Police Pursuits: Police, Suspects, and Bystanders

This is going to be a long one, but I feel it’s important enough to go into detail.

I watch a lot of police chase videos. I don’t mean the cheesy news helicopter ones we see on those dumb “Scariest Police Chases” shows that are common in California. I watch the raw video from the police officer’s dashcam and bodycam. This perspective lets you truly see how harrowing and crazy some chases actually get, and often times why officers make the decisions they do.

I started watching these years ago after YouTube recommended them. I watch a lot of dashcam footage, so I guess YouTube thought they were related. I honestly think everyone should watch dashcam compilations as they help you notice predictive behavior that often indicates an idiot is about to do idiot things and put your life at risk. I know I’m a much better defensive driver because of all the dashcam videos I watch and continue to watch on a daily basis. That idiot behavior extended naturally into the dashcams from police chases.

It should be noted that I have been involved in two high speed chases while serving in my capacity as a security officer in the Navy while stationed in Jacksonville. One on base and one off base. I went through EVOC (Emergency Vehicle Operator Course) and Advanced EVOC. In addition I took an offensive driving course in Italy that was designed for bodyguards. I took it because I was bored. Offensive driving has saved my hide a few times. I believe that knowing how to be defensive and offensive can help make a better driver. But I digress…

So after watching these chases for years now, here are my observations about the police, suspects, and drivers caught up in chases.


There is an effect known as “contempt of cop” or “occupational arrogance.” I am personally convinced there is something psychological going on, as I have seen this behavior in leadership and authority not related to policing or governance. The person becomes irate that someone is not listening to them, obeying their commands, or questioning their authority. It leads to abusive behavior: mentally and physically. The longer they have to chase you, the worse it can get. Throw adrenaline on top of it and things can escalate quickly.

There is some good news here, though. Police are aware of this effect. While it’s been known since at least the 60’s (when “contempt of cop” was first used), it was the Rodney King beating that got police leadership to notice it. However, it took a couple of decades for police to really start educating officers about it and teaching techniques to overcome it. There are absolutely still instances of it, but I think the training and education has helped reduce the incidents, especially after chases.

It becomes obvious watching police chases that “contempt of cop” is more prevalent during the chase than after the chase. Police taking unnecessary risks, getting angry, etc. while the chase is happening. This is why the majority of police departments have chase thresholds to stop chases when they get too out of hand in relation to the offense of the suspect. For example, the threshold for a stolen car is lower than the threshold for a murder suspect. Police officers usually have to relay road, weather, and traffic conditions, as well as speeds when initiating a pursuit, and keep updating traffic and speed conditions as it continues.

After a pursuit is announced, leadership will ask for the reason. The reason lets them know where the threshold should be and then they monitor variables. Officers report in location, direction, traffic, and speed of the suspect. If traffic gets too heavy and bystanders are at too great of a risk or they feel the officers involved are too engaged and losing focus, leadership can halt the pursuit. It’s common for officers to have the authority to stop a pursuit from their end as well if they feel it’s endangering the public too much.

Some areas will pull officers back to a safe following distance and turn their lights and sirens off to take pressure off the suspect so they stop driving so erratically. They let a police helicopter keep an eye on the suspect and pull the officers back in when it’s safe to do so. The eyes in the sky lead the officers to the suspect. Where you see chases less likely to a stop is when they are chasing suspects related to violent crime: murder, armed robbery, carjacking, kidnapping, etc.

In a significant number of areas, police are using methods to stop chases more safely. The use of stop sticks is more common and grapplers are becoming more accessible. While some departments have stopped using the PIT (Precision Immobilization Technique)/TVI (Tactical Vehicle Intervention) due to them being unsafe, many departments still allow them, or allow them only under certain circumstances. While in most cases the PIT/TVI just spin the vehicle around and allow officers to box the suspect in, they sometimes result in crashes, including rollovers. Suspects and their passengers have been injured and fatalities have happened. I’m not sure eliminating the PIT/TVI is the answer, but putting restraints on it, such as maximum safe speed, road conditions, roadside hazards (ditches, trees, fences), and if passengers are involved, should all be taken into consideration before performing a PIT/TVI.

