BWAHAHA 2/21 – 2/27

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 2/21 – 2/27: I guess all that panic was worth it since Snowmageddon actually happened here in Alabama. Average snowfall for my area was 7.75″ with some places reporting over 9″. In my backyard we got 7.67″ (based on the average of five measurements on a large flat non-grass & non-concrete surface). That’s a lot of snow for Alabama. Our personal record at our house was 11.96″ back in 2011. The record for Huntsville was set in the 60’s at 17.1″. Craziness!!!! I’ll put up a blog entry for my storm chasing that day. And now we’ll likely get some more ice and snow this coming Wednesday and Thursday. Well, I guess we had it coming since we started issuing gay marriage licenses. <evil grin>

This week brought me a ray of happiness and sunshine as Jimmy did this on his show. One of the things that pisses me off the most is anti-vaxxers who espouse their ignorance every day and cause more and more people to fall for their claptrap, thus reducing herd immunity and bringing back diseases we had practically eliminated thanks to vaccines. So to see this on a mainstream show put a giant grin on my face. Way to go Jimmy!!!!

Then I found this gem. I don’t know how I missed this back in 2008, but I’m happy I found it today.

OTHER STUFF:

• This storm is taking forever to get here. From 0300 to 0900 and now extended again. If it sits over us as long as it sat over Texas, we could see inches on the higher side of the “possible.” Or it’ll just fucking rain.

• 

  C’mon… you can do it! C’mon! C’mon! C’mon! My laughter will be covering up tears if it just frickin’ rains here.

• If you work out of the home, a “snow day” don’t mean a damn thing. Enjoy your day off assholes! ;)
• A lot of people are talking about their sexual exploits from last night on social media. We don’t care how many inches you got last night!
• “I’ve noticed that about your people, Doctor. You find it easier to understand the death of one than the death of a million.” ‪#‎RIPSpock

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

• Momma said knock you out, Rick gonna knock you out! ‪#‎TWD‬ ‪#‎TheWalkingDead‬ ‪#‎deadbuzz‬

• 

  Wait… now I’m confused, is the ISIS Flag black and white or gold and blue? #TheDress

• 

  Look at these gold-colored starving children! ‪#‎TheDress‬

@MIDNIGHT #HASHTAGWARS:

• Playing Chicken With Doing Dishes ‪#‎RoommatesIn5Words‬ @midnight
• Oh, rents due? My bad. ‪#‎RoommatesIn5Words‬ @midnight
• What is that fucking smell? ‪#‎RoommatesIn5Words‬ @midnight

CAPTION CENTRAL:

• 

  That’s the appropriate level of security for those toys.

• 

  Oh look, the bathroom comes with an atheist baby changing station! (Mmm… BBQ baby!)

• 

  It’s cool ’til a drunk person stumbles and impales themselves. Of course, if it’s a good party, no one will notice.

BWAHAHA 2/14 – 2/20

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 2/14 – 2/20: Alabama and some other parts of the South got dumped on this week a couple of times. Cities shut down as Snowmageddon started and the Snowpocalypse began. Sure, we give the South shit for it, but to be fair, there’s no reason for them to invest in the resources to deal with the snow that occurs rarely down here. It would just be a waste of tax dollars. So enjoy your snow day at home. Well, unless you’re like me and work at home, which means you never get a snow day – it just means you have to deal with everyone else being at home with you when you’re normally by yourself. I’ll put up a separate blog entry with all the snow pictures and videos of the roads, etc.

Valentine’s Day happened, as it always does. I’m not a fan of Valentine’s Day for many reasons and I was worried about having to go through the crap this year since this is Suzie and I’s first Valentine’s Day together. But nope, Suzie is amazing and all we did was have a nice dinner at home: steak and crab legs. Well, she ate the crab legs, because the only seafood I like is hushpuppies.

OTHER STUFF:

• 

  #‎TheWalkingDead‬ ‪#‎Skyrim‬ ‪#‎Mashup‬

• I love you the same today as I did yesterday, but apparently I’m supposed to love you more for 24 hours because today everyone has VD.
• The combination of payday, Valentine’s Day, and the coming Snowpocalypse made the stores a madhouse today. I’ll go grocery shopping later.

