This week on Twitter (5/4 – 5/10)

This week’s attempt to be funny on Twitter from 5/3 to 5/10 (posted in order of Tweets). Wrote new material for standup this week and so was distracted from Twitter. Sorry y’all!

5/5

JesusLuvsMeLongTime #ChristianMingleUsernames

NailMeLikeJesus #ChristianMingleUsernames

WasSavingMyselfForJesusButYoullDo #ChristianMingleUsernames

FemSub4U #ChristianMingleUsernames

LookingForSecondCuming #ChristianMingleUsernames

I’mCrazierThanRevelation #ChristianMingleUsernames

5/7

After nine years in captivity, the three women walk outside and go, “Wow, downtown looks really nice now.”

Gary Tuckman from CNN asking the hard questions, you know, like he didn’t ask the Bush administration.