BWAHAHA: 2/1 – 2/7

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 2/1 – 2/7: I got to spend the beginning of the week in Fort Myers and Naples, Florida, where I enjoyed 85 degree weather for a few days. After being stuck in ice in the Florida panhandle and arctic temperatures in northern Alabama, it was a refreshing change. I even got a bit of sunburn on my driving elbow. My friends were mad at me for posting about it on Facebook. Jealous fuckers.

Then there was the Super Bowl. There really wasn’t anything super about it this year: the commercials sucked, the Broncos sucked (fuck ‘em), the halftime show sucked. The best part was watching the Seahawks finally win a Super Bowl after waiting 30 years for it! No, I take that back, the best part was watching all the Broncos fans whine.

2/1

Obligatory prison selfie.

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I got divorced and now all my friends are getting married. You’re welcome, fuckers! #OfficialFifthWheel

2/2

I had to listen to the 1st Quarter on the radio while driving. Felt weird until I saw other drivers cheering when I did. #SuperBowl

Oh no, I like football! The horror! C’mon, sport shaming people? Really? Fuck you. #SuperBowl

Seattle Seahawks should hire Manning to be their QB, since he keeps throwing them the football. #SuperBowl

Singing America the Beautiful in foreign languages Coke? Oh, that’s gonna piss off the Conservatards. #SuperBowl

Coke sings American the Beautiful in foreign languages & now a Cosmos ad? Poor conservatards got it rough this #SuperBowl.

Anyone else remember when Halftime Shows were actually shows and not mini concerts? #SuperBowl

When did the Temptations get a new singer? #HalftimeShow

Called it! #CokeRage

Okay, maybe the Broncos smoked too much pot before coming on the field… #SuperBowl

This is just a fucking slaughter! Kinda feel bad for the Broncos… wait, no I don’t. #SuperBowl

“Is there anything more American than America?” – Chrysler
That’s a trick question! The answer is Soviet Russia! #SuperBowl

Broncos fans be like, it’s playing at sea level, the field was wet, or other excuses. #DenverChoke

So what are they going to do with all the unused Denver confetti? #SuperBowl

Donate the unused Denver confetti to New Jersey homeless people to use as insulation in their cardboard boxes! #SuperBowl

Downtown Seattle…

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Chevrolet just gave a truck away to someone who could afford to buy 10,000 of them on his own. #SuperBowl

American football team Broncos found dead in their Manhattan apartment with a needle in their arm, police say.

Philip Seymour Offman

Curt Clawson (Republican Congressional candidate for Florida) just said, “I’m a baller” on the news.

2/3

Lesson Hollywood hasn’t learned yet: making good actors play evil people makes them kill themselves.

Ever notice how the loudest people complaining about “speak English in ‘Murica” are ones who haven’t mastered English themselves?

I enjoyed 82 degree weather with 62% humidity today. Even got a bit of a tan on my driving arm. #UpYoursPolarVortex!

Every time I think I’ve encountered all the porn on the Internet… someone invents a new fetish.

2/4

I feel your pain, kid. I feel your pain.

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I’m pretty sure I got a sunburn today out in the 86 degree weather. #DamnYouPolarVortex!

All your bench are belong to tree.

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I got nothin’… Anyone explain this?

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Wait, they sell this now? WTF Kroger & Publix? Get on it!

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I love how Nye keeps referring to “traditional scientists” and “how science is done out there.” #NyeVsHamDebate

Ken Ham, if the natural laws didn’t change (because god made them), then how come rainbows didn’t exist until after the flood? #NyeVsHamDebate

Bill Nye is struggling to not make a WTF face. #NyeVsHamDebate

Ken Ham be like, I’m going to ignore all your questions by pointing out the one question you didn’t answer. #NyeVsHamDebate

Ken Ham be like, “Depends on what your definition of IS is.” #NyeVsHamDebate

My car has made an appearance in several people’s Facebook Lookback videos. Can’t decide if that’s weird or cool.

2/5

We always look forward to getting back to our beds after being on the road, but it dawned on me tonight that we look forward to our brand of toilet paper as well, even if we don’t consciously think about it.

2/7

12 Banshees, 8 Giant Skeletons, 8 Sekeleton Mage, and a giant Undead Dragon in one room: game’s fucking with me now.

If everyone keeps making fun of Russia over #Sochi, they’re gonna launch their nukes. You’ll start WWIII, kid!

