BWAHAHA: 9/6 – 9/12

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 9/6 – 9/12: This was a fun week for me. I got to go out and help a friend celebrate a birthday. Suzie and I met our goals for the house and we had a housewarming party with our friends. I think my friends were unsure of what to expect and had a weird time at the party. For those that don’t know, my house was THE party house. It was not uncommon to have 50-60 people partying their asses off at my house. My house took one helluva a beating over the years from all the parties. My carpets were shot, there was damage to walls, etc. Suzie and I have been busting our asses to get the house back to living conditions: in other words, a house meant for something other than a bachelor. So the party was fun and we had great conversations and played a game, but it wasn’t a normal Blair party and I think that weirded everyone out.

I made a joke this week about the 9/11 anniversary. Well, technically, the joke was about the whole “never forget” stuff that everyone posts. It’s important to note that I was across the river in Seacaucus, New Jersey when 9/11 happened and in NYC on 9/10. I watched 9/11 unfold out of my hotel window: not on TV. 9/11 is something that resonates with me and still gets me choked up. But I can also make light of our fears and our sometimes misguided sense of nationalism in the post-9/11 environment. I did just that and someone told me, “You can’t make jokes about 9/11. It’s un-American.” I responded, “You can’t make jokes about Mohamed. It’s un-Islamic.” I think they got the point. Telling someone they can’t say one thing or another is actually the most un-American thing you can do. You know… Freedom of Speech and stuff.

OTHER STUFF:

When the Zombiepocalypse starts, it will spread quickly because people will think it’s a prank being filmed for YouTube.

My Dr. gave me meds for my RLS. I looked it up and it’s also used for Parkinson’s. I should’ve known, as the bottle said “Shake before use.”

My back didn’t itch until I picked up the back scratcher to move it. Stupid brain.

Wait… the Marines are a corporation? <it’s a joke, don’t get all Simper Fight on me>

I feel like there was something I was supposed to remember today. Damn… what was it? Oh yeah, I gotta wash my car or the terrorists win.

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

After some serious thought for two seconds I have decided that I’m okay with the Lions beating the Giants. #NFL

Lions are like, “Rules? There are rules? We don’t need no stinkin’ rules.” #PenaltyFlag #ArmchairQuarterback

Pop! Eye #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Bugs Bloody #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Melvin and the Cheap Monks #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Gaddafi Duck #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Plastic Manboobs #SpookyCartoons @midnight

God Almighty Mouse #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Fat Prince Albert #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Witchy Witch #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Heathcliffhanger #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Trollskins #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Speed Muggy #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Slyvester & Tweeting While Driving #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Mangamonium #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Spurt Tails #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Manchichis #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Dungeons and Drag Queens #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Turbo Teen Wolf #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Muppet Rabies #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Kissyfuhrer #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Jem and the Horrorams #SpookyCartoons @midnight

King of the Hill People #SpookyCartoons @midnight

The Greasy Spoondocks #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Sutureama #SpookyCartoons @midnight

The Strife & Crimes of Tim #SpookyCartoons @midnight

CAPTION CENTRAL:

In an attempt to tap an unknown fan base, the X-Games is including extreme equestrian sports this year.

In an attempt to tap an unknown fan base, the X-Games is including extreme equestrian sports this year.

Spanish bowling.

Spanish bowling.

It's a lesson I keep repeating like a broken record: Always be aware of your surroundings!

It’s a lesson I keep repeating like a broken record: Always be aware of your surroundings!

Meanwhile in Alabama...

Meanwhile in Alabama…

Why is it that all the cool stuff they do in movies is illegal in real life? #Busted

Why is it that all the cool stuff they do in movies is illegal in real life? #Busted

Ketchup... it does a body good.

Ketchup… it does a body good.

"If you didn't want me here, then why did you put this watering hole here?"

“If you didn’t want me here, then why did you put this watering hole here?”

"Where the drugs, man? I know you got 'em here somewhere! You better give me some of that!"

“Where the drugs, man? I know you got ’em here somewhere! You better give me some of that!”

Oh sure, play nice with the white kid!

Oh sure, play nice with the white kid!

When Malaysian Airlines flies over...

