BWAHAHA 1/24 – 1/30

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 1/24 – 1/30: This week my girlfriend and I went out for seafood. While driving around running our errands beforehand, seafood became “anyplace that has seafood,” which after a few more hours of running around then became, “Fuck it, let’s do the Chinese buffet.” The Chinese buffet we go to has seafood on their dinner buffet. I personally can’t stand seafood. The only seafood I like is hushpuppies (you’d be amazed at how many people I have to explain that joke to). Luckily for me, most seafood places have at least a few non-seafood items on their menu. But I still have to deal with the nauseating smell. At least at a Chinese buffet the smell of the regular food does a better job of masking the seafood smell. While I’m about to get a second plate, I notice the cooks brought out some fresh crab legs. Since that’s really what my girlfriend wanted, I got them for her instead of getting my plate. While I’m standing there holding tongs (and my nose) I notice the man on the other side of the buffet bar is using his fingers to find mussels with meat in them. I’ll grant him that the meat fell out of most of the shells during the cooking process. However, if you’re smart (as in not from Alabama), instead of searching shell by shell with your fingers, why not use the fucking spoon to grab all the loose meat at the bottom of the pan? Instead, this idiot is going through all the mussels with his fingers. Later that night my friends asked me if I said anything to the staff. Nah, I’m not eating that booger looking shit, so what do I care? Besides, it probably made that shit taste better. Just one more reason to not like seafood.

One of the errands we were running that day was getting my girlfriend a laptop. We spent days looking online for deals that were not only cost effective, but actually had the right amount of processing power, memory, etc. She kept picking out $200 laptops and asking, “What about this one?” To which myself (and later a friend) both told her, “NO FUCKING WAY!” But she kept sending them to us. My friend and I both point out the perfect laptop for her. It’s $500, but on sale for $350 after instant in-store savings and a $50 mail-in rebate. Does she order it? Nope. Does she go straight to the store that has it so she can buy it in person? Nope. She runs me around all over town looking at tons of laptops that either aren’t powerful enough or are too expensive. So where do we end up going when she finally decides to actually spend the money? Yep… to the exact same place I told her to go in the first place. WOMEN!

OTHER STUFF:

• I used to have a built-in bench in my shower. Now I have a knee-high shelf. ‪#‎WhenYourGirlfriendMovesIn‬
• Alcohol and Little Big Planet Coop Mode. The insanity. The laughter. It hurts!!!!!
• The twitter notification sound is really loud after midnight when trying not to wake the person sleeping next to you.

• 

  It was a long and blustery night, but I survived ‪#‎BlizzardOf2015‬ here in Alabama. Look, ice on the ground!

• A 5’2″ tiny Chinese woman just physically abused me for an hour. It was awesome.
• AL Judges panel reverses opinion: gay marriage okay in AL. Suddenly marriages are stopped for staff shortages. Skeptical Blair is Skeptical.
• It’s time for Chief “Justice” Roy Moore to STFU, retire, and disappear into the sunset. Roy Moore, giving Christians a bad name since 1999.
• Alabama: Get Over Yourself

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

• #‎FacebookDown‬ is like being left behind in the Rapture. Sure, it’s scary at first, but then you realize all the cool kids are still here.
• The NSA brought Facebook down because users were talking about Chemtrails causing the blizzard. I know because I removed my tinfoil hat. #FacebookDown
• #‎Interviewgate‬ continues as North Korea takes down Facebook after John Miller posts a positive review on his wall. ‪#‎FacebookDown‬

@MIDNIGHT #HASHTAGWARS:

• Aeronauticalengineeringbatics ‪#‎NerdierSports‬ @midnight
• Air Bender Hockey ‪#‎NerdierSports‬ @midnight
• Aquamanathlon ‪#‎NerdierSports‬ @midnight
• Long Distance Re-Cycling ‪#‎NerdierSports‬ @midnight
• BenchWordPress ‪#‎NerdierSports‬ @midnight
• Pericardium Sac Race ‪#‎NerdierSports‬ @midnight
• Camelot Racing ‪#‎NerdierSports‬ @midnight
• RiverTamboarding ‪#‎NerdierSports‬ @midnight
• Lawnmower Man Racing ‪#‎NerdierSports‬ @midnight
• Skyrim Nordic Skiing ‪#‎NerdierSports‬ @midnight
• Capture the Flagella ‪#‎NerdierSports‬ @midnight

CAPTION CENTRAL:

• 

  It’s like a Furry Convention, but a McFlurry Convention.