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BWAHAHA: 12/7 – 12/13

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 12/7 – 12/13: I traveled to Florida this week to help my Dad move for his divorce. The day we leave I find out he’s reconciled and we’re going down to move all the stuff. Fickle bastard.  Then he ended up in the hospital… but that’s next week’s BWAHAHA.

12/7

Life is like a juice box: you don’t know how empty it is until you’re sucking on the last of it.

12/9

Sarah Palin, “Atheists are trying to abort Christ from Christmas.” Distraction working since we’re trying to abort Christ in general.

12/10

Make a book-based movie and viewers complain, “It wasn’t like the book!” Make it like the book and you get, “It’s too long and boring!”
Or “There’s too much walking!”

I think white Jesus may live in Tifton, GA. At least that was the impression I got from all the billboards with his picture on them.

12/11

I’ve already been greeted by a half naked woman pacing in the parking lot. Thank you Florida.

Life is like a vibrator: it can bring pleasure or pain, be gentle or rough, but ultimately the batteries die.

During the Happy Holidays, suicide rates go up. If you’re gonna go… go Happy!

I would say I’m bored off my ass, but I’m sitting on it, so I’m more bored on my ass.

My suicide note will read, “I did not commit suicide. I accidentally hung myself.” #LifeInsuranceStrategies

Oh no, I forgot to lock the shark cage and fell into the shark’s mouth! #LifeInsuranceStrategies

Uh-oh, I was driving too fast and accidentally drove off this 1,000 foot cliff into the an active volcano! #LifeInsuranceStrategies

12/12

Why is our culture afraid of young black men? Watching COPS we should be afraid of rednecks.

12/13

For a religion of homophobia, Christians certainly have a very homoerotic relationship with their Jesus.

That was a really tough conference call:

BeachConferenceCall

Blog Entry: Interesting License Plate

There’s only one way to solve the argument over the race of Santa Claus:

Alien Santa Claus2

It never ceases to amaze me how easy it is to identify a FOX News viewer just from the stupid shit coming out of their mouth.

Do Atheists Fail In Relationships?

Atheists actually do better than theists do.

This statement refers back to religious morality. It should say, “Atheists fail in relationships and marriage because it is not sanctioned by God.”

Atheists have a lower divorce rate than religionists. Atheists do not rely on an invisible man to solve their relationship and marital problems: they rely on communication with each other.

Marriage has nothing to do with God, even if the ceremony does for many people. Marriage is about two people that love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together in a monogamous relationship. The theistic view of no sex before marriage and no cohabitation prior to marriage actually sets marriage up to fail. How do you know that you can live with someone for the rest of your life if you have no experience in living with him or her or experience in sexuality with him or her? No matter what theists say – sex and sexuality are a major part of any marriage.

Christianity puts unfair expectations on marriage for Christian couples. Do not talk to each other, pray to God, and he will solve your marriage strife. Is that sound advice for married couples? Does prayer end our differences and create peace in a marriage? Nope.

Which denomination has the highest and lowest divorce rates in the United States? The highest divorce rate in the United States goes to Judaism at 33% followed by Baptists at 29%. The lowest divorce rate in the United States goes to Atheists/Agnostics at 21%.

Perhaps the cohabitation and sex before marriage are good after all. Perhaps discussing our problems with each other instead of praying to an imaginary friend that cannot solve our problems is better. You bet its better!

Atheists succeed in relationships because they have realistic expectations of that relationship. Atheists realize that in order to solve a problem you discuss the problem with your partner; that God does not cure broken marriages – couples cure broken marriages. Atheist couples are not afraid to seek the mediator help of a marriage counselor because they know that prayer and God as a mediator do not work.

Can Atheists Marry Theists?

Yes, atheists can marry theists – there is no law against it. Although several churches, especially the Catholic Church, will not marry their adherents to non-adherents. Try to convince a priest of your local Catholic church to marry a Catholic parishioner to an atheist.

While there are no laws against it and many churches could not care less (Perhaps they secretly hope the marriage will convert the atheist?) I personally do not recommend this type of marriage. Allow me to elaborate…

The problem is that someone has to give up his or her beliefs completely, keep them in check, or both have to significantly compromise on their beliefs. Many times, they have to keep their beliefs hidden or subdued in order to keep the arguments at a minimum.

When the difference is religious beliefs (such as a Christian marrying a Muslim) at least there is a common thread; a belief in god(s).

When the religious difference is the lack of belief, then the problem becomes more complicated. One of the couple will feel pressured into discounting their beliefs for sake of the other’s beliefs or making compromises that they normally would not make in order to “keep the peace.” Either way they are giving up their beliefs for the wrong reasons.

