BWAHAHA: 4/1 – 4/7

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 4/1 – 4/7: I didn’t do shit this week. In fact, I’m posting this three days late. Why? Because my life has made a turn toward the incredibly happy. I’ve found it hard to be funny when I’m this happy. I’m used to being pissed off and mad all the time and that was the source of my humor. It’s also hard to find time to be funny when you want to spend your free time with someone else: when your total mind and thought are dedicated to your life with another human being.

I find moments now and then, hence a few things below, but I find these rare moments lacking. Not just lacking my normal hate/rage-based self, but lacking the humor I’m used to. They feel forced to me. They may be funny or they may not be, but I have to find the funny myself. I find myself these last few weeks questioning my place in comedy and how (and if) I will continue to do comedy. I’m still the class clown with my friends, but that doesn’t translate well to the stage. So I either have to find my rage again (which I don’t want to do) or find a way to incorporate my comedy into my newly found happiness. Until then… be patient: or don’t be patient. Either way is fine with me.

I will, regardless of any decision I make, continue to do the Critical Eye Podcast. Speaking of such, Tom is back in town and I’m hoping to get him back on as a guest at least, and maybe we can convince him to come back full time!

4/2

I don’t care how awake you are when you sit down: waiting rooms just make you tired.

4/3

Finally watched Anchorman 2. My favorite part was the soundtrack.

4/4

Me make fire! Me have beer. Me have woman. Now me need kill Mammoth!

4/5

Someone help me… I’ve accidentally found redneck heaven. #FleaMarket

I thought I was at a Drag Queen convention, then someone told me it’s prom night.

4/6

No more buffet for John! He will be missed.

4/7

I went camping last weekend and my girlfriend took a picture of me all bundled up in a blanket sitting close to the fire. Some of my friends’ comments on this picture were “These are not the droids you’re looking for,” “Use the Force, Luke,” “Need a pacifier?,” and “Swaddling cloths.” My friends are silly… but maybe they’re onto something.

My friend Cory, inspired by the “swaddling cloth” comment, decided that my picture needed to be Photoshopped into something more grand:

BWAHAHA: 12/14 – 12/20

BWAHAHA (Blair’s Week Attempts at Haha’s) 12/14 – 12/20: This week I was in Florida helping my Dad move. During the middle of that he ended up in the hospital for almost the entire week with a horrible bout of kidney stones and the start of kidney failure. Doctors and science prevailed and he is on the road to recovery. My week in Florida was made fun by the idiocy of Q-Tips: you know, older drivers where all you can see is the puff of white cotton sticking up above the driver’s seat. How fucking hard it is to do the speed limit when merging? I found myself doing my best (and by best I mean horrible) impersonation of Samuel Jackson, “Cruise control motherfucker, do you use it?!?!?!?!” I don’t want you to go over the speed limit, but for the love of whatever gods do not exist, can you at least do the fucking speed limit? Is there a law that says if you’re handicap or over the age of 65 that you have to do at least five under? Oh, and don’t even get me started on idiots slamming on their brakes when they see a police officer. Newsflash morons, you only have to break to the speed limit. If the speed limit is 70, why the fuck are you breaking to 60? FUCKING IDIOTS!!!!! Okay… I feel better now.

12/15

The woman at the next table sounds like a female Deepak Chopra. Kill me now.

He’s feeling better and the fool wants to watch a Lifetime movie… about hospitals.

12/16

Feeling the need to watch my favorite Christmas movie: Die Hard.

Harvard finals are ‘da bomb!

Lesson I learned today: when life gets hard, call in a bomb threat.

70-year-old woman in the car in front of me is head banging to Quiet Riot. #FloridaLife #StllRockin

Not sure why they are endangered, I’ve seen plenty of man tease here in Florida.

Liam Neeson’s cock is so big, that he hired Greenpeace as a bodyguard to protect it against Japanese whalers. #HollywoodBabbleOn

But how will we find Baby Jesus?

Okay men, time to start flying in formation: even going to the bathroom together so we all look good. (Cheerleader Effect)

Meanwhile… on the set of Star Wars VII at Disney Studios…

12/17

Dad has to go to a nursing home for a few weeks rehab. A home for nurses sounds like fun!

So my Dad has to go to a nursing home. I’m jealous. I’d love to breastfeed all day.

Is this legitimate Sexasaurus Rex science?

So that is where they come from! Or is this just shameless self-promotion?

Is there a law I don’t know about that requires handicap drivers to go at least five under the speed limit? #RetiredFlorida

This is the problem with the world today: the over-objectification of snow.

12/18

I was on ReapSow Radio. Listen to the archive.

Is Duck Dynasty that boring?

I can’t tell if this is an “Oh shit!” or a “Watch my awesome!”

12/19

Always check for reflective surfaces when watching porn or hentai. If not… BUSTED!

If baseball is a metaphor for sex, then I must be a sports commentator, because I’m not a player! Sometimes I’m the third-base coach.

12/20

Duck Dynasty is scripted and fabricated – so once again Christians are defending a work of fiction.

Dirty Santa gift ready. Cheap and easy. The gift… not me. Okay, me too.

Do you think whoever invented the word diarrhea intentionally wanted it to sound like “dire rear?”

Mud jumping would be awesome if the fashion was better.

I told you I was cheap… only $.25!

A friend asked if he could swipe a credit card in my rear. I told him there was a $3 minimum purchase on credit cards.

I wonder how many people stand at the bottom waiting for the movie to start…