• 

  So it’s going to be one of those days, huh?

• Finishing out Valentine’s by watching UFC with my honey. One more reason to love her.

• 

  Valentine’s dinner. Giant steak for me and crab legs for her. After careful deliberation, I decided to go with the Brontosaurus steak.

• To warm me up, a big bowl of grits, with cayenne added for extra warmth. At least one thing the South got right.

• 

  Kitty doesn’t like the snow. Lemme in!

• Had to pick up Suzie because she didn’t want to drive in this mess. So I get to instead. To be fair, I love driving in it.

• 

  “It’s so fluffy I could die!” ‪#‎alwx‬

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

• Zombiepocalypse Tip: the rabies virus will die when cooking meat. Mmm, BBQ dog. ‪#‎TheWalkingDead‬ ‪#‎TWD‬
• The narwhal song just reminds me to not use Sprint. ‪#‎AdvertisingFail‬

BWAHAHA 1/10 – 1/16:

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 1/10 – 1/16: It sleeted and snowed in Huntsville, Alabama on the 15th. Northerners may find that odd, but it’s not as uncommon here in North Alabama as one would think (just four years ago we had 12″ of snow on the ground at my house). What made this event unique was not the snow and sleet, but the fact that the city did not shut down at all. No school closings. No businesses shutting down. Redstone Arsenal stayed open. Colleges stayed open. The I-565 overpasses stayed open. If you live anywhere around Huntsville, you’ll know that the overpasses staying open is a major fucking deal when it comes to getting snow and ice in these parts. So well done Huntsville, you actually didn’t panic this time and there is still bread and milk in the grocery stores.

This week was both tedious and boring. Tedious because of all the sites I’m working on and then my boss threw three more on top of me. Tons of work to do for those sites. Boring, because it’s pretty much the same work for every single site. For those that don’t know, I work with prisons and jails. Both of those have a tendency to locate themselves in small towns and rural areas. The reason they do so is because small towns and rural areas vote them in so that the inmates count as their population, thus making their state and federal tax revenue greater. Yep, prisons are a money-making scheme all around. But newsflash prisons: building in those areas makes it hard sometimes to get the telecommunications that you need. A prison in the middle of nowhere in Pennsylvania that I’m working on is suffering from that now. The local TelCo cannot get the circuits I need until March 31st. So much for getting their system in within 45 days of the order coming in. Sure, build for economic reasons up front, but in the long run, that shit’s gonna cost you more than you’ve got coming in.

Friday night I had the pleasure of performing at the Alright Bayou Comedy Show here in Huntsville. It was an amazing show with a great crowd and my fellow comedians were awesome. Make sure you keep up with local comedy in Huntsville by following Huntsville Comedy on Twitter or Facebook and check out the Huntsville Comedy web page as well!

OTHER STUFF:

• Habanero powder in the nose… great way to start the night. On the plus side (after 100 sneezes), I can breathe really great!
• I guess I didn’t clean off the driver’s seat well enough… I now have a piece of glass stuck in my left ass cheek. Fun times ahead…
• I always appreciate when the Oscars nominations release: it lets me know which movies I don’t want to see (with a 99% accuracy rating).
• I like how a country music station in Texas favorited my Tweet about me not liking country music.
• It’s scary how well the Internet knows me sometimes…
• Snowmageddon: We’re All Gonna DIE! #alwx

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

• Some of us are getting more snow than others. ‪#‎WhitePrivilege‬

CAPTION CENTRAL:

• 

  Useth thou cell to texteth thine archers to unleasheth fury upon thine enemies!

• 

  Now everyone knows that Christina doesn’t want to get married. Ever. Learn something new: Gamophobia or Anthrophobia?

• 

  Someone needs to let Mike’s Mom know he sleeps with the fishes.

• 

  We’re all gonna DIE!!!!!!!

• 

  What it feels like to put on a condom.

• 

  Charles instantly regretted wearing pink to the black tie event.

