BWAHAHA: 8/30 – 9/5

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 8/30 – 9/5: This was one of those weeks where work was driving me crazy. Hey, let’s take a facility contract that’s been on hold for almost two years and roll it out in two weeks! Wait, you mean I essentially have two weeks to get over a month’s amount of work done? Oh, and then you’re gonna go apeshit when you find out two days before the install that stuff’s not done? Well gosh, maybe you shoulda fuckin’ thunk that shit through beforehand!

But at least I got to chase a few storms this week and ended the weekend with friends at a wedding. While that’s great for my friends who got married, my girlfriend and I both looked at each other with the “nope, never” eyes. And that’s why I love her!

OTHER STUFF:

Thanks to the three peeps who stopped to ask, “You okay?” while I was parked on the side of the road shooting storms. Yep, unless we’re talking about my head.

Ha ha! My magic weather bubble is working! BWAHAHA!

Ha ha! My magic weather bubble is working! BWAHAHA!

What is up with the crazy models on the new invest?

Why is Beefy Fritos Burritos so hard to say sober? Taco Bell should call them Fritorritos!

I present Exhibit A against my girlfriend’s insistence that I don’t pay attention when driving:

While my Magic Weather Bubble keeps me dry, it also keeps me from chasing storms. #ProsAndCons #Wizarding101

While my Magic Weather Bubble keeps me dry, it also keeps me from chasing storms. #ProsAndCons #Wizarding101

It's not real cooking without a fire! Turned off burner and let it burn out.

It’s not real cooking without a fire! Turned off burner and let it burn out.

Kids playing in Bicentennial Park, Nashville. #FavNashPic Wrong Nash? Nope, screw that Nash guy.

Kids playing in Bicentennial Park, Nashville. #FavNashPic
Wrong Nash? Nope, screw that Nash guy.

Seriously....

Seriously….

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

I can’t tell if my glasses are smudged or if I’m at a vape meet.

#facebookdown – so go ahead and reintroduce yourself to that Google+ account you never used.

I’m pretty sure #facebookdown was a Twitter conspiracy to drive traffic to Twitter.

“I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.” – Joan Rivers. Tupperware is waiting. #RIPJoanRivers

CAPTION CENTRAL:

Because this is the way the school year always started when I went to school! Yeah. Right.

Because this is the way the school year always started when I went to school! Yeah. Right.

No wonder Sasquatch is always so angry in those commercials: he's a drunkard!

No wonder Sasquatch is always so angry in those commercials: he’s a drunkard!

When asked why he hit the mannequin, John replied, "I thought it was Justin Bieber."

When asked why he hit the mannequin, John replied, “I thought it was Justin Bieber.”

When otters get Ebola.

When otters get Ebola.

We really need more ATMs installed in the Death Star.

We really need more ATMs installed in the Death Star.

"OMG, I'm going to find the person who leaked my photos and beat the shit out of them with this pink baseball bat!"

“OMG, I’m going to find the person who leaked my photos and beat the shit out of them with this pink baseball bat!”

Atlanta PD will be transporting this prisoner to Block AA-23, Cell 2187.

Atlanta PD will be transporting this prisoner to Block AA-23, Cell 2187.

Ronald refused to honor the restraining order obtained by Burger King.

Ronald refused to honor the restraining order obtained by Burger King.

The set of Batman Vs Superman got a little carried away.

The set of Batman Vs Superman got a little carried away.

When taking weather photos, make sure no animals are mating in the photo. Or go out of the way to make sure they are.

When taking weather photos, make sure no animals are mating in the photo. Or go out of the way to make sure they are.

OMG! Someone built a Need for Speed road!

OMG! Someone built a Need for Speed road!

Okay McDonald's, stop giving Japan special treatment and bring this awesome to the states: especially near me.

Okay McDonald’s, stop giving Japan special treatment and bring this awesome to the states: especially near me.

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BWAHAHA: 7/5 – 7/11

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 7/5 – 7/11: I wrapped up my vacation in Arkansas and came home. It’s always good to be home. I also decided to no longer do standup comedy this week (see below for the link if you missed it), but I’ll still do the BWAHAHA because I’ll always be stupid and silly.

OTHER STUFF

“You’re not going to mass?”
“I don’t go to church.”
“This isn’t for you, it’s for John & Jane.”
“I don’t go to church.”
Vacation ends on a high note

Leaving the Scene

Wearing my JAWS shirt to the Beach Boys concert. Totally appropriate. #BeachBoys

There are more Hawaiian shirts here than were at Pearl Harbor on December 6, 1941. #BeachBoys

John Stamos is on stage with the Beach Boys playing guitar and drums. Showoff. #BeachBoys

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS

Canoe goes in the water, you go in the canoe… You go in the water, canoe keeps going down the river without you. #Tippecanoe #Ouch

When after a long break from gaming you can’t remember if R1 or R2 fires the weapon and you die. #LoadLastCheckpoint

The action and adventure buff in me really likes The Last Ship, but the ex sailor in me cringes every few minutes they get shit wrong.

