Dear Fellow Liberals: Let’s Talk About Comedy

Dear fellow liberals,

We need to talk about comedy and jokes. Right now a good percentage of you are giving Conservatives a hard time about their feelings being hurt over Michelle Wolf’s material at the White House Correspondence Dinner. You are calling them hypocrites for being upset at her “vulgarity” and “being offensive” when they have spent the entire Trump campaign and presidency being both of those. You are calling them out for putting up with Trump’s offensive comments and behavior while they are now throwing a fit over Michelle’s comments. They should be called out for letting Trump get away with his actual vulgar comments and behavior while getting upset at Michelle’s non-vulgar comments (her use of the word pussy was clearly a reference to Trump – she wasn’t using it in her own vulgar way).

Michelle Wolf at the WHCD. (Photo by Cheriss May via Getty Images)

Let’s be honest: most liberals are being hypocrites here as well. How many times last year alone did the so-called liberal “social justice warriors” rail against a comedian? How many times did you personally get offended by a comedian after hearing about the “public outrage” in your Facebook feed? How many times was there public backlash against a comedian who made a gay joke? Who made a joke you found racist? Who made a joke about fat people (or skinny people) and liberals hated that body shaming stuff? Who made a joke about transgendered persons? Who made a joke about his girlfriend that liberals found sexist?

Of course Conservatives are upset. They are upset for the exact same reason you get upset when a comedian makes fun of your pet issue: be that LGBQT, obesity, mental illness, sexism, body shaming, etc.

This is what I refer to as the “It’s all funny until they make fun of me or my pet issue Syndrome.” You will sit there and laugh at the fat jokes and the jokes about the special needs kid, but then the comedian made a joke about a gay person! How dare he! That’s my pet issue! Now I’m going to rant and rave and call this comedian out for being a homophobic asshole!

So here’s an idea: stop getting butthurt by comedy. You cannot laugh at all the jokes except the ones that make fun of your personal pet issue. Comedy, by its nature, is offensive. You can sit there and say, “Not all jokes are offensive,” but what you mean is, “Not all jokes are offensive to me.” Just because YOU didn’t get offended doesn’t mean the joke isn’t offensive to someone or some ideology or some mindset. So chill out and let comedians do their thing without getting upset because they made fun of your personal issue.

I can hear it already, “But those jokes are different!” No. They’re not. They are only different in your head because you need them to be different to justify your hurt feelings. Laugh or don’t laugh. Then move the fuck on with your life.

If you’ve ever been upset in the past by a comedian’s joke and are now defending Michelle Wolf against upset Conservatives, then you are just as much a hypocrite as they are.

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BWAHAHA 12/6 – 12/12:

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 12/6 – 12/12: I’m a couple of weeks behind and playing catch-up today.

I spent the second part of my week dealing with a conservative radio talk show host who didn’t like a satire piece I wrote for the Rocket Wrangler about his racist activities (link below). I mean, I already suspected he was a douchebag for his “one man protest” of “Police Lives Matter” and his ignorance of what exactly white privilege is and how it’s NOT an insult. But then he finds out that I’m on the dais for an upcoming comedy charity event and threatens to not support the show or advertise for it unless I’m removed. Now, I no longer suspected he was a douchebag, but knew he was a douchebag. You can also imagine how disappointed I was that the charity event chose to not stand up to his bullying. Here is a man who talks shit about people every single day on his show, but let one satire piece call him out, and suddenly he’s a whiny beotch (and a hypocritical asshole). Of course he’ll never understand the irony of an anti-big government conservative out there protesting in favor of the police. His brain’s too small to process that kind of thinking. The best part about all of this is that he wanted me to come on his show and debate him. Really? You didn’t want me on the charity event but you want me on your show? Two words: fuck you. Why on earth would I come on your show? You’re clearly an ignorant racist conservative asshole who puts yourself above others (you know, demanding your way because your little feelings were hurt when someone decided to make fun of your asinine stunt) and demanding to get your way or you’re taking your ball and going home. You’re a childish asshole and there’s no way I would ever come on your show. I’ve been on Hannity a few times, Megan Kelly (I even made her throw a temper tantrum on live TV), and many others. But you? Nope. Fuck your show.

OTHER STUFF:

I do believe this app is confused.

I do believe this app is confused.

