

1. Make sure you have non-perishable food items. During an extended power outage, your milk and eggs are not going to do you any good once they spoil.
2. Make sure your car’s gas tank is full in case power is out for an extended period and gas stations are shut down. You should also fill your gas cans as well. If you do not use them, then you will have the gas to keep mowing your lawns.
3. Make sure you have an alternative way to cook food (even if you have a gas stove, because utilities may have to shut gas down if there is a problem at the source or anywhere along the lines). A camp stove or grill are great ways to cook when the power is out. If you have a charcoal grill, make sure you have a few bags of charcoal ready to go. If you have a propane grill, make sure your tank is at least 1/2 full. If you have a camp stove, make sure you have enough mini-propane tanks.
4. Make sure you have bottled water. A half case of water (per person in the household) at a minimum should be readily available.
5. Make sure all your electronics are fully charged. Make sure you have a supply of batteries ready to go for battery-operated electronics, flashlights, LED lights, etc. If you lose power, only use your phone for emergencies to conserve battery life. Make sure you turn off your WiFi on your phone so it does not waste battery searching for a WiFi signal. If cell service goes down, put your phone on airplane mode (or turn it off) to conserve battery and check a few times a day to see if cell signal is back. If you have an inverter for your car, that is great, but remember to start your engine and run it for a few minutes while you are using the inverter. Inverters can drain batteries quickly, especially older batteries or batteries that have been jump-started before. Keep in mind that using the inverter, and thus running the engine, is using your gas, so be mindful of how much you use it.
6. Keep flashlights or lanterns nearby and ready to go. Make sure you have lighters/matches to light any candles or kerosene/propane lanterns you have. Make sure lighters and matches are in an easy-to-find place so you are not digging for them in the dark.
7. You should already have a NOAA Weather Radio. If you do not have one, do yourself and your family a favor and spend the extra money next payday to buy one. The NOAA Weather Radio is an invaluable asset, especially if you cannot hear tornado sirens where you live, sirens do not wake you up when you are sleeping, or the power goes out so you cannot get Internet or TV news. The NOAA Weather Radio can SAVE YOUR LIFE!
8. Make sure any prescription medication is easily accessible so you are not fumbling in the dark trying to find your pills. If you are running low on one and it is ready for a refill, take care of that now: not the day the storm is supposed to be on top of you.
9. Your house should already have a first-aid kit and fire extinguisher in it. Make sure everyone knows where those are at and they are easily accessible in the dark.
10. Do not forget about your pets: take them into account when figuring out how much bottled water you should have and make sure they have enough dog food to last for extended period with no stores being open.
11. Talk to everyone in your household about safety and evacuation plans. Where are the safe places to hunker down within your house to ride out a storm? Where is a safe place to meet if you are separated during a storm event, evacuation, etc? If you must evacuate or leave your house because of damage, where is the nearest public evacuation center or storm shelter? Have a practice drill now and then (at least twice a year) to make sure everyone is familiar with the plan and can execute it properly.
12. Have a “bug-out bag” ready to go. This doesn’t mean you need a prepper bag full of seeds and ammunition. It means you need the basics ready to go in case something happens (like a tree falling on your house, a lightning strike causing a house fire, or a tornado damaging your home). The bag should include things like underwear, change of clothes, toiletries, baby diapers, etc. One thing people often forget is important paperwork. Scan your important documents and put them on a small flash drive (or CD-R) that can go in your bag (marriage license/certificate, mortgage, insurance paperwork (auto, car & life), birth certificates, etc). This should be in your room where you can grab it quickly as you escape your house. Your bag should also contain some cash because an extended power outage means no credit card readers are going to be working.
13. Make sure your ICE (In Case of Emergency) contacts are updated in your phone.
14. Stay calm. Don’t panic. Panic leads to bad decision making. Be aware of your surroundings.

Best wishes, as always,
Blair

BWAHAHA: 7/12 – 7/18

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 7/12 – 7/18: All week the great storms went north and south of me. Everything that was coming my way that looked promising, petered or fizzled out. And then when it did rain… it was a boring, drippy, drizzling, fuck the sun kinda rain for 48 hours. Fuck you Mother Nature! But hey, I had two days of “fall weather” or “spring weather,” depending on one’s personal preference, so I figured why not get some yard work done! But that damn green hose was hiding in the tall green grass (tall because it’s been fucking raining for days) and gets sucked into the blades of my John Deere. And there ends my yard work. The John Deere is still sitting where it stalled and got the hose stuck in it. Why is it still sitting there? Because it’s FUCKING RAINING again! For two days fucking straight! Seriously, fuck you Mother Nature.

OTHER

Years of Tetris prepared me for packing boxes and moving trucks, but it didn’t prepare me for Alabama heat! #alwx #MissingPolarVortex

I forgot to post the pic of the “supermoon!” What was I thinking?

I’m convinced at this point that Mother Nature’s fucking with me.

I find myself torn between Weird Al’s take and Stephen Fry’s take. #FirstWorldProblems

A great way to ID trouble spots, the third world, and places no one wants to go.

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS

Mud Truck with Confederate flag in window & secret KKK symbol on bumper. Roll alongside and they’re head bopping to NWA. #DoingRacismWrong

The last time in history that this many people across the globe were talking about Germany, they were rooting against them.

Road Kill collector. #BadSummerJobs

Pool boy at a porn set. #BadSummerJobs

Gutter cleaner after a hurricane. #BadSummerJobs

Holding lightning attraction devices for research scientists in Florida. #BadSummerJobs

Riding shotgun to Reed Timmer documenting how many times he gets excited. #BadSummerJobs

The Public Relations person dealing with real life storm chasers criticizing the science after #IntoTheStorm hits theaters. #BadSummerJobs

Why do they call it “Conspiracy Thinking” when there’s no thinking involved?

Another Malaysian flight, Israel invades Gaza, ISIS being stupid in Syria & Iraq, Beiber DUI: #AlexJones must be going apeshit about now.

CAPTION CENTRAL

Found my new storm chasing pants!

WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How many times do I need to tell you? Always be aware of your surroundings!

And so the rise of the apes starts…

Hurricane, tornado, or Godzilla?

Impervious to workplace flatulence.

30 years ago, Tina was left standing at the altar. She’s never fully recovered from that experience.

Camels make it through the eye of the needle and the rich get into Heaven. We’ll just ignore Matthew 19:24.