BWAHAHA 11/8 – 11/14:

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 11/8 – 11/14: Mostly a slow week for me outside of work. That may have been because I spent all day and into the evenings with actual fucking work. My boss decided I needed another nine facilities to work on top of the massive one that’s still giving us fits. While I appreciate your confidence in my skills… FUCK OFF!

And don’t forget on 11/17 starting at 8 pm at Maggie Meyer’s Irish Pub in Huntsville, Alabama: It’s Carlos Valencia!!! Opening up for Carlos are myself, Tom Hand, Nate Bailie, and Jonathan Craig with host Matthew Tate. This show is FREE!!!! Getting Carlos into Huntsville, Alabama is a major treat – so don’t miss out on this one. Get your ass down to Maggie Meyer’s on 11/17 for Carlos Valencia!

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OTHER STUFF:

  • It’s that time of year again… when I have to type the word “gifts” a lot. My brain thinks gifts, but it always types “figts.” #StupidBrain
  • Thank you Facebook, for finally making my dreams come true...

    Thank you Facebook, for finally making my dreams come true…

  • House just got hit with a couple of pretty good shock waves. No smoke. No fireballs. No sirens. #FuckingAliens
  • I almost had a heart attack as I think I’m $240 short… then I realize they still owe me $1,800. #SecondLooksSaveLives
  • We’re the only white people in a Korean restaurant. That means we chose correctly. #GreatEats
  • Thank you Internet, for teaching me how to use chopsticks in three seconds.
  • It’s too cold to wait for the crosswalk light. Cars have heaters: you can wait while I cross the street in the cold. #alwx #HSV
  • If this waitress’ yoga pants were any tighter, I could tell you how many eggs she had left in her ovaries.
  • Southern Comfort’s Vanilla Spice Egg Nog is at stores now…. so much for my diet.
  • It’s so cold outside, I got a brain freeze from breathing.
  • Any store that airs a Christmas commercial or puts up Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving automatically loses my business. I get selling Christmas shit: there’s a good market for it, but you don’t have to put up the fucking Christmas trees and lights and you definitely don’t need to playing motherfucking Jingle Bells on your Muzak machine. So essentially… I won’t be shopping anywhere and will die of starvation, because every motherfucking store I go into is violating this rule. UGH!

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATION:

  • Eugene was playing with his book worm. #TheWalkingDead
  • Voyeurism is not a science. #NotAScientist #TheWalkingDead

#HASHTAGWARS @MIDNIGHT

  • Mariah Heep Carey #RuinA90sBand @midnight #RuinA70sBandWhileYoureAtIt
  • Green Day-O (The Banana Boat Band) #RuinA90sBand @midnight
  • Liberian ReFugees #RuinA90sBand @midnight
  • Ice Cubism #RuinA90sBand @midnight
  • Liz Phairomone #RuinA90sBand @midnight
  • Korn Pops Cereal #RuinA90sBand @midnight
  • The Flaming Hips Don’t Lie #RuinA90sBand @midnight
  • YOLO La Tengo #RuinA90sBand @midnight
  • Dammit, Janet! Jackson #RuinA90sBand @midnight
  • Camilla the Choked Chicken #RejectedMuppets @midnight
  • Floyd Red Hot Chili Pepper #RejectedMuppets @midnight
  • Honey Foo-Foo #RejectedMuppets @midnight
  • Marvin “Big Kaboom” Suggs #RejectedMuppets @midnight
  • Mickey Mooseknuckles #RejectedMuppets @midnight

CAPTION CENTRAL

WWIII in 5... 4... 3... 2....

WWIII in 5… 4… 3… 2….

 

As long as it's under adult supervision... it's just fine.

As long as it’s under adult supervision… it’s just fine.

 

You're not fooling anyone Doraville... that's not a rescue vehicle.

You’re not fooling anyone Doraville… that’s not a rescue vehicle.

 

Wait, shouldn't he be wearing a gerbil costume?

Wait, shouldn’t he be wearing a gerbil costume?

 

If men gave birth... what would that kinda look like?

If men gave birth… what would that kinda look like?

 

Down in Florida is a new trendy store for seniors called Hot Tropics.

Down in Florida is a new trendy store for seniors called Hot Tropics.

