BWAHAHA 3/14 – 3/20

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 3/14 – 3/20: I had a really awesome birthday. I didn’t want a birthday party and just asked my friends to come over and play Karaoke Against Humanity with me. But they brought me presents and made it awesome anyway. I got plenty of hot stuff, some alcohol, and goodies, and I got this amazing handmade figurine of me made by my friend Cory. It’s fucking awesome (pic below)! What is Karaoke Against Humanity you ask? Well, you play Cards Against Humanity like normal, but the reader chooses the worst card (in addition to the winning card) and the person who played that card has to sing a random karaoke song to the rest of the players. The way I do it is I pick “songs everyone should know” based on several lists and compile them into a numbered file and then the loser has to pick a random number out of a bowl and sing that number. No one knows what you’re going to sing until it appears on the screen. Don’t know the song? Too fucking bad… just make that shit up.

OTHER STUFF:

  • My friend Cory made this for me for my birthday. The details are amazing, from my hanging wallet, to the EBM graphic tee, glasses, and my "gay Jesus stance." Cory, I love 'ya man!

    My friend Cory made this for me for my birthday. The details are amazing, from my hanging wallet, to the EBM graphic tee, glasses, and my “gay Jesus stance.” Cory, I love ‘ya man!

  • Caught a vendor selling fake gems at the Rock & Gem show. UGH, what a rock tease!
  • 20150316b

    Good, now I can post this picture on Facebook without having to worry about being banned.

  • The IRS mileage rate is now $0.575/mile. Might be time for a trip somewhere…
  • 20150317b

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

  • Osmosis: When you lose a couple of pounds listening to Marie Osmond talk about NutriSystem. #NewDefinitions
  • I guess we got tired of just zombies getting killed and were like, let’s kill humans tonight. ‪#‎TWD‬ ‪#‎DeadBuzz‬
  • Only the good die young. ‪#‎TWD‬ ‪#‎DeadBuzz‬ ‪#‎RIPNoah‬
  • Interstellar would have been a better movie if the wormhole went to ‪#‎Poopiter‬ @midnight

CAPTION CENTRAL:

  • No one told Tigger that bouncing was illegal in Thailand. Tigger done bounced too far this time!

    No one told Tigger that bouncing was illegal in Thailand. Tigger done bounced too far this time!

BWAHAHA 1/17 – 1/23

Seahawks-wood-banner

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 1/17 – 1/23: First, let me start off by saying, THE MOTHERFUCKING SEAHAWKS ARE GOING TO THE MOTHERFUCKING SUPER BOWL!!!!!!! I’ve been a Seahawks fan since I was 13-years-old. I spent almost 30 years watching them lose and lose and lose and lose. And now, two years in a MOTHERFUCKING ROW!!!!! If you’re not a football fan, the next week is going to suck for you on social media.

So the State of the Union happened as well. I always enjoy watching the reaction of the Congress as the President speaks and what they do and do not decide to clap for and stand up for. It’s a great way to check out the mindset of each party. I’ve decided to start calling it the State of the Loonion. My observations based on the behavior of Republicans during the State of the Loonion Address:

  • Republicans be like, “Fuck child care.”
  • Republicans be like, “Fuck equal pay for women.”
  • Republicans be like, “Fuck community college.”
  • Republicans be like, “Fuck climate change and fuck future generations.”
  • Republicans be like, “Fuck gay rights.”
  • Republicans be like, “Fuck women’s access to health care.”
  • Republicans be like, “Fuck the right to vote.”
  • Republicans be like, “Fuck better politics.”
  • Republicans be like, “Fuck the fact that Democrat and Republican citizens agreed with Obama 90% of the time on Bing Pulse tonight.”

Yeah, the Bing Pulse minute-by-minute poll showed Republicans and Democrats agreeing at least 90% of the time with everything Obama was saying. The red and blue lines were almost exactly the same throughout the entire speech. Independents were all over the place and looked like arrhythmia on an EKG, but that’s normal for them. So if Republican citizens agreed with almost everything Obama said… why are Republican leaders so against everything he said? Methinks your base is narrower than thou doth think!

OTHER STUFF:

  • Thanks to YouTube’s random recommendations, I just discovered Japanese Steampunk.
  • I tried to type “Go Colts” and auto correct changed it to “Go Clits.” I’m more surprised that Clits is in my phone’s dictionary.
  • If the Patriots did use deflated balls, I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.
  • Ready to watch the State of the Loonion.
  • In the “I wish I had thought of this category:” Rich people: the reason your conspiracy theory is nonsense. Silly… but true.
  • Osmosis: Becoming fans of Donny & Marie after hearing their songs at a friend’s house. Side note: you shouldn’t be friend with that person.
  • Me: “Your dog and I have known each other for almost seven years.” GF: “But we’ve only known each other for about a year.” Me: “Exactly.”
  • Mutineer: someone who climbs hills instead of mountains.
  • Support LGBT rights? Don’t read the comments on articles about Alabama. The bigots are showing their asses and you don’t want to see it.
  • Victory in Alabama for those who don’t let a Bronze Age book tell us who people can and cannot love.

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

  • I drink so Lele b bow that I’m a librettist arty veining. 8 necessary to Dino now. #DrunkTexting
  • Someone has some Green Bay NFC Champs shirts on sale somewhere. @Seahawks are #SuperbowlBound

@MIDNIGHT #HASHTAGWARS:

  • The Bookie of Life #ToughGuyRomComs @midnight
  • Pinch Hitter Perfect #ToughGuyRomComs @midnight
  • Shredding Crashers #ToughGuyRomComs @midnight
  • American Pie Hard (With a Vengeance) #ToughGuyRomComs @midnight
  • There’s Something About Gary Cooper #ToughGuyRomComs @midnight
  • Menchanted #ToughGuyRomComs @midnight
  • The Housearrest Brony #ToughGuyRomComs @midnight
  • Pretty in Pink Spray from a .50cal Bullet #ToughGuyRomComs @midnight
  • Youv’e Got Male Pattern Baldness #ToughGuyRomComs @midnight
  • Boxanne #ToughGuyRomComs @midnight