Social Media Advice For Bands

I’ve been asked for advice now and then about certain social media activities for bands: sometimes from bands and sometimes from fans. I certainly don’t espouse myself to be some kind of expert. What I can say is that I have 30 years of experience running groups and doing social media outreach for organizations (majority non-profit). There are way too many things to cover and tons of nuance, so I’ve decided to do a list of ten things: things I’ve noticed pages (bands and non-bands alike) do or not do over the years. Take this for what it is: friendly advice from someone who wants you to succeed! Or ignore me completely. After all, in the long run, it is your page and your band and your decisions to make.

  1. Unless you have directly harmed someone (emotionally or physically) you should not apologize on your social media (or on stage for that matter). Having technical difficulties? Been absent a bit too long from your page? Post the wrong thing? Don’t apologize. Instead, thank people for their patience or understanding. What sounds better, “Sorry about the technical difficulties everyone” or “Hey, thanks for your patience as we get this sorted out!” Thanking your listeners/page visitors puts the ownership of being awesome on them. It let’s them know how appreciative you are for their behavior and not how apologetic you are for yours. Don’t say you’re sorry for not posting in a long time, instead thank your readers for their patience.
  2. Don’t put your personal drama on your band’s page. It sucks that your band is broke and can’t afford to pay the rent. It sucks that last night’s venue short-changed you or only let you perform for ten minutes instead of the planned thirty. We have all been there. Post that stuff on your personal page if you must, but your band page should not be where you are complaining about your personal life (even if it’s band-related). It’s not that people don’t care, per se, it’s that people have their own personal drama they are dealing with and the majority of the “that sucks” or “sorry to hear that” posts are just that: posts that are meaningless. Air that out with your friends on your personal page (or your actual real life friends) and not on your fans.
  3. Along the same lines as #2, do not talk smack about other bands on your page (or on stage). By all means call out egregious behavior like racism, homophobia, etc., but just because you don’t like a band doesn’t mean a damn thing to your fans. That only risks isolating some of your fans who do like the band your talking bad about. Music is mostly subjective and whether or not you like it does not mean others will not. For example, I would never say that a comedian is bad: I say instead (because it’s true), that the comedian is not funny to me. So I would never say that Band A sucks, just that Band A’s music doesn’t appeal to me or “it’s not my thing.”
  4. Make sure your About section is filled out as much as possible. Provide a link to your Bandcamp page or Soundcloud page or main web page. List your band members and what they do (keyboards, vocals, guitar, programming, etc). Specify your genre(s) and fill out the “bands you like” or “influences.” In the About section on Facebook, make sure you fill in a “username.” The username should cause your page to come up immediately. Have someone check for you who is not an admin. If they put in @bandabc and it comes up with six different pages, then you need to modify it. It amazes me how many bands don’t think about this. You want your fans and radio shows and DJs to tag your band and the easiest way to do that is to have an @username that definitely comes up with your band and not something else. You may have to modify it to @bandabcofficial or @bandabc.info or similar to get it to come up immediately in a tag. Play with it until someone can tag your band easily in Facebook. If you luck out and user FB “username” matches your Twitter handle: BONUS POINTS!
  5. If you’re going to use an image to bypass Facebook’s algorithm that forces you to “boost your post,” that’s fine, just don’t forget to include a direct link in the first comment. Don’t make your fans search for the event page or manually type in the web page that’s in the image.
  6. You don’t have to respond to every fan’s comment, but you should at least post in the thread where fans have commented. Something along the lines of “Thanks for all your feedback everyone” or “Keep the comments coming, we love and appreciate your input!” Even a simple “thanks” from you can make a fan’s day.
  7. If your band’s page is tagged by a radio show, DJ, magazine, or genre supportive social media group (the page itself, not readers or fans of that page), then you should at a minimum like their post. You should consider posting a “thanks” of some kind in the comments. You should definitely think about sharing their post: not just when it’s only about your band, but when your band is included among others. The scene is equally as important as your band. Without a scene, your band has no support network. Sharing this stuff introduces your fans to other bands and vice versa. It increases awareness of the scene and increases the fan base across the spectrum.
  8. Speaking of the scene, it is important that you support the scene. You are not an isolated band. If there are no other scene bands, no clubs, no scene fan groups, then there is no fan base for you. Don’t be afraid to tag other bands in the scene (especially if sharing a radio show or magazine that mentions them). Don’t be afraid to introduce your fans to other bands or share music you like that isn’t yours. Hopefully the band you tag is just as awesome as you are and will reciprocate.
  9. There is nothing wrong with posting things that aren’t “professional” if you are willing to engage your fans with fun things. Don’t post something like “What’s your favorite holiday meal” and then not interact with those who respond or not posting your favorite holiday meal as the first comment. It’s perfectly fine to have fun with your fans on your page and interact with them in ways other than sharing your videos or events. If you do, you need to actually interact with them. Don’t ask them to participate if you are not going to participate.
  10. Last, is politics/religion. There are definitely bands out there who are political in their stance and their lyrics and that’s perfectly okay. If you are not one of those bands then you need to weigh the risks of posting political or religious stuff on your band’s page. You risk isolating some of your fans. Obviously there are legitimate reasons to isolate some of your fans (like a band posting that anyone who is a racist should not be their fan), but if you’re not going after the big fish of racism, homophobia, etc., then be careful. Use your personal page for politics/religion unless you fully understand the ramifications and consequences of posting on your band’s page. I’m not saying don’t do it: what I’m saying is understand the fallout that can come from doing it.

