Elephant « Blair Scott: Synthentral

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 11/29 – 12/5: I had the privilege this week of walking alongside my fellow human beings in the #ShutItDownHSV protest march. I can never understand what it’s like to be black in America because I’m not black. But what I can do is have some fucking empathy. What I can do is make an effort to understand the statistics and data that show racism is not over in America and that the very term “post-racial” is wrong. I can look at the data from the Justice Department and realize that something is very wrong with the system. I can read #CrimingWhileWhite and begin to grasp that as a white male I am treated differently than a black male. I can see with my own damn eyes the security guard in the mall trailing the group of black teenagers while the white kids who are actually shoplifting are left alone. White Privilege is not an insult, so don’t fucking freak out when it’s pointed out to you. Privilege is not the problem: not recognizing your own is and the worst is when you cannot recognize the lack of privilege in others. When some stupid idiot on Facebook says, “Yeah, because my Irish immigrant ancestors had tons of privilege” in their smartass denialism way, I just want to reach through the screen and smack the shit out of them. Yes, your Irish immigrant ancestors were scorned and faced tons of problems. But you know what they weren’t? They weren’t motherfucking black and they weren’t in chains picking cotton on plantations in Mississippi. I’m thinking about writing an entire blog about this issue to help my idiotic fellow white humans grasp this simple concept.

Mark your calendars for a good cause! Help out Huntsville’s homeless and get some good laughs. Donations are needed!

C’mon, help local comedy! As local comedy grows, so do the local comedians and the scene’s ability to bring in visiting comedians. Show your support and pre-buy a t-shirt! Plenty of sizes to choose from (yes, even big guys like myself).

OTHER STUFF:

Nooooooooooooooooooo! #TWD #TheWalkingDead Someone pass the Kleenex.
I’m refusing to watch @AMCTalkingDead because I don’t want to cry. Seeing it once was enough trauma for one night. #TheWalkingDead
If you didn’t watch tonight’s episode of #TheWalkingDead, you should stay off social media until you do. Seriously.
While the books were nauseating, they were mildly entertaining, so I figured I’d give the Left Behind movie a chance. I lasted six minutes.
Every electronic device in my house shows a different time. Even my computers. Stupid technology.
Just told my GF that I bought us a new comforter. It didn’t go over very well.
Just busted my ass all week getting a site ready… and just now the site advises they’re still obligated for 90 days with the previous vendor. How does anyone not know this ahead of time? UGH! ACK!
Watching some of my fellow white humans respond to #ShutItDownHSV is embarrassing. Your white privilege is showing. Just shut up. Please.
The meatloaf I made last night was pretty spicy. After sitting overnight, it’s almost (almost) too spicy for even me.
Why is everyone doing the speed limit and I’m at 7 over. Oh yeah, black neighborhood. I’m not afraid of being pulled over. #WhitePrivilege
I disagree with you, so I said so on your post. Now that you’ve challenged me, I’m going to demand that we “agree to disagree.” #SMH
I shoplifted as a teenager and the security guard just made me pay for what I stole instead of calling the cops. #CrimingWhileWhite
Doing 100 MPH on I-95 in Hartford. State Trooper turned his lights on, then waved “thanks” as he passed me. #CrimingWhileWhite
Why is it so hard for some adults to understand the concept of Civil Disobedience? It’s not a hard concept to understand. It’s simple.
I’ve deleted the annoying Facebook Messenger App on my phone. Fuck that stupid piece of shit. That means if I’m not at my desk, I won’t respond to PMs. Text me instead or just fucking wait until I get home.

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

Raise your fist in solidarity with feminism! #FemiFisting
NYPD should implement Stop, Drop, Roll & Frisk. That way they’re educating people while violating their rights. #ICantBreathe

#HASHTAGWARS @MIDNIGHT:

