BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 1/10 – 1/16: It sleeted and snowed in Huntsville, Alabama on the 15th. Northerners may find that odd, but it’s not as uncommon here in North Alabama as one would think (just four years ago we had 12″ of snow on the ground at my house). What made this event unique was not the snow and sleet, but the fact that the city did not shut down at all. No school closings. No businesses shutting down. Redstone Arsenal stayed open. Colleges stayed open. The I-565 overpasses stayed open. If you live anywhere around Huntsville, you’ll know that the overpasses staying open is a major fucking deal when it comes to getting snow and ice in these parts. So well done Huntsville, you actually didn’t panic this time and there is still bread and milk in the grocery stores.
This week was both tedious and boring. Tedious because of all the sites I’m working on and then my boss threw three more on top of me. Tons of work to do for those sites. Boring, because it’s pretty much the same work for every single site. For those that don’t know, I work with prisons and jails. Both of those have a tendency to locate themselves in small towns and rural areas. The reason they do so is because small towns and rural areas vote them in so that the inmates count as their population, thus making their state and federal tax revenue greater. Yep, prisons are a money-making scheme all around. But newsflash prisons: building in those areas makes it hard sometimes to get the telecommunications that you need. A prison in the middle of nowhere in Pennsylvania that I’m working on is suffering from that now. The local TelCo cannot get the circuits I need until March 31st. So much for getting their system in within 45 days of the order coming in. Sure, build for economic reasons up front, but in the long run, that shit’s gonna cost you more than you’ve got coming in.
Friday night I had the pleasure of performing at the Alright Bayou Comedy Show here in Huntsville. It was an amazing show with a great crowd and my fellow comedians were awesome. Make sure you keep up with local comedy in Huntsville by following Huntsville Comedy on Twitter or Facebook and check out the Huntsville Comedy web page as well!
Habanero powder in the nose… great way to start the night. On the plus side (after 100 sneezes), I can breathe really great!
I guess I didn’t clean off the driver’s seat well enough… I now have a piece of glass stuck in my left ass cheek. Fun times ahead…
I always appreciate when the Oscars nominations release: it lets me know which movies I don’t want to see (with a 99% accuracy rating).
I like how a country music station in Texas favorited my Tweet about me not liking country music.
It’s scary how well the Internet knows me sometimes…
Snowmageddon: We’re All Gonna DIE! #alwx
140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:
Some of us are getting more snow than others. #WhitePrivilege
Useth thou cell to texteth thine archers to unleasheth fury upon thine enemies!
Now everyone knows that Christina doesn’t want to get married. Ever. Learn something new: Gamophobia or Anthrophobia?
Someone needs to let Mike’s Mom know he sleeps with the fishes.
We’re all gonna DIE!!!!!!!
What it feels like to put on a condom.
Charles instantly regretted wearing pink to the black tie event.
BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 11/15 – 11/21: Monday night, the 17th, was an epic night for me: in every sense of the word. I was given the privilege of opening up for NYC comedian Carlos Valencia right here in Huntsville, Alabama! Thanks so much to my co-openers Nate Bailie, Tom Hand, and Jonathan Craig! Thanks to Matthew Tate for hosting the shit out of the show and for agreeing to bring in Carlos. Thanks to Carlos Valencia for swinging through and headlining and giving us the opportunity to open for him with an amazing crowd! Thank you to everyone who came out that night to the show and supported comedy. That was the most people I’ve ever seen in Maggie Meyer’s on a Monday night. At one point I’m pretty sure we were standing room only. It always feels good when people come up after a show and tell you how funny you were. So as a comic, Monday night was epic for the number of times that happened to me. It’s gratifying and it’s encouraging and it’s appreciated beyond words and measure. The epic continued into post-show open mic, encore by Carlos, and then a trip to Copper Top for karaoke where Carlos finished his Bon Jovi joke by singing Wanted Dead or Alive with a bunch of us comics doing back-up vocals from across the room. The epicness continued further as Carlos and I sat up until 5 am shooting the shit on my couch. Thanks again everyone!!!!
Huntsville comedy is doing a fundraiser so we can do more advertising and get the local scene to a new level. These awesome shirts are for sale! Buy one or two and help support local comedy and look good while doing it!
That moment where you hesitate: is my neighbor’s house burning down or is he burning leaves?
It’s so cold outside, I got a brain freeze from breathing.
I’m notorious for leaving my wallet at home. So I took pix of my DL, car/health ins. cards, AAA card, and company card to keep on my phone.
After today, I decided that the overwhelming majority of men at yard sales are there by force, coercion, false promises, or manipulation.
I just sang Enjoy the Silence ironically at karaoke. Now doing backup for Carlos Valencia doing Wanted Dead or Alive
Trying new jokes tonight at Bootleg Comedy. Come watch me and other comics succeed or fail. If the jokes aren’t funny, you can at least laugh at us!
I couldn’t do my sleepgasm joke tonight because the first comedian on stage did a sleepgasm joke. On the positive side, at least now I know I’m not the only person that’s happened to.
I have my computer (playing Pandora) hooked up to my large ass speakers. I think my house is going to shake apart.
Tip for Southerners from this once Northerner now living in the South: warm your jacket in the dryer before you head outside. Warm goodness!
140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATION:
“Only a white man would make a fire for everyone to see.” #TheWalkingDead Dances With Wolves version.
“Oh, you’ll never ever know. The one who loved you so. Well, you don’t know me.” – Ray Charles #TheWalkingDead
Become a St. Louis police officer. #HowToGetAwayWithMurder
Do it in a city with an overwhelmed and underpaid police force, like Detroit. #HowToGetAwayWithMurder
Ted Talks Bundy #LamerCriminals @midnight
Ed Half-Geiner #LamerCriminals @midnight
The Light Stalker #LamerCriminals @midnight
Atlanta Stripper #LamerCriminals @midnight
Boston Terrier Wrangler #LamerCriminals @midnight
The O’Jays Back Stabbers #LamerCriminals @midnight
Jack the Crippler #LamerCriminals @midnight
Pugsy Beagle #LamerCriminals @midnight
Billy the Toddler #LamerCriminals @midnight
Bunny & Clydesdale #LamerCriminals @midnight
Underoos Bomber #LamerCriminals @midnight
Accept grammer… grammer is to hard four God. And of course their Alabama fans! Roll Tide for ‘Bama Educashun!
When walking the L.A. river, always carry a flotation device, because you never know when a flash flood will hit. The crazy thing is that I’m not sure which of the two is doing the walk of shame…