BWAHAHA: 11/30 – 12/6

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 11/30 – 12/6: I got to spend most of the week in Monroe, Louisiana and Cleburne, Texas (just south of Dallas). And all the driving in between. I left cold weather and arrived in the upper 70’s. Then had to bail quickly before Snowmaggedon or Snowpocalypse started. I left Shreveport, Louisiana right as the cold front was starting to come in and it was 54 degrees. Ten miles later is was 72 degrees. Weather is just fucking weird.

And then there was the sickness. I got horribly sick. I spent the night in Cleburne in a hotel room shaking uncontrollably in a shitty bed, curled in a fetal position, and struggling to breathe. I probably should have gone to the ER, but I have these things called testes which prevent me from going to see a doctor unless another homo sapiens with ovaries is there to insist that I go. Fucking evolution. It was 80 degrees outside and I had to turn the heat on to 85 in order to stop shaking and finally break my fever. I woke up in a pool of sweat so deep that the next night’s customers were going to be sleeping in my wet spot.

On the way back home at the rest area at mile marker 299 on the I-65 in Alabama, a Christian approached me asking about my license plate and the atom vinyl on my hood. He said he was Church of Christ and loved how science proved the Bible. Oh boy… here we go. I asked him to give me one example and he said Noah’s flood. He immediately began to defend his statement when he saw the “Are you fucking serious, you moron?” look on my face. He tells me how science has proved a regional flood, so therefore Noah’s flood was real and therefore science proves the Bible. Okay, so science has indeed found evidence of a regional flood stemming from the Black Sea area that caused massive flooding to reach the Nile. That regional flood occurred 2,000 years after the estimated time of the Noachian Flood. So I asked him, “Science found a regional flood, not global, not 9 cubits above the highest mountain, and no Ark with two of every species, right?” He replies yes. “And this proves a biblical global flood with an Ark carrying two of each species how again?” He didn’t really have an answer for that. He then goes on to tell me that he gives his brother crap for being a biologist and not accepting evolution and that he himself loves science. Then he says American Atheists is doing a great job and to keep up the good work. I left that conversation more confused than he did.

11/30

The jokes are just coming out Fast & Furious tonight…

I wonder if they finished filming Fast & Furious 7 yet…

Someone should have been more Walker and less Driver.

12/1

Was Paul Walker driving the tank? #TheWalkingDead

12/2

Tuscaloosa looks depressed today. I wonder why? Oh well, driving on.

Alabama in my rearview. Mississippi in my windshield. talk about frying pan to fire.

Arrived safe and sound. That’s if you can call Monroe, LA “safe”or “sound.”

12/3

Hotel customer asks if there is a bookstore close by: staff sends him to WalMart. /facepalm

Twelve minute wait for a spicy breast at Popeye’s? Yep, worth it.

Does anyone actually know how to drive in Texas?

Eating nothing but cough drops and Advil is a good diet, right?

12/4

Man, Advil & cough drop farts are the worse!

My body wants to sleep, but my mind is like, “Fuck that, let’s do a one-man show in your head!”

12/5

If I ever own an apartment complex, I’m going to call it Fleur d’Lease.

That’s it, I’m installing a rocket launcher on my car!

Personally, I thought the Mandolin died centuries ago, but everyone seems pissy about it today. Weird.

District 9 was the best documentary about pre-Mandela South Africa.

Diplomatic Immunity!
Just been revoked.
(Mandela joke in disguise)

Every time someone says I pissed in their Wheaties, I take a shit in their oatmeal for good measure.

I was saddened to hear that the actor who starred in Driving Miss Daisy died today. South Africa just won’t be the same without him.

People give preppers shit, but preppers aren’t complaining about the power being out or stores being closed right now.

Some people have sticks so far up their asses that their breath smells like acorns.

I dated cougars when I was in high school. Did I mention I went to Canyon Springs, home of the Cougars?

12/6

Grocery shopping complete!

Comedians are pretty much truthful liars.

A lesser know historical figure was Jack’s twin brother, John the Mender.