I do not support the “no chasing” approach that some people want. I think it’s important to apprehend people who are a threat to society. However, I do believe that if the license plate is visible and it’s not a stolen car, then arrest should happen at the suspect’s residence later instead of chasing them down in a pursuit. I believe more discretion is needed on when to initiate and stop a pursuit to better ensure public safety, and that has to be weighed against the threat to public safety the suspect presents. I don’t think there is a one answer fits all solution here, but common sense and tactical awareness go a long way in determining if pursuit is warranted or not.

One of the more common things you hear from police during pursuits is them getting irritated at other cars on the road. It’s commonplace to hear an officer yell, “Get the f**k out of the way!” to a car that is not pulling over or is braking. There are a few issues there, and I’ll cover them in the drivers’ section.


The funniest thing I have noticed about suspects in police chases is how many of them still use their turn signals when they change lanes and make turns. Even as they’re blowing through stop signs and red lights and going 100 MPH, they still use their turn signals. The police are very appreciative of this behavior.

There are four trends in chases that concern me.

The first is the Dodge Challenger, which is disproportionately involved in police chases and successful evasions. Is there a Challenger Challenge on social media that I’m not aware of to bait police into a pursuit to see if you can get away? The Challenger can easily reach speeds up to and over 150 MPH. They are so common that the Arkansas State Police now deploy units capable of 150 MPH (other vehicles are regulated at 130 MPH). The specialized units were created solely to chase Challengers and similarly fast vehicles. This kind of tit for tat escalation should be concerning for all motorists and citizens. I am specifically concerned because I worry this is an escalation solely because of the “contempt of cop” discussed above instead of just not chasing them and getting their plate info and arresting them later at their house.

The second is the complete disregard for the lives of others, often over something as silly as an expired license, where the suspect could have just taken a ticket and been on their way. There have always been scary chases, but they were rare: rare enough that TV stations could do a “Scariest Police Chases” show only once a year. Now? Now they could do one once a week. I have no answer as to why things have escalated so much. Suspects blow through stop signs and red lights at excessive speed and with complete disregard to their own lives and the lives of other motorists. It’s not uncommon now to see suspects aware of police tactics and aggressively counter them.

The third is this idea that a suspect knows the law better than the officer. That may or may not be the case, but the officer is not a judge. If you disagree with the officer, go to court. Arguing with them about “your rights” and “they have no authority” or “I want a supervisor,” really makes suspects look like fools on video who watched too many armchair lawyer videos on YouTube. Sure, you can ask for a supervisor, but there is zero obligation to get you one. Then suspects are angry that no supervisor showed up or when the supervisor arrives and agrees with the officer. Are you going to ask for the supervisor’s supervisor now? This idea that you know the law better leads to a lot of pursuits as the suspect refuses to work with the officer and speeds off. Just hand the officer your license, take the ticket, and go to court if you disagree. That’s what the courts are for. I’ve gotten out of several tickets I disagreed with by going to court. I’ve never gotten out of a ticket by arguing with the officer on the side of the road.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying not to mention key phrases needed to protect your rights, such as “I don’t consent to searches” or “I don’t answer questions.” What I am saying is arguing with the police over this stuff makes you look like an idiot. Say the phrases. Hand over your license. Sign the ticket. Go to court to get it dismissed. The advice to “don’t answer questions” is 100% legit. Police ask questions about where you’re coming from, why you were there, etc. to check for certain behaviors that alert them to nervousness. Given how much people are scared of police nowadays, nervousness is natural, and should not be an alert to the officer, so just keep your mouth shut and don’t answer questions without a lawyer present. This may seem silly, but saying something like, “80 in a 65? That’s not right, I was only doing 75!” just admitted you were speeding and it’s on their bodycam, which means you’re not getting that ticket dismissed in court.

