20150530 Rainbow Over Huntsville, AL

After the rain on 5/30, a rainbow appeared… conveniently pointing the way to Clockwork Comedy where Suzie and I were catching a women only comedy show.

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BWAHAHA: 5/10 – 5/16

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 5/10 – 5/16: On the 10th I participated in The Gong Show here in Huntsville, put on by Clockwork Comedy. I was the first contestant to not get gonged and one of only three contestants to not get gonged during the entire show. I performed the song “Things Creationists Hate.” Unfortunately, I did not know about the lightning round and had no other material prepared, so I just did Edelweiss. I considered doing it as Arnold Schwarzenegger or Louis Armstrong, but just sang it normally. Later, after I got gonged, one of the judges said, “You know, had you done it in a different voice, like Arnold Schwarzenegger, I wouldn’t have gonged you.” Well there you go, more anecdotal evidence that going with your first instinct is always right.

I went to see Godzilla on Friday night and it was amazing. If you are a fan of the genre, you will like this movie. They stuck to the genre with the appropriate level of campiness. There were plenty of tips of the hat to the classics as well. The complaints I’m seeing about the movie make no sense to me. One is that it’s all “America, Fuck Yeah!” I didn’t see that at all. What I saw was the American military getting its ass handed to it. The one time the word “America” appeared on the screen, it was on the TV and the bit was making fun of tickers and modern news channels (subtle humor, but great). Another complaint was about things like how lucky the character was, how the nuke team got lucky to find the only Navy EOD tech who was just happening to walk right by, etc. Well, see, that shit happens in every fucking movie, because it’s called FICTION, but you only notice it when you don’t like a movie, and that’s called confirmation bias. I mean, really, there’s this 500′ monster fighting off a giant flying parasite and an even bigger parasite who just laid eggs, who eat and live off radiation, but that’s acceptable… but that EOD guy being in the right place at the right time, well dammit, now the movie has just crossed the reality threshold into the absurd! It’s like some people have never seen old Godzilla movies. Look, if you’re not a fan of the Godzilla genre, then go and watch the Matthew Broderick version of Godzilla, because it actually wasn’t a Godzilla movie at all. People are funny. Just allow yourself to be entertained and enjoy the FICTION!

5/11

Weird, Facebook suddenly became MILF porn today… #MothersDay

Damn, that butt’s so big I’m pretty sure it was a contributing factor to Pluto being downgraded from a planet.

Those are supposed to be eyeballs… Yeah, sure they are…

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For oral sex with squirters.

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That’s racist.

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5/12

Why am I the only one yelling, “Fight! Fight!” at the dog park? And why is everyone giving me the evil eye?

5/13

I posted a few Tornado Tips to help you out this season.

Today I was proven wrong… not all comedians are intelligent. Yep, all those scientists are wrong, but you, the fry cook, you figured that shit out.

In related news, since the announcement of Palin’s visit, the sale of Viagra to Republican men has increased tenfold in the Tennessee Valley.

The modern clothes line.

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5/15

To me, there’s a huge difference between edible and eatable.

In 2002 I looked at this photo and realized I needed to shave my head. #TBT #Balding

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It’s feeding time!

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You should really be more aware of your surroundings when taking photos and video…

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“Marion, don’t look at it. Shut your eyes, Marion. Don’t look at it, no matter what happens!”

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For some of us, leaving the house without pants on is a nightmare.

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Now who put a perfectly good couch out there for disposal?

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I was fine with Katy Perry’s “Birthday” video until the end: then I was torn between erection and convulsion:

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5/16

My cats aren’t killing the birds or fighting off the stray cats who are eating their food. Fucking Socialists!

Every time my stove timer goes off I have to finish the intro to Chicago’s “25 or 6 to 4”.

Now that Jenny McCarthy is promoting e-cigs, I may have to just resort to cocaine. I guess e-cigs don’t cause autism.

Superman and Zod still did more damage to the city than Godzilla and two MUTO! #GodzillaMovie

If #Godzilla is an Alpha Predator, then how come we never see him eat his kills?

