BWAHAHA 2/28 – 3/6

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 2/28 – 3/6: During this week, my girlfriend Suzie and I celebrated our one year anniversary of our very first date. So what do you do on your one year dateiversary? Well, you duplicate your first date! We started off at the Savory Spice Shop in Franklin, TN and then moved on to Famous Dave’s BBQ and ended up at Frugal McDoogal’s in Nashville. And of course… we went Dutch! On the way back home we had a late stop at WalMart. Suzie went into the store and I took a 20-minute power nap in the parking lot. Why? Because it’s better to take a power nap eight miles from home than to fall asleep at the wheel and kill yourself or someone else one mile from home. *The More You KNOW!

The fiasco over gay marriage continues in Alabama. Alabama Supreme Court Chief Justice Roy Mooreon put out a missive to all the probate judges and most of them followed his missive and stopped issuing licenses to gay couples. For some reasons, these idiots who are supposed to fucking know the law, think that they’re somehow immune to contempt of court of lawsuits because our fucktarded Mooreon of a Chief Justice gave them an excuse to exercise their bigotry openly. Alabama will always move forward kicking and screaming and sometimes be forced to move forward at gunpoint. The problem is that Alabama is still not living in 2015… it’s stuck somewhere in 1975 or 1976 still. On the bright side, at least they’re not wearing disco suits.

Don’t forget to check out “Are You Winter Weather Ready?” A lot of the points work for Spring and Summer weather as well, but I’ll put up a new blog as the Spring weather gets closer.

OTHER STUFF:

• Today’s North Alabama Vapers’ Mini-Con was a huge success. How do we know? Well, the Huntsville Fire Department showed up! ‪#‎VapeOn‬

• 

  When Assassins’s Creed Black Flag goes wrong… Stuck and can’t save my crewman. Fast travel will fix it! ‪#‎BlackFlag‬

• Remember: they’re called forecasts and not predictions for a reason. Give your meteorologist a little slack.

• 

  I’m not sure if this is a compliment or not. And is this news that’s retarded or news for retards (and does that mean Republicans)?

• Tons of bugs celebrated the 75 degrees here in Huntsville… hopefully they mated and will all die from the freeze and eggs won’t hatch.

• 

  Problem? What problem? I don’t have a problem! ‪#‎VapeLife‬ ‪#‎VapeOn‬ ‪#‎ForeverVaping‬

• I must admit I find myself disappointed that no right-wing nutters blamed the crazy Alabama weather on gay marriage being found legal here.

• 

  My super top secret magic weather bubble doesn’t seem to be functioning properly.

• I don’t know if I should be angered or excited that PlayStation has PlayStation Plus for their overweight customers.
• I just ate one-year aged hot New Mexican red chile. Hot really isn’t the right adjective now. Maybe volcanic?

• 

  When the water drains away… and the ice stays. #alwx #HSV

BWAHAHA 12/20 – 12/26:

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 12/20 – 12/26: My GF stumbled upon one of the best written articles I’ve ever seen written about white privilege for white people – by a white person. Remember, privilege isn’t an insult or a bad word. What’s important is that you recognize that you have it and more importantly, that others do not have it (be that white, male, class, etc). Read the article HERE.

So this week was Christmas. I’m one of those atheists who celebrates Christmas. Why? Because no one goes to the mall to sit on Jesus’ lap, that’s why. So what’d you get for Christmas? My friends and my GF got me a lot of stuff I’ll need for the Zombiepocalypse (or camping) and plenty of vaping stuff. I got a tactical vest, tactical leg pouch, 9-in-1 shovel (it comes with a fucking bayonet!), 35-LED light stick, three 10-LED head lamps, camp stove, Aspire Atlantis tank (and five replacement coils), a gift certificate to Professor Vapes (located in Madison, AL), a full body massage at the Chinese Massage place in Huntsville, and a new cutlery set for my kitchen. I did pretty damn good this Christmas!

My friends and I watched The Interview this week (no spoilers, I promise). There were some pretty good laughs throughout the movie. If you are one of my fellow liberals who was worried about a movie showing an assassination of a sitting leader, you should actually watch the movie. It’s not what you expect. I won’t spoil it, just watch it and stop jumping to the wrong conclusions. The Interview has tons of in-your-face and hidden social commentary about diplomacy, foreign policy, media, etc. The Interview is social commentary wrapped in comedy and slapstick. Don’t let the terrorists win! Watch The Interview!