  • Grammar Nazis Are Annoying
  • Because sometimes the best thing to do with stupid, is laugh at it: Radio Deejay Has One-Man Protest
  • 'Murica! Fuck Yeah! Peace on Earth! And support the wars overseas! #IronicChristmasTree

    ‘Murica! Fuck Yeah! Peace on Earth! And support the wars overseas! #IronicChristmasTree

  • Thanks to the Punk Goes Pop series, Suzie and I finally have music we can listen to together.

CAPTION CENTRAL:

  • The Grand Jury decided not to indict the officer involved.

    The Grand Jury decided not to indict the officer involved.

  • This is why cars should not be using ladders. Safety first!

    This is why cars should not be using ladders. Safety first!

  • Merry Dickmas!

    Merry Dickmas!

BWAHAHA 11/8 – 11/14:

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 11/8 – 11/14: Mostly a slow week for me outside of work. That may have been because I spent all day and into the evenings with actual fucking work. My boss decided I needed another nine facilities to work on top of the massive one that’s still giving us fits. While I appreciate your confidence in my skills… FUCK OFF!

And don’t forget on 11/17 starting at 8 pm at Maggie Meyer’s Irish Pub in Huntsville, Alabama: It’s Carlos Valencia!!! Opening up for Carlos are myself, Tom Hand, Nate Bailie, and Jonathan Craig with host Matthew Tate. This show is FREE!!!! Getting Carlos into Huntsville, Alabama is a major treat – so don’t miss out on this one. Get your ass down to Maggie Meyer’s on 11/17 for Carlos Valencia!

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OTHER STUFF:

  • It’s that time of year again… when I have to type the word “gifts” a lot. My brain thinks gifts, but it always types “figts.” #StupidBrain
  • Thank you Facebook, for finally making my dreams come true...

    Thank you Facebook, for finally making my dreams come true…

  • House just got hit with a couple of pretty good shock waves. No smoke. No fireballs. No sirens. #FuckingAliens
  • I almost had a heart attack as I think I’m $240 short… then I realize they still owe me $1,800. #SecondLooksSaveLives
  • We’re the only white people in a Korean restaurant. That means we chose correctly. #GreatEats
  • Thank you Internet, for teaching me how to use chopsticks in three seconds.
  • It’s too cold to wait for the crosswalk light. Cars have heaters: you can wait while I cross the street in the cold. #alwx #HSV
  • If this waitress’ yoga pants were any tighter, I could tell you how many eggs she had left in her ovaries.
  • Southern Comfort’s Vanilla Spice Egg Nog is at stores now…. so much for my diet.
  • It’s so cold outside, I got a brain freeze from breathing.
  • Any store that airs a Christmas commercial or puts up Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving automatically loses my business. I get selling Christmas shit: there’s a good market for it, but you don’t have to put up the fucking Christmas trees and lights and you definitely don’t need to playing motherfucking Jingle Bells on your Muzak machine. So essentially… I won’t be shopping anywhere and will die of starvation, because every motherfucking store I go into is violating this rule. UGH!

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATION:

  • Eugene was playing with his book worm. #TheWalkingDead
  • Voyeurism is not a science. #NotAScientist #TheWalkingDead

#HASHTAGWARS @MIDNIGHT

  • Mariah Heep Carey #RuinA90sBand @midnight #RuinA70sBandWhileYoureAtIt
  • Green Day-O (The Banana Boat Band) #RuinA90sBand @midnight
  • Liberian ReFugees #RuinA90sBand @midnight
  • Ice Cubism #RuinA90sBand @midnight
  • Liz Phairomone #RuinA90sBand @midnight
  • Korn Pops Cereal #RuinA90sBand @midnight
  • The Flaming Hips Don’t Lie #RuinA90sBand @midnight
  • YOLO La Tengo #RuinA90sBand @midnight
  • Dammit, Janet! Jackson #RuinA90sBand @midnight
  • Camilla the Choked Chicken #RejectedMuppets @midnight
  • Floyd Red Hot Chili Pepper #RejectedMuppets @midnight
  • Honey Foo-Foo #RejectedMuppets @midnight
  • Marvin “Big Kaboom” Suggs #RejectedMuppets @midnight
  • Mickey Mooseknuckles #RejectedMuppets @midnight

CAPTION CENTRAL

WWIII in 5... 4... 3... 2....