Best of luck to all of you as your pursue your musical dreams. I want all of you to succeed. I want the scene to be stable and thriving and full of amazing talented folks! Keep making music. Keep doing what you’re doing! Keep the synth-based scenes alive!

Advertisements

Music Time! “LOVE” Edition (Part Two)! 6/14/16

Diverse Hands

Earlier I posted Part One of the “LOVE” edition of my music shuffle. My Facebook feed has been full of hatred from many sides of many arguments and issues and I’ve just had enough. I also learned today that my daughter frequented Pulse in Orlando. I just don’t have the time or the inclination to deal with people’s hatred. So with that said… here are some more “love” songs from my library…

ARTIST: Missing Persons
SONG: Hello, I Love You
ALBUM: The Best of Missing Persons
YEAR: 1987

ARTIST: Droid Bishop
SONG: In Your Love
ALBUM: Beyond The Blue
YEAR: 2014

ARTIST: The Sundays
SONG: Love
ALBUM: Blind
YEAR: 1992

ARTIST: And One
SONG: Love You To the End
ALBUM: Bodypop
YEAR: 2006

ARTIST: Book of Love
SONG: Book of Love
ALBUM: Book of Love
YEAR: 1986

ARTIST: The Shamen
SONG: L.S.I. Love Sex Intelligence
ALBUM: Boss Drum
YEAR: 1992

ARTIST: The B-52’s
SONG: Summer of Love
ALBUM: Bouncing Off the Satellites
YEAR: 1986

ARTIST: boyfriendgirlfriend
SONG: Down in the Love
ALBUM: Boyfriendgirlfriend EP
YEAR: 2000

ARTIST: Conetik
SONG: Lovesong 1
ALBUM: Carbon Elektriq V2
YEAR: 2005

ARTIST: The Mission
SONG: Sea of Love
ALBUM: Carved In Sand (Limited Deluxe Edition)
YEAR: 1990

ARTIST: Blaqk Audio
SONG: Semiotic Love
ALBUM: Cexcells
YEAR: 2007

ARTIST: Eve’s Plum
SONG: Loved By You
ALBUM: Cherry Alive
YEAR: 1995

ARTIST: Inter-Connection
SONG: Breathing Love
ALBUM: Chrome
YEAR: 2012

ARTIST: Thompson Twins
SONG: Get That Love
ALBUM: Close To The Bone
YEAR: 1987

ARTIST: Echo Image
SONG: Messing With Love
ALBUM: Compuphonic
YEAR: 2001

ARTIST: The Beloved
SONG: Rock to the Rhythm of Love
ALBUM: Conscience
YEAR: 1993

ARTIST: The Human League
SONG: Love Is All That Matters
ALBUM: Crash
YEAR: 1986

ARTIST: The Cure
SONG: Lovesong
ALBUM: Disintegration
YEAR: 1989

ARTIST: Midnight Oil
SONG: Outbreak of Love
ALBUM: Earth and Sun and Moon
YEAR: 1993

ARTIST: Ambra Red
SONG: The Complete Love Story
ALBUM: Electronic Creations For Special People
YEAR: 2010

Music Time! “LOVE” Edition (Part One)! 6/14/16

Diverse Hands

My Facebook feed has been so full of hatred lately. Hate toward “libtards,” hate toward “Republitards,” hate toward the LGBT community, hate toward political candidates or politicians, hate toward gun owners or anti-gun advocates. Remember when public tragedies brought us together? I guess the political discourse has gotten to the point that even after a tragedy we can’t come together as a nation anymore.