The fourth trend is the new nervousness and fear of police that I mentioned just above. This has led to police chases as the suspect gets scared and runs instead of pulling over. It has led to people refusing to pull over right away and driving miles to where they think they’ll be safe or where there are family or other witnesses. The problem with doing so is that you are now engaged in “felony fleeing and eluding.” I understand why people are afraid, especially people of color. As a white male who has never feared for his life during a police encounter (even when pulled over by four officers in a small Alabama town), I cannot relate to the fear people of color have when getting pulled over. I cannot imagine what must be going through their mind as those lights turn on. I can only offer this advice: running increases the danger. Running adds “contempt of cop” to your encounter, increasing the danger. Running adds guns being drawn on you as soon as you finally stop or are stopped, increasing the danger. Increasing the danger and likelihood of a bad encounter seems counterproductive if you’re afraid of a police enounter.

I’m actually amazed at how many suspects successfully elude a police pursuit. If they are willing to be absolutely reckless and have a fast enough car they can get away. The police have to at least slow down a bit at stop signs and red lights and the suspect does not (if they’re willing to risk their lives doing so). This leads to the police falling behind. Once they are behind enough, the suspect can turn off the road and hide or continue fleeing in a direction the officers are not aware of. It’s not uncommon to hear officers gripe about stop signs and red lights in their dashcam videos. I think sometimes they would prefer to be able to blow through them as well, and sometimes they do: especially if they have a partner in the car who can yell out “clear” as they approach an intersection.


One thing is absolutely certain watching all the police chase dashcams: too many drivers are not paying attention to their rear-view mirrors as they drive. We were taught in Driver’s Ed to constantly scan our rear-view and side mirrors in addition to the windshield view. It’s clear drivers aren’t really doing that now. Are they no longer teaching this? Have we become too reliant on blind spot warning systems that we don’t pay attention to our mirrors anymore? You should not be surprised when an officer is behind you with their lights and sirens on and you’re blocking the route. You should have seen that pursuit coming behind you already and been ready for it. But you weren’t watching your rear-view mirrors.

Keeping an eye on the rear-view mirror is even more important today than it ever has been because cars are way quieter on the inside than they used to be. Inside older cars you could hear sirens a long way off, but in modern cars you sometimes can’t hear them until they’re right on top of you. I don’t know why manufacturers thought this was the safe way to go, because it is definitely not safe. It doesn’t matter if motorists want quieter vehicles if it creates unsafe conditions where they can’t hear emergency vehicle sirens, motorcycles, approaching trains, etc.

On the complete opposite side of cars not knowing a chase is on them until they’re blocking the officer right behind them, is the drivers who panic and make the situation worse for everyone as they veer into another lane without looking or slam on their brakes.

So let’s cover what you SHOULD do if a pursuit is coming up behind you.

1. Stay predictable. Police are aware of the speed limit and what traffic is doing and they take that into account. Staying at your speed in your lane is actually the best approach to take, because it’s predictable and police can account for it. Don’t hit your brakes and slow down. If you can get out of the lane they are in safely, then do so, even if that means speeding up a bit to get ahead of the vehicle you were passing. Hitting your brakes or slamming on your brakes or aggressively or recklessly changing lanes complicates things for the pursuing officers and can cause a chain reaction that can lead to the suspect getting away or an accident. It’s okay to speed to get out of their way: they’re not concerned about you temporarily doing 15 over to get out of their way. If you were scanning your mirrors like you’re supposed to, you will have enough time to take action safely to either clear a lane or create a gap large enough for officers to get through from lane to lane without you having to change lanes.

2. Don’t panic. Stay focused on the traffic and road. On rural roads, pull over as much as you safely can. Remember, don’t brake quickly, just slow down and pull over as much as possible. If you have enough lead time, you can pull into a driveway or parking lot, but don’t do that if they’re too close, as you doing so could cause a safety issue for the pursuing officers and other vehicles. On divided highways and interstates, stay in your lane. Do not move to the shoulders, as suspects and officers will use them to get around you, so do not block them. What’s important is that there are gaps for the officers to get through, so speed up if you need to in order to create a gap. Only change lanes if you have enough lead time and it’s safe to do so (if the officer is immediately behind you, speed up to change lanes for them: do not brake!). Remember, predictability is taken into account by pursuing officers, and sudden braking or lane changes can put everyone at risk. On an interstate, if you’re near an exit when the pursuit is coming up on you, it’s better to not take it. Suspects and police use exit merge lanes to bypass traffic and suspects will often use them as a decoy to try to shake the pursuing officers. You don’t want to be there if that happens.

