BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 11/22 – 11/28: Racists didn’t fail us this last week and easily identified themselves for deletion, unfriending, blocking, etc. Look, I don’t care if you think Darren Wilson was innocent or guilty. I really don’t. But what I do care about is if you’re so fucking stupid that you actually think he’s a hero. I also care if you’re referring to rioting black people as “animals” but when white people destroy a city after their favorite sports team wins or loses, you refer to them as “stupid drunk kids.” I don’t care if you have privilege, because there’s nothing wrong with privilege, per se, the problem is when you don’t recognize your privilege and you don’t recognize the lack of privilege in others. If you think because you grew up in a trailer park with an alcoholic redneck dad that somehow you’re not a privileged white male… well, you’re a twit who doesn’t understand how privilege actually works and you’re making an ass of yourself. So just shut up. Please.
I spent most of this week avoiding social media to avoid getting pissed at idiots. Also because of Thanksgiving. So I didn’t participate in any Caption Central, #HashtagWar, etc. So… small blog entry this week. I hope everyone had a safe and awesome Turkey Day!
I’m a magnet for these morons. It’s as if they don’t see me. This moron not only pulled out in front of me, but pulled so far out into the center lane that it looked like he was going left and I was in the clear. Then… turns right in front of me. Luckily I was paying attention and didn’t hit him.
I’m on a woo woo train heading to Wooville. Definitely getting off at the next stop. Okay, can’t get off that easy, someone send Steven Segal to come rescue me. I’m totally under siege.
White privilege rearing it’s head in stupid Facebook comments in 5… 4… 3… 2…
I was feeling a little down yesterday and needed a pick-me-up. So I called a taxi.
After dusting the furniture, my Man Card was restored when I saved the day by fixing the vacuum. #SexistChores
I think I’m the only one actively using ‘Ello. It’s like talking to myself in there.
BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 11/15 – 11/21: Monday night, the 17th, was an epic night for me: in every sense of the word. I was given the privilege of opening up for NYC comedian Carlos Valencia right here in Huntsville, Alabama! Thanks so much to my co-openers Nate Bailie, Tom Hand, and Jonathan Craig! Thanks to Matthew Tate for hosting the shit out of the show and for agreeing to bring in Carlos. Thanks to Carlos Valencia for swinging through and headlining and giving us the opportunity to open for him with an amazing crowd! Thank you to everyone who came out that night to the show and supported comedy. That was the most people I’ve ever seen in Maggie Meyer’s on a Monday night. At one point I’m pretty sure we were standing room only. It always feels good when people come up after a show and tell you how funny you were. So as a comic, Monday night was epic for the number of times that happened to me. It’s gratifying and it’s encouraging and it’s appreciated beyond words and measure. The epic continued into post-show open mic, encore by Carlos, and then a trip to Copper Top for karaoke where Carlos finished his Bon Jovi joke by singing Wanted Dead or Alive with a bunch of us comics doing back-up vocals from across the room. The epicness continued further as Carlos and I sat up until 5 am shooting the shit on my couch. Thanks again everyone!!!!
Huntsville comedy is doing a fundraiser so we can do more advertising and get the local scene to a new level. These awesome shirts are for sale! Buy one or two and help support local comedy and look good while doing it!
That moment where you hesitate: is my neighbor’s house burning down or is he burning leaves?
It’s so cold outside, I got a brain freeze from breathing.
I’m notorious for leaving my wallet at home. So I took pix of my DL, car/health ins. cards, AAA card, and company card to keep on my phone.
After today, I decided that the overwhelming majority of men at yard sales are there by force, coercion, false promises, or manipulation.
I just sang Enjoy the Silence ironically at karaoke. Now doing backup for Carlos Valencia doing Wanted Dead or Alive
Trying new jokes tonight at Bootleg Comedy. Come watch me and other comics succeed or fail. If the jokes aren’t funny, you can at least laugh at us!
I couldn’t do my sleepgasm joke tonight because the first comedian on stage did a sleepgasm joke. On the positive side, at least now I know I’m not the only person that’s happened to.
I have my computer (playing Pandora) hooked up to my large ass speakers. I think my house is going to shake apart.
Tip for Southerners from this once Northerner now living in the South: warm your jacket in the dryer before you head outside. Warm goodness!
140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATION:
“Only a white man would make a fire for everyone to see.” #TheWalkingDead Dances With Wolves version.
“Oh, you’ll never ever know. The one who loved you so. Well, you don’t know me.” – Ray Charles #TheWalkingDead
Become a St. Louis police officer. #HowToGetAwayWithMurder
Do it in a city with an overwhelmed and underpaid police force, like Detroit. #HowToGetAwayWithMurder
Ted Talks Bundy #LamerCriminals @midnight
Ed Half-Geiner #LamerCriminals @midnight
The Light Stalker #LamerCriminals @midnight
Atlanta Stripper #LamerCriminals @midnight
Boston Terrier Wrangler #LamerCriminals @midnight
The O’Jays Back Stabbers #LamerCriminals @midnight
Jack the Crippler #LamerCriminals @midnight
Pugsy Beagle #LamerCriminals @midnight
Billy the Toddler #LamerCriminals @midnight
Bunny & Clydesdale #LamerCriminals @midnight
Underoos Bomber #LamerCriminals @midnight
Accept grammer… grammer is to hard four God. And of course their Alabama fans! Roll Tide for ‘Bama Educashun!
When walking the L.A. river, always carry a flotation device, because you never know when a flash flood will hit. The crazy thing is that I’m not sure which of the two is doing the walk of shame…