CAPTION CENTRAL

Someone's over-compensating.

Someone’s over-compensating.

Where baby trucks come from. Our where libertarians are in charge.

Where baby trucks come from. Our where libertarians are in charge.

All officers, be on the lookout for a hit & run suspect vehicle: a red & white truck with the words Coke on it.

All officers, be on the lookout for a hit & run suspect vehicle: a red & white truck with the words Coke on it.

I'm pretty sure there's no such thing as accidental porn... but I could be wrong.

I’m pretty sure there’s no such thing as accidental porn… but I could be wrong.

If only we had places like this in America, so all the racists were easily identifiable.

If only we had places like this in America, so all the racists were easily identifiable.

The ignorant are unlikely to catch the mistake, but are more likely not to buy it without a "USA Flag."

The ignorant are unlikely to catch the mistake, but are more likely not to buy it without a “USA Flag.”

Go watch a flood wearing your short shorts, because you'll never need survival gear. Nope. Never.

Go watch a flood wearing your short shorts, because you’ll never need survival gear. Nope. Never.

Best friends are willing to show the world their ass so that you don't have to.

Best friends are willing to show the world their ass so that you don’t have to.

WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!

WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!

I'm pretty sure there's a back garage for getting car radios installed.

I’m pretty sure there’s a back garage for getting car radios installed.

BWAHAHA: 6/14 – 6/20

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 6/14 – 6/20: I spent another week in Jackson, MS. I thought drivers in other places were shitty drivers, but Jackson, MS drivers take the cake! And it’s not aggressiveness or normal stupidity, but it’s this laissez-faire attitude toward driving: doing 5-10 under the speed limit. I don’t get mad at people for doing the speed limit because I only do 5-7 above it normally. But for the love of whatever gods you don’t actually believe in, do the motherfucking speed limit! The minimum speed of 40 on the Interstate is actually too slow and dangerous. When you’re going that slow you’re creating a traffic hazard that forces people into the other lanes and that increases the chances of accidents. Oh, and if the person in front of you is doing 69 and you’re doing 70, you don’t fucking pass them for the next three miles doing 70 while traffic builds up behind you! You fucking go 75 and get in front of them and then go back to doing 70. Why is driving such a hard fucking concept for people? And it makes it worse because of my ATHEIST license plate, because I get boxed in by people trying to take pictures, see what an atheist looks like, or flip me off. I’ve seen so many people almost get into wrecks trying to get pictures of my license plate. Really people… it’s just a fucking license plate. Speaking of my plate, in September I’m changing it to VORTEX. I’m excited!

On a serious note: as many of you may already know, tornadoes destroyed a couple of towns in Nebraska this past week. The tornadoes that appeared were very unique and will be studied by scientists for a very long time. You can help those hit by this weather tragedy by donating to the American Red Cross.

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS

Cereal Killer Crunch: you’ll need a sharp knife to eat it #RuinaBreakfast #HSVComedy

Postal Pops: Go Postal Every Morning #RuinaBreakfast #HSVComedy

Rusty Wagon Wheels, with chocolate goo centers! #RuinaBreakfast #HSVComedy

Green Eggs & Ham is code for gonorrhea vaginal discharge. #RuinaBreakfast #HSVComedy

Humans: the Other White Meat #RuinaBreakfast #HSVComedy

I’ll have the Porky Pig Bacon and the Donald Duck Pâté. #RuinaBreakfast #HSVComedy

The restaurant has blue waffles on their menu. I don’t think that means what they think it means. #RuinaBreakfast #HSVComedy

Watching Game of Thrones in the morning. #RuinaBreakfast #HSVComedy

The one thing I thought third world countries had going for them was soccer. I guess not.

Smell of cologne gave away perps hiding place. Don’t wear cologne when committing crime. #COPS #LessonsLearned

Would I have spilled food on my shirt if I had not been trying to not spill food on my shirt? #LifePonderings

This was the most horridly awesome stupid disgusting funny crazy asininity I’ve ever seen. You should watch it.

Tons of cops in the hotel. Close the door very… very… very slowly and watch Netflix instead of going out to eat.

Parking Lot nudges a Skateboard, which spooks a 4-Wheeler, who swerves into the woods, where conveniently a bear is hiding. #TravelFun

The A/C in my car is broke. While hanging my head out the car window to cool down I couldn’t decide if I looked like a dog or Miley Cyrus.

CAPTION CENTRAL

I finally found a burkini I can support!

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“I’m adopted, right?”

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Introducing the new Vagilaser: because your Second Amendment Rights extend to every part of your body.

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Introducing the new economy class at rentboy.com.

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Never run out of toilet paper again!

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