Will you have a religious wedding or a secular wedding? Who gets to decide?

I know a few couples that have made it in their marriage by keeping the subject of religion off limits. One goes to church on Sunday and the other stays home. One says grace before eating and the other digs right in. One says prayers while the other is falling asleep.

There is a catch: they do not have kids. When children enter the equation, things start to get complicated.

How will they raise their children? Will they raise the children Christian or atheist? Who will make that determination? When children are born then religion will become a hot topic in the house. A topic that will force someone to cave in, which can cause an underlying resentment in the marriage. Resentment can destroy a marriage from its foundation.

Can it work? With hard work and lots of compromise, understanding and giving up a little of one’s personality – yes. Do I recommend it? Nope.

I know more couples that have divorced because of religious differences. Recently in the news was the break-up and divorce of Ted Turner and Jane Fonda after Jane Fonda was born-again. They could not live together amicably after Hanoi Jane found God. Jane was cheating on Ted – cheating with an invisible man.

Besides the public limelight of Ted & Jane, I know of many everyday couples that have suffering marriages because of religious fighting. I know of many everyday couples that are divorced because of that fighting. One of the couple becomes an atheist and the other does not. One becomes born-again and more devout (the most radical Fundamentalist is a born-again) while the other remains liberal or a non-believer. This major social clash causes major conflicts (especially when children are involved) and resentment.

I will grant the exceptions. I will even grant that in some countries this does not seem to be much of an issue on the face. A recent writer from Brazil informed me that in her country there is no strife over this issue. However, when I raised the issue of children she said that most children went to Catholic school, regardless of the parent’s religious differences.

When it came right down to it, the issue of raising children in a religiously mixed household was still an issue – even in the very liberal area of Brazil – whether it was a in-your-face social issue or not.

In America, we have made it an in-your-face social issue. Catholic schools and private religious schools compete with public schools. They bicker amongst each other and their denominations. Many churches have their own schools. Where I live there are two Baptist schools, one Assembly of God school, two “non-denominational” schools, and four Catholic schools. That does not even begin to touch all the religious colleges in the area; from Jesuit to Baptist.

Parents brought up in different denominations or with differing religions and religious beliefs, bicker over which school the child will attend. One thinks a public education is better but the other parent wants the child to learn Creationism instead of biology.

Even in my house, where atheism, agnosticism, and Unitarian Universalism reign supreme, the children are often the brunt of arguments of religiosity. Is it okay for them to go to Sunday school with a neighborhood friend? What church is it? How radical is that church? Can they attend the Vacation Bible School their friends invited them to attend on Sunday?

Will you capitulate to your bride’s demand for a religious wedding ceremony?

I often look back on the arguments we have about my children when it comes to religion and laugh. I laugh because it all seems so trivial compared to the arguments that occur in a mixed house. Imagine the strife created when a Baptist mother tells the Catholic father that her children are not going to Sunday school at the church of the whore of Babylon!

While I jest, this issue is a serious one for many couples in the United States – where religion plays a prominent role in the social structure of our society. Religious pressure from family and friends and within the marriage can create resentment and hostility – two things that can destroy a marriage’s foundation.

As I said above, I will grant the exceptions – as not everyone is so deep into their religion that they create a problem where no problem should exist. I have received several emails from religiously mixed marriages that aver that they are doing fine. Out of all of the ones that I have gotten – only a very small percentage had children and of those only a couple had children that were in school.

The non-mainstream religions tend to do the best when it comes to raising children and working out these issues of religious education for their children. Buddhists, Wiccans, Pagans, Unitarian Universalists, and other “minor” religions seem to work the religious education issue out more efficiently.

Looking at those statistics it seems that perhaps religion is not really the issue that creates the strife – perhaps it is the dogma. The more dogmatic religions have the hardest time resolving the marital and religious education issue.

As for me, I allow my children to go to religious gatherings with their friends. I trust that I have raised them to think for themselves. Obviously, I draw the line in some cases. I did not let my children go to an Assembly of God church with their friends because the church in Mobile is radically fundamentalist and participates in rituals that I consider unethical.

I wish everyone that gets married the best of luck. I wish you even more luck when children enter the equation, especially in a household with opposing religious views.

Have You Ever Acted Like a Christian?

Yes.

I used to think that I was a Christian when I was young. Between the sixth and seventh grade I attended Sunday school in Bellevue, Nebraska. I caught the Sunday school bus every Sunday and took it to a school gym. I participated in the programs and songs and I did all the silly activities.