3. Be aware of your surroundings. Even if you have a green light at an intersection, it’s always advisable to look both ways before entering the intersection: at a minimum to watch for red light runners. Look for emergency vehicle lights coming your way and if you see them, don’t enter the intersection. Your sight is more important in quiet modern cars where you can’t hear the sirens until they’re really close. There are enough videos of drivers plowing into fire trucks, ambulances, and police. Don’t be the person who is in the next video of such an instance.

4. Don’t get involved. This rarely happens and even rarer still is when it actually helps instead of hinders or puts officers and the public in danger. There are times officers will ask truckers to create a rolling roadblock, but that is incredibly rare. They are coordinated with the officers and truckers who are in constant contact over CB and anyone not directly involved should not get in the way. In most instances where a civilian tries to help, it creates havoc and unsafe conditions for everyone involved. Stay out of it and let the police do their job. If you have a dashcam, then you can get involved the correct way: save the video and send it to police to help with their investigation and court case against the suspect.


Police chases are not going to end. No matter your view on whether they should happen in the first place, they are not going to stop. While the police do take some actions to protect the public during pursuits, honestly, you should rely more on yourself to protect yourself: stay predictable, don’t panic, don’t get involved, and be aware of your surroundings.

Police are constantly working on new methods and technologies to bring chases to a quick and safe end. The introduction of grapplers could be a game changer if the vehicles with grapplers attached can get to the pursuit. Not all police vehicles can get grapplers because of the weight they add. Grapplers will need to have their weight significantly reduced before they can be deployed on all police vehicles. The trials being done on electronic darts that disable vehicle computers are promising, but are not large scale deployable right now and don’t work on older model vehicles. The new spike strips that slowly let air out of tires instead of rapidly deflating them or blowing them out has significantly reduced post-strip accidents and helped bring pursuits to an end more quickly. Deploying any anti-pursuit tactics relies on timing, skill, and luck, and puts the officer deploying the tactic at risk. So it is a constant weighing of risks and variables by the pursuing officers.

Stay safe out there folks. And remember to scan those mirrors: they’re there for a reason.

BWAHAHA 1/31 – 2/6

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 1/31 – 2/6: Mostly a boring week for me. I have no car since my windshield is still shattered from the basketball goal that fell on it, so I’m a captive in my own home. But since I don’t have any money thanks to a giant electric bill, that’s probably a good thing. Hey, at least I’m kicking ass on Skyrim (playing from scratch for the tenth time).

I’m still disappointed in the Seahawks’ Super Bowl loss. I don’t care how many times the coach explains why he chose to throw the ball, it was still a bad call when you had at least one more down (barring any penalties on the Pat’s side) to try to get Marshawn (or at least a QB sneak) that one fucking yard! What’s done is done, sure, but fuck the Patriots.


  • Coming down from the DJ booth, I missed the last step and fell. I’m so gonna feel it in the morning. #ClubLife
  • Google finally has a an up-to-date pic of my house (fire pit & Rondo visible). But WTF is that shiny shit?

    Google finally has a an up-to-date pic of my house (fire pit & Rondo visible). But WTF is that shiny shit?

  • If you’re a Christian, shouldn’t you support gay marriage? After all, the more gay couples getting married, the sooner Jesus will come back!
  • More people are flying their own drones, so UFO reports should go up. And a UFO report is just admitting your inability to ID the common. Like this drone, it’s sure to get some UFO reports.
  • Feeling brave? I can legally perform marriages in the state of Alabama.


  • I’m in a room full of 13 men all hoping for a Katy Perry wardrobe malfunction. #SB49
  • Katy Perry is wearing a flaming Hunger Games dress. #SB49 #HalftimeShow
  • Those Beach balls are not deflated. #SB49 #HalftimeShow
  • When did Missy Elliott become a NASCAR driver? #SB49 #HalftimeShow
  • Wow, look at all those blue balls on the field. #SB49 #HalftimeShow
  • Man that sucks, but at least we got a UFC fight at the end. #SB49
  • There is only one question I have. #WhyDidTheyThrowTheBall


