BWAHAHA 11/15 – 11/21:

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 11/15 – 11/21: Monday night, the 17th, was an epic night for me: in every sense of the word. I was given the privilege of opening up for NYC comedian Carlos Valencia right here in Huntsville, Alabama! Thanks so much to my co-openers Nate Bailie, Tom Hand, and Jonathan Craig! Thanks to Matthew Tate for hosting the shit out of the show and for agreeing to bring in Carlos. Thanks to Carlos Valencia for swinging through and headlining and giving us the opportunity to open for him with an amazing crowd! Thank you to everyone who came out that night to the show and supported comedy. That was the most people I’ve ever seen in Maggie Meyer’s on a Monday night. At one point I’m pretty sure we were standing room only. It always feels good when people come up after a show and tell you how funny you were. So as a comic, Monday night was epic for the number of times that happened to me. It’s gratifying and it’s encouraging and it’s appreciated beyond words and measure. The epic continued into post-show open mic, encore by Carlos, and then a trip to Copper Top for karaoke where Carlos finished his Bon Jovi joke by singing Wanted Dead or Alive with a bunch of us comics doing back-up vocals from across the room. The epicness continued further as Carlos and I sat up until 5 am shooting the shit on my couch. Thanks again everyone!!!!

Huntsville comedy is doing a fundraiser so we can do more advertising and get the local scene to a new level. These awesome shirts are for sale! Buy one or two and help support local comedy and look good while doing it!

20141122a

OTHER STUFF:

That moment where you hesitate: is my neighbor's house burning down or is he burning leaves?

That moment where you hesitate: is my neighbor’s house burning down or is he burning leaves?

  • It’s so cold outside, I got a brain freeze from breathing.
  • I’m notorious for leaving my wallet at home. So I took pix of my DL, car/health ins. cards, AAA card, and company card to keep on my phone.
  • After today, I decided that the overwhelming majority of men at yard sales are there by force, coercion, false promises, or manipulation.
  • I just sang Enjoy the Silence ironically at karaoke. Now doing backup for Carlos Valencia doing Wanted Dead or Alive
  • Trying new jokes tonight at Bootleg Comedy. Come watch me and other comics succeed or fail. If the jokes aren’t funny, you can at least laugh at us!
  • I couldn’t do my sleepgasm joke tonight because the first comedian on stage did a sleepgasm joke. On the positive side, at least now I know I’m not the only person that’s happened to.
  • I have my computer (playing Pandora) hooked up to my large ass speakers. I think my house is going to shake apart.
  • Tip for Southerners from this once Northerner now living in the South: warm your jacket in the dryer before you head outside. Warm goodness!

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATION:

  • “Only a white man would make a fire for everyone to see.” ‪#‎TheWalkingDead‬ Dances With Wolves version.
  • “Oh, you’ll never ever know. The one who loved you so. Well, you don’t know me.” – Ray Charles ‪#‎TheWalkingDead‬
  • Become a St. Louis police officer. ‪#‎HowToGetAwayWithMurder‬
  • Do it in a city with an overwhelmed and underpaid police force, like Detroit. ‪#‎HowToGetAwayWithMurder‬

#HASHTAGWARS @MIDNIGHT:

  • Ted Talks Bundy ‪#‎LamerCriminals‬ @midnight
  • Ed Half-Geiner ‪#‎LamerCriminals‬ @midnight
  • The Light Stalker ‪#‎LamerCriminals‬ @midnight
  • Atlanta Stripper ‪#‎LamerCriminals‬ @midnight
  • Boston Terrier Wrangler ‪#‎LamerCriminals‬ @midnight
  • The O’Jays Back Stabbers ‪#‎LamerCriminals‬ @midnight
  • Jack the Crippler ‪#‎LamerCriminals‬ @midnight
  • Pugsy Beagle ‪#‎LamerCriminals‬ @midnight
  • Billy the Toddler ‪#‎LamerCriminals‬ @midnight
  • Bunny & Clydesdale ‪#‎LamerCriminals‬ @midnight
  • Underoos Bomber ‪#‎LamerCriminals‬ @midnight

CAPTION CENTRAL:

Accept grammer... grammer is to hard four God. And of course their Alabama fans! Roll Tide for 'Bama Educashun!

Accept grammer… grammer is to hard four God. And of course their Alabama fans! Roll Tide for ‘Bama Educashun!

When walking the L.A. river, always carry a flotation device, because you never know when a flash flood will hit.

When walking the L.A. river, always carry a flotation device, because you never know when a flash flood will hit. The crazy thing is that I’m not sure which of the two is doing the walk of shame…

Advertisements

BWAHAHA: 8/23 – 8/29

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 8/23 – 8/29: This was a pretty fun week all things considered. We’ve unpacked more boxes, got more work done on the bathroom, decorated the home some more, and I doing better at my water aerobics class. I’m still the skinniest person in the class, so still helping out my confidence! Got to go storm chasing a few times this week, but mostly Mother Nature was just being a dick and sending all the good stuff somewhere else.

And then there’s the serious stuff: more videos surfacing of cops being stupid and engaging in unnecessary violence with excessive force. I have been a lifelong defender of police because there are good cops out there and it’s easy to fall into confirmation bias of “all cops are bad” because we only see the bad. Are police brutality instances actually on the rise, or is the predominance of cell phones capturing more of what was already there? That’s hard to say definitively, but one thing is for sure, it’s getting harder and harder to defend police in general when more of this crazy shit is happening. Protect and serve people. That’s your fucking job: protect and serve.

OTHER STUFF:

This little guy was like, "Hey look at me! Oh, never mind." HSV #alwx

This little guy was like, “Hey look at me! Oh, never mind.” HSV #alwx

Mother Nature hates me. All that awesome so far away.