I did get to do a little bit of storm chasing this week, but Alabama proved to be frustrating as always when it comes to chasing storms. At least I got to test out the new AcuRite. It’s designed to mount in your backyard, but I mounted it on the roof of my car. Worked like a champ! Thanks AcuRite!

OTHER STUFF:

• Out and about and I left my wallet at home. Guess I’m not eating or accomplishing anything. #EarlyAlzheimers
• Thanks to Old Time Pottery, I have more glitter on me than Tinker Bell.
• Some Christmas music I actually like!
• Chasing in Alabama is frustrating. If the cell doesn’t dissipate, trees block the view or farmer John holds up traffic.
• Something to do on the next camping trip… and by trip… I mean acid trip.
• Normally we go eat Chinese buffet on Christmas Day with friends. But we found out that Indian Palace is open today! Yep, that trumps Chinese!

• 

  Who ordered the rain donut?

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

• Tripster: a hipster in training.
• Mutant: someone who participates in a mutiny.
• Kumquats are amazing. It’s like a pear and a tangerine had sex.
• At Joe Cocker’s funeral, you can leave your hat on. #RIPJoeCocker
• Thanks to smart phones, awkward silences aren’t that awkward anymore.

CAPTION CENTRAL:

• 

  I can’t tell… is she keeping his hand warm or is he keeping her butt warm? Or is it more a symbiotic relationship?

• 

  Do you even hack, bro?!?!

• 

  Stand back! I’m about to try a physics experiment!

BWAHAHA 11/22 – 11/28:

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 11/22 – 11/28: Racists didn’t fail us this last week and easily identified themselves for deletion, unfriending, blocking, etc. Look, I don’t care if you think Darren Wilson was innocent or guilty. I really don’t. But what I do care about is if you’re so fucking stupid that you actually think he’s a hero. I also care if you’re referring to rioting black people as “animals” but when white people destroy a city after their favorite sports team wins or loses, you refer to them as “stupid drunk kids.” I don’t care if you have privilege, because there’s nothing wrong with privilege, per se, the problem is when you don’t recognize your privilege and you don’t recognize the lack of privilege in others. If you think because you grew up in a trailer park with an alcoholic redneck dad that somehow you’re not a privileged white male… well, you’re a twit who doesn’t understand how privilege actually works and you’re making an ass of yourself. So just shut up. Please.

I spent most of this week avoiding social media to avoid getting pissed at idiots. Also because of Thanksgiving. So I didn’t participate in any Caption Central, #HashtagWar, etc. So… small blog entry this week. I hope everyone had a safe and awesome Turkey Day!

OTHER STUFF:

• I’m a magnet for these morons. It’s as if they don’t see me. This moron not only pulled out in front of me, but pulled so far out into the center lane that it looked like he was going left and I was in the clear. Then… turns right in front of me. Luckily I was paying attention and didn’t hit him.
• I’m on a woo woo train heading to Wooville. Definitely getting off at the next stop. Okay, can’t get off that easy, someone send Steven Segal to come rescue me. I’m totally under siege.
• White privilege rearing it’s head in stupid Facebook comments in 5… 4… 3… 2…
• I was feeling a little down yesterday and needed a pick-me-up. So I called a taxi.
• After dusting the furniture, my Man Card was restored when I saved the day by fixing the vacuum. ‪#‎SexistChores‬
• I think I’m the only one actively using ‘Ello. It’s like talking to myself in there.
• Reminiscing back to the days when Hip Hop was actually good and I was breakdancing in Junior High.
• I hate that stores are open making people work on Thanksgiving. I just bought a cherry pie at Kroger. ‪#‎SelfAwareHypocrite‬
• Enjoying the Cloupor T8! Hits great with massive clouds. #ForeverVaping

BWAHAHA 10/25 – 10/31:

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 10/25 – 10/31: So this week, even though I’m behind a week (yes, I’ll catch up this weekend), I’ve decided to take a different approach with the #HashtagWars done by @midnight. First, I’m giving them their own section, separate from my other Tweets, posts, etc. Second, I’m only including ones that are 100% original. I do a search for my joke and if anyone else did it – it doesn’t make it on this page: even if I did it first. There are some low hanging fruit and obvious jokes with each #HashtagWars and we come up with the same stuff. It happens. But there are a few where I know someone copied mine and used it as their own, because I used an odd Syntax or put in a special character where it didn’t need to be. You know who you are and did you not know that Twitter has a search function that shows not only that you stole my joke but time stamps that shit as well? Douchebag.

OTHER STUFF:

New tag arrived today!