When Malaysian Airlines flies over…

Ferguson, Police Militarization, and Shame

20140814aProtect and Serve. Remember that phrase? I do. I miss it.

I’m a former LEO (Law Enforcement Officer). Granted, it was in the Navy while in Jacksonville, Florida, but that actually emphasizes a point. Even as a LEO in the Navy, I didn’t have access to the tactical equipment that police use now. I didn’t drive an APC or wear tactical gear or respond to a peaceful protest with shotguns, assault rifles, and snipers on rooftops. I responded with my badge to protect and serve my fellow sailors and their families, as well as civilians and retirees who were on the base. The militarization of our police should scare the shit out of everyone, regardless of your political affiliation.

There are good police out there. I know them. I’ve worked with them (in the Navy as a liaison for mass casualties with local law enforcement and as a civilian working in jails). There are also bad police out there. The problem is that the bad police get all the press, so we suffer what is called confirmation bias when it comes to our view of police. All we see are the bad cops on display in viral videos as they engage in police brutality, over-aggressive tactics, and generally treating the civilian population like dog shit. And so we think all police are bad because that’s all we see.

But think about this for a second. Every day the police interact with the general population thousands and thousands of times across the United States. Out of those we see an incident or hear of an incident every now and then. I wish I had the actual numbers to come up with a hard statistic/figure for the number of bad police incidents compared to the overall number of police/civilian interactions that happen without John Doe getting his head bashed in or thrown to the ground because he dared ask the police a question. Just remember to not let confirmation bias cloud your judgment. Call out bad cops, but also recognize there are good cops as well, who genuinely want to serve their communities.

That being said, mob mentality works not just for the mob protesting an injustice or rioting after a team wins the playoffs (or loses), but it also works on police. Police responding to a riot or a peaceful protest with the possibility of becoming a riot, can easily fall into the mob mentality. There’s a lot of psychology going on here, so much so that psychological studies on police have been done to determine why police behave the way they do. Ever hear the phrase “contempt of cop?”

When that mob mentality breaks out with a police force that is militarized, then we create a recipe for disaster. That disaster is playing out in Ferguson, Missouri. It is at times like these when officers with a moral compass must make a stand and speak out. It is times like these when officers in the chain of command must question the orders of their superiors. It is times like these when every officer must be aware of the psychological effect of mob mentality, “contempt of cop,” and other psychological forces that come into play to exacerbate the interaction of police and protesters and “possible rioters.”

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“All of this has happened before, and it will all happen again.” – J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

As a former LEO, as a taxpayer, as a citizen of this country, I am greatly ashamed of the behavior of the police in Ferguson, Missouri. I am greatly ashamed of the leadership in that city and county, who have decided that the best way to respond to a tragedy is to create a new one and attack the citizens of their city and county. I am greatly ashamed that nothing is being done to stop the police brutality being inflicted upon those citizens by either the Governor or the federal government. The constitutional rights of Missouri citizens are being violated and no one in government seems to give a rat’s ass about it.

It is time to end the militarization of our police forces under the idiotic guise of terrorism. Terrorists are not going to strike Ferguson, Missouri, so why does their police force have an APC? Any why the fuck are they wearing camouflage in an urban environment? We can see you guys, because your green camouflage doesn’t hide you against the brick building and the yellow-painted house.

It is also time to make sure all police are educated and trained on how to spot when mob mentality begins affecting them during crowd control situations. It is also time to train police on how not to exacerbate a situation. I was trained to deescalate a situation and to bring calm and peace whenever possible. Is that training no longer provided? Why is it so hard to realize that when you use violence against a non-violent crowd, you are going to piss them off and make them violent? It’s that fucking simple.

One more thing: the media needs to sue the hell out of Ferguson for violating the Freedom of the Press. There is enough damning evidence that the Ferguson PD actively shut down media, arrested them, shot tear gas and rubber bullets directly at media, and dismantled media equipment once the press ran away.

All of you swore an oath to uphold the laws and constitution of the United States (and the State of Missouri) and you are all failing to uphold that oath. Shame on you. Shame on you for making your fellow officers look bad. Shame on you for failing to use your moral judgment and question the illegal and unconstitutional orders handed down to you by your superiors. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame.