We need love: not hate. So my morning will be filled with love songs:

ARTIST: Happy Mondays
SONG: Sunshine and Love
ALBUM: …Yes, Please!
YEAR: 1992

ARTIST: Green Day
SONG: Oh Love
ALBUM: !UNO!
YEAR: 2012

ARTIST: !distain
SONG: Black Mountain Love Affair
ALBUM: 25 Frames A Second (Expanded Edition)
YEAR: 2004

ARTIST: Wolfsheim
SONG: Ruby, Don’t Take Your Love To Town
ALBUM: 55578
YEAR: 1995

ARTIST: Erasure
SONG: Lay All Your Love On Me
ALBUM: Abba-Esque
YEAR: 1992

ARTIST: ABC
SONG: Look of Love, The (Part I)
ALBUM: Absolutely ABC: Best of ABC
YEAR: 1982 (Song)

ARTIST: Code 64
SONG: Love Sees No Colour
ALBUM: Accelerate EP
YEAR: 2013

ARTIST: Men Without Hats
SONG: I’m In Love
ALBUM: The Adventures Of Women & Men Without Hate In The 21st Century
YEAR: 1989

ARTIST: Bronski Beat
SONG: I Fee Love
ALBUM: Age of Consent
YEAR: 1983

ARTIST: IAMX
SONG: This Will Make You Love Again
ALBUM: The Alternative
YEAR: 2006

ARTIST: Future Holotape
SONG: Summer In Love
ALBUM: Analog Renegades
YEAR: 2014

ARTIST: Visage
SONG: Again We Love
ALBUM: The Anvil
YEAR: 1982

ARTIST: The Presets
SONG: This Boy’s in Love
ALBUM: Apocalypso
YEAR: 2008

ARTIST: informatik
SONG: My True Love (Pulse State Mix)
ALBUM: Arena
YEAR: 2009

ARTIST: Atlantic Popes
SONG: Love
ALBUM: Atlantic Popes
YEAR: 2000

ARTIST: Boytronic
SONG: Love Remains
ALBUM: Autotunes
YEAR: 2002

ARTIST: Blancmange
SONG: Don’t You Love It All?
ALBUM: Believe You Me (Remastered)
YEAR: 1985

ARTIST: A Flock of Seagulls
SONG: Space Age Love Song
ALBUM: The Best of A Flock of Seagulls
YEAR: 1982 (song)

ARTIST: Cutting Crew
SONG: I’ve Been In Love Before
ALBUM: The Best of Cutting Crew
YEAR: 1987

ARTIST: Howard Jones
SONG: Everlasting Love
ALBUM: The Best of Howard Jones
YEAR: 1989

BWAHAHA 7/18 – 11/20

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 7/18 – 11/20: Boy am I waaaaaaaaaay behind! A lot’s happened since my last BWAHAHA. I moved to Austin, TX. I eliminated stress in my life and made a lot of life changes in order to be happy before I die. This means I’ve added a few things to my bucket list. Prior to this, I had done everything on my bucket list. The only thing left to add was make-believe shit and crimes. But now that I’m like stress free and really happy with my life, there’s new shit I gotta try! Wish me luck!

What else? I got to see the Psychedelic Furs live! What an amazing show. It was also the first concert that Suzie and I have been to where we weren’t the oldest people there! Also got to finally see Mr. Kitty, who puts on one helluva an enthusiastic performance. He hugged me after the show, so scratch that one off my new happy bucket list!

OTHER STUFF

  • Watching Doomsday Preppers for shits & giggles. Some stuff to learn, but really love how NatGeo calls ’em out on their BS on the screen.
  • In my back yard yelling at the bats, “Eat them fucking skeeters! Eat ’em!”
  • And then Date Night took a turn for the worse.

    And then Date Night took a turn for the worse.

  • Watching “An Honest Liar” with Suzie​ (doc about The Amazing Randi) and we saw me. That was really cool!
  • My car is in The Chive today! Check out #19 on “That’ll Buff Out.”
  • Ha! Fooled you USPS! My package of cocaine arrived from China! Just kidding USPS! No, seriously, just kidding.

    Ha! Fooled you USPS! My package of cocaine arrived from China! Just kidding USPS! No, seriously, just kidding.

