This week on Twitter (5/10 – 5/17)

This week on Twitter (5/10 – 5/17). Yeah, I know, it’s already July 24th, but I’ve got lots of catching up to do because I’m lazy as fuck but now and then get a bug up my ass to get my shit caught up.


Couldn’t light the candles because I don’t have a lighter in the house: ah, the joys of being a non-smoker now.


In the last 60 sec’s, Americans ate 27,000 hot dogs. Yep, dogs truly are man’s best friend.

Trending on Twitter now: “#HowToBlendInWithWhitePeople” – Somehow I don’t think that’s gonna be good for any color.


The new show “Ultimate Survivor: Alaska” is about not getting an STD, right?


So how is #AngelinaJolie supposed to film Salt II without her shakers?

Universal Studios has just announced that #AngelinaJolie will be starring in “Boob, Interrupted” followed by “Fuck Cancer!” #GoGirl

Taken 3: Bryan Mills on the phone with #AngelinaJolie ‘s breasts, “The next part is very important. They’re going to take you.”

#IfLilWaynesARapper then #AngelinaJolie is breastfeeding babies. #TooSoon

The Six-Fingered Man is participating in the #MarchAgainstMonsanto because Monsanto killed his father. Vicious cycle.


What irritates me most about the IRS scandal? It’s put Tea Party spokesidiots back on news shows. Thanks IRS.


I’m going to change my middle name to “TeaParty” so it takes the #IRS longer to realize I owe them money.