BWAHAHA: 4/8 – 5/9

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 4/8 – 5/9: Okay, it’s time to post a new BWAHAHA. As I said in the last one, I’m struggling with my comedy right now because I’m finding it difficult to be funny when I’m happy and I’m the happiest I’ve been in a very, very, very long time. But I’ve written some new material, thrown away some material, and I’ve done a couple of shows with more lighthearted material and I think I’m slowly finding a way to turn my happiness into humor instead of my old self that turned anger, irritation, and depression into humor (as a coping mechanism, perhaps?). So I’m posting a month’s worth of the efforts I’ve made (notice this month’s worth is about as long as a week’s used to be).

Tom Hand was back on The Critical Eye Podcast in May as well. It was great to have him back on, so please listen to the show and enjoy Tom and I bantering back and forth just like old times!

4/8:

Seriously, you can’t invert the Y Axis on the Walking Dead game? Well, so much for playing it.

The one drawback to Freedom of Speech is that stupid gets to speak as well.

Lesson learned: always be aware of your surroundings.

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He should have ran… ran so far away.

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4/10

I wouldn’t say I was a ladykiller, but I was charged with attempted murder.

4/11

Last time my car battery died in L.A., I asked some young men for a jump. Ten minutes later I was bloody and bruised and a member of a gang.

Playing with Uranium is so much fun! #KeepTheNSAEmployed

I still feel like I have gnats flying in my nose, eyes, and crawling all over me. Fucking mating season.

4/14

I’m thinking of referring to woo from now on as poo. I know, semantics, but I think poo is more accurately descriptive.

4/19

Going to try to jump start my ride-on mower with my car. Someone should video this in case I blow up.

Always have a fully charged lightning staff on you: never know when a dragon will show up.

4/20

Oh, tall grass, how many things has thou hidden from last season?

4/23

In a world where Luke Skywalker didn’t escape.

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There’s a fine line between dreams and fantasy: the line of my zipper.

4/28

Tornado Tip: Have identification on you that won’t easily be stripped off in the wind. Makes the coroner’s job easier.

Tornado Tip: Get dressed beforehand. No one wants to see you in your lingerie or skivvies at the tornado shelter.

Tornado Tip: Put a blanket or mattress over you in the bathtub, as it’ll muffle your screams better.

Tornado Tip: Keep your pets safe during a tornado, as you may need to eat them in a few days.

Tornado Tip: Get a good weather alert app, something to remind you every few minutes that WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!

Tornado Tip: The NE quadrant of your house is the safest, that way you can’t see your death coming.

Tornado Tip: Get to a shelter early, that way you can get the top bunk.

Tornado Tip: Make sure your pets have collars and tags, that way the shelter knows what to call them when they euthanize them.

Tornado Tip: Make sure important documents are in an indestructible container, it makes for better airborne shrapnel.

My GF listens to ocean waves on her phone to help her sleep, then wonders why I get up to pee several times each night.

Tornado irony. Major damage in Hazel Green, AL along US-231.

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4/30

Anytime I walk into a large room and there’s no monsters or bad guys, I’m like, “Something isn’t right.” #Gaming

5/1

To watch FOX you gotta be brainwashed. To watch MSNBC you gotta lean a little left, To watch CNN you gotta be in an airport.

5/3

Caught Mockingbirds eating the cat food. Lazy moochers.

Katherine Heigl (Grey’s Anatomy) is lollygagging. New definition for that word!

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5/4

Sitting in the most comfortable patio chair I’ve put my ass in. $520? I’ll take the plastic one for $10, thanks

New episode of The Critical Eye Podcast with guest Tom Hand: E043: Tomwhat May, It’s Time for Tomlightenment!

5/7

Just spent five hours transferring all my goods to Markarth because vendors can’t afford my shit. #Gaming

I wanted to do a Michael Jackson impersonation tonight, but the bar didn’t allow kids inside.

5/8

Not sure what to wear to the Doobie Brothers concert: torn jeans with a paisley shirt or my funeral suit.

Thought I’d be the youngest person at the Doobie Brothers, but some hippies brought their kids.

If you’re into GILFs, you should come to the Doobie Brothers’ concert.

Since I went to see the Doobie Brothers tonight, a little #TBT in honor. No, my hair isn’t that tall… it’s a shadow.

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