  • Teaching Suzie​ to play Skyrim was an adventure. Watching her play… well, let’s just say my stamina and patience bars ran dry.
  • I can’t wait until Obama’s fifth term when he FINALLY takes everyone’s guns, makes abortions mandatory, and outlaws Christianity!
  • Upstairs bathroom has a line of thirty people. I go downstairs. Only one in the bathroom. #Sheeple
  • @StateFarm asked me, “What kind of cake will they serve at your retirement?”
    • I’m pretty sure it’ll be a funeral cake. #LifeGoals
  • If you’re a bad dancer, just go to a Charismatic Church to dance: no one will notice how bad you are. #Camouflage
  • Never forget 911! It saves lives. Operators are standing by!
  • The irony of 9/11 Truthers is that they’re not.
  • Amazing how passive aggressive yard sale shoppers are. It’s $.50. Just buy the damn thing. LOL
  • I can't tell if this $5 was the victim of a violent crime, strip club, or Bronies.

    I can’t tell if this $5 was the victim of a violent crime, strip club, or Bronies.

  • The problem with listening to Industrial Music is having to constantly turn the radio off. Is that weird sound on the CD or your car?
  • I made this to reflect my vision of America! WOOT!

    I made this to reflect my vision of America! WOOT!

  • All future Presidential debates should not just have a moderator, but a fact-checker, who instantly calls candidates out on lies & bullshit.
  • My typehoes have ingreased exponinshooly as the peace of glaz stuck in my indicks fingrrrr gets moar and moar infecktid.
  • I shall power wash my sidewalk in the rain. That way I won’t notice the power washer is soaking me.
  • Wait, Woolworth's still exists?

    Wait, Woolworth’s still exists?

  • Can we just let the apocalypse happen now and end the stupid?

    Can we just let the apocalypse happen now and end the stupid?

  • I find it amusing that the Alabama Beverage Control has recipes on its web page and price list for stores. #StateSupportOfAlcoholism
  • Woman in line has clearly Googled herself to “expert” on Alzheimers and Dementia. Problem is, she’s completely full of shit.
  • We’ve all encountered this idiot in parking lots. Don’t be this idiot.
  • I learned today that the Japanese have a term similar to the American “Butterface:” Bakku-shan (pretty behind but not front) #ShallowWorld
  • You’d think that almost 45 years on the planet I’d have this pancake flipping thing down. Nope. I eat pancake-like bites. #DoingitWrong
  • At the Chinese Buffet my Godzilla roar ring tone sounds. Table next to me loses it laughing so hard. Racists; Godzilla was Japanese!
  • Damn, I think I put too much alcohol in the praline milkshake… nope… no I didn’t. Any amount is just right. #PreDebateDrinking
  • Just saw someone spell chasin’ as chasen. Awww, isn’t Alabama education so cute!
  • Dear creators of The Flash… visitation phones in prisons are recorded. The DOC knows who The Flash is.
  • The news reporting that a 3.5 occurred in California is like the news reporting that it rained in the Rain Forest. #SlowNewsDay
  • Overheard at Kroger, “Remember spitting the seeds out? Now watermelon is seedless. That’s unnatural.” #TheStupidItHurts
  • That might have been the fakest polite customer service rep I’ve ever talked to.
  • 6'2 fat man sleeping in a 4' Budget rental truck. Oh happy, happy, joy, joy! Goodnight.

    6’2 fat man sleeping in a 4′ Budget rental truck. Oh happy, happy, joy, joy! Goodnight.

  • Hello Austin! I’m here. First up, Whataburger!
  • Having a Whataburger two miles from the apartment may become problematic. #FirstWorldProblems #Austin
  • Uh-oh, look what I found! One more reason to love #Austin!

    Uh-oh, look what I found! One more reason to love #Austin!

  • CVS Rep: What’s your birthday?, Me: 3/12/71, CVS Rep: 1971?, Me: Umm…..
  • Wanna impress your girl? Rent out the entire theater. Or go to a movie no one else wants to see.

    Wanna impress your girl? Rent out the entire theater. Or go to a movie no one else wants to see.

  • The beginning of The Last Witch Hunter is scenes from The Lord of the Rings. Then you see a massive Groot.
  • Staff, “Would you like a complimentary Miller Lite?”
    • Me, “No thanks.”
    • GF, “Why not?
    • Me, “Free isn’t always good.”
  • Next time you make a cappuccino at home, add a teaspoon of Swiss Miss hot chocolate to it. BAM! You’re welcome.
  • Who's the butthead who painted all the curb stops the same color as handicap parking?

    Who’s the butthead who painted all the curb stops the same color as handicap parking?