  • Alabama jumped from 49th to 50th dumbest state #BecauseIDied @midnight
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ I got a huge break on my carbon credits.
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ I’ll never see all of the Internet.
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ the cats only survived for three more weeks.
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ the Seattle Seahawks won the Super Bowl. Oh wait, I’m still alive.
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ the 2016 Republican Presidential candidate will win by one vote.
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ Jesus was like, “Screw it, make ’em wait another 2,000+ years.”
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ God became an atheist.
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ the Cult of Namira had a week-long banquet. ‪#‎Skyrim‬
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ I didn’t see Martial Law declared so that Obama could have a Third Term.
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ my guns are now in less-responsible hands: the police.
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ everyone attending my funeral has to listen to Enjoy the Silence by Depeche Mode (ironically) for two hours on loop.
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ I won’t see Star Wars XLIX: Red Zone Force
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ I can now haunt Fred Phelps with taunts of “God hates nags.”
  • @midnight ‪#‎BecauseIDied‬ I found Waldo and Carmen Sandiego: they’re sitting next to me in Hell.


  • 1. The 1 driver you'll let cut you off. 2. The 1 driver you don't want to have road rage. 3. He can run a red light.

    1. The 1 driver you’ll let cut you off. 2. The 1 driver you don’t want to have road rage. 3. He can run a red light.

  • And here I was thinking the Fast & Furious series CGI'd all their stunts.

    And here I was thinking the Fast & Furious series CGI’d all their stunts.

  • Ever since re-releasing GTA5 on PS4, shit like this has started again. GTA5 or Real Life?

    Ever since re-releasing GTA5 on PS4, shit like this has started again. GTA5 or Real Life?

BWAHAHA 12/6 – 12/12:

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 12/6 – 12/12: I’m a couple of weeks behind and playing catch-up today.

I spent the second part of my week dealing with a conservative radio talk show host who didn’t like a satire piece I wrote for the Rocket Wrangler about his racist activities (link below). I mean, I already suspected he was a douchebag for his “one man protest” of “Police Lives Matter” and his ignorance of what exactly white privilege is and how it’s NOT an insult. But then he finds out that I’m on the dais for an upcoming comedy charity event and threatens to not support the show or advertise for it unless I’m removed. Now, I no longer suspected he was a douchebag, but knew he was a douchebag. You can also imagine how disappointed I was that the charity event chose to not stand up to his bullying. Here is a man who talks shit about people every single day on his show, but let one satire piece call him out, and suddenly he’s a whiny beotch (and a hypocritical asshole). Of course he’ll never understand the irony of an anti-big government conservative out there protesting in favor of the police. His brain’s too small to process that kind of thinking. The best part about all of this is that he wanted me to come on his show and debate him. Really? You didn’t want me on the charity event but you want me on your show? Two words: fuck you. Why on earth would I come on your show? You’re clearly an ignorant racist conservative asshole who puts yourself above others (you know, demanding your way because your little feelings were hurt when someone decided to make fun of your asinine stunt) and demanding to get your way or you’re taking your ball and going home. You’re a childish asshole and there’s no way I would ever come on your show. I’ve been on Hannity a few times, Megan Kelly (I even made her throw a temper tantrum on live TV), and many others. But you? Nope. Fuck your show.


I do believe this app is confused.

I do believe this app is confused.

  • Grammar Nazis Are Annoying
  • Because sometimes the best thing to do with stupid, is laugh at it: Radio Deejay Has One-Man Protest
  • 'Murica! Fuck Yeah! Peace on Earth! And support the wars overseas! #IronicChristmasTree

    ‘Murica! Fuck Yeah! Peace on Earth! And support the wars overseas! #IronicChristmasTree

  • Thanks to the Punk Goes Pop series, Suzie and I finally have music we can listen to together.


  • The Grand Jury decided not to indict the officer involved.

    The Grand Jury decided not to indict the officer involved.

  • This is why cars should not be using ladders. Safety first!

    This is why cars should not be using ladders. Safety first!

  • Merry Dickmas!

    Merry Dickmas!