BWAHAHA: 8/17 – 8/23

BWAHAHA: 8/17 – 8/23 – This was a pretty slow week for me, not to mention I got Dark Arisen, so was pretty much living inside the cavernous Bitterblack Isle chasing monsters and getting my ass handed to me by Goreclops and other giant creatures.

8/17

* New episode of The Critical Eye Podcast is up!

8/19

* “They hardly falter in their assault!” Said while zombies attacked, but I’m sure he was referring to Republicans.

* My DragonCon schedule is 4 bands, 1 comedy show, and a shit ton of Zombies. Yes, Zombies is capitalized. Duh!

* When I lived in SoCal, San Diego was considered a touchy-feely town. Seems someone took that literally.

* A man survived being hit by a Chicago-bound train. Since it was going to Chicago, I’m surprised it wasn’t a bullet train.

* News is like, “Damn, no kids were killed… quick, come up with another angle to keep people in their seats and scared!”

8/21

* I was a guest on the Apartment J Podcast!

8/22

* Don’t Walk So Fast, performing all the songs of Rush! #FatTributeBands

* First Class Passengers, performing all the songs of Aerosmith! #FatTributeBands

* Feastie Boys, performing all the songs of the Beastie Boys! #FatTributeBands

* Vanilla Ice Cream, performing all the songs of Vanilla Ice! #FatTributeBands

* Rascal DMC, performing all the songs of Run DMC! #FatTributeBands

* I hope I get to see something this awesome at #DragonCon! #Handicapable #StarWars #NerdNation

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8/23

* Apparently Jersey Girl was a movie about Bruce Wayne lowering his standards to working class girls. Good call #KevinSmith!

* Posted the audio from my appearance at the Homegrown Comedy Show!

* Posted the audio from my appearance at the Clockwork Comedy Show!

* Just dawned on me that I haven’t had a thing to eat all day. Clearly something must be wrong with me.

Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s: 8/3 – 8/9

Welcome to my week attempts at haha’s: 8/3 – 8/9. This used to be called “This Week On Twitter” (TWOT) and then this last week I realized that I post on Facebook, do shows, etc., and all of that should really be included. So no more TWOT. Now it’s BWAHAHA (and the pun on “week,” (you know, as in weak) just in case your stupid ass didn’t get it).

8/3

I’m going cosmic bowling. How did I get talked into something that will likely be on YouTube tomorrow.

8/4

Watch me almost fall on my ass while bowling (YouTube)! They stopped video-taping me, but the next frame I fell flat on my back.

I like to go dancing at Charismatic churches, because no one there notices I’m a bad dancer.

Who is writing the #TrueBlood dialog now? The writers for Telemundo soap operas?

8/5

Sat. we played Predictive Cards Against Humanity: lay your white card down before the black card is read. Funny shit.

Heading to Muscle Beach at Venice to work out my new Muscle Car on the boardwalk. #TooSoon

8/7

Christian protesters at #KathyGriffin. Fuck starving kids, that suck it Jesus lady deserves our signs.

My performance at Clockwork Comedy (YouTube)

Meeting Kathy Griffin at the VBC Green Room in Huntsville, AL.

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell!
Meeting Kathy Griffin at the VBC Green Room in Huntsville, AL.

Kathy Griffin introduces some random fat guy in the Green Room!

Introducing some random fat guy!
Kathy Griffin at the VBC.

Nothing says fuck the third world like urinal televisions!

Nothing says fuck the third world like urinal televisions!

8/8

While waiting for Kathy Griffin, Jeph noticed people 2 rows ahead are looking at my FB pictures and says, “Dude, you’re famous!”

The only legal #StopAndFrisk should be by strippers dressed as cops. And even then only if you ask. #StopTheInsanity

The insects are throwing a party in my yard because all the rain washed away my Traizicide that I put down.

8/9

“Live Your Life Like No One’s Watching” may be a great motto, but I’m pretty sure I’d be arrested for indecent exposure.

Headline: “Two children, pilot missing after plane crashes into CT homes” … Um, I’m pretty sure where they’re at.

Oh good grief! It’s obviously something on the camera screen!