  • What on earth is that yippy little fucking dog barking at all day? Is it a illegal to slip valium into the neighbor’s dog’s food?
  • Finally! A Saint Candle I can fully endorse! Thanks to the Smoking Caterpillar on 6th St. #Austin #CharlesDarwin

    Finally! A Saint Candle I can fully endorse! Thanks to the Smoking Caterpillar on 6th St. #Austin #CharlesDarwin

  • The Internet is abuzz about aliens out west because the Internet is too stupid to use Google for 2 minutes to learn it’s just a rocket. SMH
  • Is there a point where Thea Queen dies so she’ll stop being such an annoying character? #Arrow
  • When in uniform and someone wished me a Happy Veteran’s Day, I’d respond, “It’s Veteran’s Day not Active Duty Day. Go thank a homeless vet.”
  • We do what we want. This is Texas. Gummit' can't tell me what to do no more!

    We do what we want. This is Texas. Gummit’ can’t tell me what to do no more!

  • THE REFUGEE SITUATION:
    • Remember that time we refused to let the Irish in because of the chance one of them might be an IRA member? Fun times, right?
    • Remember that time the Colonies refused to allow any ships come in from England because one of the passengers might be a British spy? No?
    • Remember when we refused to allow refugees from Kosovo, Yugoslavia, and Macedonia in because one might be a bad person? Those were the days!
    • Remember that time we locked up all the Japanese citizens for fear of one being a spy? Oh wait… we actually did that shit. Never mind.
    • Remember all those Russian refugees and asylum seekers we denied entry because one might be a legit communist or Russian spy? No?
    • Remember all the dangerous Nazis we kept out, refusing to let them be part of the USA and we made sure they didn’t’ touch our space program?
    • Remember when we refused to pick up Vietnamese refugees at the embassy during the evacuation of Vietnam because one might be a commie?
    • Not allowing 10,000 refugees in as one might be a terrorist is like not having sex with 10,000 women as one might have an STD. #TerrorCondom

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS

  • I think I’ll use my juicer to make a green juice of water hemlock, white snakeroot, and belladonna. #AllNatural #GreenLife #Organic
  • The problem with having sex with Irish women is you can’t tell if you had sex because of your pickup skills or a bit o’ luck.
  • The problem with having sex with American women is that they all think they’re #1 even though world travelers know otherwise.
  • The problem with having sex with Canadian women is that you have to carry an English condom and a French Tickler at all times.
  • The problem with having sex with Italian women is they like their noodles to be al dente.
  • The problem with having sex with Scottish women is many don’t think they’re strong enough to do the caber toss.
  • The problem with having sex with Greek women is they say they like plain yogurt, but they really don’t.
  • The problem with having sex with French women is they throw in the towel at the first pick up line.
  • The problem with having sex with Egyptian women is they try to get you in on their pyramid scheme.
  • The problem with having sex with Australian women is they make you nervous, but at least take you in and feed you breakfast.
  • The problem with having sex with South African women is they give preference to vanilla positions.
  • The problem with having sex with Icelandic women is is you think they’re Swedish Chef because all they talk about is, “Bjork, Bjork, Bjork.”
  • GOP DEBATE
    • So far, this feels more like a Jerry Springer show than a debate. #GOPDebate #Awkward #UnleadedACan
    • So far, there is a roughly 25% rate of actually answering the question. Masters of political avoidance answers. #GOPDebate
    • Hawk! Hawk! Hawk! Hawk! Hawk! #RepublicanMatingCall #GOPDebate
    • Scott Walker was like, “Oh shit, they asked me about #BlackLivesMatter”. Lemme give a BS answer quickly. #GOPDebate
    • Every candidate was like, “Thank God they asked the black guy the race relations question!” #GOPDebate
    • I’m greatly disappointed that FOX News did not give every candidate a chance to out-Jesus the other candidates. #GOPDebate
    • For the next question, how long would you be willing to suck Ronald Reagan ‘ dick? #GOPDebate #Reaganophilia
    • They finally asked how long each candidate would suck Reagan’s dick! #GOPDebate #Reaganophilia
  • Just seen: open top Jeep, large Confederate flag on PVC, John Deere hat on driver, blaring country music. #StereotypesAreReal
  • I hate chasing girls. I’d rather they just come to me. #TropicalStormEricka
  • I see stores are already putting up Happy Halloween signs. The War on Samhain continues! #ThereIsNoWarOnHolidays
  • FACEBOOK DOWN, POLITICS STYLE:
    • #FacebookDown is an inside job! #NeverForget928 #FacebookTruthers
    • “Don’t blame me for Facebook being down, I’m not in charge of that company!” – Carly Fiorina #FacebookDown
    • “We’ve heard about this #FacebookDown thing. Lots of people talking about it. We’re going to look into it. Build a wall.” – Donald Trump
    • “All those anti Kim Davis memes and gay pride profile pictures has led to #FacebookDown! Praise the White Jesus!” – Mike Huckabee
    • “Oh my bad, did I plan construction on the Facebook network today without notifying Facebook?” – Chris Christie #FacebookDown
    • “#FacebookDown is another piece of evidence pointing to why I’ll bomb Syria if elected.” – Lindsey Graham
    • “I’m not #FacebookDown. I’ve never been, I don’t associate with it, and I don’t approve of that lifestyle because of the Bible.” – Ted Cruz
    • “#FacebookDown is a complete coincidence to my personal email server being down at the same time.” – Hillary Clinton
  • THE WALKING DEAD:
    • Heard of that new horror movie, The Barber of Alexandria? #TWD #DeadBuzz #TalkingDead
    • At this pace there won’t be any original Alexandrians left for Rick’s to kill. #TWD #DeadBuzz #TalkingDead
    • I don’t think they have Herd Immunity. #TWD #DeadBuzz #TalkingDead #ScienceJoke
    • Darth Vader is watching #TWD and was like, “Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!” #DeadBuzz #TalkingDead
    • Zombies be like, “Mmm, Korean buffet!” #TWD #DeadBuzz #TalkingDead
    • When is Morgan going to do the Crane Kick during his Karate Kid training montage? #TWD #DeadBuzz #TalkingDead
  • INJURE A FILM:
    • Citizen Cane #InjureAFilm
    • Lawrence of Arabies #InjureAFilm
    • Star Warts #InjureAFilm
    • Apoxalypse Now #InjureAFilm
    • Ataxia Driver #InjureAFilm
    • The Sound of Bruises #InjureAFilm
    • S*M*A*S*H #InjureAFilm
    • Close Encounters of the Third Degree Burn #InjureAFilm
    • Forrest Gimp #InjureAFilm
    • Ben-Hurt #InjureAFilm
    • Dances With Lupus #InjureAFilm
    • A Place in the Sunburn #InjureAFilm
    • E.T. The Extra Terroristrial #InjureAFilm