WWIII in 5… 4… 3… 2….

 

As long as it's under adult supervision... it's just fine.

As long as it’s under adult supervision… it’s just fine.

 

You're not fooling anyone Doraville... that's not a rescue vehicle.

You’re not fooling anyone Doraville… that’s not a rescue vehicle.

 

Wait, shouldn't he be wearing a gerbil costume?

Wait, shouldn’t he be wearing a gerbil costume?

 

If men gave birth... what would that kinda look like?

If men gave birth… what would that kinda look like?

 

Down in Florida is a new trendy store for seniors called Hot Tropics.

Down in Florida is a new trendy store for seniors called Hot Tropics.

 

BREAKING NEWS: A FOX News Viewer allows us to view them in their bubble.

BREAKING NEWS: A FOX News Viewer allows us to view them in their bubble.

BWAHAHA: 9/27 – 10/3

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 9/27 – 10/3: Did you catch the NOAA Ocean Explorer live on 9/29? If not, you missed some really cool science: cool in the sense of scientists learning new stuff and discovering new attributes to known species: all live. It was some pretty amazing stuff.

Ebola arrived in the United States this week and people reacted as expected: ignorance and fear mongering. Look, you’re ignorant of the facts, I get that, but instead of reacting in ignorance, why not pick up a fucking science book or go online to an actual science-based medical web page (in other words, not “Natural News”) and learn about how Ebola works, is transferred, what it’s carrier rate is, etc. And you’ll find that there’s no reason to panic or be afraid here in the U.S. where we have infrastructure in place. But instead, you’ll spout off stupid shit on your Facebook page, making Chimpanzees appear more intelligent than you.

Cumin and Cinnamon look too much alike. Last week my girlfriend accidentally added cinnamon to her chicken salad. This week I accidentally added cumin to my milkshake instead of cinnamon. Luckily I realized my mistake quickly and didn’t put too much in. But here’s the weird part… it actually tasted really good. So we decided to transfer the cinnamon from the store bottle to our own glass bottle. No more mistaking the two.

OTHER STUFF

I probably just mowed my grass for the last time this season… but I’ll be mowing leaves for months.

#MentionYourGirlSoNobodyStealsHer is trending. Sigh. Women are not property. Only property can be stolen. Just tell her that you love her.

Oh no, my PS3 is getting buggy and crashing. This is not allowed, because I can’t afford a PS4. C’mon technology gods, smile upon me!

CDC confirms first Ebola case in U.S.: time to go buy all the bread and milk at the grocery store.

Ebola case in Dallas, TX. Conservatives blaming illegal immigrants in 3… 2… 1…

CDC confirms Ebola in U.S.: Conservatives blaming Obama or MSNBC in 3… 2… 1…

Mother Nature has refused to give me a storm for almost a month. It’ll probably storm while I’m camping in 2 weeks; she’s mean like that.

Apparently the Rapture happened yesterday, but only black kids were taken, so no one noticed.

Regarding Ebola in Dallas: “I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.” – Ripley

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS

I Love Pucy #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1950s
The Twilight Tone #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1950s
Leave It to Beaner #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1950s
The Boy Rogers Show #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1950s
Sea Cunt #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1950s #TooSoon
This is Your Wife #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1950s
The Bob Dope Show #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1950s
The Honeymoaners #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1950s
The Bone Ranger #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1950s
Fragnet #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1950s
The Perry Homo Show #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1950s
The Hickey House Club #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1950s

The Beverly Pillbillies #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1960s
I Cream of Jeannie #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1960s
Stay Trek #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1960s
The Virginman #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1960s
My Three Sins #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1960s
Hogan’s Herpes #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1960s
The Bollywood Squares #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1960s
Fister Ed #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1960s
The Perv Griffin Show #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1960s
Thunderbards #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1960s

Little Mouse on the Prairie #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1970s
Happy Gays #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1970s
The Nukes of Hazzard #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1970s
Starsky And Butch #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1970s
The Six Million Hollar Man #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1970s
Wander Woman #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1970s
The Love Goat #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1970s
Welcome Back, Potter #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1970s #Hogwarts
The Incredible Bulk #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1970s