Need to plunder something. Yes, bartender, I’ll take a Me & Coke, please.

Enjoying some Captain and vape! #ForeverVaping

Best Buy just aired a Christmas commercial. In October. I am now no longer shopping at Best Buy.

On the road back to Pittsburgh. 12 hours of other drivers pissing me off.

Even when I’m on the road, the storms fizzle out before getting to me. Mother Nature hates me.

After numerous searches on the Internet, I have concluded that I have Ebola. The Internet is never wrong.

So when does Earth to Echo 2: Payback come out where Echo, with all his alien friends, takes revenge for the government shooting him down?

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATION:

Who wants some roast? TAINTED MEAT!!! #TheWalkingDead

We had Swiss steak for dinner tonight. #TAINTEDMEAT #TheWalkingDead

Eating Bob gives #TheWalkingDead chocolate pudding a whole new meaning.

I have only a few Zombiepocalypse rules. No kids is one of them. Judith proves my point. #TheWalkingDead

All praise the red-handled machete! #TWD #TheWalkingDead

Uh-oh, did Daryl bring back some #TAINTEDMEAT to the church? #TheWalkingDead

#HashtagWars WITH @Midnight:

Lawrence of Catabia #CatMovies @midnight

The Abyssinian #CatMovies @midnight

Breakfast at Chantilly-Tiffany #CatMovies @midnight

The Godpawder #CatMovies @midnight

12 Angry Mice #CatMovies @midnight

The Usual Suspets #CatMovies @midnight

12 Years a Pet #CatMovies @midnight

The Himalayan Blues Brothers #CatMovies @midnight

When Hairy Met Alley #CatMovies @midnight

Hairballspray #CatMovies @midnight

Sarah Palin makes Vivid deal #ScaryStoriesIn5Words @midnight

Michael Vick opens animal shelter #ScaryStoriesIn5Words @midnight

Every Wives Tale is TRUE #ScaryStoriesIn5Words @midnight

Rapture happened: you missed it #ScaryStoriesIn5Words @midnight

Rick & Daryl: gay love scene #ScaryStoriesIn5Words @midnight #TWD

Zombies only eat Playboy Bunnies #ScaryStoriesIn5Words @midnight

Cloverfield monster… was a baby #ScaryStoriesIn5Words @midnight

Knock Knock. Who’s there? Jason. #ScaryStoriesIn5Words @midnight

Olympics being held in Liberia #ScaryStoriesIn5Words @midnight

Condom broke… with a prostitute #ScaryStoriesIn5Words @midnight

Technically, we’re all TAINTED MEAT! #ScaryStoriesIn5Words @midnight #TheWalkingDead

EMP burst kills the Internet #ScaryStoriesIn5Words @midnight

They’re just friction burns. Honest! #ScaryStoriesIn5Words @midnight

Adam & Steve, not Adam & Eve! #ScaryStoriesIn5Words @midnight

What’s in the box? Microsoft-10 #ScaryStoriesIn5Words @midnight

Satan’s number is actually 404 #ScaryStoriesIn5Words @midnight

Come again… How fast, officer? #ScaryStoriesIn5Words @midnight

Yosemite seismic activity rapidly increasing #ScaryStoriesIn5Words @midnight #NotReallyFunny

You don’t take credit cards? #ScaryStoriesIn5Words @midnight

CAPTION CENTRAL:

This would make more sense if the car were a Tiburon.

IHOP on Pop… IHOP on Car.

Cool story about a penis, but the real news: The James Bond Submersible Lotus is in a museum in Miami!!!!!!

BWAHAHA 10/18 – 10/24:

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 10/18 – 10/24: I spent all week in Pittsburgh, PA, mostly bored out of my mind. What kills me is not that I had to go there, but that my being there didn’t accomplish a damn thing. The facility didn’t get their side done and we didn’t get the job completed because of it – so now my ass has to travel back to Pittsburgh for a third fucking week. On the bright side, I found an amazing Vanilla flavor for my Vape! Vanilla Pseudo Custard from VapePGH Inc in Pittsburgh is the best vanilla flavored vape juice I have ever tried. It’s very close to a vanilla creamer and it’s awesomely smooth.