 

BREAKING NEWS: A FOX News Viewer allows us to view them in their bubble.

BREAKING NEWS: A FOX News Viewer allows us to view them in their bubble.

Nine Inch Nails

“Heresy” by Nine Inch Nails.

Listen to this Song!

Words and music by Trent Reznor. © 1994 Leaving Hope/TVT Music, Inc.

He sewed his eyes shut because he is afraid to see
He tries to tell me what I put inside of me
He’s got the answers to ease my curiosity
He dreamed a god up and called it Christianity

Your god is dead and no one cares
If there is a hell I will see you there

He flexed his muscles to keep his flock of sheep in line
He made a virus that would kill off all the swine
His perfect kingdom of killing, suffering and pain
Demands devotion atrocities done in his name

Your god is dead and no one cares
Drowning in his own hypocrisy
And if there is a hell I will see you there
Burning with your god in humility
Will you die for this?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Mr. Self Destruct” by Nine Inch Nails.

Listen to this Song!

Words and music by Trent Reznor. © 1994 Leaving Hope/TVT Music, Inc.

I am the voice inside your head – and I control you
I am the lover in your bed – and I control you
I am the sex that you provide – and I control you
I am the hate you try to hide – and I control you
I take you where you want to go
I give you all you need to know
I drag you down I use you up
Mr. Self Destruct

I speak religion’s message clear – and I control you
I am denial, guilt, and fear – and I control you
I am the prayers of the naive – and I control you
I am the lie that you believe – and I control you
I take you where you want to go
I five you all you need to know
I drag you down I use you up
Mr. Self Destruct

I am the needle in your vein – and I control you
I am the high you can’t sustain – and I control you
I am the pusher I’m a whore – and I control you
I am the need you have for more – and I control you
I am the bullet in the gun – and I control you
I am the truth from which you run – and I control you
I am the silencing machine – and I control you
I am the end of all your dreams – and I control you
I take you where you want to go
I give you all you need to know
I drag you down I use you up
Mr. Self Destruct

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Head Like A Hole” by Nine Inch Nails.

Listen to this Song!

Words and music by Trent Reznor. © 1989 TVT Music.

God money I’ll do anything for you
God money just tell me what you want me to
God money nail me up against the wall
God money don’t want everything he wants it all

No you can’t take it
No no you can’t take it
No you can’t take that away from me
Head like a hole
Black as your soul
I’d rather die than give you control
Head like a Soul
Black as a hole
I’d rather die than give you control
Bow down before the one you server
You’re going to get what you deserve

God money’s not looking for the cure
God money’s not concerned about the sick among the pure
God money let’s go dancing on the backs of the bruised
God money’s not one to choose

No you can’t take it
No no you can’t take it
No you can’t take that away from me
Head like a hole
Black as your soul
I’d rather die than give you control
Head like a Soul
Black as a hole
I’d rather die than give you control
Bow down before the one you server
You’re going to get what you deserve

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Terrible Lie” by Nine Inch Nails.

Listen to this Song!

Words and music by Trent Reznor. © 1989 TVT Music.

Hey God, why are you doing this to me?
Am I not living up to what I’m supposed to be?
Why am I seething with this animosity?
Hey God, I think you owe me a great big apology
Terrible Lie

Hey God, I really don’t know what you mean.
Seems like salvation comes only in our dreams.
I fell my hatred grow all the more extreme.
Hey God, can this world really be as sad as it seems?
Terrible Lie

Don’t take it away from me.
I need someone to hold onto.
Don’t take it away from me.
I need someone to hold onto.

Hey God, there’s nothing left for me to hide.
I lost my ignorance, security, and pride.
I’m all alone in a world you must despise.
Hey God, I believed the promises, the promises, and lies.
Terrible Lie

You made me throw it all away.
My morals left to decay.
How many you betray.
You’ve taken everything.
Terrible Lie

My head is filled with disease.
My skin is begging you please.
I’m on my hands and knees.
I want so much to believe.
I need someone to hold onto.
I need someone to hold onto.
I need someone to hold onto.
I need someone to hold onto.
I give you everything.
My sweet everything

Hey God, I really don’t know who I am.
In this world of piss