BWAHAHA 11/15 – 11/21:

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 11/15 – 11/21: Monday night, the 17th, was an epic night for me: in every sense of the word. I was given the privilege of opening up for NYC comedian Carlos Valencia right here in Huntsville, Alabama! Thanks so much to my co-openers Nate Bailie, Tom Hand, and Jonathan Craig! Thanks to Matthew Tate for hosting the shit out of the show and for agreeing to bring in Carlos. Thanks to Carlos Valencia for swinging through and headlining and giving us the opportunity to open for him with an amazing crowd! Thank you to everyone who came out that night to the show and supported comedy. That was the most people I’ve ever seen in Maggie Meyer’s on a Monday night. At one point I’m pretty sure we were standing room only. It always feels good when people come up after a show and tell you how funny you were. So as a comic, Monday night was epic for the number of times that happened to me. It’s gratifying and it’s encouraging and it’s appreciated beyond words and measure. The epic continued into post-show open mic, encore by Carlos, and then a trip to Copper Top for karaoke where Carlos finished his Bon Jovi joke by singing Wanted Dead or Alive with a bunch of us comics doing back-up vocals from across the room. The epicness continued further as Carlos and I sat up until 5 am shooting the shit on my couch. Thanks again everyone!!!!

Huntsville comedy is doing a fundraiser so we can do more advertising and get the local scene to a new level. These awesome shirts are for sale! Buy one or two and help support local comedy and look good while doing it!



That moment where you hesitate: is my neighbor's house burning down or is he burning leaves?

That moment where you hesitate: is my neighbor’s house burning down or is he burning leaves?

  • It’s so cold outside, I got a brain freeze from breathing.
  • I’m notorious for leaving my wallet at home. So I took pix of my DL, car/health ins. cards, AAA card, and company card to keep on my phone.
  • After today, I decided that the overwhelming majority of men at yard sales are there by force, coercion, false promises, or manipulation.
  • I just sang Enjoy the Silence ironically at karaoke. Now doing backup for Carlos Valencia doing Wanted Dead or Alive
  • Trying new jokes tonight at Bootleg Comedy. Come watch me and other comics succeed or fail. If the jokes aren’t funny, you can at least laugh at us!
  • I couldn’t do my sleepgasm joke tonight because the first comedian on stage did a sleepgasm joke. On the positive side, at least now I know I’m not the only person that’s happened to.
  • I have my computer (playing Pandora) hooked up to my large ass speakers. I think my house is going to shake apart.
  • Tip for Southerners from this once Northerner now living in the South: warm your jacket in the dryer before you head outside. Warm goodness!


  • “Only a white man would make a fire for everyone to see.” ‪#‎TheWalkingDead‬ Dances With Wolves version.
  • “Oh, you’ll never ever know. The one who loved you so. Well, you don’t know me.” – Ray Charles ‪#‎TheWalkingDead‬
  • Become a St. Louis police officer. ‪#‎HowToGetAwayWithMurder‬
  • Do it in a city with an overwhelmed and underpaid police force, like Detroit. ‪#‎HowToGetAwayWithMurder‬


  • Ted Talks Bundy ‪#‎LamerCriminals‬ @midnight
  • Ed Half-Geiner ‪#‎LamerCriminals‬ @midnight
  • The Light Stalker ‪#‎LamerCriminals‬ @midnight
  • Atlanta Stripper ‪#‎LamerCriminals‬ @midnight
  • Boston Terrier Wrangler ‪#‎LamerCriminals‬ @midnight
  • The O’Jays Back Stabbers ‪#‎LamerCriminals‬ @midnight
  • Jack the Crippler ‪#‎LamerCriminals‬ @midnight
  • Pugsy Beagle ‪#‎LamerCriminals‬ @midnight
  • Billy the Toddler ‪#‎LamerCriminals‬ @midnight
  • Bunny & Clydesdale ‪#‎LamerCriminals‬ @midnight
  • Underoos Bomber ‪#‎LamerCriminals‬ @midnight


Accept grammer... grammer is to hard four God. And of course their Alabama fans! Roll Tide for 'Bama Educashun!

Accept grammer… grammer is to hard four God. And of course their Alabama fans! Roll Tide for ‘Bama Educashun!

When walking the L.A. river, always carry a flotation device, because you never know when a flash flood will hit.

