BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 1/31 – 2/6: Mostly a boring week for me. I have no car since my windshield is still shattered from the basketball goal that fell on it, so I’m a captive in my own home. But since I don’t have any money thanks to a giant electric bill, that’s probably a good thing. Hey, at least I’m kicking ass on Skyrim (playing from scratch for the tenth time).
I’m still disappointed in the Seahawks’ Super Bowl loss. I don’t care how many times the coach explains why he chose to throw the ball, it was still a bad call when you had at least one more down (barring any penalties on the Pat’s side) to try to get Marshawn (or at least a QB sneak) that one fucking yard! What’s done is done, sure, but fuck the Patriots.
- Coming down from the DJ booth, I missed the last step and fell. I’m so gonna feel it in the morning. #ClubLife
- If you’re a Christian, shouldn’t you support gay marriage? After all, the more gay couples getting married, the sooner Jesus will come back!
- More people are flying their own drones, so UFO reports should go up. And a UFO report is just admitting your inability to ID the common. Like this drone, it’s sure to get some UFO reports.
- Feeling brave? I can legally perform marriages in the state of Alabama.
140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:
- I’m in a room full of 13 men all hoping for a Katy Perry wardrobe malfunction. #SB49
- Katy Perry is wearing a flaming Hunger Games dress. #SB49 #HalftimeShow
- Those Beach balls are not deflated. #SB49 #HalftimeShow
- When did Missy Elliott become a NASCAR driver? #SB49 #HalftimeShow
- Wow, look at all those blue balls on the field. #SB49 #HalftimeShow
- Man that sucks, but at least we got a UFC fight at the end. #SB49
- There is only one question I have. #WhyDidTheyThrowTheBall
- Alabama jumped from 49th to 50th dumbest state #BecauseIDied @midnight
- @midnight #BecauseIDied I got a huge break on my carbon credits.
- @midnight #BecauseIDied I’ll never see all of the Internet.
- @midnight #BecauseIDied the cats only survived for three more weeks.
- @midnight #BecauseIDied the Seattle Seahawks won the Super Bowl. Oh wait, I’m still alive.
- @midnight #BecauseIDied the 2016 Republican Presidential candidate will win by one vote.
- @midnight #BecauseIDied Jesus was like, “Screw it, make ’em wait another 2,000+ years.”
- @midnight #BecauseIDied God became an atheist.
- @midnight #BecauseIDied the Cult of Namira had a week-long banquet. #Skyrim
- @midnight #BecauseIDied I didn’t see Martial Law declared so that Obama could have a Third Term.
- @midnight #BecauseIDied my guns are now in less-responsible hands: the police.
- @midnight #BecauseIDied everyone attending my funeral has to listen to Enjoy the Silence by Depeche Mode (ironically) for two hours on loop.
- @midnight #BecauseIDied I won’t see Star Wars XLIX: Red Zone Force
- @midnight #BecauseIDied I can now haunt Fred Phelps with taunts of “God hates nags.”
- @midnight #BecauseIDied I found Waldo and Carmen Sandiego: they’re sitting next to me in Hell.