Leaving the Scene

I am at the point in my life where I’m focusing on doing things that make me happy and eliminating stress in my life. I’ve retired from activism, removed a few negative things and people from my life, and unfollowed people on social networks who irritated me. I removed things that made me feel obligated to debate and get irritated at stupidity. It’s all about making my life happy and as stress free as possible.

One of the things that made me happy was doing standup comedy in Huntsville. I never had any intention of going “mainstream” or even really doing gigs outside of Huntsville (although I did a few). Doing standup was something that brought a smile to my face and helped alleviate the anger, frustration, and stress in my life.

But my life has changed. I’m happy now and no longer the frustrated and angry man that I was just six months ago. That anger and frustration was where my comedy came from. So now my standup is stressful to me because I have to reinvent myself and as hard as I’ve tried, I simply cannot find the comedy in my happiness. Sure, a joke or two here or there, but nothing to sustain the hobby of standup.

So after much deliberation, mulling, and thinking, I have decided to no longer do standup comedy. I will continue to be silly on Facebook and Twitter and I will continue to do The Critical Eye Podcast because those things still make me happy and are stress free.

While it took me some time to come to this decision, I’m not feeling bad about it, and that’s a good sign that I made the right decision.

Thank you to everyone who supported my standup over the years. You will always be appreciated. I hope you’ll continue to follow me on Facebook/Twitter and at The Critical Eye Podcast.

In addition, I hope you’ll stay and watch for my storm chasing stuff. I’ve been chasing storms at an amateur level for a very long time and recently decided to get more involved and dedicate myself more to it than normal. I’m now part of the Spotter Network and I’m looking forward to helping out my community and helping the NWS study tornadic activity, especially in the new Tornado Alley that is Alabama and Mississippi. I now have two dash cams ready to go and new apps that will help me chase better than ever before. I’ve also formed the North Alabama Storm Chasers on Facebook, so if you chase in the north Alabama area, please join the group and share your stories and ideas!

BWAHAHA: 3/8 – 3/14

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 3/8 – 3/14: Mother Nature was crazy this week down here in Alabama. In a 24-hour period I went from Air Conditioning to Heater and then back to Air Conditioning. Someone needs to punch Mother Nature in the ovaries.

3/8

Fuck it, it’s insured. Right? Wait, what do you mean it’s not insured!?!?!?!

20140308a

BLR 1:21; “Blair standeth at the pulpit with waving hands, he proclaimeth aloud, “Let there be cheese dip for all!

20140308b

3/9

I was on Burn The Boats talking about comedy and the Huntsville scene!

3/10

Consensus seems to be that the mating season should be in the Fall. So what would the human mating call be? I think (for men (and some women) it’ll be more like Peacocking: Spreading out they money in your wallet, fanning it out, and waving it around, while strutting in your finest clothes around your BMW.

You know, the more I think about, the more pissed I am that no one got me a Labia Menorah for Hanukkah!

3/11

Might want to see a doctor about that explosive ass of yours. Doctor visit is likely cheaper than all those patches.

20140311a

Training young Republicans to participate in American healthcare…

20140311b

“He’s got the whole world, in his jazz hands!”

20140311c

In honor of #Cosmos, check out The Critical Eye Podcast we did with Neil deGrasse Tyson!

20140311d

3/12

One thing the Malaysian crash has taught us: if we ever go to war with Malaysia, they’ll never find our submarines.

Seductive Delusions: How Everyday People Catch STDs, by Jill Grimes #SpringBreakBooks

Wow… the wind here is blowing harder than Snookie!

A hospital is not being “put to the test” when they are treating three patients. Stupid journalists.

And she wonders why she’s still single… #Housekeeping

20140312a

New Libertarian dentist office.

20140312b

Humans… the other white meat.

20140312c

Don Lemon has never seen anything like this (#HarlemExplosion)? Really? Umm… 9/11 anyone?

Pinkies up!

20140312d

Oh yeah! #TWD birthday!

20140312e

3/13

1988 like a MOFO! I miss that outfit. #TBT

20140313b

Used to get blue: now depression, sad: now bipolar, excited: now ADHD, jock itch: oh, still jock itch.

I wonder if anyone stuffed her ballot box? On a serious note, what were her parents thinking?

20140313a

3/14

To celebrate Pi day, I’m going to eat cake. Because fuck math.

This week on Twitter (2/15-2/22)

This week’s attempt to be funny on Twitter from 2/15 to 2/22 (posted in order of Tweets).