Mother Nature hates me. All that awesome so far away.

Woman just said, “I have a cute anus.” I replied, “Well, I suppose that’s better than a chronic anus.”

Waiter, there's a cloud in my tea. #ForeverVaping

Waiter, there’s a cloud in my tea. #ForeverVaping

When I see people type OMG, the first I think is, “Oh, you’re down to zero nicotine now?” Then I realize my head is in the clouds. #ForeverVaping

140 CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS:

Standard pic of downed chimney during any CA earthquake. #NapaQuake

Standard pic of downed chimney during any CA earthquake. #NapaQuake

“Only God can judge me.” Sure, keep telling yourself that to not feel guilty, but we’re all judging the hell out of you.

The Twilight Movies #ThingsBetterThanManchesterUnited

German Horse Porn #ThingsBetterThanManchesterUnited

Manchester Disenfranchised #ThingsBetterThanManchesterUnited

Malaysian Airlines #ThingsBetterThanManchesterUnited

The Titanic #ThingsBetterThanManchesterUnited

Rodney Dangerfield’s Ladybugs #ThingsBetterThanManchesterUnited

The Hindenburg #ThingsBetterThanManchesterUnited

The Cure Bred #DogBands @midnight

The Happee Pad Mondays #DogBands @midnight

Collar Me Badd #DogBands @midnight

Earth, Wind & Fire Hydrant #DogBands @midnight

Seven Dalmatian Army #DogBands @midnight

Dog Food Fighters #DogBands @midnight

Irish Setter Than Ezra #DogBands @midnight

Great Dane’s Addiction #DogBands @midnight

New Yorkie Dolls #DogBands @midnight

The Mutthole Surfers #DogBands @midnight

Flogging Collies #DogBands @midnight

Bone Loc #DogBands @midnight

Miami Hound Machine #DogBands @midnight

Flock of Beagles #DogBands @midnight

Black Eye Fleas #DogBands @midnight

Culture Kennel Club #DogBands @midnight

Tina Turner & Hooch #DogBands @midnight

Raining in Nashville. The Titans can blame the rain for the football just getting stripped by the Vikings.

Water Sports Illustrated #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Autoeroticmobile Magazine #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Pot Rod #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Hot Rod Stewart #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Motorboat Trend #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Motor Trendy Bitches #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Road & Crack #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Nipsliplinger’s Personal Finance #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Smack Enterprise #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Boobberg Businesstweak #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Consummate Reports #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Entrepremanure #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Crack and Pill #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Nickelbackodeon Magazine #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Stranger Rick #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Stone Cold Steve Austin Soup #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Entertain Men Weekly #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Nope Chopra Digest #RuinAMagazine @midnight #SkepticsUnderstand

KY Glide #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Bon Jovi Appétit #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Taste of Gnome #RuinAMagazine @midnight

The Daily Teabagger #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Klan Magazine #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Peephole #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Puss Weekly #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Penn’s Health #RuinAMagazine @pennjillette @midnight

Cosmopolitician #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Ladies’ Home Invasion Journal #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Modern Booty #RuinAMagazine @midnight

American White Heritage #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Slutterbug #RuinAMagazine @midnight

Freebirders World #RuinAMagazine #LynyrdSkynyrdSucks @midnight

Better Homes and Arsons #RuinAMagazine @midnight

CAPTION CENTRAL:

Tonight's Chef Special.

Tonight’s Chef Special.

[sniff] "They've outgrown me." [sniff]

[sniff] “They’ve outgrown me.” [sniff]

They see me skatin' Ain't farmin' We Prayin' And they jealous of me skatin' Amish Wanna be me racin' Amish

They see me skatin’
Ain’t farmin’
We Prayin’
And they jealous of me skatin’ Amish
Wanna be me racin’ Amish

Puppies: just like veal. #NationalDogDay #NotHelpingStereotypes

Puppies: just like veal. #NationalDogDay #NotHelpingStereotypes

I keep warning you people all the time and yet you don't listen! Always be aware of your surroundings!

I keep warning you people all the time and yet you don’t listen! Always be aware of your surroundings!

In Britain, they use a different type of "gun" when interacting with the black community.

In Britain, they use a different type of “gun” when interacting with the black community.

Flower Power!

Flower Power!

Bon Jovi

“Hey God” by Bon Jovi.

Words and music by Bon Jovi. © 1996 Mercury Records.

Hey god, Im just a little man got a wife and family
But I almost lost the house
Yeah, I bought into the dream
Were barely holdin on, when Im in way to deep
Were two paychecks away from living out on the streets

Shes a workin single mom, like a saint she doesnt complain
She never says a word, but she thinks that shes to blame
Her son just got convicted, he blew some punk away
She did her best to raise him, but the world got in the way

Hey God – tell me what the hell is going on
Seems like all the good shits gone
It keeps on getting harder hanging on
Hey god, theres nights you know I want to scream
These days youve even harder to believe
I know how busy you must be, but hey god…
Do you ever think about me

Born into the ghetto in 1991, just a happy child
Playing beneath the summer sun
A vacant lots his playground, by 12 hes got a gun
The odds are bet against him, junior dont make 21

Hey God – tell me what the hell is going on
Seems like all the good shits gone
It keeps on getting harder hangin on
Hey god, theres nights you know I want to scream
These days youve even harder to believe
I know how busy you must be, but hey god…

Id get down on my knees
Im going to try this thing you way
Seen a dying man too proud to beg spit on his own grave
Was he too gone to save?
Did you even know his name?
Are you the one to blame, I got something to say

Hey God – tell me what the hell is going on
Seems like all the good shits gone
It keeps on getting harder hangin on
Hey god, theres nights you know I want to scream
These days youve even harder to believe
I know how busy you must be, but hey god…
Do you ever think about me