@MIDNIGHT HASHTAG WARS

  • Oh shit, the Condom broke! #ScaryStoryIn5Words @midnight
  • Are your parents having sex? #ScaryStoryIn5Words @midnight
  • Jar-Jar appears in Force Awakens #ScaryStoryIn5Words #StarWars @midnight

CAPTION CENTRAL

  • Always be aware of your surroundings.

    Always be aware of your surroundings.

  • 20150724a
  • This might very well be the loneliest picture I've ever seen.

    This might very well be the loneliest picture I’ve ever seen.

  • "Hey, y'all gonna still cut my hair, or what?"

    “Hey, y’all gonna still cut my hair, or what?”

  • There's Sea Doo... then there's Sea Don't.

    There’s Sea Doo… then there’s Sea Don’t.

  • Meanwhile in South Carolina...

    Meanwhile in South Carolina…

  • When you run out of communion wafers and realize Cheetos are a great substitute for transubstantiation.

    When you run out of communion wafers and realize Cheetos are a great substitute for transubstantiation.

  • "We count only blue cars. Skip the cracks in the street and ask many questions, like children often do."

    “We count only blue cars. Skip the cracks in the street and ask many questions, like children often do.”

  • Can we just start the apocalypse today and end the epidemic of human stupidity?

    Can we just start the apocalypse today and end the epidemic of human stupidity?

  • 20151104a

BWAHAHA 4/25 – 7/17

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 4/25 – 7/17: Yeah, almost three months in one post. I don’t know why I fell so far behind, except that I was concentrating more on the my storm chasing in the last few months since it was storm “season” here in Alabama. I’ve actually been slacking big time on comedy. I’ve only done a couple of open mics and only one show. Whether or not that changes… we’ll see. Comedy isn’t a full-time adventure for me. I have no desire to leave Huntsville and go on national tours: it’s a hobby. That means I do it when I feel like it, not because I have to. With that said… here’s the last few months of the stuff I did do.

OTHER STUFF:

  • My favorite way to do the tip line.

    My favorite way to do the tip line.

  • I want to open a walk-in clinic in San Francisco and call it Baysick Care.
  • When you don't have a shredder, this is how you get rid of papers you can't throw away.

    When you don’t have a shredder, this is how you get rid of papers you can’t throw away.

