BWAHAHA: 10/12 – 10/18

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 10/12 – 10/18: It’s hard to be funny when you’re in the ER suffering from Acute Cholecystitis. They ruled out gall stones and now suspect that my gall bladder has just stopped functioning. Everyone says I won’t miss it, but can they really say that without knowing the relationship I have with my gall bladder? What am I going to do on Valentine’s Day now?!?!?! Then I get out of the hospital and my friends spring a surprise wedding on me. Oh gee, thanks for reminding me about my relationship with my gall bladder! Bladder, blabber, blather!


Scientia, Liberate Tute Me Ex Inferis. Gratias Agimus Tibi.

I either fall for fool’s gold or try to get the platinum I can’t afford. Ah, the joys of being single.


So I took the “Who Are You In Star Trek” quiz and Captain Kirk returned as the answer. It said I was “over the top!” CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING STUPID SHIT?!?!?!?! Fine, you wanna find out who you’re like, go ahead and take the fucking stupid lying quiz!  Oh wait, they said I was a natural leader, well garsh, that was awfully sweet of them!

Shouldn’t Columbus Day be Vespucci Day? You know, after the guy America is named after: Amerigo Vespucci.

Welcome to the United States of Columbia… after Chris Columbus. Wait… it’s the Americas, after Amerigo Vespucci. Umm….

Still single. Thanks Obama!

I listen to music loud in my car. Drivers next to me look irritated, then smile as they think, “At least it’s not rap.”


The should replace physical torture that’s something more effective… THIS:

Ever notice that the people who demand people “speak English” are ones who can’t?

Wait, you mean we’re not named America after Leif Americson?

It’s hard to be metal when playing a keyboard.

I bank at Redstone Federal Credit Union here in Huntsville, Alabama. And they had this on their front page. Because people are stupid and think that because they have the word Federal in their name, that the bank will be closed. UGH! It irks me even more that they’re so polite about it. I would have put, “Yes, you fucking morons, we’re open – because we’re your fucking credit union and not a government entity! So stop fucking calling customer service and asking you dolts!” Then again, I’m an ass.

As an atheist, I’m in awe and wonder at the asininity of #Oprah.


My #debtceiling is two inches above the ground.


That weird moment when you’re alone in the house and your toilet flushes on its own.

Armored car at the bank, and I’m like, “I could take that!” Then I remembered I wasn’t at home playing GTA5.