The Household Cats #SoftenABand @midnight
The Constables #SoftenABand @midnight
4 Hot Blondes #SoftenABand @midnight
Oxygen Supply #SoftenABand @midnight
The Alan Parsons Condominium #SoftenABand @midnight
Indigenous Ant Farm #SoftenABand @midnight
The Modern Toys #SoftenABand @midnight
Audiopaidlabor #SoftenABand @midnight
The B-52 Vitamins #SoftenABand @midnight
Black & Yellow Winged Insects, Geeze! #SoftenABand @midnight
Tiny Country #SoftenABand @midnight
The Birthday Cuddle Party #SoftenABand @midnight @TBMassacre
Visionary Melon #SoftenABand @midnight
Happy October #SoftenABand @midnight
Quietown Rats #SoftenABand @midnight
Toddler George #SoftenABand @midnight
Corey Myocardium #SoftenABand @midnight
Crash Test Nerds #SoftenABand @midnight
Spacious House #SoftenABand @midnight
Still Kickin’ Kennedys #SoftenABand @midnight
Echo & the Funnymen #SoftenABand @midnight
Stay In Line Boy #SoftenABand @midnight
Satiated Lucy #SoftenABand @midnight @hungrylucy
Iggy Slight Ping #SoftenABand @midnight
Joan Jett & the Kindhearts #SoftenABand @midnight
Johnny Adores Jazz #SoftenABand @midnight
Kate Clean Shaven #SoftenABand @midnight
Love and Hot Pockets #SoftenABand @midnight
All Systems Check Parade #SoftenABand @midnight
Men At Casual Play #SoftenABand @midnight
Men Wearing Fedoras #SoftenABand @midnight
New Centrists #SoftenABand @midnight
Papa Lovebug #SoftenABand @midnight
Pop Will Lick Itself #SoftenABand @midnight
Skinemax for Pyros #SoftenABand @midnight
Advanced Radio Gods #SoftenABand @midnight
Puddle of Perrier #SoftenABand @midnight
Elegant Minds #SoftenABand @midnight
Siouxsie & the Crying Ladies #SoftenABand @midnight
Sweet’n Low Ray #SoftenABand @midnight
Life Tendencies #SoftenABand @midnight
Mumbling Heads #SoftenABand @midnight
It’s Now Tuesday #SoftenABand @midnight

CAPTION CENTRAL:

Coming to theaters this Spring… CUJO 2: Let’s Play Fetch

You know, that elephant wouldn’t be bothering you if you shot and killed it and made utensils out of its husks.

In a surprising twist, police sprayed protesters with ReddiWip. One protester said, “It’s like bukkake, but better.”

Tensions in North Korea mounted today when the NK Navy threatened to throw rocks at US Navy ships.

Introducing the new iScratch&Sniff from Apple. We didn’t make it for porn, but we know that’s what you’ll use it for.

OMG, The Cute, it hurts so bad!

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 9/6 – 9/12: This was a fun week for me. I got to go out and help a friend celebrate a birthday. Suzie and I met our goals for the house and we had a housewarming party with our friends. I think my friends were unsure of what to expect and had a weird time at the party. For those that don’t know, my house was THE party house. It was not uncommon to have 50-60 people partying their asses off at my house. My house took one helluva a beating over the years from all the parties. My carpets were shot, there was damage to walls, etc. Suzie and I have been busting our asses to get the house back to living conditions: in other words, a house meant for something other than a bachelor. So the party was fun and we had great conversations and played a game, but it wasn’t a normal Blair party and I think that weirded everyone out.

I made a joke this week about the 9/11 anniversary. Well, technically, the joke was about the whole “never forget” stuff that everyone posts. It’s important to note that I was across the river in Seacaucus, New Jersey when 9/11 happened and in NYC on 9/10. I watched 9/11 unfold out of my hotel window: not on TV. 9/11 is something that resonates with me and still gets me choked up. But I can also make light of our fears and our sometimes misguided sense of nationalism in the post-9/11 environment. I did just that and someone told me, “You can’t make jokes about 9/11. It’s un-American.” I responded, “You can’t make jokes about Mohamed. It’s un-Islamic.” I think they got the point. Telling someone they can’t say one thing or another is actually the most un-American thing you can do. You know… Freedom of Speech and stuff.

OTHER STUFF:

When the Zombiepocalypse starts, it will spread quickly because people will think it’s a prank being filmed for YouTube.

My Dr. gave me meds for my RLS. I looked it up and it’s also used for Parkinson’s. I should’ve known, as the bottle said “Shake before use.”

My back didn’t itch until I picked up the back scratcher to move it. Stupid brain.

Wait… the Marines are a corporation? <it’s a joke, don’t get all Simper Fight on me>

I feel like there was something I was supposed to remember today. Damn… what was it? Oh yeah, I gotta wash my car or the terrorists win.

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

After some serious thought for two seconds I have decided that I’m okay with the Lions beating the Giants. #NFL

Lions are like, “Rules? There are rules? We don’t need no stinkin’ rules.” #PenaltyFlag #ArmchairQuarterback

Pop! Eye #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Bugs Bloody #SpookyCartoons @midnight

Melvin and the Cheap Monks #SpookyCartoons @midnight