Why do we only use orange pumpkins for Halloween and for carving? And how in the fuck did I go through 43 years of life without ever knowing that there were different kinds, varieties and species of pumpkins? Thanks to some random fruit stand in Tennessee, I now know about all sorts of awesome pumpkin species that are much creepier looking than the plane-Jane orange variety we get at our grocery stores. Black, green, brown, grey, blue, red, and tons of swirls and patterns and weird growths, all make for some amazing pumpkins out there. We bought a Marina de Chioggia and White Boer to bring home with us. The Marina de Chioggia is just really creepy looking. I’ll throw a picture of the two pumpkins we bought below in “Other Stuff.”

On November 17th, comedian Carlos Valencia is coming to Huntsville, Alabama! The show is free and you should definitely come out and see Carlos. Carlos is fucking brilliant. Opening for Carlos is myself, Nate Bailie, Tom Hand, and Jonathan Craig with host Matthew Tate.

 

OTHER STUFF:

New tag arrived today! Ready for the 2015 storm season!

Need to plunder something. Yes, bartender, I’ll take a Me & Coke, please.

Enjoying some Captain and vape! #ForeverVaping

The Marina de Chioggia (top) and White Boer (bottom) pumpkins.

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATION:

Shorten the season, no more series games, five innings, add tackling, and let women play. #ImprovedBaseball @midnight

Replace the baseball with a Golden Snitch #ImprovedBaseball @midnight

No more delaying or postponing games for severe weather. Lightning is just Mother Nature yelling “You’re OUT!” #ImprovedBaseball @midnight

To steal a base you have to actually take the base with you. Tagging a player out is then called a petty theft. #ImprovedBaseball @midnight

Replace stadiums with a living room and a PS4. #ImprovedBaseball @midnight

Extend football season, get rid of baseball. #ImprovedBaseball @midnight

Whiffle Ball! #ImprovedBaseball @midnight

The catcher has to stand in a small plot of Rye. #ImprovedBaseball @midnight

The outfielders have to take a vacation far away with Josie. #ImprovedBaseball @midnight

Take Me Out to the Ball Game replaced by Row Row Row Your Boat. #ImprovedBaseball @midnight

#IfICouldTimeTravel I’d talk Hitler out of having a mustache. Maybe a goatee instead. @midnight

#IfICouldTimeTravel I’d teach Neal Armstrong how to moonwalk so he could do it on the moon. @midnight

#IfICouldTimeTravel I’d get in a lifeboat and steal Rose’s necklace after Jack drowns. @midnight

#IfICouldTimeTravel I’d find the mammal that survied the meteor impact 65 million years ago and kill it. @midnight

#IfICouldTimeTravel I’d get Emperor Xuanzong to yell “KAAAAHHHHHNNNNNNNN!” just as Ghengis entered the gates of Caizhou. @midnight

#IfICouldTimeTravel I’d change the books to call him Alexander the Okay. @midnight

#IfICouldTimeTravel I’d give jet engine technology to America in 1939. #FoxOne #SplashZero @midnight

#IfICouldTimeTravel I’d convince Mr. and Mrs. Black to get an abortion… on Friday. @midnight

#IfICouldTimeTravel I’d convert Jesus to Hare Krishna. Then handing out flowers at the airport would be normal. @midnight

#IfICouldTimeTravel I’d convince Monica to wear a red dress instead. @midnight

#IfICouldTimeTravel I wouldn’t change a thing. I’d just eat popcorn and enjoy the stupid humans show. @midnight

Jesus comes back and pulls an Oprah, “You get to live! You get to live! And you get to live! #LameApocalypses @midnight

The llama population skyrockets out of control, they eat all the vegetation. It’s the Llamapocalypse #LameApocalypses @midnight

The alien accidentally drops the snow globe containing our universe. #LameApocalypses @midnight

God farts again and a new universe is created inside our universe. Turns out physicists, it’s a flatuverse. #LameApocalypses @midnight

Zombies arrive, but they’re vegetarians and eat only GRAIINNNSSSS!!!!! #LameApocalypses @midnight

Muslims and Christians meet at Megido for the final battle of World Cup Soccer. #LameApocalypses @midnight

Scientist works out way to make penises bigger, but it eliminates testosterone in men: big penis, no sex drive. #LameApocalypses @midnight

Turns out gluten is what’s keeping the zombiepocalypse at bay. A hippie fad starts it all. #LameApocalypses @midnight

A new fungus affects and kills all coffee beans. #LameApocalypses @midnight

George Lucas decides to remake Episode III with an all new cast and super CGI. #LameApocalypses @midnight

Jesus returns with Hitler and says, “Everyone is forgiven!” Everyone flips Jesus off and go about their lives. #LameApocalypses @midnight

CAPTION CENTRAL:

We’re all gonna die!!!!!!