• 

  New Yorkers be like, “What, it ain’t that cold.”

• 

  Have you seen North Korea’s new surface to air missile system? It’s pretty wicked!

BWAHAHA: 8/9 – 8/15

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 8/9 – 8/15: What a crazy ass week! Ferguson, Missouri goes bonkers (see link in other stuff for my views), Robin Williams died, the Louisville Purge happened, and I finally fixed the toilet in the guest bathroom!

I hope you had a chance to follow #LouisvillePurge on Twitter or listen to the Louisville Metro Police Department’s scanner online. While there were plenty of concerns that the Louisville Purge was real, it became obvious rather quickly that the overwhelming majority of calls being placed to 911 were prank calls. There were a few legitimate calls, which seemed to be teenagers doing stupid shit (we’ve all been there, so don’t judge too harshly). Some of the calls were hilarious and listening to the dispatcher trying not to laugh on several of the calls was pretty comical as well. But after a while you could hear the irritation set in as they got tired of chasing down ghosts from prank callers. Yes, it was funny, but it was also fucked up, because for every prank call made to 911, that was an officer who wasn’t available for a legitimate breaking & entering, robbery, shooting (there was at least one confirmed drive-by shooting), domestic violence call, etc. No matter what was or was not done, one thing was clear: the Louisville Metro Police Department handled the situation with the utmost professionalism (further shaming the Ferguson Police Department). I’ve put my Tweets from the Louisville Purge separately below. Hopefully you followed along Friday night so you get most of the references. If you didn’t follow along Friday night, I’ll at least explain the Melman references. It was reported that a giraffe was freed from the Louisville Zoo and was roaming the streets (obviously a fake call or a troll Tweet).

OTHER STUFF

My review of Into the Storm

My blog post on Ferguson: Ferguson, Police Militarization, and Shame

Find out why Ancient Aliens is bullshit and takes advantage of your ignorance and gullibility (trust me, it’s worth the three hour video),

#TBT All of this has happened before, and it will all happen again. #Ferguson #StandStrong #FirstAmendment

LOUISVILLE PURGE: If you didn’t follow along on Twitter and on the LMPD Scanner, then you may not get some of these references, but the rest of us were laughing our asses off all night. These are in the order that I sent them out, so they follow the events as they unfolded.

I’m torn between worrying and laughing my ass off. #LouisvillePurge #BeerAndPickles

Carrying swords and weapons. Um, you don’t bring a sword to a gunfight! #LouisvillePurge #BeerAndPickles

White male with a machete and weapons. #LouisvillePurge #BeerAndPickles #SwordsAndWeapons

Don’t know if the #LouisvillePurge is real or not? Good skepticism. So listen and make a determination.

If the #LouisvillePurge is real, the LMPD are handling it like professionals and processing calls as fast as they can.

