BWAHAHA 3/28 – 4/3

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 3/28 – 4/3: Okay, so this is almost a week overdue. Fuckin’ sue me, I was busy!

No funny in this paragraph today: this is a serious issue. I think it’s safe to say that the Spring Severe Storm Season (S4) has officially kicked off. While technology allows us to watch chases live in areas we do not live in or can’t get to, there *may* also be some drawbacks to that new technology. It was recently reported that residents of a town affected by severe weather could not get good cell signals because all the bandwidth was being used up. While there is no concrete evidence that chasers were using it all up, there is no doubt that there were dozens of live streaming chasers in the area and dozens more using cell networks to download radar, etc. This is an issue the storm chasing community at large is going to have to address at some point. When does streaming cross the line from safety and information into harming the community instead? When a community can no longer communicate with emergency personnel or get their own weather reports so they know when to take shelter, is that not harming rather than helping? This is likely never going to be an issue if you are chasing in large cities like Oklahoma City (unless cell towers are taken down by storms) or in areas where chasers don’t normally appear in droves (like here in Alabama). However, if you’re in little bitty Edna… maybe you should think twice about streaming until you run across something that needs to be streamed for public safety purposes (such as an active wall cloud or tornado).

OTHER STUFF:

• 

  When the lightning is really close and suddenly it’s high noon at 2100.

• Just saw my first chipmunk in the yard this season! I wonder how long before the cats kill it.
• Experimenting with green chile meatloaf… we’ll know if I’m an idiot or genius in about an hour.
• If you see dozens of chasers converge on your town during a storm and your tornado sirens aren’t going off, you should probably check.
• Flying rock on the interstate hit one of my AcuRite wind cups and broke it, so the loss of balance shredded the remaining two. ‪#‎Bummed‬

• 

  How come they always hit my house when I’m not at my house? ‪#‎FirstWorldChaserProblems‬

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

• Guess I didn’t need the kleenex after all. ‪#‎TheWalkingDead‬ ‪#‎DeadBuzz‬
• So what is Morgan, Mr “All life is precious,” thinking walking into an execution? ‪#‎TheWalkingDead‬ ‪#‎DeadBuzz‬

BWAHAHA: 1/4 – 1/10

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 1/4 – 1/10: This was mostly a boring week for me. I was able to finally get to an Open Mic locally after a four month hiatus. It was great getting back in front of an audience, even if three quarters of them were drunk and not paying attention to me at all.

1/4

If I ever get married again, this is what I want her to be doing when we are 75.

1/5

Police: To Protect and To SERVE!

Why Bugs Bunny didn’t make the left turn at Albuquerque.

Some people are living the GTA5 life away from their gaming console.

1/6

Paranormal Activity 6: Spongebob Scarypants

The problem with putting on a sweatshirt out of the dryer is it makes you realize how cold the rest of your body is.

Judgment Day is every day for me: I judge people for their stupid beliefs at least three or four times a day.

Football is the only thing in Alabama drawing bigger crowds than church or KKK rallies, though it’s hard to separate those two things.

1/7

Oh, Santa finally delivered my gift!

Having used up all the oil from dinosaurs, oil companies are tapping a new resource…

Using any petroleum-based lubricant for sex/masturbation is technically necrophilia.

Sweatshirt: check. Spring Jacket: check. Winter coat: umm… errr… umm… Fuck, I don’t own a winter jacket.

I feel bad for the woman standing next to me. It’s so cold that her frost indicators fell off.

Apparently, Honey got a Boo Boo.

I used ghost pepper flakes in my sausage: I’m actually kinda scared to take a bite.

1/8

Some men have a problem with butterface women, but I have a problem with butterfaith women.

Annie was an embarrassed millionaire until she met Daddy Warbucks. #RepublicanPropagandaFilms

Sometimes I think humans are descended from Homo Aspergensis.

Here, let me get that for you.

New video, Librarians Gone Wild.

Must be a Chik-Fil-A parking lot.

Overheard at the bar, “Get your stories straight or this conversation is over.” Damn pushy bartender.

1/9

Life: “Oh, you saved a bit of money to do something fun for yourself? Yeah, I’m gonna kill your car battery. Oh, and that battery is going to cost more than you saved up.”

