BWAHAHA: 3/8 – 3/14

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 3/8 – 3/14: Mother Nature was crazy this week down here in Alabama. In a 24-hour period I went from Air Conditioning to Heater and then back to Air Conditioning. Someone needs to punch Mother Nature in the ovaries.

3/8

Fuck it, it’s insured. Right? Wait, what do you mean it’s not insured!?!?!?!

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BLR 1:21; “Blair standeth at the pulpit with waving hands, he proclaimeth aloud, “Let there be cheese dip for all!

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3/9

I was on Burn The Boats talking about comedy and the Huntsville scene!

3/10

Consensus seems to be that the mating season should be in the Fall. So what would the human mating call be? I think (for men (and some women) it’ll be more like Peacocking: Spreading out they money in your wallet, fanning it out, and waving it around, while strutting in your finest clothes around your BMW.

You know, the more I think about, the more pissed I am that no one got me a Labia Menorah for Hanukkah!

3/11

Might want to see a doctor about that explosive ass of yours. Doctor visit is likely cheaper than all those patches.

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Training young Republicans to participate in American healthcare…

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“He’s got the whole world, in his jazz hands!”

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In honor of #Cosmos, check out The Critical Eye Podcast we did with Neil deGrasse Tyson!

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3/12

One thing the Malaysian crash has taught us: if we ever go to war with Malaysia, they’ll never find our submarines.

Seductive Delusions: How Everyday People Catch STDs, by Jill Grimes #SpringBreakBooks

Wow… the wind here is blowing harder than Snookie!

A hospital is not being “put to the test” when they are treating three patients. Stupid journalists.

And she wonders why she’s still single… #Housekeeping

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New Libertarian dentist office.

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Humans… the other white meat.

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Don Lemon has never seen anything like this (#HarlemExplosion)? Really? Umm… 9/11 anyone?

Pinkies up!

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Oh yeah! #TWD birthday!

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3/13

1988 like a MOFO! I miss that outfit. #TBT

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Used to get blue: now depression, sad: now bipolar, excited: now ADHD, jock itch: oh, still jock itch.

I wonder if anyone stuffed her ballot box? On a serious note, what were her parents thinking?

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3/14

To celebrate Pi day, I’m going to eat cake. Because fuck math.

BWAHAHA: 9/7 – 9/13

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 9/7 – 9/13: I had the honor of performing at the Homegrown Comedy Show in Huntsville, Alabama on 9/13.

9/8

Axe Body Spray says women are getting hotter: #OtherThingsCausedByClimateChange

Increased instances of Jock Itch and Athlete’s Foot: #OtherThingsCausedByClimateChange

My new zombiepocalypse rule: if you lack common sense, you’re off the team. Might use you as zombie bait.

9/10

This program contains footage of humans engaged in human behavior: viewer discretion is advised.

Finally posted the article I kept threatening to write: What I Learned At DragonCon

9/11

I feel like there’s something I’m supposed to be remembering today. Is today the anniversary of the Alamo?

With all the chatter on Twitter, I thought that maybe they were allowing up to 911 characters. Oh well.

Email from dating site: “goodpussy6969 wants to chat!” Wow, someone’s been taking classes in marketing skills!

Let’s stand our ground against iPads and smash them on the sidewalk! #GeorgeZimmerman

After the divorce #GerogeZimmerman will be standing on only half his ground.

9/12

No Snooki, that burning sensation between your legs is not your STD, the Jersey Shore is on fire.

Did the Stranger on the Shore pull The Drifters out from Under the Boardwalk that’s on fire?

Jersey residents are like, “Fire, what fire?”

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You know that part of the boardwalk that wasn’t damaged by Sandy? Yeah, fuck that part!

Fire doesn’t care about your No Trespassing sign.

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Putin, “…we must not forget that God created us equal.” Unless you’re LGBT, then Siberian prison for you!

How did I not know about Derek with Ricky Gervais? Bloody brilliant! But fuck him for causing tears in my eyes.

@rickygervais – finally watched #Derek. Thank you for making me laugh and then ripping my heart out of my chest with episode 7. #Kleenex

Correlation is not causation… unless you cut yourself correlating papers.

9/13

See what happens when you pray to end the Colorado fires? God just sends a flood instead.

The biggest drawback to Boulder flooding is how painful those boulders are.

I love it when anti-government Republican governors praise FEMA, White House, National Guard, etc during disasters.

Apparently a frog was trying to get a LADEE to kiss it so he could turn back into a prince. The LADEE rejected his advances.

Launch of the LADEE, frog jumps off launch pad. Must have thought it was a Lily Pad.

Launch of the LADEE, frog jumps off launch pad. Must have thought it was a Lily Pad.

Triskaidekaphobia: you do realize that the 14th floor of the hotel is actually the 13th floor, right?

Sad as the destruction is, you gotta admit that such a large fire being started by an ice cream store is ironically giggleific.