BWAHAHA: 8/23 – 8/29

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 8/23 – 8/29: This was a pretty fun week all things considered. We’ve unpacked more boxes, got more work done on the bathroom, decorated the home some more, and I doing better at my water aerobics class. I’m still the skinniest person in the class, so still helping out my confidence! Got to go storm chasing a few times this week, but mostly Mother Nature was just being a dick and sending all the good stuff somewhere else.

And then there’s the serious stuff: more videos surfacing of cops being stupid and engaging in unnecessary violence with excessive force. I have been a lifelong defender of police because there are good cops out there and it’s easy to fall into confirmation bias of “all cops are bad” because we only see the bad. Are police brutality instances actually on the rise, or is the predominance of cell phones capturing more of what was already there? That’s hard to say definitively, but one thing is for sure, it’s getting harder and harder to defend police in general when more of this crazy shit is happening. Protect and serve people. That’s your fucking job: protect and serve.

OTHER STUFF:

This little guy was like, “Hey look at me! Oh, never mind.” HSV #alwx

Mother Nature hates me. All that awesome so far away.

Woman just said, “I have a cute anus.” I replied, “Well, I suppose that’s better than a chronic anus.”

Waiter, there’s a cloud in my tea. #ForeverVaping

When I see people type OMG, the first I think is, “Oh, you’re down to zero nicotine now?” Then I realize my head is in the clouds. #ForeverVaping

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

Standard pic of downed chimney during any CA earthquake. #NapaQuake

“Only God can judge me.” Sure, keep telling yourself that to not feel guilty, but we’re all judging the hell out of you.

The Twilight Movies #ThingsBetterThanManchesterUnited

German Horse Porn #ThingsBetterThanManchesterUnited

Manchester Disenfranchised #ThingsBetterThanManchesterUnited

Malaysian Airlines #ThingsBetterThanManchesterUnited

The Titanic #ThingsBetterThanManchesterUnited

Rodney Dangerfield’s Ladybugs #ThingsBetterThanManchesterUnited

The Hindenburg #ThingsBetterThanManchesterUnited

The Cure Bred #DogBands @midnight

The Happee Pad Mondays #DogBands @midnight

Collar Me Badd #DogBands @midnight

Earth, Wind & Fire Hydrant #DogBands @midnight

Seven Dalmatian Army #DogBands @midnight

Dog Food Fighters #DogBands @midnight

Irish Setter Than Ezra #DogBands @midnight

Great Dane’s Addiction #DogBands @midnight

New Yorkie Dolls #DogBands @midnight

The Mutthole Surfers #DogBands @midnight

Flogging Collies #DogBands @midnight

Bone Loc #DogBands @midnight

Miami Hound Machine #DogBands @midnight

Flock of Beagles #DogBands @midnight

Black Eye Fleas #DogBands @midnight

Culture Kennel Club #DogBands @midnight

Tina Turner & Hooch #DogBands @midnight

Raining in Nashville. The Titans can blame the rain for the football just getting stripped by the Vikings.

Water Sports Illustrated #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Autoeroticmobile Magazine #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Pot Rod #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Hot Rod Stewart #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Motorboat Trend #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Motor Trendy Bitches #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Road & Crack #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Nipsliplinger’s Personal Finance #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Smack Enterprise #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Boobberg Businesstweak #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Consummate Reports #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Entrepremanure #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Crack and Pill #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Nickelbackodeon Magazine #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Stranger Rick #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Stone Cold Steve Austin Soup #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Entertain Men Weekly #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Nope Chopra Digest #RuinAMagazine @midnight #SkepticsUnderstand

KY Glide #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Bon Jovi Appétit #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Taste of Gnome #RuinAMagazine @midnight

The Daily Teabagger #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Klan Magazine #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Peephole #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Puss Weekly #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Penn’s Health #RuinAMagazine @pennjillette @midnight

Cosmopolitician #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Ladies’ Home Invasion Journal #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Modern Booty #RuinAMagazine @midnight

American White Heritage #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Slutterbug #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Freebirders World #RuinAMagazine #LynyrdSkynyrdSucks @midnight

Better Homes and Arsons #RuinAMagazine @midnight

CAPTION CENTRAL:

Tonight’s Chef Special.

[sniff] “They’ve outgrown me.” [sniff]

They see me skatin’
Ain’t farmin’
We Prayin’
And they jealous of me skatin’ Amish
Wanna be me racin’ Amish

Puppies: just like veal. #NationalDogDay #NotHelpingStereotypes

I keep warning you people all the time and yet you don’t listen! Always be aware of your surroundings!

In Britain, they use a different type of “gun” when interacting with the black community.

Flower Power!

BWAHAHA: 3/1 – 3/7

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 3/1 – 3/7: This week was a pretty slow week for me. I was distracted by my real job and by Suzie (Suzie, you’re amazing!).  I did get to rant and rave against skinny people who always seem to want to offer advice to us fat folks when we go on diets and exercise. He skinny person, you have no fucking clue, so fuck off.

3/1

I love it when people tell me, “That food is bad for you.” No shit! Now tell me about this Jesus guy I’ve never heard of!

What happened to “Jesus Take the Wheel?”

What happens when you buy cheap funeral arrangements…

Libertarian roads… part II.

3/2

Dopamine crash in 3… 2… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Lucky for me, Parmesan cheese tastes amazing when it’s slightly burnt.

Beth be like, “You’re not my dad!” #TWD

But I like peach schnapps! #TWD

Bad moonshine can make you go blind, just like masturbation. #TWD

Daryl came so close to a reacharound. #TWD

I think ‘Walking On Sunshine’ by Katrina & the Waves should have been playing while the house burned. #TWD

3/3

If you’re gonna party, then dammit, PARTY! (She probably has a degree in Marketing)

Random snowflakes falling in downtown Huntsville. Someone punch Mother Nature in the crotch!

Apparently the Zombiepocalypse might be happening on my street. That’s a shitload of emergency vehicles…

Fighting the urge to sing my playlist while at the gym.

3/4

I’m pretty sure my friends have a pool going on when I change my relationship status. Dicks!

Suzie’s dog vomited all over me. That’s a sign of approval, right?

3/5

Guy pulled off a great move to avoid rear ending me at 60. So I have him a thumbs up. #MissedConnections

3/6

New FedEx home delivery…

Physics: sometimes you just can’t explain that shit.

I made the shirt I’ll be wearing at DragonCon this year (buy your own here):