BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 1/31 – 2/6: Mostly a boring week for me. I have no car since my windshield is still shattered from the basketball goal that fell on it, so I’m a captive in my own home. But since I don’t have any money thanks to a giant electric bill, that’s probably a good thing. Hey, at least I’m kicking ass on Skyrim (playing from scratch for the tenth time).
I’m still disappointed in the Seahawks’ Super Bowl loss. I don’t care how many times the coach explains why he chose to throw the ball, it was still a bad call when you had at least one more down (barring any penalties on the Pat’s side) to try to get Marshawn (or at least a QB sneak) that one fucking yard! What’s done is done, sure, but fuck the Patriots.
Coming down from the DJ booth, I missed the last step and fell. I’m so gonna feel it in the morning. #ClubLife
Google finally has a an up-to-date pic of my house (fire pit & Rondo visible). But WTF is that shiny shit?
If you’re a Christian, shouldn’t you support gay marriage? After all, the more gay couples getting married, the sooner Jesus will come back!
More people are flying their own drones, so UFO reports should go up. And a UFO report is just admitting your inability to ID the common. Like this drone, it’s sure to get some UFO reports.
BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 1/17 – 1/23: First, let me start off by saying, THE MOTHERFUCKING SEAHAWKS ARE GOING TO THE MOTHERFUCKING SUPER BOWL!!!!!!! I’ve been a Seahawks fan since I was 13-years-old. I spent almost 30 years watching them lose and lose and lose and lose. And now, two years in a MOTHERFUCKING ROW!!!!! If you’re not a football fan, the next week is going to suck for you on social media.
So the State of the Union happened as well. I always enjoy watching the reaction of the Congress as the President speaks and what they do and do not decide to clap for and stand up for. It’s a great way to check out the mindset of each party. I’ve decided to start calling it the State of the Loonion. My observations based on the behavior of Republicans during the State of the Loonion Address:
Republicans be like, “Fuck child care.”
Republicans be like, “Fuck equal pay for women.”
Republicans be like, “Fuck community college.”
Republicans be like, “Fuck climate change and fuck future generations.”
Republicans be like, “Fuck gay rights.”
Republicans be like, “Fuck women’s access to health care.”
Republicans be like, “Fuck the right to vote.”
Republicans be like, “Fuck better politics.”
Republicans be like, “Fuck the fact that Democrat and Republican citizens agreed with Obama 90% of the time on Bing Pulse tonight.”
Yeah, the Bing Pulse minute-by-minute poll showed Republicans and Democrats agreeing at least 90% of the time with everything Obama was saying. The red and blue lines were almost exactly the same throughout the entire speech. Independents were all over the place and looked like arrhythmia on an EKG, but that’s normal for them. So if Republican citizens agreed with almost everything Obama said… why are Republican leaders so against everything he said? Methinks your base is narrower than thou doth think!
Thanks to YouTube’s random recommendations, I just discovered Japanese Steampunk.
I tried to type “Go Colts” and auto correct changed it to “Go Clits.” I’m more surprised that Clits is in my phone’s dictionary.
If the Patriots did use deflated balls, I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.
Ready to watch the State of the Loonion.
In the “I wish I had thought of this category:” Rich people: the reason your conspiracy theory is nonsense. Silly… but true.
Osmosis: Becoming fans of Donny & Marie after hearing their songs at a friend’s house. Side note: you shouldn’t be friend with that person.
Me: “Your dog and I have known each other for almost seven years.” GF: “But we’ve only known each other for about a year.” Me: “Exactly.”
Mutineer: someone who climbs hills instead of mountains.
Support LGBT rights? Don’t read the comments on articles about Alabama. The bigots are showing their asses and you don’t want to see it.
Victory in Alabama for those who don’t let a Bronze Age book tell us who people can and cannot love.