When walking the L.A. river, always carry a flotation device, because you never know when a flash flood will hit. The crazy thing is that I’m not sure which of the two is doing the walk of shame…

BWAHAHA: 9/27 – 10/3

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 9/27 – 10/3: Did you catch the NOAA Ocean Explorer live on 9/29? If not, you missed some really cool science: cool in the sense of scientists learning new stuff and discovering new attributes to known species: all live. It was some pretty amazing stuff.

Ebola arrived in the United States this week and people reacted as expected: ignorance and fear mongering. Look, you’re ignorant of the facts, I get that, but instead of reacting in ignorance, why not pick up a fucking science book or go online to an actual science-based medical web page (in other words, not “Natural News”) and learn about how Ebola works, is transferred, what it’s carrier rate is, etc. And you’ll find that there’s no reason to panic or be afraid here in the U.S. where we have infrastructure in place. But instead, you’ll spout off stupid shit on your Facebook page, making Chimpanzees appear more intelligent than you.

Cumin and Cinnamon look too much alike. Last week my girlfriend accidentally added cinnamon to her chicken salad. This week I accidentally added cumin to my milkshake instead of cinnamon. Luckily I realized my mistake quickly and didn’t put too much in. But here’s the weird part… it actually tasted really good. So we decided to transfer the cinnamon from the store bottle to our own glass bottle. No more mistaking the two.


I probably just mowed my grass for the last time this season… but I’ll be mowing leaves for months.

#MentionYourGirlSoNobodyStealsHer is trending. Sigh. Women are not property. Only property can be stolen. Just tell her that you love her.

Oh no, my PS3 is getting buggy and crashing. This is not allowed, because I can’t afford a PS4. C’mon technology gods, smile upon me!

CDC confirms first Ebola case in U.S.: time to go buy all the bread and milk at the grocery store.

Ebola case in Dallas, TX. Conservatives blaming illegal immigrants in 3… 2… 1…

CDC confirms Ebola in U.S.: Conservatives blaming Obama or MSNBC in 3… 2… 1…

Mother Nature has refused to give me a storm for almost a month. It’ll probably storm while I’m camping in 2 weeks; she’s mean like that.

Apparently the Rapture happened yesterday, but only black kids were taken, so no one noticed.

Regarding Ebola in Dallas: “I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.” – Ripley


I Love Pucy #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1950s
The Twilight Tone #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1950s
Leave It to Beaner #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1950s
The Boy Rogers Show #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1950s
Sea Cunt #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1950s #TooSoon
This is Your Wife #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1950s
The Bob Dope Show #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1950s
The Honeymoaners #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1950s
The Bone Ranger #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1950s
Fragnet #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1950s
The Perry Homo Show #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1950s
The Hickey House Club #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1950s

The Beverly Pillbillies #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1960s
I Cream of Jeannie #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1960s
Stay Trek #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1960s
The Virginman #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1960s
My Three Sins #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1960s
Hogan’s Herpes #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1960s
The Bollywood Squares #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1960s
Fister Ed #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1960s
The Perv Griffin Show #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1960s
Thunderbards #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1960s

Little Mouse on the Prairie #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1970s
Happy Gays #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1970s
The Nukes of Hazzard #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1970s
Starsky And Butch #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1970s
The Six Million Hollar Man #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1970s
Wander Woman #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1970s
The Love Goat #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1970s
Welcome Back, Potter #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1970s #Hogwarts
The Incredible Bulk #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1970s

Dull House #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1980s
Poonlighting #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1980s
Who’s the Hoss? #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1980s
Males from the Crypt #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1980s
The B-Team #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1980s
Ramington Steele #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1980s

Mom and Jerry #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow
As The World Burns #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow
Captain Wangaroo #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow
Gays of our Lives #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow
The Flintstoned #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow
Fister Rogers’ Neighborhood #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow
The Pride is Right #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow
The Puppet Show #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow
Reading Painbow #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow

University Studios #BadThemeParks @midnight
Lush Gardens #BadThemeParks @midnight
Disney’s Ipecac Center #BadThemeParks @midnight


How police interact with black people when the police don't have guns...

How police interact with black people when the police don’t have guns…

New evidence surfaces regarding the decline in polar bear numbers...

New evidence surfaces regarding the decline in polar bear numbers…