  • Just got done watching E.T., which is the story of a young Jedi who gets left behind on Earth.
  • Intentional or unintentional? ‪#‎PlayingWithBalls‬

    Intentional or unintentional? ‪#‎PlayingWithBalls‬

  • Cory brought me back some Blue Flame Moonshine (128 proof). Can’t wait to pass out… I mean try it.
  • The cutest picture you'll ever see me take on the toilet. Diego can sure pick awkward times to get cuddly.

    The cutest picture you’ll ever see me take on the toilet. Diego can sure pick awkward times to get cuddly.

  • Study confirms what smart people and non-gullible people already knew.
  • My favorite Indian food is tacos.
  • I think Michael’s might be confused.
  • Mad Max did not give Furiosa permission to die.
  • Where's a wooden stake when you need one?

    Where’s a wooden stake when you need one?

  • From this point forward I will be referring to female Dr. Who fans as Whoters.
  • Clearly I'm playing too much ‪#‎Destiny

    Clearly I’m playing too much ‪#‎Destiny

  • Everyone says San Andreas is going to suck. However, it’s about earthquakes, so it gets a free suck pass in my book. Will see it tonight!
  • I'm gonna go with misspelled heresy cake. Burn in chocolate hell sinners! City Cafe, Huntsville

    I’m gonna go with misspelled heresy cake. Burn in chocolate hell sinners! City Cafe, Huntsville

  • I think The Mattress Firm needs some good competition, so I’m going to open a store across the street called The Mattress Soft.
  • Spent 20 minutes looking for my phone. Finally called it from Google Hangouts… and it vibrated in my pocket. Gonna be one of those days!
  • I have been asked for my receipt when leaving WalMart twice in two weeks. Did they change their policy to ask white people now?
  • Huntsville's MAGIC (Meteorological Avoidance of Ground Inclement Clouds) Weather Bubble seems to be working just fine today.

    Huntsville’s MAGIC (Meteorological Avoidance of Ground Inclement Clouds) Weather Bubble seems to be working just fine today.

  • If you’re a member of 78 groups and most of them are some form of buy/sell/trade group, I’m going to assume you’re a spammer and block you from my groups. Even if you’re not… sorry. ‪#‎GuiltyOfProfiling‬
  • “Girly Quotes” followed me on Twitter. Probably because I mentioned “wedding” in one of my Tweets. Boy is “Girly Quotes” in for a big surprise!
  • If my electric bill stays this high, I may have to convert to Amish.
  • When your GF’s not home and you can play your video game as loud as you want. Oh yeah…
  • I guess the cat's hungry.

    I guess the cat’s hungry.

  • My favorite Mexican restaurant is slowly replacing it’s male wait staff with females. I’m good with that, because I like Carne Asada Tacos.
  • Listening to crime docs: if you wanna kill someone, don’t get an insurance policy on them and don’t have an affair: dead giveaways of guilt.
  • One of the family members just introduced me to his family by calling me a “famous entertainer.” I’ll take that.
  • I just need to quit being on time. I’m sitting at a large table by myself again waiting for everyone else.
  • When you don’t have to show your ID because the bouncer recognizes you. I may come here too much.
  • Cute girl asks to sit at our table. Introduces herself to the guys. Flirts. 8 minutes later, introduces boyfriend as he walks up. ‪#‎Played
  • I’m always creeped out when someone recognizes me from FOX news, because that means they “really” pay attention to FOX News.
  • Number from Russia calls and hangs up when I answer. Is it a mail order bride, mafia, or Snowden?
  • Why does a Dr’s office that specializes in back injuries have shitty chairs and then makes you wait for two hours in those shitty chairs?
  • Something seems off here. Can't quite put my finger on it. Maybe I need to up my vitamin intake.

    Something seems off here. Can’t quite put my finger on it. Maybe I need to up my vitamin intake.

  • Blackhawk helicopters circling over the house. Maybe using “pressure cooker” & “explosive diarrhea” in same Tweet wasn’t such a good idea.
  • Ready to marry the happy couple. Beautiful day at the Botanical Gardens. I look like a rabbi with the Dr. Who scarf on. Whozel Tov!

    Ready to marry the happy couple. Beautiful day at the Botanical Gardens. I look like a rabbi with the Dr. Who scarf on. Whozel Tov!

  • Kenny Loggins’ Danger Zone could totally be retooled as a Storm Chaser anthem!
  • Tumblr is not working and no one is talking about it! WTF?!?!?!?! Wait… is Tumblr the new MySpace?
  • A bat just ran into my windshield. That had to hurt.
  • Getting ready to go see JAWS in a theater for its 40th anniversary. Woot!

