BWAHAHA: 2/15 – 2/21

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 2/15 – 2/21: This was actually a pretty fun week for me. I got my new speakers in (600W). I hooked them up to the PS3 and the whole house shakes when I throw a grenade. And for karaoke: one speaker for the music and mics now! The great thing is that I only have to turn the volume up to ¼ of the wattage to hear the music everywhere in the house. My neighbors are going to hate me after a while.

I finally got Last Of Us from GameFly. I was worried that it was going to be one of those stupid “smash this button to help the movie continue” games, but it’s pretty interactive. And it is a beautiful game. The graphics are amazing. It does bring up a lot of morality issues to think about in a post-apocalypse world. One thing, it definitely reinforced my view about having kids around during the Zombiepocalypse and why that’s a bad idea. Conveniently, so did Sunday’s episode of The Walking Dead. Just use kids as zombie bait.

2/15

My brain still hurts from the pseudoscientific bullshit coming spouted by the woman at the table next to mine at lunch.

Someone told me not to start what I can’t finish. Wrong, you have to leave it unfinished so the person is like, “WTF just happened?”

2/16

Ready for my Sunday dose of #pudding. #TWD

I brought chocolate #pudding to our #TWD screening.

It’s always fun to watch people get into Internet fights over subjective shit. “The TV show I like is better than the one you like!”

World’s tallest mermaid photographed off Australian coast.

I use it enough that I officially added the word “Zombiepocalypse” to my computer’s dictionary. No more red line!

2/17

I can’t wait for it to get hot again so that Fox News will conveniently stop talking about global warming. #ScienceDenyingMorons

It took over an hour conversation to decide where to eat. And then the decision was Hardee’s. #FirstWorldProblems

That awkward moment when Match.Com recommends your ex. Umm….

I’m glad you have friends, but I can’t tell which one is you in your dating site picture.

Oh look, a picture of a dog on your dating site profile! So that’s what you look like!

Really, you put a picture of you and your ex hugging on your dating profile? Maybe you should just go back to him.

Just what I wanted to see on your dating profile: a meme! That’s great! You know this isn’t Facebook, right?

2/19

A colorful map of the South that doesn’t involve snowfall? Cool! WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!

What’s the matter, kitten, you don’t like a human’s ass in YOUR face?

2/20

After someone tried to hack my Facebook, I changed my password to “upyourshacker.” Oh wait… shit…

Go and buy these awesome t-shirts and help support local comedy in Huntsville, AL. (Hey, my name’s on there!)

Someone just complained that CGI made movies look like video games. Yeah, because watching puppets was better.

It gets warm for one day and the bugs are fucking like there’s no tomorrow.

Did anyone else get the memo that we’re testing Libertarianism this week by salting our own roads after the snow?

Libertarian Fire Department responds to a grass fire.

Of course the cell I’m chasing to photograph lightning goes tornadic. Of course!

2/21

If your idea requires woo to promote it, then it just might be wrong.

Sunbathing, city style.

We’re all gonna die!

Thanks to a friend’s typo, I may not be able to look at his Mom with a straight face ever again.

Thinking about changing my personalized license plate to ZOMBIE. #MidLifeCrisis

Know what I miss most about Syria? The weekend Burqa Raids at the women’s sorority houses at University.

Grandpa got busted!

Mike says Sully’s been jealous of his face since the 4th grade, but they met at Monsters University! #SpaceTimeContinuum

This week on Twitter (7/27 – 8/2)

This week on Twitter (7/27 – 8/2)

7/27

When did Hardee’s become the fast food version of Cracker Barrel? Next thing you know… Hardees Funeral Home.

My sexting chat name is RU486.

Demand for apartments in Florida is so high that people will kill for them!

With so many shootings lately, maybe it’s time to bring bath salts back.

7/28

I always find it entertaining to see everyone in their Sunday best walking around in Kroger.

I like confusing church-goers on Sunday: I drive around in my ATHE1ST mobile while blaring Echoing Green on my radio.

Apparently the #GoldCupFinal is a tie between two girls.

7/30

If insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly with the same results, what does that say about the 40th vote to kill Obamacare?

7/31

#Smurfs2, wait, there was a Smurfs1? How did I not hear about what had to be the greatest film of the decade?

#Smurfs2, Smurfette finally meets Naughty Smurf: he totally smurfs that smurfing smurf.

8/2

I was feeling lonely, so I Googled pressure cookers, backpacks, nails, and explosives so the FBI would visit me.

Given Russia’s new anti-gay laws, I’m surprised they’re still hosting the Olympics: the gayest thing on the planet.

In Soviet Russia, stripper girlfriend is Zoya, the female agent who strip searches you.

1 in 5 women now choose to be childfree. That’s good news to single men on dating sites.

The Post Office wants to start delivering booze through the mail. That’ll raise the bar a bit!

Bars are dumping Stoli in the street to protest Russia. In other news, homeless people are lining the gutters.

The Smithsonian wants to display Trayvon’s hoodie. Probably in the Air & Space Museum to show off bullet aerodynamics.

Poll: Majority of Americans support “stand your ground.” In other news, majority of Americans are white.

Taiwanese lawmakers exchanged punches over a proposed nuclear power plant: showing US Republicans what an actual “nuclear option” is.

Genetic “Adam & Eve” identified. Still no word on the snake.

“Permission to cum aboard sir!” – best gay pickup line ever!

I say “bin Laden” in most of my phone conversations at least once: doing my part to keep jobs at the NSA.