BWAHAHA 11/15 – 11/21:

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 11/15 – 11/21: Monday night, the 17th, was an epic night for me: in every sense of the word. I was given the privilege of opening up for NYC comedian Carlos Valencia right here in Huntsville, Alabama! Thanks so much to my co-openers Nate Bailie, Tom Hand, and Jonathan Craig! Thanks to Matthew Tate for hosting the shit out of the show and for agreeing to bring in Carlos. Thanks to Carlos Valencia for swinging through and headlining and giving us the opportunity to open for him with an amazing crowd! Thank you to everyone who came out that night to the show and supported comedy. That was the most people I’ve ever seen in Maggie Meyer’s on a Monday night. At one point I’m pretty sure we were standing room only. It always feels good when people come up after a show and tell you how funny you were. So as a comic, Monday night was epic for the number of times that happened to me. It’s gratifying and it’s encouraging and it’s appreciated beyond words and measure. The epic continued into post-show open mic, encore by Carlos, and then a trip to Copper Top for karaoke where Carlos finished his Bon Jovi joke by singing Wanted Dead or Alive with a bunch of us comics doing back-up vocals from across the room. The epicness continued further as Carlos and I sat up until 5 am shooting the shit on my couch. Thanks again everyone!!!!

Huntsville comedy is doing a fundraiser so we can do more advertising and get the local scene to a new level. These awesome shirts are for sale! Buy one or two and help support local comedy and look good while doing it!

20141122a

OTHER STUFF:

That moment where you hesitate: is my neighbor's house burning down or is he burning leaves?

That moment where you hesitate: is my neighbor’s house burning down or is he burning leaves?

  • It’s so cold outside, I got a brain freeze from breathing.
  • I’m notorious for leaving my wallet at home. So I took pix of my DL, car/health ins. cards, AAA card, and company card to keep on my phone.
  • After today, I decided that the overwhelming majority of men at yard sales are there by force, coercion, false promises, or manipulation.
  • I just sang Enjoy the Silence ironically at karaoke. Now doing backup for Carlos Valencia doing Wanted Dead or Alive
  • Trying new jokes tonight at Bootleg Comedy. Come watch me and other comics succeed or fail. If the jokes aren’t funny, you can at least laugh at us!
  • I couldn’t do my sleepgasm joke tonight because the first comedian on stage did a sleepgasm joke. On the positive side, at least now I know I’m not the only person that’s happened to.
  • I have my computer (playing Pandora) hooked up to my large ass speakers. I think my house is going to shake apart.
  • Tip for Southerners from this once Northerner now living in the South: warm your jacket in the dryer before you head outside. Warm goodness!

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATION:

  • “Only a white man would make a fire for everyone to see.” ‪#‎TheWalkingDead‬ Dances With Wolves version.
  • “Oh, you’ll never ever know. The one who loved you so. Well, you don’t know me.” – Ray Charles ‪#‎TheWalkingDead‬
  • Become a St. Louis police officer. ‪#‎HowToGetAwayWithMurder‬
  • Do it in a city with an overwhelmed and underpaid police force, like Detroit. ‪#‎HowToGetAwayWithMurder‬

#HASHTAGWARS @MIDNIGHT:

  • Ted Talks Bundy ‪#‎LamerCriminals‬ @midnight
  • Ed Half-Geiner ‪#‎LamerCriminals‬ @midnight
  • The Light Stalker ‪#‎LamerCriminals‬ @midnight
  • Atlanta Stripper ‪#‎LamerCriminals‬ @midnight
  • Boston Terrier Wrangler ‪#‎LamerCriminals‬ @midnight
  • The O’Jays Back Stabbers ‪#‎LamerCriminals‬ @midnight
  • Jack the Crippler ‪#‎LamerCriminals‬ @midnight
  • Pugsy Beagle ‪#‎LamerCriminals‬ @midnight
  • Billy the Toddler ‪#‎LamerCriminals‬ @midnight
  • Bunny & Clydesdale ‪#‎LamerCriminals‬ @midnight
  • Underoos Bomber ‪#‎LamerCriminals‬ @midnight

CAPTION CENTRAL:

Accept grammer... grammer is to hard four God. And of course their Alabama fans! Roll Tide for 'Bama Educashun!

Accept grammer… grammer is to hard four God. And of course their Alabama fans! Roll Tide for ‘Bama Educashun!

When walking the L.A. river, always carry a flotation device, because you never know when a flash flood will hit.

When walking the L.A. river, always carry a flotation device, because you never know when a flash flood will hit. The crazy thing is that I’m not sure which of the two is doing the walk of shame…

BWAHAHA: 1/18 – 1/24

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 1/18 – 1/24: I got sucked into Far Cry 3 this week and didn’t Facebook as much as I normally do. Hell, I had to practically force myself to leave my house on several occasions to hang out with my friends. One of those occasions was the Vape Meet here in Huntsville. The Vape Meet is for vapers, people who smoke e-cigs. I gotta say I fucking hate the word “e-cig” since nothing about an e-cig is “cig.” It’s just nicotine, which is present in many vegetables and is in chocolate. In fact it’s easier to extract nicotine from chocolate than it is from tobacco. But because it’s called an e-cig, people still freak out and now idiots are trying to ban them. UGH!

So to the Vape Meet. I purchased $9 in raffle tickets and won five times! I won about $150 worth of stuff. What was funny is the guys at the table next to me were actually getting irritated at how much I was winning, so I made sure I said out out, “That’s why you buy a bunch of tickets: increases your chances of winning!” Then they yelled out when I won again, “Shuffle the tickets.” Oh skeptic failures, random is random: shuffling isn’t going to solve the issue when I have so many tickets in the bucket anyway. It’s not cheating or favoritism: it’s just pure fucking change! Idiots.

1/19

Woman next to me just pronounced grenade as “graynaid.” Oh Southerners.

1/20

#MoreFakeThanWendyDavis is trending? You mean like the intellect of people tweeting it? Wait… I just tweeted it.

I’m wearing my carpenter jeans today. I have a sudden urge to walk on water. Or to sing, sing a song, sing out loud, sing out strong.

1/22

New evidence that possibly half of all terrorist attacks were accidental.

20140122a

Three hour tour… Russian style.

20140122b

When we say we’re against slut shaming, isn’t that saying, “You’re still a slut, we’re just not going to shame you”?

I’m on a house, yo! On a house, yo! I’m on a motherfuckin’ house yo!

20140122c

1/24

Hugs are a riot!
My friend Chris pointed out all the tear gas canisters on the officer behind the hug recipient. That’s enough tear gas to make you tear up while looking at this picture.

20140124a

Nothing says convenience store like convenience!

20140124b

The Cult of Bieber is trending #WeWillAlwaysSupportYouJustin. Really Bieberites? So pathetic! #DeportBieber