BWAHAHA 2/28 – 3/6

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 2/28 – 3/6: During this week, my girlfriend Suzie and I celebrated our one year anniversary of our very first date. So what do you do on your one year dateiversary? Well, you duplicate your first date! We started off at the Savory Spice Shop in Franklin, TN and then moved on to Famous Dave’s BBQ and ended up at Frugal McDoogal’s in Nashville. And of course… we went Dutch! On the way back home we had a late stop at WalMart. Suzie went into the store and I took a 20-minute power nap in the parking lot. Why? Because it’s better to take a power nap eight miles from home than to fall asleep at the wheel and kill yourself or someone else one mile from home. *The More You KNOW!

The fiasco over gay marriage continues in Alabama. Alabama Supreme Court Chief Justice Roy Mooreon put out a missive to all the probate judges and most of them followed his missive and stopped issuing licenses to gay couples. For some reasons, these idiots who are supposed to fucking know the law, think that they’re somehow immune to contempt of court of lawsuits because our fucktarded Mooreon of a Chief Justice gave them an excuse to exercise their bigotry openly. Alabama will always move forward kicking and screaming and sometimes be forced to move forward at gunpoint. The problem is that Alabama is still not living in 2015… it’s stuck somewhere in 1975 or 1976 still. On the bright side, at least they’re not wearing disco suits.

Don’t forget to check out “Are You Winter Weather Ready?” A lot of the points work for Spring and Summer weather as well, but I’ll put up a new blog as the Spring weather gets closer.

OTHER STUFF:

• Today’s North Alabama Vapers’ Mini-Con was a huge success. How do we know? Well, the Huntsville Fire Department showed up! ‪#‎VapeOn‬

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  When Assassins’s Creed Black Flag goes wrong… Stuck and can’t save my crewman. Fast travel will fix it! ‪#‎BlackFlag‬

• Remember: they’re called forecasts and not predictions for a reason. Give your meteorologist a little slack.

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  I’m not sure if this is a compliment or not. And is this news that’s retarded or news for retards (and does that mean Republicans)?

• Tons of bugs celebrated the 75 degrees here in Huntsville… hopefully they mated and will all die from the freeze and eggs won’t hatch.

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  Problem? What problem? I don’t have a problem! ‪#‎VapeLife‬ ‪#‎VapeOn‬ ‪#‎ForeverVaping‬

• I must admit I find myself disappointed that no right-wing nutters blamed the crazy Alabama weather on gay marriage being found legal here.

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  My super top secret magic weather bubble doesn’t seem to be functioning properly.

• I don’t know if I should be angered or excited that PlayStation has PlayStation Plus for their overweight customers.
• I just ate one-year aged hot New Mexican red chile. Hot really isn’t the right adjective now. Maybe volcanic?

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  When the water drains away… and the ice stays. #alwx #HSV

BWAHAHA 1/24 – 1/30

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 1/24 – 1/30: This week my girlfriend and I went out for seafood. While driving around running our errands beforehand, seafood became “anyplace that has seafood,” which after a few more hours of running around then became, “Fuck it, let’s do the Chinese buffet.” The Chinese buffet we go to has seafood on their dinner buffet. I personally can’t stand seafood. The only seafood I like is hushpuppies (you’d be amazed at how many people I have to explain that joke to). Luckily for me, most seafood places have at least a few non-seafood items on their menu. But I still have to deal with the nauseating smell. At least at a Chinese buffet the smell of the regular food does a better job of masking the seafood smell. While I’m about to get a second plate, I notice the cooks brought out some fresh crab legs. Since that’s really what my girlfriend wanted, I got them for her instead of getting my plate. While I’m standing there holding tongs (and my nose) I notice the man on the other side of the buffet bar is using his fingers to find mussels with meat in them. I’ll grant him that the meat fell out of most of the shells during the cooking process. However, if you’re smart (as in not from Alabama), instead of searching shell by shell with your fingers, why not use the fucking spoon to grab all the loose meat at the bottom of the pan? Instead, this idiot is going through all the mussels with his fingers. Later that night my friends asked me if I said anything to the staff. Nah, I’m not eating that booger looking shit, so what do I care? Besides, it probably made that shit taste better. Just one more reason to not like seafood.

One of the errands we were running that day was getting my girlfriend a laptop. We spent days looking online for deals that were not only cost effective, but actually had the right amount of processing power, memory, etc. She kept picking out $200 laptops and asking, “What about this one?” To which myself (and later a friend) both told her, “NO FUCKING WAY!” But she kept sending them to us. My friend and I both point out the perfect laptop for her. It’s $500, but on sale for $350 after instant in-store savings and a $50 mail-in rebate. Does she order it? Nope. Does she go straight to the store that has it so she can buy it in person? Nope. She runs me around all over town looking at tons of laptops that either aren’t powerful enough or are too expensive. So where do we end up going when she finally decides to actually spend the money? Yep… to the exact same place I told her to go in the first place. WOMEN!

OTHER STUFF:

• I used to have a built-in bench in my shower. Now I have a knee-high shelf. ‪#‎WhenYourGirlfriendMovesIn‬
• Alcohol and Little Big Planet Coop Mode. The insanity. The laughter. It hurts!!!!!
• The twitter notification sound is really loud after midnight when trying not to wake the person sleeping next to you.

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  It was a long and blustery night, but I survived ‪#‎BlizzardOf2015‬ here in Alabama. Look, ice on the ground!

• A 5’2″ tiny Chinese woman just physically abused me for an hour. It was awesome.
• AL Judges panel reverses opinion: gay marriage okay in AL. Suddenly marriages are stopped for staff shortages. Skeptical Blair is Skeptical.
• It’s time for Chief “Justice” Roy Moore to STFU, retire, and disappear into the sunset. Roy Moore, giving Christians a bad name since 1999.
• Alabama: Get Over Yourself

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

• #‎FacebookDown‬ is like being left behind in the Rapture. Sure, it’s scary at first, but then you realize all the cool kids are still here.
• The NSA brought Facebook down because users were talking about Chemtrails causing the blizzard. I know because I removed my tinfoil hat. #FacebookDown
• #‎Interviewgate‬ continues as North Korea takes down Facebook after John Miller posts a positive review on his wall. ‪#‎FacebookDown‬

@MIDNIGHT #HASHTAGWARS:

• Aeronauticalengineeringbatics ‪#‎NerdierSports‬ @midnight
• Air Bender Hockey ‪#‎NerdierSports‬ @midnight
• Aquamanathlon ‪#‎NerdierSports‬ @midnight
• Long Distance Re-Cycling ‪#‎NerdierSports‬ @midnight
• BenchWordPress ‪#‎NerdierSports‬ @midnight
• Pericardium Sac Race ‪#‎NerdierSports‬ @midnight
• Camelot Racing ‪#‎NerdierSports‬ @midnight
• RiverTamboarding ‪#‎NerdierSports‬ @midnight
• Lawnmower Man Racing ‪#‎NerdierSports‬ @midnight
• Skyrim Nordic Skiing ‪#‎NerdierSports‬ @midnight
• Capture the Flagella ‪#‎NerdierSports‬ @midnight

CAPTION CENTRAL:

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  It’s like a Furry Convention, but a McFlurry Convention.

• 

  New Yorkers be like, “What, it ain’t that cold.”

• 

  Have you seen North Korea’s new surface to air missile system? It’s pretty wicked!