The cat wants desperately inside my house… so it can ask to go back outside two minutes later. Fuck him, he’s a long-haired cat with a massive winter coat. He’ll be just fine. Well, c’mon, he survived the last two nights in teen temperatures and tonight’s going to be in the mid-thirties. He’s fine.

1/10

Just listened to the new John Denver song, “West Virginia Rivers.” It really stunk.

A woman on Lulu hashtagged me as #DoesntKnowIExist. Well yeah, because I’m not a psychic! You gotta tell me!

So a friend of mine posted this picture:

Here are my replies to this picture:
Step three feet back and grab my shotgun: fully loaded and one in the chamber. Just have to push the safety button, conveniently located right next to the trigger.
Stop taking hallucinogens.
Call the dog catcher.
Tell my girlfriend to go back downstairs.
Start doing an Irish jig… werewolves hate that shit!
Reconsider my decision to go back to Plenty of Fish for dating.
Throw the person in the wheelchair down the stairs: it’s food for the werewolf and an obstacle for it to get over… giving me time to escape.
Remind my girlfriend, once again, that I asked her to shave.
Decide to put my kid back on Ritalin.
Throw the underwear I just had to change down the stairs.
Stand in front of a mirror and say, “Van Helsing, Van Helsing, Van Helsing.” I hear that works just like Candyman and Beetlejuice.
Turn to my friends and ask, “Okay, which one of you pissed off Chewbacca?”
Accept my fate and yell, “It’s shredding time!”
Call Corey Haim and Gary Busey: they killed a werewolf once.
I knew Jazzercise would come in handy one day! Cardio… cardio… cardio…

BWAHAHA: 11/2 – 11/8

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 11/2 – 11/8: This was a crazy party week for me. We played Karaoke Against Humanity, where you play around of Cards Against Humanity and after the winner is picked, the reader picks the worst card. The owner of the worst card then has to sing a random karaoke song. The songs were numbered instead of listed by artist/title. The loser picked a number out of a hat and then sang the corresponding song number. We thought it would be a small turnout, but we had 20+ people show up. It was a fucking blast and loads of laughs! Not to mention, I’m still emotionally distraught over Carol and Rick breaking up. Sigh…

11/2

C’mon Big Pharma! Make an anti-stupid pill already! There are soooooooo many people that have the stupid disease!

11/4

After reading the news I almost want to support Eugenics: then I realize we might accidentally kill smart people.

This program depicts highly trained professionals having sex. Do not attempt without getting paid for it.

11/6

Tonight I met a Latina from Brooklyn: she spoke with a Spanish & Brooklyn accent. I’ll call it Sprooklyn. It was cute.

Why did the tornado cross the road?
To kill the chicken.

When the Chinese invade America, most Americans will just think there’s a tornado on the way.

11/7

“Woman’s 16 cats consume her dead body to stay alive.” Suddenly I like cats a lot more.
“Be a Fancy Feast for homeless cats. All donations tax-deductible.”
“We have the purrrrrfect way to dispose of your body!”
I’d rather be eaten by ferocious penguins

An ophthalmologist’s office is a site for sore eyes. #ThatsSoPunny

11/8

The confirmation bias is strong with this one…

Ah, that time of year when you mow the leaves instead of the grass.

Once you’ve reached a high enough level that you can kill a Chimera in two seconds… kinds makes the game boring.

Friday night…
Just got paid…
All my money went to bills…
Ain’t gonna get laid…
(Someone asked me if one of my bills was for getting laid, to which I responded, “No, but maybe it should be. Hell, it’s gonna cost me dinner, movie, gas, and all that shit to take a woman out with no guarantee of sex and then throw in all the fucking strings and emotional bullshit roller-coaster fucktardidness that goes with dating… cheaper to get a hooker and none of that other bullshit to go with it.”)

Facebook wants to know if I want to meet a cougar. At my age, I’m scared to think about that. Then again…
I’m fat, bald, divorced, and 42: I’m not that picky anymore.
I was thinking the other day how many cougars I dated and had sex with when I was in high school. I should mention that I went to Canyon Springs High School, home of the Cougars.