Dull House #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1980s
Poonlighting #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1980s
Who’s the Hoss? #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1980s
Males from the Crypt #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1980s
The B-Team #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1980s
Ramington Steele #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow #1980s

Mom and Jerry #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow
As The World Burns #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow
Captain Wangaroo #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow
Gays of our Lives #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow
The Flintstoned #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow
Fister Rogers’ Neighborhood #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow
The Pride is Right #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow
The Puppet Show #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow
Reading Painbow #ChangeALetterRuinATVShow

University Studios #BadThemeParks @midnight
Lush Gardens #BadThemeParks @midnight
Disney’s Ipecac Center #BadThemeParks @midnight

CAPTION CENTRAL

How police interact with black people when the police don't have guns...

How police interact with black people when the police don’t have guns…

New evidence surfaces regarding the decline in polar bear numbers...

New evidence surfaces regarding the decline in polar bear numbers…

BWAHAHA: 3/15 – 3/21

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 3/15 – 3/21: This week has been a fun and hectic week for me. My girlfriend is trying to kill me with exercise. I keep telling her that she’s not on my life insurance policy, but she doesn’t seem to care. On the bright side, I’ve lost another 1/2” off my waist (or my ass, I can’t tell). Oh, and fuck you anti-vax morons for causing the Measles to come back to NYC.

3/16

Training today’s cheerleaders for tomorrow’s Zombiepocalypse.

20140316a

#Cosmos gonna piss off the Religious Wrong again. That happens when you live on faith instead of science.

Oh for fuck’s sake, will someone please kill Lizzy! #TWD (Oh, thanks, much appreciated!)

3/17

I miss California quakes. I don’t miss 24/7 news coverage of people who “lost a tile in their ceiling.”

I wonder if Fred Phelps will have a deathbed conversion… (like gay sex with a male nurse)

Wearing a condom during a fertility festival seems kinda blasphemous.

#earthquake and #luckoftheirish are both trending. Are those two things related?

I don’t know if Flight 370 was hijacked or not, but conspiracy theorists have certainly hijacked the story.

Why are you craning to go to war? What’s the rush, huh?

Politautoeroticasphyxiation: conservatives who don’t realize the GOP they love is actually strangulating them.

#TWD birthday gifts!

20140317a

Today me buddy O’Laden ‘n I formed Clan O’Kayda and we drank Irish Car Bombs all day!

3/19

Smurficide almost complete!

20140319c

Smurfette Gusher

“Pardon me, sir. Would you happen to have some Grey Poupon?”

20140318a

Critical Eye Podcast E042: If You’re Gonna Go Big… Go BigIkeComedy!

Someone needs an anger management class and an addiction rehabilitation center.

20140318b

Well, at least he’s wearing shirt and shoes… so he gets service.

20140319a

Republican Fire Department responds to a fire at a house owned by a “mooching non-tax-paying” citizen.

20140319b

3/20

I was surprised to find out that “The Best of the Cutting Crew” was more than just a CD Single.

If you want to celebrate Fred Phelps’ death, do it by signing petitions and getting involved in gay rights activism. [Not funny, just real.]

“It was cheaper than on the base,” stated LT Rogers.

20140320a

We do what we want… (photo by me)

20140320b

When you’re tired of enforcing the rules… (photo by me)

20140320c

Sweater vests should be de-regulated! #RepublicanHipster

“My beer already tastes like piss, so what’s a little de-regulation gonna do? ” – #RepublicanHipster

3/21

I’m amazed at how many people don’t know that the One Eyed One Horned Flying Purple People Eater is a penis.

Life can be tough for a lesbian left-handed albino midget Eskimo. (Props to those that get it.)

The more I think about it, the more GayOz Theory makes sense.

Okay, now the military is starting to creep me out…

20140321a

Creationists wanting to participate in Cosmos is like Kindergartners wanting to participate in College.

Creationists wanting to participate in Cosmos is like Mario Kart wanting to participate in the Indy 500.

Creationists wanting to participate in Cosmos is like garden slug wanting to participate in a Triathlon.

Creationists wanting to participate in Cosmos is like T-Ball wanting to participate in the NBA, MLB or whatever acronym represents baseball.

Gotta remember that I’m not 20 anymore. Let’s just say I’m not as flexible as I used to be.

I don’t think that sign means what the think it means. (photo by me)

20140321b