2/15

Steve Buscemi seen tied to #RussianMeteor. Unknown if he survived the explosion.

Slim Pickens finally made it to Russia only to explode in the air. #RussianMeteor

Whoever said “Sex is not a spectator sport” clearly never saw the the #SportsFilms ‘Debbie Does the Dallas Cowboys.’

Her vagina belongs in the NFL Hall of Fame for most balls caught in a single period. #oneofmyexes

2/16

Just submitted my application to @capefearcomedy. Hey, at least I didn’t wait until the actual last minute! #CapeFearComedyFestival

Half-assed hand job. #WaysToMakeMeMad

Engine fires, non-working toilets, onion sandwiches, shit-covered hallways, 3mph tow… #WaysToMakeMeMad

Jesus loves me… but never calls. #WaysToMakeMeMad

Twitter says I should follow LeBron James and Kelly Clarkson. Who the fuck are those people? #StupidTwitter

@Stefanelli I enjoyed both dog and cat while overseas. Cat can be gamy or sweet… just like real pussy.

Masturbating into the Mayonaise. #ReasonsWhyIGotAWhooping

Telling Steven Seagal that I was #UnderSiege from shitty movies. #ReasonsWhyIGotAWhooping

Telling Lou Ferrigno that he was yellow-bellied. #ReasonsWhyIGotAWhooping

Saying at the Feminist Convention, “Wow, you chicks are hot!” #ReasonsWhyIGotAWhooping

Telling my g/f that her vagina looks like roast beef covered in gravy. #ReasonsWhyIGotAWhooping

Ordering tacos al cabron at the Mexican restaurant instead of tacos al carbon. #ReasonsWhyIGotAWhooping

#ArianaTo5Million trending: I thought it was the new HuffPo Bukkake porn… disappointed it’s just some stupid singer with a nerd boyfriend.

I ordered a #HarlemShake. They gave me a Shamrock Shake. Racist McDonald’s.

2/17

One drawback to having sex with Democratic women… I feel like I just fucked the lesser of two evils.

Based on what I’m seeing God has a serious dandruff problem

2/18

I accidentally ejaculated into your sister. #WaysToRuinARelationship

“At least you’re skinnier than Gilbert Grape’s mother!” #WaysToRuinARelationship

“Oh, I forgot to tell you last night before we had sex, I have gonoherpesyphilaids.” #WaysToRuinARelationship

Why are people still posting on Facebook and Twitter? #TheWalkingDead is on! #necrophilia

Seeing ghosts doesn’t make you a #VisionaryLeader, it makes you #SylviaBrown. @WalkingDead_AMC @AMCTalkingDead

Need the #LAPD to help a #VisionaryLeader randomly kill people, I mean zombies. @WalkingDead_AMC @AMCTalkingDead

#VisionaryLeader gets all the inmates killed to make the group safer. #skillz @WalkingDead_AMC @AMCTalkingDead

#MindyMcReady dead… just play her song backwards and she’ll come back to life!

#IWishICouldMeet Belinda Carlisle. I make sure all women in my life know she’s a free pass. :)

If you were any more offended I could pull a giant crucifix out of your ass. #ReasonsIUnfollowedYou

2/20

Van Horn & Sawtell: the inventors of K-Y #MentionSomeoneYoureThankfulFor

Lorena Bobbit: for reminding me how much I appreciate my penis. #MentionSomeoneYoureThankfulFor

Kim Kardashian: for reminding me that some day my sex tape might make me famous. #MentionSomeoneYoureThankfulFor

How We Ruined Education and Got Liberals to Take the Blame #GOPFILMS

Rapeasaurus Vaginalprobius 2: Attack of the Nigerian Muslims #GOPFILMS

Body found in water tank of L.A. hotel… that explains the meaty taste of the tap water.

I find the food in Kansas City, MO to be a little overcooked. #TooSoon

I’m very selective; I only hit black kids on a plane if they are from Abeche, Chad. The rest of the black kids have no need to fear me.

Super Mega Pod of dolphins? Well, that might explain why I keep hearing voices in my head saying, “Thanks for all the fish.”

GAO finally recognizes climate change as a “financial risk.” Yeah, fuck the planet and people, it’s the cost of cleanup that gets attention.

Univ. of Southern Miss still in shock over tens of millions in damage: vow to never play the Worcester Tornadoes ever again.