Having sexual relations with a kitty-cat. #LouisvillePurge #Pranking911 #BeersAndPickles

“So y’all need to hide yo kids, hide yo wife, and hide yo husband cause they rapin’ everykitty out here.” #LouisvillePurge

All players from the Louisville Cardinals traded to Yomiuri Giants. #LouisvillePurge

Giraffe turns himself into local hospital, swearing he got sick touching the streets. #LouisvillePurge #Melman

It’s obvious that a lot of the 911 calls are pranks, which is fucked up, but there are legitimate calls as well. #LouisvillePurge

Oh no, now they coming for Little Caesars’ Pizza! Purge! Purge! #LouisvillePurge

Is Papa John ready for The Purge? Because Little Caesars’ Pizza is all Purge! Purge! #LouisvillePurge

It’s all good, the giraffe found his way home! #LouisvillePurge #Melman

The only purge you get when eating Papa John’s Pizza is the purge a few hours later on the toilet. #LouisvillePurge

Apparently if all the pizza joints had handed out free pizza, there’d be no #LouisvillePurge

Never Forget! #LouisvillePurge

Now we know who stole that beer and pickles earlier: the freed giraffe! #LouisvillePurge

No Pat Robertson, it’s not the Rapture, just the #LouisvillePurge #HideYourKitties #HideYourBeer #HideYourLittleCaesarsPizza

This whole thing was just a misunderstanding, all he wanted was a drink! #LouisvilleSurge #LouisvillePurge

#LMPD doing a hella job chasing down all the prank calls, but starting to hear the irritation in their voices. #LouisvillePurge

Gotta purge this nasty juice from my mod! #LouisvillePurge #ForeverVaping

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS

Bandits everywhere in the tomb, but all the urns, chests, and cabinets are still covered in treasure. #GameLogic

l’abricot: (French) – Where you take turns sleeping while running sensitive experiments overnight in the laboratory.

“They’re always angry about something. No matter what they get, they’re always angry.” Rush Limbaugh said that? Really? #Irony #CheckTheMirror

I’m the only male in my water aerobics class. Other than the instructor, I’m the skinniest person in there. #ConfidenceBuilding

Why am I still up? I’m catching up on #Ferguson on Twitter, because that’s somehow the best news source on it. #StandStrong #FirstAmendment

Lt. Louisville Surge (Matis Machisu) #WorsePokemon #LouisvillePurge @midnight

CAPTION CENTRAL

Join the military they said. Girls like guys in uniform they said. I’m gonna punch “they” in the face.

Madison County Schools have introduced door-to-door bus service this year.

You’re too young to drive and too young to drink. Did he listen? No. He did both, now he’s crashed his car and life.

What Is Atheism?

No one asks this question enough.

The reason no one asks this a lot is that most people have preconceived ideas about what an Atheist is and is not. Where these preconceived ideas come from varies, but they tend to evolve from theistic influences or other sources.

Atheists are people too!

Atheism usually defined incorrectly as a belief system. Atheism is not a disbelief in gods; it is a lack of belief in gods. Older dictionaries define Atheism as “a belief that there is no God.” Many dictionaries also define Atheism as “wickedness,” “sinful,” and other nasty adjectives. Clearly, Christian influence taints dictionaries. People cannot trust these dictionaries to define Atheism. The fact that dictionaries define Atheism as “there is no God” betrays the Christian influence. If it were a general religious influence, it would read, “There are no gods.”

Why should Atheists allow theists to define who Atheists are? Do other minorities allow the majority to define their character, views, and opinions? No, they do not. So why does everyone expect Atheists to lie down and accept the definition placed upon them by the world’s religious groups? Atheists will define themselves.

Atheism is not a belief system nor is it a religion. Atheism may be a part of individual’s religious beliefs, but the Atheism, of and by itself, is not a belief or religion. (NOTE: Religious belief does not require a god. One out of three religions is Atheistic in nature in that it does not have a god or deity in its belief system.)

The only common thread that ties all Atheists together is a lack of belief in gods and supernatural beings. Some of the best debates I have ever had have been with fellow Atheists. This is because Atheists do not have a common belief system so Atheists often disagree on many issues and ideas.Atheists come in a variety of shapes, colors, beliefs, convictions, and backgrounds. We are as unique as our fingerprints.

As you go through the rest of the Q & A, you will get a lot more clarification on the question, “What’s an Atheist?”

Keep in mind that the answers to the Q & A are my personal views and do not necessarily reflect the views of all Atheists.