BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 11/8 – 11/14: Mostly a slow week for me outside of work. That may have been because I spent all day and into the evenings with actual fucking work. My boss decided I needed another nine facilities to work on top of the massive one that’s still giving us fits. While I appreciate your confidence in my skills… FUCK OFF!
And don’t forget on 11/17 starting at 8 pm at Maggie Meyer’s Irish Pub in Huntsville, Alabama: It’s Carlos Valencia!!! Opening up for Carlos are myself, Tom Hand, Nate Bailie, and Jonathan Craig with host Matthew Tate. This show is FREE!!!! Getting Carlos into Huntsville, Alabama is a major treat – so don’t miss out on this one. Get your ass down to Maggie Meyer’s on 11/17 for Carlos Valencia!
- It’s that time of year again… when I have to type the word “gifts” a lot. My brain thinks gifts, but it always types “figts.” #StupidBrain
- House just got hit with a couple of pretty good shock waves. No smoke. No fireballs. No sirens. #FuckingAliens
- I almost had a heart attack as I think I’m $240 short… then I realize they still owe me $1,800. #SecondLooksSaveLives
- We’re the only white people in a Korean restaurant. That means we chose correctly. #GreatEats
- Thank you Internet, for teaching me how to use chopsticks in three seconds.
- It’s too cold to wait for the crosswalk light. Cars have heaters: you can wait while I cross the street in the cold. #alwx #HSV
- If this waitress’ yoga pants were any tighter, I could tell you how many eggs she had left in her ovaries.
- Southern Comfort’s Vanilla Spice Egg Nog is at stores now…. so much for my diet.
- It’s so cold outside, I got a brain freeze from breathing.
- Any store that airs a Christmas commercial or puts up Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving automatically loses my business. I get selling Christmas shit: there’s a good market for it, but you don’t have to put up the fucking Christmas trees and lights and you definitely don’t need to playing motherfucking Jingle Bells on your Muzak machine. So essentially… I won’t be shopping anywhere and will die of starvation, because every motherfucking store I go into is violating this rule. UGH!
140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATION:
- Eugene was playing with his book worm. #TheWalkingDead
- Voyeurism is not a science. #NotAScientist #TheWalkingDead
- Mariah Heep Carey #RuinA90sBand @midnight #RuinA70sBandWhileYoureAtIt
- Green Day-O (The Banana Boat Band) #RuinA90sBand @midnight
- Liberian ReFugees #RuinA90sBand @midnight
- Ice Cubism #RuinA90sBand @midnight
- Liz Phairomone #RuinA90sBand @midnight
- Korn Pops Cereal #RuinA90sBand @midnight
- The Flaming Hips Don’t Lie #RuinA90sBand @midnight
- YOLO La Tengo #RuinA90sBand @midnight
- Dammit, Janet! Jackson #RuinA90sBand @midnight
- Camilla the Choked Chicken #RejectedMuppets @midnight
- Floyd Red Hot Chili Pepper #RejectedMuppets @midnight
- Honey Foo-Foo #RejectedMuppets @midnight
- Marvin “Big Kaboom” Suggs #RejectedMuppets @midnight
- Mickey Mooseknuckles #RejectedMuppets @midnight