It was much later that I realized that I was not really a Christian back then. I was just pretending. I was going to Sunday school and playing along in order to fit in. I was playing along with a theistic society in order to avoid retaliation. I was doing it because everyone else was. I was a victim of religious peer pressure.

I think it is fair to say that I played along not just because of the above reasons, but because I thought that something was wrong with me since all my friends and family were believers and I was not. I felt like I was missing something.

In my late teens and early twenties, I was beginning to understand my Atheism better and I learned not to be afraid of retaliation and more importantly, I began to understand why I was different.

When I was in Italy, I met my wife through a mutual friend. My friend thought I needed to go to church. He convinced me to go by saying that he and a bunch of friends were meeting and wanted to know if I would like to meet his friends. He never told me it was a church. I went – and met my wife. After I realized what was going on, I said I would never go back and I was disappointed in my friend for deceiving me. However, I wanted to see that girl again. I kept going back just to see her. I realized that her parents were fundamentalists and had gone beyond religious to being radical (borderline occult). This was going to be a challenge.

In order to see her and gain the trust of her parents, I had to pretend to be a Christian – and not just a regular Christian – a fundamentalist Christian. It was actually easy to play the role, and I even considered it a little fun sometimes. I allowed her parents to baptize me for their benefit. I was so convincing as a fundamentalist Christian that they allowed me to marry her.

We had to get married in Italy first so that we would be married “in the eyes of God” before we flew to the states to get legally married. The idea of being married in the eyes of God was to avoid pre-marital sex (too late). We got married in Italy and it completely sucked – it was a very religious ceremony and the military chaplain was an idiot. However, my wife and I ignored everything around us and just stared at each other – we were doing such a good job of ignoring the chaplain that he had to ask me twice to “repeat after me” because I had toned him out.

After we were married “in the eyes of God” for her parent’s benefit it was time to take the mask off. Man, did it feel good to take it off! We got on the ferry and I lit up a cigarette, bought a drink, and started cussing, as a sailor should with my Navy friends! Her parents were in shock – and it admittedly felt good to see their reaction. I often think back and realize that their sincerity in their beliefs made this a traumatic event and I feel a slight pang of guilt. However, in the end it was for the better.

Blair Scott & two fellow sailors enjoy the sights & sounds of Rome.

Yes, I had deceived her parents as my friend had deceived me. As I mentioned above, I did feel some guilt over this. I felt that the deceit was necessary in order to get my wife out of the abusive environment that she lived in. I had to pretend to be a Fundamentalist in order to save her from her parent’s physical and mental abuse. My wife was a non-believer, too.

The funny part is that my wife did not know I was pretending. She knew that I was not as religious as I was pretending to be, but she did not know that I was an Atheist. She thought she was going into another religious house: just not as strict and a lot more loving. When she learned I was an Atheist, she was so relieved.

I would have never gone through the trouble if my wife did not have doubts. My wife was questioning her parent’s Christian fundamentalism and the way they were raising her. My wife was an emotional Atheist for a long time. She has crossed the bridge into logical Atheism since then as she walked around the world without religious blindfolds and began to understand how things really worked. She was free of her shackles and the slave has walked away from the imaginary master.

I have to admit that I had fun pretending to be a Christian fundamentalist. It was a lot of work, though. There were several times that I her parents almost busted me. I remember coming back smelling of cigarettes and being asked if I was smoking. I just told them that I had stopped at a bar (nothing like American bars) to get a coffee and was around people that were smoking. My wife’s father worked on the same ship as I did and I he almost busted a few times in towns at “exotic ports of call.”

The hardest part about pretending and playing the role of a Fundamentalist Christian was putting aside reality and using illogical arguments and irrational statements. Having to say things like, “God created the Earth in six days” with a straight face was hard. Doing the “happy Jesus dance” on Sundays with everyone that attended the church was especially difficult. Do Christians realize how silly they look doing the “happy Jesus dance?” It was so hard not to laugh hysterically when they started moving their legs and feet to Christian music.

I had to take this to a higher level. I had to pray before meals on the ship because her father was on the ship with me and he might see me. What if her father saw me on the ship and I was not saying grace before a meal? I had to go to Bible study on the ship because he was there – I had to convince him that his daughter would “continue in a good Christian home.” Even in the letters that I wrote home I played the role because at any time he might find one of my letters and read it.

My parents were confused getting some of my letters for a while. It was not until months later that I was finally able to explain what was going and the light bulb went on for my parents. When they finally met the in-laws, they realized why the charade and façade was necessary. This was the only time I really went out of my way to pretend to be a Christian.