140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:
I drink so Lele b bow that I’m a librettist arty veining. 8 necessary to Dino now. #DrunkTexting
Someone has some Green Bay NFC Champs shirts on sale somewhere. @Seahawks are #SuperbowlBound
The Bookie of Life #ToughGuyRomComs @midnight
Pinch Hitter Perfect #ToughGuyRomComs @midnight
Shredding Crashers #ToughGuyRomComs @midnight
American Pie Hard (With a Vengeance) #ToughGuyRomComs @midnight
There’s Something About Gary Cooper #ToughGuyRomComs @midnight
Menchanted #ToughGuyRomComs @midnight
The Housearrest Brony #ToughGuyRomComs @midnight
Pretty in Pink Spray from a .50cal Bullet #ToughGuyRomComs @midnight
Youv’e Got Male Pattern Baldness #ToughGuyRomComs @midnight
BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 1/3 – 1/9: Another slow week. At least I got get to participate in the #HashtagWars twice this week. The excitement this week was the cold and my car. On Tuesday, heavy winds and intermittent flurries came in and blew my basketball goal down on my car. It took my insurance company about an hour to figure out if they were going to claim the damage under my car insurance or my homeowner’s insurance. In the end they decided on my car insurance because the basketball goal is not a “permanent structure.” So that means a lower deductible, at least. However, even that is too much money for me to afford right now. So I guess I’ll get the windshield replaced (as soon as I save up that money) and deal with the damage to the bumper and roof when I have the deductible money (by have that money, I mean in a few years). So I’m carless (yes, that’s a word now) for awhile. Hopefully we don’t get any storms coming through since I can’t chase until I at least get the windshield repaired.
Sometimes, when I tell my girlfriend that I love her, she replies, “Do you really?” A few nights ago in bed she said she loved me and I replied, “Do you really?” She started laughing and said, “Wow, that’s so annoying, I’m never saying that again!” And that’s why I love her so much. Yes, really.
There are either a million spiders in my yard or my grass is frozen. #SparkleyEyes
A gay man who buys a home is a homeowner.
Did you hear about the pun whose left side was cut off? He’s all right pun. #AddAPunRuinAPun @midnight
I’m punning a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to pun down. #AddAPunRuinAPun @midnight
I’m glad I know pun language, it’s pretty pundy. #AddAPunRuinAPun @midnight
I couldn’t remember how to throw a punerange, but it came back to me. #AddAPunRuinAPun @midnight
Atheism is a pun-prophet organization. #AddAPunRuinAPun @midnight
Police were dispatched to a Kindergarten class where a three-year-old pun was resisting a rest. #AddAPunRuinAPun @midnight
You need an Ark to save two of every species? Well, I Noah pun! #AddAPunRuinAPun @midnight
In Vietnam I survived mustard gas. In peace protests I survived pepper spray. I’m now a seasoned pun! #AddAPunRuinAPun @midnight
I punned into a Thai spice rack, now I’m Thai dyed. #AddAPunRuinAPun @midnight
Punning a clock is very time consuming. #AddAPunRuinAPun @midnight
My puncycle couldn’t stand because it was two-tired. #AddAPunRuinAPun @midnight
I held the pun open for a clown, he punned me for the nice jester. #AddAPunRuinAPun @midnight
I punned on a grape and it let out a little whine. #AddAPunRuinAPun @midnight
I was told a pun about amnesia, but I’ve forgotten how it puns. #AddAPunRuinAPun @midnight
The Wizard of Osmosis #MakeAMovieSmarter @midnight
Singin’ in the Brain #MakeAMovieSmarter @midnight
The Maltese Falconinae #MakeAMovieSmarter @midnight
Snow White and the Seven Dwarf Stars #MakeAMovieSmarter @midnight
On the H2O Front #MakeAMovieSmarter @midnight
Raging Bull Market #MakeAMovieSmarter @midnight
Once Upon a Time in the Western Medicine #MakeAMovieSmarter @midnight
The Silence of the Lamba Lamda Lamda #MakeAMovieSmarter @midnight