I-10 shut down for 12 hours in Phoenix after white creamer spill. Citizens relaxed after learning it wasn’t Mexican creamer. #PapersPlease

Deposited $8,062 in my account. Wrote a check for $7,950 twenty minutes later. Well, that was short-lived. LOL

Christian video games. #2ThingsThatDontMix

Finally hooking the PS3 to HD and saying, “Holy fuck, that character has shoe laces!” #PlaystationMemories

Went to buy a sweater and was told they’ve stocked spring selections. I pointed outside to the falling snow. Stupid store.

Wow, that Kansas City dry rub is explosively spicey! #TooSoon

2/21

Way too many drunks on the road for a Wednesday. Clearly not enough people are humping.

Women’s Drug Advocacy Group called for $$. Why is there a group advocating drugs for women? I guess Vaginas for Vioxx was already taken.

Joining Students Against Drunk Driving for the girls. #HighSchoolMemories

I just ordered Vanilla Ice juice for my e-cig. A brand new invention. Grabs a hold of me tightly. Flows like a harpoon daily and nightly.

2/22

Songs by #JustinBieber remind me how pathetic most humans are. #SongsThatMakeMeCry

I hate it when my cell phone is dead because I have no entertainment while taking a poo.

http://WhitePeopleMeet.com  just redirects to http://kkk.org

Post-stroke Dick Clark on TV. #TheMostAnnoyingThingsInLife #HeDeadNow

Is it bad that I want to bang The Bangles, go on the Go-Go’s, and put bananas in Bananarama?

20130220: News From the Week

Body found in water tank of L.A. hotel… that explains the meaty taste of the tap water.

I find the food in Kansas City, MO to be a little overcooked.

I’m very selective; I only hit black kids on a plane if they are from Abeche, Chad. The rest of the black kids have no need to fear me.

Super Mega Pod of dolphins? Well, that might explain why I keep hearing voices in my head saying, “Thanks for all the fish.”

GAO finally recognizes climate change as a “financial risk.” Yeah, fuck the planet and people, it’s the cost of cleanup that gets attention.

Univ. of Southern Miss still in shock over tens of millions in damage: vow to never play the Worcester Tornadoes ever again.

I-10 shut down for 12 hours in Phoenix after white creamer spill. Citizens relaxed after learning it wasn’t Mexican creamer. #PapersPlease

FL apologized to other English-speaking countries over English Only License Law. Politicians didn’t know other countries spoke English.

#CandyHeartRejects on Twitter

Did you notice on Twitter that the hashtag #CandyHeartRejects made it to the top 5 most tweets on February 13th, the day before that made-up holiday that makes men pretend to care more than they actually do? Well, I just had to do my part. If you don’t follow me on Twitter, you should probably stay away, but if you’re up for it, I’m at @blairscott_al.

My contributions (in the order they were Tweeted):

Let Me Give You An STD! #CandyHeartRejects
Small Penis For YOU! #CandyHeartRejects
I Have Plan B! #CandyHeartRejects
Date Grape Flavor! #CandyHeartRejects
Registered Sex Offender #CandyHeartRejects
I <3 UR Mom! #CandyHeartRejects
That's Not Nasal Drip #CandyHeartRejects
Just the Tip? #CandyHeartRejects
Sloppy Seconds FTW! #CandyHeartRejects
Got Lube? #CandyHeartRejects
I'm a Helmethead! #CandyHeartRejects
Let's Dock! #CandyHeartRejects #gaysex
No Means YES! #CandyHeartRejects
You're Ugly, But I'm Desperate #CandyHeartRejects
Butterface! #CandyHeartRejects
JIMP! #CandyHeartRejects
I've Got Wood! #CandyHeartRejects
Poppin' Tent! #CandyHeartRejects
I <3 UR CHERRY #CandyHeartRejects
TOUCH IT #CandyHeartRejects
I <3 UR SISTER #CandyHeartRejects
RUFINOL #CandyHeartRejects
VAS SAFE! #CandyHeartRejects
MILF LOVER #CandyHeartRejects
GILF LOVER #CandyHeartRejects
COUGARS FTW! #CandyHeartRejects
MY SUGAR MOMMA #CandyHeartRejects
LET'S FELCH #CandyHeartRejects #gaysex
LICKALOTAPUS #CandyHeartRejects
WANT UR RUSTY WAGON WHEEL! #CandyHeartRejects @RalphGarman @ThatKevinSmith