    Getting ready to go see JAWS in a theater for its 40th anniversary. Woot!

  • Good grief! The seats at this theater are actually smaller than airplane economy seats. Um, hello, obesity epidemic! Upgrade your seats!
  • Scientists are talking about a possible sixth mass extinction. I’m cool with that as long as mosquitoes and gnats are included.
  • I think the Democrats should run a black female atheist lesbian Socialist hippie. Just for the giggles of watching conservatives react.
  • If WalMart removes all confederate flag products from shelves, then what will happen to the ‪#‎PeopleOfWalmart‬ web page? Let’s rethink this!!
  • Stores, cities, and states are removing the Confederate Flag. Showing my support by flying the real flag on my house.

    Stores, cities, and states are removing the Confederate Flag. Showing my support by flying the real flag on my house.

  • I will not read the comments on SOCTUS ruling. I will not read the comments on SOCTUS ruling. I will not read the comments on SOCTUS ruling.
  • Future Headline: 6/26/2020 – Five Years Later, Bigoted Preachers ‘Still’ Waiting on Government Letter Forcing Them to Perform Gay Marriage.
  • It can’t be a coincidence that gay marriage passes on the same day as National Beautician’s Day. It’s a conspiracy and I’m onto them!
  • Lightning to the right of me, gusting to the left, here I am, stuck in the middle with duds… stuck in the middle with duds. ‪#‎MotherNatureHatesMe‬
  • The biggest promoters of the confederate flag are often the ones to label people as “unamerican,” and yet they do the most unamerican thing possible: fly a flag that represents treason against the United States of America.
  • If conservatives spent 1/2 the energy on “shall not bear false witness” as they do on “no gay penis,” the GOP and FOX would cease to exist.
  • When one of your Sales reps finds out you were in the Navy as well and the five-minute checkup call on a facility becomes a two-hour Navy style bitch session. Because a bitchin’ sailor is a happy sailor!
  • Those two are so stupid, they’re derpendicular.
  • I think my girlfriend has a ningina, because I never see it coming.
  • They're selling an empty record for that much!

    They’re selling an empty record for that much!

  • Earlier today a wind gust almost knocked me over. My anemometer said 18mph. Clearly my anemometer is broke.
  • Messing with my neighbors. MAC address restrictions on, too! Are the drug dealers across the street sweating it?

    Messing with my neighbors. MAC address restrictions on, too! Are the drug dealers across the street sweating it?

  • Well, I suppose this means I need to throw The Dark Lord a housewarming party! Who’s in?!?!?!?
  • I’m not a fan of hippies, but fake pretentious hippies are the worst. I’m surrounded by them. They should perish from the earth.
  • The lavender smell too strong for you? Poor thing. At least I didn’t complain about your patchouli smelling body odor dripping stench. Jerk!

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

  • Today really sucks for test tube babies. #MothersDay
  • The only reason your mother should be at Chinese Buffet today is if she specifically said she wanted you to bring her. ‪#‎MothersDayFail‬
  • Today is Confederate Memorial Day, coincidentally celebrated by the three most uneducated states in the UNION. ‪#‎WrongSideOfHistoryAgain‬
  • Officer just pulled me over for 60 in a 45. Asked me about the weather and then told me to slow it down. ‪#‎WhitePrivilege‬ ‪#‎ChaserProblems‬
  • How many levels in Dante’s Inferno? Doesn’t matter, they’re all right here around me. Lol ‪#‎HippieHeadquarters‬ ‪#‎SomeoneSaveMe‬
  • I love solving games or puzzles on the last move or last second. It makes me feel like James Bond diffusing a bomb. ‪#‎LivingVicariously‬
  • I bet the Block feature on Facebook got a workout today! #GayMarriage

CAPTION CENTRAL:

  • I'm pretty sure that sign reads "Help Me."

    I’m pretty sure that sign reads “Help Me.”

  • WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!

    WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!

  • Gun safety? Never heard of it. t's like a mouse, just point an click, right?

    Gun safety? Never heard of it. t’s like a mouse, just point an click, right?

  • They see me rollin.' They hatin.' Patrolling they tryin' to catch me ridin' purty!

    They see me rollin.’ They hatin.’ Patrolling they tryin’ to catch me ridin’ purty!

  • Hey! Who ordered delivery?

    Hey! Who ordered delivery?

  • The little man in the canoe has no idea where the hurricane force winds are coming from.

    The little man in the canoe has no idea where the hurricane force winds are coming from.